(no subject)
Well you might have read Penney's Dubliner essay.... I just finished mine now. I can honestly say this is the most irrelevant POS 3 page essay EVER written.
Jordan was late. Every morning it was a different reason. Sometimes he set his alarm clock wrong, other times he ran out of gas. One morning he got lost, another time he had to chase his run away dog. Regardless of the reason, Jordan was always always late. It was ironic because his first period teachers name was Mr. Troy. Given the unique nature of having the same name as Mr. Troy’s teaching partner, Mr. Pinsky, Jordan never got in trouble. In fact Jordan did not get marked tardy all year. This was an amazing feat. Other students took note of this and came in late, but they were punished severely for trying to be like Jordan.
It was the morning of June 10th. A Thursday morning, it was time for Jordan’s final exam in AP English. Seeing as how he had been late every day of the year so far, he did not think much about coming in late. Even the AP exam proctors hadn’t been mad when Jordan walked in five minutes after the test started. “Why hello Jordan, come sit down and take the test! Enjoy!” the test proctor remarked. That was hardly the scolding Jordan expected, but it in fact added to his aura of invincibility.
“BEEP BEEP BEEP.” Jordan hit his alarm clock and fell back asleep. It was only 5:30 AM and Jordan had another hour before he really had to get up. Jordan happened to live on a street named Lazy Glen Lane. This was ironic because Jordan was really lazy. Not lazy in the sense that he never did work, because once he actually got to the gym or library he was incredible, but lazy in the fact that it’d take hours for him to get going. Life on Lazy Glen Lane was good, the name infected the residents so that everyone on the street had a lazy disposition. Jordan’s next door neighbor, the Horan’s hadn’t cut their grass in months. On the other side the Waxman’s had planted plastic flowers to create a garden that would never die. The residents of Lazy Glen Lane all seemed to adapt to fit make themselves worthy of the street name.
Finally at 6:30 Jordan awoke. He opened his window outside into the street. Usually he checked to see if it was raining. Raining means the potential to get wet, and Jordan absolutely hated that thought. So a dark cloud in the sky would mean an extra hour of sleep. Not a cloud was in the sky, so Jordan sighed, and stumbled to the shower. Jordan took a nice long shower and tried to recall what he had learned in English that year. After all it was final exam time and instead of studying all night like he should have, Jordan decided to match his record of sleeping 15 hours in a row. This is a harder feat then it seems, as lasting 15 hours without the use of a bathroom, food, or water requires incredible physical, mental, and emotional strength. However Jordan was in complete control of himself and managed to go to sleep at 2:30 that afternoon. Actually a little tired from sleeping, Jordan had to pinch himself to stay awake in the shower. The shower was also another place where Lazy Glen Residents liked to sleep. There were eighteen separate tragedies last year when residents on Lazy Glen Lane fell asleep in the shower resulting in massive property damage and loss of pet life. The gaping wholes where water flowed out of the house can still be viewed as many residents have not bothered to patch these up. After a thirty minute shower Jordan finally turned of the water. It had been an ok shower, nothing to brag about. In fact constant tepid beat of water hitting his skin had given him a slight headache. This might be enough for him to call in sick to school but this being the last day of English class he had to have some motivation to go. Jordan also hated how the shower had no clock. Sometimes he would take showers for hours and not know that he missed important meetings or important family dinners. The wristwatch he ordered required assembly so Jordan immediately dismissed the notion of ever wearing a watch.
Finally Jordan shaved. He cut himself a few times, but that was to be expected. Shaving was as hard and arduous a task as he would normally endure. Using the same razor he’s used for the last three years, the dull edge continued to make him bleed at an alarming rate. Sometimes Jordan would get worried about all the blood he was losing but then he would remember how giving blood saved lives so somehow, somewhere, a child was being saved due to his actions. After shaving Jordan got changed, brushed his teeth, grabbed a boost, and got in his car. By now it was 7:15 and school was starting in five minutes. Living all the way in Herndon, Jordan would have to drive on Lazy Glen Lane, West Ox, Fairfax County Parkway, Lee Jackson Memorial Highway 50, Interstate 66, Chain Bridge Road, Jermantown Road, Blake Lane and finally Sutton Road just to make it to school. Doing the calculations in his head, Jordan realized he would have to about 2 roads every minute to get to school on time. Pushing down the accelerator Jordan raced down the street. Unfortunately a police car was there and it started chasing him. Jordan tried in vain to lose him but failed which resulted in a very angry police man.
After the police man scolded him for being stupid, Jordan felt sad, depressed and lonely. But then he turned on the radio. The Offspring were playing a song about self esteem. Somehow Jordan felt better, wiped the tears out of his eyes and made it to English. By the time he got there after a quick pit stop at starbucks, wendy’s and taco bell, kids were filing out. “HAHAHA YOU’RE STUPID,” yelled Alex Nickel. Jordan hated Mr. Nickel and often wanted to punch him in the face when he made retarded comments.
“Hi Mr. Ketch!,” yelled out Jordan.
“Well Hello Jordan, way to miss my Final Exam. I’m very disappointed in you. I am going to have to give you a zero on the final exam.” With that Mr. Ketch turned his back on Jordan.
“Oh. Ok see ya later,” replied Jordan.
At that moment Jordan realized he had failed English. Wondering how someone 100% English could fail English class, Jordan realized he would have to make a change in his lifestyle and start being on time to places from now on.
Jordan was late. Every morning it was a different reason. Sometimes he set his alarm clock wrong, other times he ran out of gas. One morning he got lost, another time he had to chase his run away dog. Regardless of the reason, Jordan was always always late. It was ironic because his first period teachers name was Mr. Troy. Given the unique nature of having the same name as Mr. Troy’s teaching partner, Mr. Pinsky, Jordan never got in trouble. In fact Jordan did not get marked tardy all year. This was an amazing feat. Other students took note of this and came in late, but they were punished severely for trying to be like Jordan.
It was the morning of June 10th. A Thursday morning, it was time for Jordan’s final exam in AP English. Seeing as how he had been late every day of the year so far, he did not think much about coming in late. Even the AP exam proctors hadn’t been mad when Jordan walked in five minutes after the test started. “Why hello Jordan, come sit down and take the test! Enjoy!” the test proctor remarked. That was hardly the scolding Jordan expected, but it in fact added to his aura of invincibility.
“BEEP BEEP BEEP.” Jordan hit his alarm clock and fell back asleep. It was only 5:30 AM and Jordan had another hour before he really had to get up. Jordan happened to live on a street named Lazy Glen Lane. This was ironic because Jordan was really lazy. Not lazy in the sense that he never did work, because once he actually got to the gym or library he was incredible, but lazy in the fact that it’d take hours for him to get going. Life on Lazy Glen Lane was good, the name infected the residents so that everyone on the street had a lazy disposition. Jordan’s next door neighbor, the Horan’s hadn’t cut their grass in months. On the other side the Waxman’s had planted plastic flowers to create a garden that would never die. The residents of Lazy Glen Lane all seemed to adapt to fit make themselves worthy of the street name.
Finally at 6:30 Jordan awoke. He opened his window outside into the street. Usually he checked to see if it was raining. Raining means the potential to get wet, and Jordan absolutely hated that thought. So a dark cloud in the sky would mean an extra hour of sleep. Not a cloud was in the sky, so Jordan sighed, and stumbled to the shower. Jordan took a nice long shower and tried to recall what he had learned in English that year. After all it was final exam time and instead of studying all night like he should have, Jordan decided to match his record of sleeping 15 hours in a row. This is a harder feat then it seems, as lasting 15 hours without the use of a bathroom, food, or water requires incredible physical, mental, and emotional strength. However Jordan was in complete control of himself and managed to go to sleep at 2:30 that afternoon. Actually a little tired from sleeping, Jordan had to pinch himself to stay awake in the shower. The shower was also another place where Lazy Glen Residents liked to sleep. There were eighteen separate tragedies last year when residents on Lazy Glen Lane fell asleep in the shower resulting in massive property damage and loss of pet life. The gaping wholes where water flowed out of the house can still be viewed as many residents have not bothered to patch these up. After a thirty minute shower Jordan finally turned of the water. It had been an ok shower, nothing to brag about. In fact constant tepid beat of water hitting his skin had given him a slight headache. This might be enough for him to call in sick to school but this being the last day of English class he had to have some motivation to go. Jordan also hated how the shower had no clock. Sometimes he would take showers for hours and not know that he missed important meetings or important family dinners. The wristwatch he ordered required assembly so Jordan immediately dismissed the notion of ever wearing a watch.
Finally Jordan shaved. He cut himself a few times, but that was to be expected. Shaving was as hard and arduous a task as he would normally endure. Using the same razor he’s used for the last three years, the dull edge continued to make him bleed at an alarming rate. Sometimes Jordan would get worried about all the blood he was losing but then he would remember how giving blood saved lives so somehow, somewhere, a child was being saved due to his actions. After shaving Jordan got changed, brushed his teeth, grabbed a boost, and got in his car. By now it was 7:15 and school was starting in five minutes. Living all the way in Herndon, Jordan would have to drive on Lazy Glen Lane, West Ox, Fairfax County Parkway, Lee Jackson Memorial Highway 50, Interstate 66, Chain Bridge Road, Jermantown Road, Blake Lane and finally Sutton Road just to make it to school. Doing the calculations in his head, Jordan realized he would have to about 2 roads every minute to get to school on time. Pushing down the accelerator Jordan raced down the street. Unfortunately a police car was there and it started chasing him. Jordan tried in vain to lose him but failed which resulted in a very angry police man.
After the police man scolded him for being stupid, Jordan felt sad, depressed and lonely. But then he turned on the radio. The Offspring were playing a song about self esteem. Somehow Jordan felt better, wiped the tears out of his eyes and made it to English. By the time he got there after a quick pit stop at starbucks, wendy’s and taco bell, kids were filing out. “HAHAHA YOU’RE STUPID,” yelled Alex Nickel. Jordan hated Mr. Nickel and often wanted to punch him in the face when he made retarded comments.
“Hi Mr. Ketch!,” yelled out Jordan.
“Well Hello Jordan, way to miss my Final Exam. I’m very disappointed in you. I am going to have to give you a zero on the final exam.” With that Mr. Ketch turned his back on Jordan.
“Oh. Ok see ya later,” replied Jordan.
At that moment Jordan realized he had failed English. Wondering how someone 100% English could fail English class, Jordan realized he would have to make a change in his lifestyle and start being on time to places from now on.