Dancing on my own (one-shot)
Have you ever seen your memories glued to a screen? A mental screen? If you haven’t, we have. Because we’re just fools that fell in love in different moments in time.
And here’s our mental screen.
*
They were once again in a club. It wasn’t unusual for them, but this time it was Pi’s birthday party and although he didn’t want that one to come, Jin insisted. Kazuya was still one of his best friends and he knew that the boy felt sometimes desolated being alone as he usually was. He was a difficult person, but so Jin was. All friends of Jin were. So he wanted Kazuya to blend in.
And so once again they were together in a club. Light meeting dark, music resounding from big boxes and people gluing their bodies. Kazuya liked parties; he quite enjoyed them even if the company didn’t always want him there. He congratulated Yamapi, wished him his best, but truly wanting him to die. They will never have a truce, Kazuya was aware of this and he wouldn’t do anything to change this. Yet, this was a time when he had to act as the nice guy and to smile stupidly.
“Where’s your present, Kame?” Pi asked, smiling viciously, knowing that the younger boy didn’t bring anything. As expected, Kame flushed bright red and looked quickly to Jin. The other one knew that it was time for him to butt in.
“Why so yearning, Pi? No one loving you tonight?” Jin clung on Pi shoulders, smiling widely.
“As I see, I got you.” The other one replied rubbing Jin’s head and making his hair stand messy. He knew that the punk just saved Kame’s ass; the boy was Jin’s soft spot as he was his.
“Who else did you invite tonight?” Jin asked freeing himself from Pi’s strong held and looking around excitedly.
“Just the usual. Johnny wouldn’t let to attract any attention.” Pi shrugged annoyed at the old man who kept such a tight control over them.
“Like we could attract attention when this all club is full with VIPs.” Jin laughed, his eyes surveying the ladies. There were some pretty girls in the room, but he was sure that none of them would mean more than a night flirt. And he was so eager to try them on.
Kazuya was also surveying the room. He was intrigued by who was attending, by who else visited this VIP club and how could this benefit him. But when Jin arms pulled him up from the chair he sat, he knew that it was time for party. He couldn’t help but grin.
Every time he was with Jin, everything was colorful, everything seemed to shine. He felt happy, he felt complete. As they made their way to the dance floor, the girls assaulted Jin immediately, leaving Kazuya behind.
Yamapi quickly followed, smirking at the lost turtle. As soon Jin disappeared from his sight, that’s what this turtle would become - a disoriented and scared one. And Yamapi couldn’t have been more precise.
But as the beat kept on, making his heart thump and ears hurt, Kame felt like he had to dance. He felt the urge so desperately that when he started moving his body everyone looked at him. He had smooth moves, luscious one and…inviting. Soon, some girls got closer to him, trying to blend with him and feel the dance. Accepting each one, he felt good, free and rebellious. For some reason, he wanted them to touch him, he wanted them to dance with…for him. And they did.
In a moment of passionate dance, he met Jin’s eyes. They were twinkling. The older boy was smiling widely and OK-ing him. Turtle wanted to hide inside his shell.
Two hours later, Kazuya collapsed on the couch, feeling his feet numb. He had danced like crazy and never stopping. Each song that came made him want to dance more, more and more. He was feeling desperately and he didn’t know why. He drew his breath and wiped off his sweat. He never felt like this. Something so good, yet so bad. It was like pain - the fact that it hurt was bad, but the fact that you were hurting was the proof of being alive, of being able to feel and this was good.
He took the glass of water when Pi joined him, looking as exhausted as him. The older one glanced at him and snatched his glass.
“Oi!” Kazuya said looking displeased.
“That’s for not buying me a present.” Yamapi winked and handed the empty glass to the younger boy. He was smiling maliciously and patted him on the shoulder.
The next few songs they spent in silence, each one wondering about the same thing.
Where was Jin? The klutz has been lost for almost an hour now and Yamapi was getting bored while Kame worried. The both of them sighed at the same time, guessing that Jin might’ve got stuck in the bathroom. It wasn’t his first and they knew it wouldn’t be its last.
‘Somebody said you got a new friend…’
The beat and the voice got Kame’s attention. He listened carefully; he liked it.
‘Yeah, I know it’s stupid.’
“Hey, Kame! Look at the bastard!” Yamapi distracted him and pointed in a direction.
Kazuya’s heart stopped.
‘But just gotta see it for myself.’
Jin was kissing someone…a girl. And he wasn’t discreet at all. His hands were on her hips, climbing up her back and losing themselves in her long, black hair. Their lips continued on touching, licking and sucking each other. The girl was clinging to Jin’s neck, slowly swaying next to his body…touching him, arousing him.
Kazuya couldn’t feel the air anymore. The world has gone and only he and the ones kissing were there. And the stupid song that made him want to cry…
‘So faraway, but still so near.
The lights go down, the music dies.
But you don’t see me standing here.
…
I’m in the corner watching you kiss her…
I’m right over here, why can’t you see me?’
Indeed, why couldn’t Jin see him? Why couldn’t he be the one standing there with him? Dancing with him? Moving slowly with him? Kissing with him? Oh, God. He never meant to say that; he never wanted to face this kind of feelings. Not when the one responsible was enjoying himself with a girl. Not when he was making him feeling like the world has lost its color and had dyed in deep, pitch black. He was the worst. They were the worst. Kazuya couldn’t remember this feeling of loss that was eating him right now nor could he recall the bitter taste of an unrequited love. Because, yes, he…
No, he wouldn’t say or admit those words. Not when the jerk was kissing another one. Although fear and pain were carved inside his heart, Kazuya could feel his pumping blood boiling at the sight of them. If he could tear them apart, he’d do it happily. Oh yeah, he’d do it with an axe and the craziest smile on his face. Well, he wouldn’t hurt Jin, only her. But he’d pay some consequences too, it wasn’t like he was innocent or saint.
The song kept on resounding in his body, the beat feeding his boiling blood and the lyrics kept on wounding his heart. Suddenly, all his murderous thoughts vanished as he saw Jin’s hand caressing gently the girl’s face. How he wanted that touch, how he wished for it! And yet, that hand wasn’t meant to caress him, not now, nor in the future. He could still see them, he could still hear the music; but he stopped feeling anything. He hadn’t been ready.
He wasn’t supposed to deal with this right now. He wasn’t prepared, he had never been. He thought Jin belonged to him, although he was aware of female presence in his life. He thought…
Fuck. He thought too much. He waited too much and now he had to see it. To see him with a girl and to have his world crumble down to pieces. He was so stupid. And he had to leave or else…
Kazuya rose, grabbed his jacket and left the club.
‘I keep dancing on my own…’
*
He had been gone for almost half of a year. Lot of things had happened and he could be blamed. He had been selfish in taking that decision, but something had to be done. Even if that meant hurting his band, hurting his little, clingy turtle. When they came after him, he admitted that he had been wrong, he had apologized but he could never forget his look - his hurt look. Those eyes haunted him for the rest of time he spent there. He dreamt of him, of him calling for help, of accusing him, of asking unceasingly ‘why did you leave?’
And he came back. Worried, yearning to see him, he came back. And what he had found later wasn’t his reality; was a nightmare.
The one he thought would always remain the same had changed. At first everything seemed back to normal; Kazuya was happy having him back, still clung onto him like in the old days… But what went wrong?
Jin will never know. He was sure of this, because this turtle had closed his shell and wouldn’t let anyone in, barely the one who hurt him. He tried to get closer to him, he would ask him about the things he’s doing, and he would try to help… But Kazuya didn’t need his help anymore. He didn’t search for him anymore; he didn’t make those puppy eyes that were yelling to help him. He had grown apart from him and had learnt to stand up for himself. He was a new person that Jin didn’t know anymore. He was someone Jin couldn’t reach anymore.
And it hurt seeing him go away. But the damage had been made and Jin couldn’t turn back time nor could he correct the mistakes he had made. Though he’ll try…
The familiar feeling of being back in a club with persons he knew well. It was Koki’s birthday party and he celebrated at their usual VIP club. This time, he would come along with Yamapi and Ryo, because the other one was already there. He tried to call him, but his answering machine got to him. But he knew Kazuya wouldn’t miss Koki’s birthday party. Those two seemed to have become good friends and between them was something that Jin envied and yearned. It was the same feeling as he had when Kazuya was by his side.
As he entered the club, Koki popped out of nowhere and grabbed onto his hand. He waved at Yamapi and Ryo telling them to follow him.
“I’m so glad you’re here, Jin!” Koki said, yapping happily while making way through the sea of people. “Wait till you see the girls who came tonight! You’re going to like them or they’re going to like you.” He laughed, finally stopping in front of a table full of people.
His eyes searched for the only one who could make his heart race like crazy. But that one person was missing. Confused, he checked once again.
“Nee, Koki…where’s Kamenashi?” he asked, trying to look cool.
“Aa, he went to dance.” Koki replied pointing a hand toward the dance floor. “He’s mad, I tell you. Like he hasn’t danced in years…” he added in an undertone, letting himself pulled down by a good-looking girl.
“I bet he hasn’t.” Jin uttered, staring at the silhouette that rocked on the dance floor. The little turtle enjoyed himself in a circle of girls surrounding him. He knew that Kazuya enjoyed being in the center of attention, but this was getting out of hand.
Kazuya wasn’t only dancing; he was making love to all those girls. They touched him and he touched them back. Each one a turn, not even missing a spot on their bodies. Jin narrowed his eyes and felt a sudden urge to pull that stupid turtle out of the circle and kick every girl’s ass. How could they even dare touching his property?!
“Jin, are you alright?” Ryo asked, handing him a glass of vodka.
“Sure, why not?” Jin replied, gobbling down the drink not even moving his eyes from Kazuya.
“Does it bother you?” the other one asked, intrigued and amused in the same time.
“What? Seeing Kazuya touching girls? Why should it?” Jin retorted waving his hands like it wasn’t even his business.
“Umm, I meant not being in the center of attention.” Ryo said, muffling a grin. “But if it bothers you, you can go anytime and interfere.” He winked and smiled encouragingly.
Ryo left him for the dance floor and gave him an OK before. Jin didn’t understand why. By what right could he interfere and break Kazuya and those girls? He had been gone for half of a year, it wasn’t his business anymore. And he was sure Kazuya would get angry with him and would yell; oh, and he hated him yelling! But, still, he couldn’t go and do such a thing. Not when he was the one wrong in all this. His feelings for Kazuya might’ve changed but he couldn’t selfishly tell them now and…
Wait. What? His feelings for Kazuya might’ve changed? Into what? What did he feel for Kazuya now? Why was he bothered by such strange thoughts? Why did he even think about something like this?! But still…what were his feelings for Kazuya?!
‘Somebody said you got a new friend…’
It wasn’t friendship anymore? Could it be…?
‘I’m in the corner, watching you kiss her…’
And indeed he was. As his heart made a huge loop, Kazuya had locked his lips with a girl. It was a sweet and romantic kiss from what Jin could tell, because Kazuya was holding her gently while his lips moved on hers as if caressing. The girl was clinging to his shoulder, grabbing them softly and if Jin’s imagination was good, her hands were slightly trembling. And there was it - the pink aura Cupid gives to bird lovers!
‘I’m all messed up; I’m so out of line.’
Jin’s glass smashed on the floor but no one heard the breaking glass as well the sound that his heart made. Only he was hearing it, was feeling it falling it down piece by piece with a thundering sound. And only he knew why. Because he understood, although a little too late. He realized his feelings for his younger friend, he realized why it hurt that much and why his heart wouldn’t stop from breaking.
He simply loved the turtle. But that turtle has run away from him; that turtle didn’t belong to him anymore. He felt so faraway from everything and everyone. He was alone in that club, feeling or hearing nothing. Only seeing…
‘I’m right over here, why can’t you see me?’
And why would he? He was enjoying himself and what there was a stupid one that just realized he loved him? It wasn’t possible for them anymore. Time has passed, time had given them a chance and Jin totally blew it. He always does, doesn’t he?
Feeling furious with himself and also Kazuya, Jin grabbed a full bottle from the table and started to drink from it. He needed something strong, he needed to be strong otherwise he might smash someone’s shell. With alcohol pumping his boiling blood, Jin headed for the dance floor, grabbing a girl out of nowhere and pulling her in his arms. He started to move lasciviously with her, skin touching another. The girl laughed softly as his lips touched her ears and neck; her laugh aroused and annoyed him. Jin turned her around and her back was leaning on his chest. He held her from the waist, feeling her moves and enjoying them. She let her head rest on his shoulder and kept on twisting her hips, inviting to a more intimate dance. Jin bit her neck, inspiring her smell and tasting her skin. He was drunk of despair, of lust and unrequited love. It hurt and yet all he could do was to lose himself in some unknown girl arms. The girl turned around and let herself down to his body, touching his chest. She soon lifts up and let her body curve so that Jin could stretch his hand and touch her chest. That was the moment when his eyes met Kazuya’s.
His eyes expressed merely surprise, but his hands were firmly grasping the girl’s body. Jin flashed a quick and sad smile before his vision of Kazuya was blurred of the girl he was holding. He knew and felt in that moment. Just like the kisses that both of them initiated now. Just like the ending notes. The song was ending and so was their love.
‘So faraway, but still so near.
…
I just came to say goodbye.
I’m in the corner watching you kiss her!’
*
When love is not meant it is indeed not meant. We just had to see that. Maybe too soon, maybe too late; but never at the right time. That was us loving each other. That was us back then.
‘I keep dancing on my own.’
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Well, how was it? XD I'm sorry if the action is kind of fast, but if you take into consideration the place that is having place, well...I needed to be quick XD Also, if you want to listen to the song (which I humbly ask you to do <33), here's a link -
Click to viewI hope you enjoyed it, both the one-shot and the song xP
Thanks for reading *hug*