(no subject)
Title: I love you more
Pairing: KangHan
Genre: Drama, Romance
Rating: PG13
"S-stop it! K-Kangin, stop it!"
"But hyung!" Kangin whines, eyes glazed, clearly drunk, "I like you a lot! I really, really, really like you. I know I'll never have you, because hyung always likes to hang around Shiwon, so I want to have just a little bit of taste." Voice getting huskier, lower, predatory by the second, Kangin purrs, "Just this once, hyung. Can I make you mine?"
Hankyung backs away from Kangin, afraid for himself, afraid for his dongsaeng, and fearfully, he stutters, "Kangin, don't do this. You're drunk! Y-You don't know what you're talking about! I know you're having problems with your girlfriend, but please, Kangin! You aren't like this! You aren't supposed to be like this! You love her, don't you?!"
"How would you know, hyung?" Kangin replies, eyes suddenly angry, menacing, even more predatory than before, "How would you know anything about that?! Did you think I really loved her? Did you think I really liked that fucking bitch who's been two timing me with some bastard she saw on the streets?! Did you really think, after all that time, that I loved her?!" Laughing mirthlessly, all the while advancing towards a stumbling Geng who keeps on trying to move away, he says, "Hyung, the pain I felt with her, isn't the same pain I feel whenever I see you. You... You who can I never have, you who I can never, ever have." Stopping in the middle of the room, Kangin continues, "Before everything, it was you whom I've always loved. It has always been you, hyung."
Stunned, and left speechless, Hankyung stares at Kangin's pained face. He wants to comfort his dongsaeng, wants to take him in his arms and say that it's okay. But he doesn't, and he still backs away, because Kangin is scary and menacing and even more predatory than before. Hankyung swallows thickly, because words can't seem to come to him. He doesn't know what to do, doesn't know how to react, doesn't know what to say.
Should he move? Should he cross the distance between them? Should he say what he's been longing to say ever since the time the younger took him in his arms and took away the pain of homesickness, aloneness and self-doubt?
Should he move? Should he speak? Should he...
"Hyung," Kangin says, drunkeness still there, eyes glazed and menacing and needing and wanting, "Let me have just this one night." And then he moves, he runs and he corners Geng. He doesn't notice the fear in the others' eyes, doesn't hear the pleads and yells at him to stop, doesn't see the tears of fear that are falling from the eyes he's always loved. When he leans in, when he traps the elder's hands to the wall, when he crushes his lips against the others', forcing his tongue inside, forcing himself inside, forcing his feelings to reach inside the heart of the one he's always longed to have, Kangin doesn't see the pain and aloneness and hurt and betrayal in Hankyung's eyes.
The drunkenness, the pain and aloneness and fear he's harbored blocks all rational thought from him. And so he forces himself, forces his entire being to be heard, forces Hankyung to understand, to feel what he feels. Kangin can't find himself to care anymore, because he knows that Hankyung will never be his.
Outside the room, a door opens. Then voices follow. Some are laughing, some arguing about everything and anything they could think of. One voice is worried.
"Did Kangin and Hannie come home safe?"
Kangin hears it and suddenly, he remembers himself. He pulls away, face pale, horrified and scared and disgusted at what he's done.
When he moves away, Kangin sees Hankyung slip to the floor, tears flowing even more, sobs getting heavier by the second. Kangin swallows, afraid and stunned and he hates himself, he hates himself for taking advantage of the situation. He hates himself for ruining the trust and friendship and the love that could have been.
Breath hitching, he darts away from the room, away from the shocked and worried faces of his friends, away from the eyes he's hurt and betrayed and ruined. Suddenly, arms wrap around his waist and he is pulled back. He stumbles, and he loses all the strength he has. He crumples to the floor, crumples within the arms that caught him, and he cries, he lets his tears fall and he sobs and sobs and sobs. Over and over he says that he's sorry, that he's sorry, that he shouldn't have done what he did.
A voice, from the arms that encircled him, whispers to him, tells him that it's okay, that they're going to fix everything, whatever it is, but he doesn't know. Kangin struggles, and he yells and he screams that they don't know, that once they know they're going to hate him, scorn him, be disgusted with him. Then he laughs, darkly, and everyone in the room becomes silent.
One thought flows through them: What had happened?
And then, from the room Kangin came from, someone shouts. Everyone looks and they listen and they are shocked and they look at Kangin and they know.
Instead of the scorn he thinks they'd give him, the arms only tighten around him. Voices are telling him that they'll fix this, that everything's going to be okay. But Kangin knows it isn't going to be okay, because he's ruined everything, because he's taken advantage of the friendship he should have been content with.
So he struggles and he shakes his head and he yells that it isn't going to be okay, that they don't understand and that he won't understand and that everything can't ever be fixed at all.
The arms that held him suddenly leaves. Kangin thinks that they've finally understood what had happened and had left him alone. But then, in the place of those arms, another comes. They're warm and soft and a little scared. But there's love there, and concern and acceptance. The arms are shaking, and Kangin stills. Suddenly, softly, a voice.
"Kangin," it says.
Kangin gasps and he looks and he is stunned and shocked into silence. The eyes that meet his are crying, and there's a little fear in them and a little hurt and pain and betrayal. But encompassing all those is warmth, and acceptance and, "Kangin, it's all right. It's all right. Everything's going to be all right."
And he believes. So he smiles, as true as he could make it to be, and raises his hands and wipes the tears away from the face he's come to love.
"I'm sorry," he says, and he means it. "I, I didn't mean to. I really, really didn't mean to. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."
Though there is pain left, and fear and betrayal and hurt, Hankyung manages to smile and laugh, manages to stop the tears from flowing. He laughs at Kangin, and he smiles and he winds his arms tighter around him, buries his face into the crook of the others' neck, and he whispers, "I was afraid, and I couldn't understand what was happening. I felt hurt and pain and thought you've betrayed me," sobbing, he pulls himself closer to the other and he says, "But I forgive you. Because you mean it, and you're hurting as much as I am, and I don't want to see that. I don't want to see you hurt, don't want to see you cry. Because you are precious to me and I always want to see the Kangin I have come to love."
Kangin holds Hankyung, and he smiles and laughs and the tears that are falling from his face aren't of sadness anymore. He holds him tight, and he makes a promise to himself to never, ever take advantage of the other again. "I'll keep you safe, hyung," he whispers, so that no one other than Hankyung can hear, "I'll keep you safe and I'll love you forever."
Hankyung laughs and he pulls back and tears continue to spill from his eyes. Kangin smiles fondly at him, the love he discovered so long ago going deeper, stronger, more meaningful than before. Linking their hands together, Kangin leans and whispers, "Hyung, can I kiss you?"
Hankyung's eyes crinkle in happiness, then he nods and closes his eyes.
Lips shyly touching at first, and then going deeper, much more passionate and real, Kangin smiles. When they break apart, Kangin whispers as he asks, "Can I keep you, hyung?"
Hankyung laughs, then he nods, allows their foreheads to touch, then he leans in and he seals their promise with a kiss.
"I love you, Kangin."
"I love you more, hyung."
Pairing: KangHan
Genre: Drama, Romance
Rating: PG13
"S-stop it! K-Kangin, stop it!"
"But hyung!" Kangin whines, eyes glazed, clearly drunk, "I like you a lot! I really, really, really like you. I know I'll never have you, because hyung always likes to hang around Shiwon, so I want to have just a little bit of taste." Voice getting huskier, lower, predatory by the second, Kangin purrs, "Just this once, hyung. Can I make you mine?"
Hankyung backs away from Kangin, afraid for himself, afraid for his dongsaeng, and fearfully, he stutters, "Kangin, don't do this. You're drunk! Y-You don't know what you're talking about! I know you're having problems with your girlfriend, but please, Kangin! You aren't like this! You aren't supposed to be like this! You love her, don't you?!"
"How would you know, hyung?" Kangin replies, eyes suddenly angry, menacing, even more predatory than before, "How would you know anything about that?! Did you think I really loved her? Did you think I really liked that fucking bitch who's been two timing me with some bastard she saw on the streets?! Did you really think, after all that time, that I loved her?!" Laughing mirthlessly, all the while advancing towards a stumbling Geng who keeps on trying to move away, he says, "Hyung, the pain I felt with her, isn't the same pain I feel whenever I see you. You... You who can I never have, you who I can never, ever have." Stopping in the middle of the room, Kangin continues, "Before everything, it was you whom I've always loved. It has always been you, hyung."
Stunned, and left speechless, Hankyung stares at Kangin's pained face. He wants to comfort his dongsaeng, wants to take him in his arms and say that it's okay. But he doesn't, and he still backs away, because Kangin is scary and menacing and even more predatory than before. Hankyung swallows thickly, because words can't seem to come to him. He doesn't know what to do, doesn't know how to react, doesn't know what to say.
Should he move? Should he cross the distance between them? Should he say what he's been longing to say ever since the time the younger took him in his arms and took away the pain of homesickness, aloneness and self-doubt?
Should he move? Should he speak? Should he...
"Hyung," Kangin says, drunkeness still there, eyes glazed and menacing and needing and wanting, "Let me have just this one night." And then he moves, he runs and he corners Geng. He doesn't notice the fear in the others' eyes, doesn't hear the pleads and yells at him to stop, doesn't see the tears of fear that are falling from the eyes he's always loved. When he leans in, when he traps the elder's hands to the wall, when he crushes his lips against the others', forcing his tongue inside, forcing himself inside, forcing his feelings to reach inside the heart of the one he's always longed to have, Kangin doesn't see the pain and aloneness and hurt and betrayal in Hankyung's eyes.
The drunkenness, the pain and aloneness and fear he's harbored blocks all rational thought from him. And so he forces himself, forces his entire being to be heard, forces Hankyung to understand, to feel what he feels. Kangin can't find himself to care anymore, because he knows that Hankyung will never be his.
Outside the room, a door opens. Then voices follow. Some are laughing, some arguing about everything and anything they could think of. One voice is worried.
"Did Kangin and Hannie come home safe?"
Kangin hears it and suddenly, he remembers himself. He pulls away, face pale, horrified and scared and disgusted at what he's done.
When he moves away, Kangin sees Hankyung slip to the floor, tears flowing even more, sobs getting heavier by the second. Kangin swallows, afraid and stunned and he hates himself, he hates himself for taking advantage of the situation. He hates himself for ruining the trust and friendship and the love that could have been.
Breath hitching, he darts away from the room, away from the shocked and worried faces of his friends, away from the eyes he's hurt and betrayed and ruined. Suddenly, arms wrap around his waist and he is pulled back. He stumbles, and he loses all the strength he has. He crumples to the floor, crumples within the arms that caught him, and he cries, he lets his tears fall and he sobs and sobs and sobs. Over and over he says that he's sorry, that he's sorry, that he shouldn't have done what he did.
A voice, from the arms that encircled him, whispers to him, tells him that it's okay, that they're going to fix everything, whatever it is, but he doesn't know. Kangin struggles, and he yells and he screams that they don't know, that once they know they're going to hate him, scorn him, be disgusted with him. Then he laughs, darkly, and everyone in the room becomes silent.
One thought flows through them: What had happened?
And then, from the room Kangin came from, someone shouts. Everyone looks and they listen and they are shocked and they look at Kangin and they know.
Instead of the scorn he thinks they'd give him, the arms only tighten around him. Voices are telling him that they'll fix this, that everything's going to be okay. But Kangin knows it isn't going to be okay, because he's ruined everything, because he's taken advantage of the friendship he should have been content with.
So he struggles and he shakes his head and he yells that it isn't going to be okay, that they don't understand and that he won't understand and that everything can't ever be fixed at all.
The arms that held him suddenly leaves. Kangin thinks that they've finally understood what had happened and had left him alone. But then, in the place of those arms, another comes. They're warm and soft and a little scared. But there's love there, and concern and acceptance. The arms are shaking, and Kangin stills. Suddenly, softly, a voice.
"Kangin," it says.
Kangin gasps and he looks and he is stunned and shocked into silence. The eyes that meet his are crying, and there's a little fear in them and a little hurt and pain and betrayal. But encompassing all those is warmth, and acceptance and, "Kangin, it's all right. It's all right. Everything's going to be all right."
And he believes. So he smiles, as true as he could make it to be, and raises his hands and wipes the tears away from the face he's come to love.
"I'm sorry," he says, and he means it. "I, I didn't mean to. I really, really didn't mean to. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."
Though there is pain left, and fear and betrayal and hurt, Hankyung manages to smile and laugh, manages to stop the tears from flowing. He laughs at Kangin, and he smiles and he winds his arms tighter around him, buries his face into the crook of the others' neck, and he whispers, "I was afraid, and I couldn't understand what was happening. I felt hurt and pain and thought you've betrayed me," sobbing, he pulls himself closer to the other and he says, "But I forgive you. Because you mean it, and you're hurting as much as I am, and I don't want to see that. I don't want to see you hurt, don't want to see you cry. Because you are precious to me and I always want to see the Kangin I have come to love."
Kangin holds Hankyung, and he smiles and laughs and the tears that are falling from his face aren't of sadness anymore. He holds him tight, and he makes a promise to himself to never, ever take advantage of the other again. "I'll keep you safe, hyung," he whispers, so that no one other than Hankyung can hear, "I'll keep you safe and I'll love you forever."
Hankyung laughs and he pulls back and tears continue to spill from his eyes. Kangin smiles fondly at him, the love he discovered so long ago going deeper, stronger, more meaningful than before. Linking their hands together, Kangin leans and whispers, "Hyung, can I kiss you?"
Hankyung's eyes crinkle in happiness, then he nods and closes his eyes.
Lips shyly touching at first, and then going deeper, much more passionate and real, Kangin smiles. When they break apart, Kangin whispers as he asks, "Can I keep you, hyung?"
Hankyung laughs, then he nods, allows their foreheads to touch, then he leans in and he seals their promise with a kiss.
"I love you, Kangin."
"I love you more, hyung."