Addictive Obsession ~ Chapter Ten | part two

[fighter_of_moon]

 

That was how Jin had found him an hour later, when he finally decided to check on the younger because he couldn’t stop getting worried. He entered the kitchen and his breath stopped when the image registered in his mind. He stopped in his tracks, examining the room, letting his eyes roam on the inside of the kitchen to know what to do. He saw the knife tossed away in the sink and he let his gaze fall down where Kazuya was laying unconscious, a little pool of blood formed around his hand which was now resting on the floor.

Jin sighed.

“You’re really going to kill me one day.” He said to himself, knowing that there’s no one who could hear him. He took a few steps and crouched next to Kazuya, tucking his bangs from the younger’s face to see him better. Jin frowned and took a cloth from near the sink - half wet - and carefully cleaned the boy’s face, erasing the signs of tears and blood from his beautiful features. “That’s better.” He sang when he finally finished, throwing the cloth and not caring where it landed.

Only then his eyes fell on Kazuya’s hand which was still bleeding. Now that he was looking better, Kazuya seemed a little too pale, maybe from the loss of blood which wasn’t going to stop any soon if nobody did anything about it. Jin sighed again as he raised himself, this time with Kazuya in his arms, taking him into Jin’s bedroom and putting him on the bed. He left for a couple of minutes to come back with another cloth to clean the blood and some medical stuff which could stop the bleeding and help the healing. Luckily for Kazuya, Jin was an expert on wounds like this because of his countless wounds he had had himself so he thought that the boy should be fine just with this. It wasn’t like he could take him to the hospital and besides, Jin didn’t thought it was necessary. It wasn’t that deep and it shouldn’t hurt much.

Well, for him.

It didn’t take long until he finished and wrapped everything up, putting everything at their places and settling back on the floor to watch on Kazuya, his hand grasping the injured one of the boy’s into a warm and comforting hold. He just had to wait for Kazuya to wake up now and see how he was feeling.

*

It took the rest of the day and the whole night until Jin was able to see how Kazuya was feeling because the younger had remained unconscious until the next morning. And when he had finally opened his eyes and saw Jin, his first words were “Take your hand away from me.”

The words were full of resent if not hatred even if the voice had been feeble and small. Apparently, Kazuya was still grieving over what happened yesterday.

Jin didn’t say anything, didn’t tighten his hold but he didn’t release it either. He just looked at Kazuya for a few seconds, his eyes searching the younger’s face for any sign of discomfort that could be caused by his injury. When he didn’t find any, he sighed in relief and smiled a little. “How are you feeling?” instead Jin asked, slowly running his thumb over the bandage from Kazuya’s wrist.

Kazuya hissed at the sudden pain caused by Jin’s action. “That’s right, hurt me more.” The younger said, the tears brimming in his eyes. Kazuya blinked furiously to make them go away; he wasn’t supposed to cry, to feel weak and he had to be strong and everything that won’t make him feel like he’s at Jin’s mercy once again. “Go away.” He said, hoarse voice and all.

Jin flinched and for the first time in the last couple of days, he felt guilty for what he did, for Kazuya’s tears, for being a jerk when he had just confessed that he loved the younger and realized that he would do anything for him. He retreated his hand but still didn’t go away, his gaze still lingering on Kazuya’s face and making him feel even worse for all the hurt he could read in those brown eyes. “Do you want me to bring you something?” he choose to ignore once more Kazuya’s words, hoping that he’ll make him talk, understand or… just to stand his presence beside him.

Kazuya was prepared to say nothing, but he realized that he was thirsty. “Water.” He said simply, looking away from Jin. He couldn’t bear to look at him and not want to ruin that face, to hurt the man that had driven him to the point of wanting to kill himself… again. But this only made him wonder - what Jin meant to him if he had such an effect over him? Was Jin that important to worth dying? Kazuya knew it wasn’t this, it had to be something different. Because it was for sure that Jin wasn’t affecting him because he was important to Kazuya or something like that. Definitely wasn’t this.

Jin complied with the younger’s request and left the room to bring him a bottle of water. He dragged his feet towards the kitchen, still not being sure if he should hurry to be with Kazuya or if he should delay his return to let the boy alone for a while. It was weird, this feeling of guiltiness was different from everything that Jin had experienced until then. It felt overpowering, almost crushing and devastating. Every word of Kazuya, every move and every sound hurt so much that Jin was starting to believe that he won’t be able to maintain his poker face and pretend that he isn’t worried to death.

He didn’t want Kazuya to die. He wanted to be with the younger in this life and not to wait until they’re reincarnated to meet again - even if it might be in better circumstances - or some other shit like that that he didn’t believe in. Jin really loved Kazuya and only now he realized how stupid he had been to leave him alone in the kitchen with a bleeding wrist. But his pride had been too big.

Jin stopped in front of the fridge, looking at the closed door and pondering if he should open it or not. He glanced at the sink where the knife was still resting because Jin hadn’t dared to touch it, feeling too grossed out to do it. It was the sign of Kazuya’s weakness, it was now representing a mark on the younger’s body to remind him of his mistake and his foolishness. Jin didn’t want to touch it. He didn’t even want to look at it because it would remind him again of what Kazuya did and the fact that maybe he isn’t strong enough to be with Jin.

He hated people like Kazuya, who give up in front of the obstacles that life brings. Barriers are built to be overcome, not to make you stop and take a detour and even less to force you to end your journey because you can’t see a way out. Because maybe it doesn’t exist, but this only means that you have to make it. To crush it until all that remains are ashes.

It took Jin ten minutes to come back with the bottle of water taken from the fridge and when he entered the room, he looked at Kazuya with his small eyes, trying to say how sorry he is for leaving him like this. But he couldn’t help to not blame Kazuya and this thing was obvious in his eyes.

“Do you need help?” he asked with a gentle voice, sitting back on the bed, next to Kazuya, and gazing into his eyes.

“Why should I need your help?” the younger replied and lifted a trembling hand - the uncut one - to take the bottle. “I will manage on my own.” Kazuya said, stubbornness in his voice.

Jin sighed again. “Maybe because you’re stupid and acting like a spoilt brat right now.” He hissed, not being able to hide his annoyance. Really now, he was only trying to help!!

“That’s your problem, not mine, so spare me the complaint.” Kazuya replied and tried to open the bottle, his hand not in its full strength.

Jin rolled his eyes and took the bottle from Kazuya’s hands, opening it and giving it back after with a scowl. “What are you, three?” he said with a reproach, not knowing if he wants to be angry or amused with the younger’s behavior.

“I’m still 22, didn’t change.” Kazuya replied and took the bottle at his lips, but instead of drinking the water, he managed to spill it over him, wetting his skin and blouse. “Fuck…” he muttered and licked his lips, trying to move his bandaged hand to wipe the water. It hurt so he stopped.

“I don’t think so.” Jin refrained a chuckle and snatched the bottle from Kazuya’s hands, taking it with him and raising himself from the bed to bring a cloth and wipe the spilled water. He didn’t say anything as he proceeded to clean Kazuya and the sheets, throwing the cloth after without looking where it landed. He looked at the younger for a couple of seconds and then, without saying anything, he took a gulp of water and quickly glued his lips to Kazuya’s, forcing the water from his mouth to slide into Kazuya’s, some drops falling on the younger’s chin and neck.

And such an action sent shivers down Kazuya’s spine. His insides churned and he felt arousal rising in his body. Weak as he felt, Kazuya let Jin “fed” him with water, too tired and, to his displeasure, too excited to push him away. As Jin detached from him, the younger coughed a little and muttered a grunted “Jerk.” And his heart won’t stop beating. Really… what meant Jin for him?

Jin smirked and leaned close to Kazuya to lick his lips which still had a drop of water on them. “But I know you love me.” He said with a grin and a joking tone. It was by accident that he had noticed the change in Kazuya’s body, one simple moment that his hand had touched the boy’s chest and felt his heart. But it was enough to give Jin some confidence because the body of a person always says more than words. “Want more?” he added quickly, not moving farther.

“Fuck off.” Kazuya snarled and shifted his body, trying to escape Jin’s closeness. What the fuck was wrong with him?! Just a moment ago, he tried to kill himself just because Jin had brought him over the line and now he was reacting this way to the same person?! Was he out of his mind or what? And Kazuya was sure that he didn’t love Jin like the older suggested earlier. Did love mean wanting to hurt the other and in the same time to be hold by him? If so, Kazuya didn’t want to love anymore. Because hurting Jin… was the same with hurting himself. And his rash act from earlier had proved so.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get used with this feeling.” Jin grinned and left the bed again to put the bottle on the table in front of the bed. He didn’t turn back and just stayed there, studying Kazuya. He bit his lower lip, not knowing if it’s safe to open this subject now, but then again… it will never be a proper moment to do it. And he had to ask. “Are you calmer now?” he said, preparing his words with carefulness.

Kazuya chose not to answer and simply looked away. He wasn’t yet in control of his feelings and didn’t want to say anything beside “go away” or “fuck off”. He wasn’t even supposed to speak to Jin seeing what happened till now, how the older managed to get him suspended and how he almost committed suicide because of him. But yet again he was caught in a whirlwind of emotions, the center of it being no one other than Jin. Kazuya closed his eyes and mouthed another fuck, feeling all ravished and disoriented.

Jin chose to interpret this as a positive answer so he moved from the table, coming closer to Kazuya but still keeping a safe distance. With Kazuya, you never know what could happen. “Kazuya.” He called the younger to catch his attention, but the boy shook his head, still not wanting to reply and keeping his eyes closed. Jin sighed but decided to continue anyway. They had to talk about what happened eventually and maybe it was better to do it now, while the wound was still fresh and hurting. “Tell me what happened.” Jin said with a hint of plea in his voice. Because, to be honest, he didn’t understand. Yes, he had given photos with Kazuya to others and spread them around the college, but… was this all that happened? Only this made Kazuya want to kill himself?

“Now you want to know?” Kazuya asked with a sarcastic tone. “A little too late, don’t you think?” he added, the bitterness in his voice more present than ever. And indeed it was. Because Jin did not only made his school life a nightmare, but had also hit him… twice. And as much Kazuya would not like to admit, each time Jin lifted his hand to hit him, the younger felt hurt thrice as much. Not because of the pain, but because of the action itself, the idea of being hit. Was this too a way of loving?

“Now I want to know.” Jin confirmed, even if he would have liked to say that he had tried from the beginning to ask but Kazuya was too angry to even listen and too driven by his desire to hit Jin. “I know you don’t believe me but I want to take care of you, Kazuya, so please talk to me. And if you want to hit me after this, then… be my guest. I won’t do a thing.” He continued, taking one step closer as he talked until his knees touched the bed and not removing his gaze from Kazuya not even one second.

“HA!” Kazuya turned and stared at Jin. “Might as well lie to me, though I’m no longer sure you didn’t do such a thing.” He said, every word on his tongue being spitting venom. “I don’t believe you.” Kazuya hissed, his eyes narrowed, hiding the feelings of hurt he felt. “For once, you’re right about one thing.”

Jin flinched once, having problems with how to respond to Kazuya’s accusations, but still trying to calm down and not explode once again. “What’s that?” he asked, somehow feeling afraid of what he’ll have to hear from Kazuya’s lips.

“Ask yourself.” Kazuya shrugged. “It’s not like you care or anything. And if I say anything, who knows… you’ll hit me again, then tell me you love me, then threaten me and again tell me that you love me and really want to know.” He continued like explaining some kind of a pattern Jin had. “You see, it’s not that hard to figure you out and your doings.” The younger added looking straight into Jin’s eyes, holding his gaze a little before grimacing and turning to look again. “Now leave me alone, I want to rest.” He muttered, closing his eyes.

“And what can I do to make you believe me?” Jin asked, not willing to give up without a fight and ignoring the younger’s request. He had to do something to make Kazuya understand that he really loves him and that he would do anything for him. He had only spread those pictures with the younger to teach him a lesson, so that Kazuya will learn that it’s not wise to mess with Jin. And it was just college, for cryin’ out loud! What was the big deal with it?!

But no matter how much he thought of it, Jin still couldn’t understand Kazuya’s reasons for his cold behavior.

“There is nothing you can do.” Kazuya replied, still not looking at Jin and keeping his eyes closed. “You lost that chance already.” He added and sighed dramatically. “Now… let me sleep. I need at least a moment of silence and peace.” The younger added, settling more comfortable on the bed. “A moment without you.” He muttered, not really caring if Jin heard or not.

But even if he had heard, it was so much easier to pretend that he didn’t. So Jin crouched down and lifted his right hand to touch Kazuya’s cheek, the one he had cut just yesterday and was still healing. “I want to prove that I love you.” He said, his voice slightly trembling and his eyes warm and loving. “I need you by my side, Kazuya. I need you to love me.” He added, starting to feel how helpless he really was in front of Kazuya. It was a terrifying feeling but Jin couldn’t stop it and this only added to his fear of being consumed by his love for the younger. “I can’t be without you anymore.” He confessed referring to Kazuya’s last words, lowering his head and resting his forehead on the bed, looking as vulnerable as he was feeling.

Kazuya said nothing but he opened his eyes only to stare at the walls in front of him. Jin doesn’t need his love, Jin is obsessed with him. He’ll never show Kazuya how it is to love and the worst part was that the younger knew this perfectly well. Then why he felt the need to let Jin tear down all his defenses, Kazuya didn’t have such an answer and probably never will. Because he was sure that what he was feeling wasn’t love, but more like his need of love. And Jin simply happened to be there - ready to twist Kazuya’s life, never letting him get his control again.

“Then learn to be without me.” He found himself answering, aware of the pressure on his chest.

A flicker of anger burned in Jin’s eyes as he jumped on his feet with an expression that said he wanted to hit something or someone. “I don’t want to be without you!!” he yelled, turning his back on Kazuya and starting to walk around the room, hoping to calm down but failing badly, as usual. “I already told you that our little deal is back on, so you won’t run from me either!!” he continued, now looking at the younger with an angered expression, as if Kazuya had already done something to get rid of him.

Kazuya didn’t turn to watch Jin fuming and getting angry for nothing, he simply stood in the bed and looked at nothing in particular. “I want to sleep, Jin.” He said with a tired voice, he didn’t have the strength to fight with Jin anymore. Somehow, he was fed up with all of it.

The older stopped in his track when Kazuya’s words reached his ears. He looked at him, ready to dash towards him and strangle the younger for his attitude, but as he did so, something seemed to stop him and Jin only crashed on the bed, on the other side of Kazuya. He lifted his head just enough to see Kazuya perfectly and gripped the younger’s arm hard, pulling on it and bringing him nearer. “You’re not going to sleep now.” He hissed dangerously, his eyes piercing the boy’s. “You are going to talk and tell me why the hell did you do something like this.” He continued with the same low voice, catching Kazuya’s other arm to bring it between them, grasping it just above the bandages.

If Kazuya was fed up with fighting with Jin, then the older was also fed up of being the nice guy and taking always care to not hurt the boy. Well, life sucks and if Kazuya were to remain next to Jin, then he needed some lessons. And Jin was more than happy to give them to him.

The younger gasped because of the sudden pain, his eyes widened and tears brimmed. He didn’t tear his eyes away from Jin, but if he did he’d see the now stained bandages, the wound reopened. “I will tell you nothing.” He said with a strangled voice, the cry and pain present in it. But his eyes showed differently - the stubbornness and the desire to fight back were once more present in them.

“Oh, you will.” Jin smirked and brought the younger’s body closer to him, pulling on his arms and tightening his grip, completely ignoring Kazuya’s gasps of pain. He brought together Kazuya’s hands and caught them with one hand, this time intentionally touching his wrists, while his knee slowly opened the boy’s legs and slipped between them, grinding it against his crotch, blending the pain with the pleasure. Jin let his free hand to roam over Kazuya’s waist, sneaking under his shirt and teasingly touching it with feathery moves.

“I’m serious, Kazuya, don’t make me mad.” Jin taunted, his eyes seeming playful, studying the younger’s face like he was hypnotized by his expressions. “Not now.” He added, sounding almost like a plea, but in the same time, too far from it.

Kazuya’s body shook, the shudders of pain and pleasure leaving him naked and trembling in front of Jin. His wrist was now bleeding and hurting like hell, while his body was yearning for more touching, all of his desire now gathered in his lower part.  He was mad, really; having all these emotions burst all of a sudden inside of him it was not that reassuring at all. All of this left him empty, needy and disoriented - the only anchor being Jin, one he would like to refuse but unfortunately couldn’t. Kazuya closed his eyes and let his head fall down onto his chest, hiding the sinful expressions he knew he displayed. He felt the blood prickle his skin and found himself even more aroused at this thought. Was he a masochist? Maybe… lately he had lost sight of who he really is and all because of Jin.

“Let…” Kazuya croaked, his voice muffled. “…go.” Another gasp of pain followed and the younger quickly added, still not lifting his head. “It hurts.” The cry was there, the pain never ceasing. And neither the pleasure.

“Beg for it.” Jin answered with a low voice, whispering in Kazuya’s ear and brushing his knee more on Kazuya’s cock, creating more friction and earning more sensations that were now covered by the jeans’ material. “Let me hear your voice, Kazu…” he grunted, feeling how he himself was starting to get aroused but fighting the sweet temptation of diving into it. “And tell me what I want to know if you want me to stop.” Jin added, lessening his hold on Kazuya’s wrists a little and letting his leg down for just a second because in the next, both of them were back and with even more power. “Or if you want me to continue.” He laughed, blowing air into Kazuya’s ear and enjoying the trembling and shivering of the younger’s body.

All the time Jin had whispered in his ear, Kazuya bit his lower lip, fighting back the soaring pleasure mixed with the endless pain. He will not bow in front of Jin, he will not sway and definitely will not beg. Therefore he lifted his head and looked at the older defiantly, though the falling tears and the reddened lip showed contrary. “I will beg for nothing.” Kazuya said, his brown eyes being now sparkling gold. “Hurt me how long you want, but I will tell you nothing.” He said and closed his eyes, tears flowed some more and once again he bit onto his lower lip. Jin had gripped his wrists again and brutally rubbed his knees on his Kazuya’s crotch.

“Well then…” Jin simply said and let go of Kazuya’s undamaged hand to slowly raise the other one into the air, concentrating only on it. His fingers started to play with the bandages that covered it, now dyed in blood and his nails were scratching the thin material, trying to let it loose. The blood had made it easier for Jin and slowly the bandage came off, the red liquid now dripping on Kazuya’s hand with nothing to stop it. He smirked and pushed his thumb on the spot that the younger had cut a day earlier, teasingly at first but slowly and firmly growing in power. All this time, Kazuya watched with morbid fascination what Jin was doing to him and when he pressed his cut wrist, the younger hissed and wanted to pull back his hand, but not being able to do so. He began to tremble, his hand now hanging weakly into Jin’s grip. Kazuya hid his face into the pillow, muffling the sobs he tried so hard to not let out.

“You know… I really feel hurt that you don’t believe me.” Jin said, his eyes fixed on the red blood and his fingers which were now entwining with Kazuya’s. The younger wanted to slip his fingers away from Jin, wanted to get away, afraid of what will come. “I wish you had more trust in me.” The older sighed and a hint of anger flashed Jin’s eyes. “But you don’t want to be near me.” He continued, now with an angry tone, his hand fisted on Kazuya’s hurt wrist. The other could not help but gasp and he bit the pillow, not wanting to look at Jin, but still being forced to do so when the older continued his verbal and physical attack. “You always run away from me and go to others. To Koki, to Ueda, to some random bitch.” He hissed, lifting his body to straddle the younger, leaving both of his hands free. His eyes were sparkling with something different, something that made him look crazy and hurt, mad and betrayed. A mix of emotions swept through Jin’s body and the older, not knowing how to deal with them, decided that he should do what he knew best.

“You’re a really naughty… little… slave.” Jin said, grinning while his eyes were now studying the bandage on Kazuya’s cheek. His hand now carefully touched it, tracing a line with his index finger on it and then, without notice, he pulled on it quickly, taking it off with one simple move. He leaned over Kazuya, blowing air on the burning cut and pecked his lips, letting his bloody hand now touch the boy’s body, opening his shirt and burying his nails into his flesh just enough to arouse.

And all of this ticked Kazuya’s madness off. He lifted his bleeding hand to Jin’s face and smeared it red. “I believe this is how you like it.” He breathed with a smirk on his lips. The younger shifted his body a little, just enough to grind into Jin, but even such a small action took all the strength from him. Kazuya was breathing rather heavily, his right cheek reddened because of the ripped bandage and the blood now sliding down his forearm and Jin’s collarbone. The pain was forgotten now, it was all numb and somehow Kazuya felt like he was ready to pass out any minute if not for his stubbornness. “I’m more than a naughty little slave.” The younger said and chuckled.

Then his hand slid slowly down Jin’s body, no more strength or whatsoever in it. His body felt cold and Kazuya realized that no matter how aroused he might be, he’ll never touch that earlier warmth. “I’m losing too much.” He whispered and closed his eyes as if resting.

Sometimes, too much is too much, even for the most stubborn persons on planet.

“I’m going to leave you like this, Kazuya…” Jin continued to whisper with that low voice of his, still so alluring and maddening. “If you don’t do as I say, I’ll let you… to have… a slow… and painful… death.” He added, pecking Kazuya’s lips at his every word, gently caressing the younger’s cheek, tracing a line with his fingers on the cut from his face and going up, brushing his ear and burying his hand into Kazuya’s hair to lift his head and bring his lips closer so that Jin could kiss and bit on them.

“It isn’t as wonderful as it sounds, you know?” he chuckled, painfully aware of the fact that he’ll lose Kazuya if things go on like this. He stopped and raised his head to look into the boy’s eyes, a firm determination burning in his black color. “Promise me, Kazuya.” He said, half sounding pleading, half still keeping his cold but arousing voice. “Promise me that you’ll never betray me again.” He asked, not removing his gaze from the younger’s brown orbs.

Kazuya smiled. “You said you can’t live without me.” He whispered, a coolly air brushing against Jin’s lips. “I wonder if you have the guts to let me die…” he then added, his eyes half opened, the stars in them slowly fading out. Kazuya ignored Jin’s wish to have him promise. For the younger, all Jin wanted was pure gibberish.

At Kazuya’s words, Jin couldn’t suppress a smile from appearing on his lips because… yeah, it was true. No matter what he said, no matter what he did, he would never be able to kill Kazuya or let him die. He had been ready to die for him when they were in that abandoned warehouse and Jin had thought that everything already ended for them before he had spotted Ryo and Pi between the enemy’s forces. He would do anything for Kazuya, no matter how great the cost is. Jin had already given up at the younger once and this had been the hardest thing he had ever done, even harder than killing Kazuya.

And something changed again in Jin, making him remember that feeling of wanting to protect Kazuya, not to punish him for his betrayal.

“Sleep.” Jin replied with a gentle tone, leaning down to kiss Kazuya’s eyelids. “You’ll feel better after someone will take a look at your wounds.” He added, already planning to call his doctor and make him take care of the younger. He got off Kazuya’s legs and sat next to him, playing with his bangs and luring the boy into sleep.

Kazuya suddenly chuckled, his face white as a sheet. “I knew you can’t…” he whispered, licking his dry lips and slowly closing his eyes as if he didn’t really want to sleep. “You won’t do it, I was sure.” He added and turned to look at Jin, a faint smile on his lips.

“No, I won’t.” Jin confirmed, returning Kazuya’s smile. “I would have to be a totally jerk to kill the only person I love.” He joked, trying to lighten the atmosphere, and continued to caress the boy’s hair. He would never do it because he had seen how is life without Kazuya next to him. It seemed impossible now to continue living without the younger and Jin wasn’t sure that he would manage to do so, not having the chance to even glance at Kazuya, to see him from far away. If Kazuya dies… the only place he’ll ever see him again is pictures. And his grave.

“I’m sorry.” Jin whispered, also closing his eyes and lowering his head, studying the sheets. He wasn’t sure for what he should be sorry for, but he knew that there are a lot of things.

“Like everyone in my life.” Kazuya muttered thinking about the sole times when his parents truly apologized to him. “But don’t be.” He added quickly, lifting his hand slowly and touched lightly Jin’s hair. “Sorrys… are not my favorite.” The younger gave a faded smile and closed his eyes, breathing steadily. And in less than a minute, the younger fell into a deep sleep similar to unconsciousness.

*

Sometimes… things go out of control. You can’t do anything to stop the storm of feelings thrown at you and you can’t stop your heart from hurting so much. You feel helpless in the hands of destiny and you close your eyes and heart, hoping that everything will pass and that someday, you’ll be able to forget this nightmare that’s called life. You’re angry and frustrated and you want to scream because you are trapped into a cage that makes it impossible to breathe and to escape. But you also hate yourself because you have no idea when you had come to yearn for this hell. Maybe you just became accustomed with it or maybe you have really come to like and enjoy it. You don’t know, you aren’t sure. You’re scared because you know that you should be trying to run away but instead you find yourself staying and just… waiting for the next thing to happen and to ruin your life.

And you continue to hate yourself and everyone else.

He was happily walking towards Kazuya’s apartment, whistling and having fun by himself, thinking that he can’t wait to see the younger. Jin turned right and his smile widened as the building in which Kazuya lived appeared in front of his eyes. It had become a pattern for them to meet each day, after Jin finished his errands for the day. He would never fail to come see the young boy and try to make him accept Jin in his life once more.

Needless to say, it wasn’t going exactly well.

He had called the doctor after their last proper discussion and had taken care of Kazuya for three days at his apartment, not wanting to send him back until he was surely feeling better. The wound was deep but the doctor had said that it wasn’t life threatening if Kazuya would rest for a few days, with nothing to bother him, and Jin had wanted to make sure that he’s there for the younger in case he wants something. It turned out that Kazuya needed a lot of things - one stupider than the other - but Jin had obliged to his wishes even if he was aware of the fact that Kazuya was only trying to make him go away.

It wouldn’t work and Jin thought that his sweet little pet should have been already aware of this tiny detail.

He had allowed Kazuya to go home after the third day but Jin had insisted to come everyday and continue to take care of him. He would usually arrive after 7 p.m. but today had been a little hectic so it was past four o’clock in the morning when Jin stopped in front of the younger’s door and used his own key to open it. He smirked. He will definitely enjoy Kazuya’s expression when he’ll see him in the middle of the night - or morning, it didn’t matter for him - and even more, in his bed. The last days had been full with sex and Jin couldn’t say that he was complaining. Kazuya was only trying to avoid any discussion with Jin and that was why he was always forcing himself to forget to pain from his wrist and cheek - from his heart too but Jin wasn’t one to notice these things - and to let himself fall into the sin of pleasure and Jin’s skilful hands.

Jin opened the door and looked through the room. It was dark but he had learned in the last days to know it as he knew his apartment, considering the amount of time he would spend there. For him, it had come as a bless Kazuya’s suspension. It was only for two weeks and those was starting to come to an end seeing as the younger was supposed to go to college after two more days, but that was why Jin didn’t want to miss any moment with him and had chosen to come at this hour, wanting to spend more time with Kazuya. And besides, he thought that Kazuya must be extremely bored after spending his days locked in his apartment. Jin had interdicted him to go out of the house, wanting to make sure that he doesn’t faint or something like that when he’s alone on the streets. Of course, this was also a method to keep him away from the others but Jin hadn’t mentioned this little detail even if he knew that Kazuya is aware of his hidden intentions.

He hadn’t said anything about receiving visitors though which meant that Kazuya was still allowed to call his friends and to talk with them if he wanted. Still, Jin had no idea if even one of them had come, choosing to not know this information but still trying to find out details about it from Kazuya himself. It usually ended up with his mouth shut by the younger’s lips though.

But then again, Jin wasn’t one to complain of the boy’s aggressiveness. In fact, he quite enjoyed it as it had brought him a lot of sex in the past few days, stopping only when he was sure that Kazuya won’t resist anymore and needed that rest that the doctor had recommended.

Jin silently opened the door to Kazuya’s bedroom and smiled gently when he saw his form lying in bed. He had no idea how he had managed to fall in love with the younger, but he was and Jin had no intention of fighting his feelings. He realized that he had tried to suppress them but they had hit him hard when he had been the one injured and Kazuya stayed by his side. It was the first time for him to feel such a calmness and peacefulness and Jin was secretly hoping that the same thing will happen to the boy too.

He sighed and approached the bed. Two weeks had passed but Kazuya was still cold with him. He was starting to gain his confidence back and it was obvious that he wasn’t afraid of Jin anymore, but the older was glad for that. He didn’t want to keep Kazuya by his side with fear and threats. He wanted him to love him as much as he loved Kazuya. But first, he knew he had to prove to the boy that he’s really in love with him.

Jin smirked as an idea started to form in his mind. It wasn’t the perfect way to show his love - maybe his lust for him though - but Jin was feeling a little kinky that night and he had had a hard and tiring day at work, having to deal with crazy people and addicts that were making him scream of frustration. He turned on the lamp from Kazuya’s nightstand and searched through the room for something he could use. He found a tie - probably one from school or something like that, Jin suspected - and grinned as he approached the bed and proceeded to take Kazuya’s sight with it, moving slowly and carefully to not wake him up.

“Kazuya…” he whispered the younger’s name as he settled on the bed next to him. “Wake up, babe…” he said, leaned over him a little to kiss his cheek while his hand was tracing fine lines on Kazuya’s other arm.

Something tickled and Kazuya stirred slightly in his bed, a frown creasing his forehead. Then he heard a voice and its whispers, before a gentle breath caressed his lips and had the younger open his eyes lazily. But he saw nothing but darkness and he moved his head right and left, blinking furiously. And he felt it - the material pressed against his eyes and head. He quickly brought his hands to his eyes, but they were caught by another pair of hands.

“Who’s there?!” he squeaked and you could sense a bit of fear in his voice behind the brave façade.

“Who do you think?” the older chuckled playfully into Kazuya’s ear, biting his ear and nibbling on it. “Or, to be more exact, whom did you expect?” he joked as he leaned closed to the younger.

God, Kazuya breathed relieved as he realized that it was no one other than the older. “J-Jin?” he asked and moved a little, now facing the other, though not being able to see him at all. “What’s this?” he continued and wanted to lift his hands once more, but Jin kept him in place. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see you.” The other one replied simply as if it was to be expected. “I didn’t see you all day and I kind of missed you, babe.” He confessed, kissing Kazuya the whole time and passing with his lips on the younger’s ear, cheek and finally getting to his lips to peck them shortly. “Or I’m not allowed?” Jin asked, his voice sounding a little insecure as he raised his head and looked at Kazuya’s blinded eyes.

The younger gulped and fought back the arousing sensations that suddenly awoke in his body. “Do you need to blindfold me?” he asked, not answering Jin’s question.

“No, I just thought it would make things more interesting.” Jin shrugged and lifted his hand to touch the blindfold. “Or you don’t like it?” he proceeded to ask as he started to brush his fingers along the tie he had used on Kazuya, his tone obviously perverted and a little needy too.

There were shivers running down his body and Kazuya couldn’t deny them. He bit his lower lip and didn’t answer Jin for a while. “Then… are you going to fuck me with this blindfold on?” The younger asked and there was a change in his attitude. It was the defying, teasing and provocative one he had used countless times with Jin in the last two weeks.

“You don’t want me to?” Jin asked back with the same taunting tone, his fingers sliding down and touching the younger’s lips, circling them and parting them a little to sneak the tip of his index finger between them.

Kazuya was quick to react - his tongue welcomed the finger, pulling it slowly inside his mouth, grazing it with his teeth only to soothe with his lips and soft tongue. After he wetted it enough, he pushed it back, rejecting its intrusion anymore. “Is this enough of an answer for you?” Kazuya retorted, liking this game of answering Jin with a question. It made the atmosphere between them tenser and more teasing.

Jin laughed again and leaned closer to kiss Kazuya and ravish those alluring lips that made Jin crave for them every time he saw them. They kissed roughly and trying to control the other, not one of them wanting to give up this silent battle between them. “Then are you glad I came?” the older asked between kisses, not giving Kazuya the chance to answer immediately and kissing him again, his hands searching for the younger’s like he was the blinded one.

Kazuya’s body burned under Jin’s rough touches, waves of passion over it, arousing it more and more. He finally gave into Jin’s kiss, a moan vibrating in his throat as he welcomed the sliding tongue taking everything. When they both gasped for air, Kazuya fisted his hands into Jin’s hair, his blindfolded eyes trying to see beyond their bind. “Do you want to know?” he asked harsh and low as he leaned forward, blind as he was, while his hands pulled on Jin’s hair, making him let his head fall back and exposing his neck to Kazuya’s lips. It closed around the Adam’s apple, sucking slowly as his teeth grazed the skin, reddening it. “Do you need to know?” Kazuya whispered as he pulled harder by Jin’s hair and bit harder on another spot on Jin’s neck.

The older closed his eyes and tried to fight the overwhelming sensations that were threatening to break him down. He groaned of pleasure, enjoying the way Kazuya was dominating him, wanting him to be even rougher and more demanding. “Would I have asked if I didn’t want to know?” Jin managed to reply through gasps and whimpers, his hands fisting the sheets and his mind completely forgetting the reason he was there and had tied Kazuya’s eyes.

A dark and low chuckle followed as he heard Jin’s yet another question. “Is that so?” Kazuya asked, still not answering as he lessened his grip, his lips now trailing down on Jin’s neck, biting and sucking here and there, leaving small red hickeys. “What will you do for me to answer your question?” The younger chuckled, once more pulling on Jin’s hair as he lifted his body, his lips kissing blindly around Jin’s jaw.

“What would you like me to do?” Jin said back even if he had totally forgotten what he was trying to obtain by this. It didn’t matter, not as long as Kazuya didn’t stop and he could still feel his lips taunting him and making him grunt in displeasure of not receiving more and pleasure of wanting more.

Kazuya bit on Jin’s chin and his grip tightened. “What do you think you can offer to a blindfolded me?” he retorted, barely holding his words back and keeping the game between them only through questions, not stating something clearly for once. His lips moved closer to Jin’s, making him feel his breath, teasing, but never kissing them. Kazuya brushed his body along Jin, throwing a leg over Jin’s and pushing it up, moving blindly along the older’s thigh and suddenly coming to a halt as his knee hit something, making Jin’s breath hitch a little. Kazuya didn’t miss this and kept on brushing his knee over that spot as his tongue circled around Jin’s lips.

Jin moaned, hard and low, closing his eyes tighter and enjoying that painful treatment that made him yearn for more. He raised his hands and settled them on Kazuya’s back, clutching the younger’s shirt and pulling him closer, wanting to feel him and to love him. He snapped when he realized that he wasn’t going to get what he wanted and put his hand on the boy’s nape, pushing him and clashing their mouths into a forceful and lustful kiss, his legs entwining with Kazuya and making it hard to see which one was who’s. “Anything.” The older replied with a gasp, pulling back just a second to look at Kazuya. “Everything.” He added, giving up at their game and then kissing Kazuya slow but still a little forceful, the passion and desire still obvious in their kiss but now covered by a thin gentleness.

Kazuya smirked in their kiss, though the sudden change in Jin’s behavior had his heart faltering a little. He held back a moan as his fingers uncurled from the older’s locks, freeing his hair. He supported his weight on both hands as he broke their kiss and lifted his body a little, clearly enjoying the whimper Jin let out. “You lost.” Kazuya said on a soft and dangerous voice. “You have to be punished.” He purred and gave a sway of his body, knowing that this will arouse the older even more. “What should I do to you?” The younger straightened himself up, straddling Jin. “Hmm…” he seemed to be thinking, though his body was done with thinking and was slowly moving above Jin, brushing against his lower part, teasing and never stopping. Kazuya bit on his lower lip and brought his hands to his blindfold and untied it. As soon as the tie fell in his hands, Kazuya looked straight at Jin, his dark brown eyes boring into the other’s black ones. “Be a good boy and listen to me, Jin.” He demanded, grinding his body into Jin’s and his hands sprawled onto the other’s chest, the tie stretched from one side to another.

Jin looked at Kazuya expectantly, waiting maybe a little too eager to see what was his punishment - though he had never been informed of the existance of such a thing. Nevertheless, he kept thinking that he’ll enjoy this new game that Kazuya was starting for them, his eyes glowing with curiosity and his body trembling with excitement. Still, he had never said that things will be easy.

He smirked and raised his hands on the younger’s waist, moving and turning them around with one swift move, Jin being now on top and the smirk still plastered on his smug face. “Will I be rewarded if I’ll be a good boy?” he asked, leaning down and breathing the words over Kazuya’s lips, his eyes fixed to the boy’s.

Kazuya’s plans were a bit delayed by Jin’s sudden action that had his breath hitch in his voice and his heart beat a bit faster. Maybe he had to be a little sneakier to get Jin where he wanted. Kazuya’s eyes glowed with unhidden pleasure as he licked his lips, tasting Jin’s ones too. “Just be a good boy and you’ll see.” The younger replied on a low and husky voice, feigning some little resistance against Jin’s straddle. “Just listen to me.” Kazuya whispered slowly the words, his breath caressing Jin’s lips.

Jin pouted, not really liking the fact that he needed to give up first without knowing what was Kazuya planning to do. Still, he figured that nothing can be worse than being left like this and it somehow seemed that it was going to happen if Jin didn’t comply to the younger’s request. He sighed and kissed Kazuya again, taking his time to leave those red lips completely wet by his tongue before finally pulling back and settling on the bed, next to Kazuya, and looking at him with puppy eyes. This wasn’t what he expected to be doing when he came to the younger’s house - more like the contrary if you thought at the tie that had remained in Kazuya’s grasp even until now - but a change was good and Jin had always love challenges. So he raised an eyebrow, silently telling the younger to come over to him and blow his mind away, like he was expecting him to do.

Kazuya chuckled and knelt beside Jin, looking back at the older, testing his patience. Then, after some few interminable moments in which Kazuya felt Jin growing a bit restless, he leaned and kissed Jin, slipping without resistance his tongue inside the other’s cavern, exploring it slowly and deeply. He stopped their kiss with a gentle pull on Jin’s lower lip as his eyes searched the older one’s, maliciousness written in his. “Raise your hands above your head.” He demanded, biting a bit harder on the lip just in case Jin had forgotten he had to be a good boy and listen to Kazuya.

Jin whined silently but still did what he was told to, keeping his puppy eyes as he stared back at Kazuya. It didn’t take long for perverted thoughts to form into his head and Jin realized that the younger wanted more access to his body and that was why he had asked Jin to stay like this. He licked his lips and then sucked on Kazuya’s lower lip, pulling on it a little and whining some more because of the lack of attention. “Kazuya…” he whispered his name, moving his hips and trying to move towards the younger.

The younger chuckled again and brought the tie to Jin’s hands, passing it once over the joined hands and once more behind the bars of his bed’s headboard, trapping Jin and not letting him alone until he was sure that he can’t move his hands and get out from his biddings. He found this whiny and obedient Jin quite amusing and cute, it made him want to have Jin this way forever. Kazuya pulled away from the older and let his hands touch the other’s body, feeling it up and smirking as he watched Jin’s lustful expression. “You’re cute this way, you know?” the younger said and kissed Jin’s cheek. “Obedient… wanting… tied to my bed.” He continued to say, his voice down to a whisper, only for Jin’s ears. “I quite enjoy this sight of you.” Kazuya added and his lips went down Jin’s jaw and neck, continuing to press warm kisses, feeling the blood rushing beneath his mouth as he moved to straddle the older.

“I can’t say that I don’t enjoy you like this too…” Jin said between gasps of air, trying to control his breath and not give in so easily to that tempting desire, but wanting to feel it more and to engulf himself in it until he doesn’t know anything but this. He grinded his hips into Kazuya’s and created more friction between them, a little bothered that he wasn’t allowed to use his hands but gladly accepting the prospect of using Kazuya’s as his own. “I never thought you were so demanding…” Jin said with a smirk even if it wasn’t entirely true. He had always thought that Kazuya was as demanding as he was but he was just submitting himself to Jin’s wishes most of the time, especially in bed. But it made things more exciting because he never knew what he should expect from Kazuya and even if he could always suspect it, the younger always managed to surprise him.

Kazuya closed his eyes, giving just a little to his body’s desires and he seeped his teeth a little more in Jin’s skin. His hands slipped under the other’s shirt, feeling his burning skin, touching it teasingly. He liked the way Jin’s body tensed under his touch, craving for more; he really liked it. “I am demanding…” Kazuya said as he climbed off Jin, looking at the older with amused eyes. “…but not tonight, my love.” His hands retreated from Jin’s body and he gently caressed the other’s cheek before leaning and pecking his lips. “Tonight I’ll have you sleep next to me. That’s all I demand from you.” Kazuya whispered as he snuggled up to Jin, letting his head fall on the other’s chest, listening to his erratic heartbeats. One of his hands sneaked over the older’s waist, settling itself there.

“Huh?” Jin let out a loud shriek, confused and surprised at the sudden change of heart of Kazuya’s. “What do you mean that is all?!” he asked with a loud pitch, moving his hands and trying to set himself free. Those damned knots!!

Kazuya couldn’t help but to giggle at this so-expected reaction. “I want to sleep, Jin.” He mumbled against the other’s chest, his breath passing through the material. “And as you’re here, I’ll use you as a pillow.” He added and stifled a yawn. “Besides, you agreed to listen to me, right? So… let’s just sleep.” Kazuya’s voice dropped to a whisper, sleep obvious in his tone. He had been aroused by Jin, no doubt in that, but his body needed sleep more than sex now and he’ll get this. After all, it was Jin who came unannounced, he couldn’t blame Kazuya for leading him on like this.

But the older still didn’t agree with this sudden decision, so he pouted and whined some more. “Kazuuuu…” he called the younger’s name, moving his shoulder up and down to not let Kazuya get any sleep. “I said I’ll listen thinking that we’ll still be having sex.” He sulked and pursed his lips, not even noticing that he wasn’t struggling anymore to set himself free.

Kazuya pinched Jin’s side to stop him from doing any movements and the yelp that followed had him pleased. He stubbornly closed his eyes and pretended to be already asleep, not answering to Jin who was still whining to his side. And despite all this, Kazuya found himself smiling.

In the end, Jin needed to give up, seeing that he has no way to convince Kazuya of going back to where they left. He sighed tiredly and moved his hands a little, undoing them in less than ten seconds. To be honest, the tie had never been a problem because Jin could have released himself anytime he wanted. He hadn’t done it because it was more entertaining to see Kazuya thinking he’s in control and that he could order Jin what he wants, to submit to his will and pretend that he’s helpless in front of Kazuya. Even so, he had no idea how much of this shit did the younger believe, but the smile that Jin had managed to steal from him was kind of showing that he did the right thing by giving in.

And he had to say that losing had never been so fulfilling.

It was weird because he hadn’t received what he wanted, yet he was still happy. Jin was happy because finally the Kazuya that he knew was coming back to him. Kazuya had said no - very differently from the past couple of weeks - and had even taken measures to stop Jin. This was the man that Jin had fallen in love with, this was who Kazuya really was and now Jin couldn’t stop smiling because he had finally succeeded to make things right between them!

“I love you, you stupid.” The older whispered in the silence of the room, bringing his arms around Kazuya’s waist and keeping him close to his heart.

Of course, things weren’t going to be a lot easier now, but Jin had the confidence to make Kazuya forget about all the bad things and make him see that he’s good enough for him, that he can make Kazuya happy. He sighed happily and suddenly remembered something. With a sheepish grin, he searched into his pockets for a small box and took it out, taking the small item from it and slipping the ring onto Kazuya’s pinky ring. He grinned yet again to himself and raised his right hand to look at his own ring, glancing to Kazuya’s left hand where was its pair.

“I’ll kill you if you ever leave me.” Jin threatened, placing a small kiss onto the younger’s temple and then closing his eyes. He would make sure that this will never happen. He loved Kazuya and he was going to prove it.

No matter the cost.

PART III