Comments | fifthmus: Fifthmus Fic: What Company We Keep (for verloren1983, from flonnebonne)

mmmdraco in fifthmus

Fifthmus Fic: What Company We Keep (for verloren1983, from flonnebonne)

Jan 08, 2009 21:36

TITLE: What Company We Keep
AUTHOR: flonnebonne
RECIPIENT: verloren1983, requests
REQUEST: #2. Something Kaga centric.

( Happy fifthmus, Ver! )

Comments 18

flonnebonne January 9 2009, 08:19:02 UTC

Hi mmmdraco! Thank you for posting my fic! Sorry that the formatting seems to be screwed up...should I look at the file again and resend?

harumi January 9 2009, 09:57:14 UTC

Ahahahahaha too late! Last fifthmus 5/6 of my fic were in italics and as embarrassing as that was, it wasn't changed, despite all my begging and pleading. Therefore you shall be stuck with the consequences, bwahahahahaha.

Anyway, this is an awesome Kaga and Isumi tie-in. I adore the sequence of events and how you made their interactions work. It wasn't some strange, out of the way kinda thing, everything made sense, and the two of them were spectacularly in character. You have several turns of phrase that really make me go squee. I'm jealous of the way you write. <3

Loved this tons.

flonnebonne January 9 2009, 22:52:52 UTC

NOOOOOO! Aw well, I guess I deserve it for writing the fic in a shoddy HTML editor. Thank you for reading it despite the formatting...you have a heck of a lot of patience!

Also thank you for your kind words. :) I feel like it's a very weird fic (Kaga and Isumi??), and somewhat rushed, and not much happens in it, and the dialogue is a bit stilted, and the fic I got for fifthmus was so much better...but maybe it doesn't suck that much? Thank ye for cheering me up about it! :)

verloren1983 January 9 2009, 18:14:50 UTC

Ooooooh~! I love how Isumi reminds Kaga of Tsutsui and Kaga reminds Isumi of Waya, and I never really thought too much about Isumi going to high school but it works.

It's natural sounding and not forced at all in a situation that could've been really awkwardly written, so definite kudos on that too.

Thank you so very much! This was a great Fifthmus present! <3

flonnebonne January 9 2009, 22:59:57 UTC

Hiii!! Glad you liked it and I'm really sorry about the formatting! I was going to try to post a properly-formatted version in my journal before you read this version, but I guess it's too late. :(

I think the amount of pressure on senior high school students to figure out their futures must be pretty extreme in Japan...heck, it's pretty high-pressure even for middle schoolers, so high school must be even worse. I can understand Isumi's breakdown during and after the pro exam, the poor guy.

Anyway, so relieved you liked it--I really had my doubts about this fic--and I will probably still repost it on my journal anyway so that people can read it without wanting to stab their eyes out. -_-

flonnebonne January 10 2009, 03:43:36 UTC

More readable version in my journal.

mowglimoonshado January 10 2009, 07:32:50 UTC

The formatting gets annoying, but in a strange way, it feels rather poetic. I loved there-but-not-really Kaga/Tsutsui and Waya/Isumi, it was sad and lovely and nostalgic.

He blew out a plume of
grey-white disease. "I used to, a little." He looked so dramatic and unncessarily cool,
with his messy hair and untucked shirt and eyes slitted in remembrance,
that Isumi couldn't help but let out a
laugh that immediately turned into a smoke-related coughing fit.

These two lines strike me for some reason. See the freestyle poetry?

Poetry = prose with funny line breaks? flonnebonne January 13 2009, 00:26:50 UTC

Heh, I guess you could look at the formatting mistakes as a strange sort of poetry. Most poetry IS kind of annoying after all. Those two sentences you picked out are particularly striking in their poetry-wannabe-ness.

(Psst, boring normal non-fake-poetry version is here: http://flonnebonne.livejournal.com/48147.html)

Glad you enjoyed the story despite the strangeness. :)

ungalad January 10 2009, 16:19:19 UTC

Ah! I love this so, so much! ♥ I love how their meeting is so casual, how they both have regrets and how they both miss someone and how this meeting isn't "fated and a turning point in their lives," but not quite lacking of meaning for them both. And the ending was very nice. ♥ It was very enjoyable to read!

flonnebonne January 13 2009, 00:30:31 UTC

Thank you! I was definitely going for the feeling of a casual meeting (and a casual few games of go). I was thinking of turning it into more, but it just didn't seem to make sense, you know? So this is how it turned out.