The Kohler-Wielle Legacy 2.9: Fun with Scissors!
CAUTION: The usual 60image=3mb download. EXCESSIVE AMOUNTS OF RANDOM TANGENTS. That's what I do, secret maker. xD OH, and the kids? They become teens. GIRD. YOUR. LOINS..!
Need to catch up? Kohler-Wielle Archive
Welcome one and all to 'Cavalier Pruning with Valencia!' On this week's show, Valencia shows you how to administer first aid when you've accidentally lopped a waving Townie's fingers off becuase you OOoOOps! didn't see them there becuase you were montaging to Eye of the Tiger in your head. We'll also cover pruning your citrus trees whilst pro bono hairdressing in tandem and YOU!
Or, we wont and say we did and get on with another Kohler-Wielle update! xD
This is all well and good, capitalising on strengths and such, but would not a rage counseller be, you know, kind of more appropriate?
I guess when a ten year old can hurl chairs across rooms you're not going to be ordering them to do anything much at all... ^_^;;
Congratulations on your promotion, Cube, bb! *squeals as he's swept off his feet*
He's approaching that LTW, I can feel it, in ma waters.
OMG! Sangiovese, you little sneak! I'd not noticed his homework piling up there and I was wondering how on earth is grades were going down when there were none around to be found... UNDER THE FAUX ORANGES, TOP MARKS, but now you gotta sit down and do three workbooks full of homework at once. How you like THEM apples oranges?
Odds on, he's gonna become a full time hustler or a criminal mastermind when he grows up, Y/Y?!
Poor Modena, she only wanted to make friends and all her kiddy animes made her think robots were lovely friendly constructs... Pity she had to choose THIS little robot who has a penchant for WORLD DOMINATIOOOOOONNNNN...! Or if not that then at least settling for some good old fashion cute little girl electrocution.
Everyone likes to see a crying child, right Jill Greenberg? Nothing like the smell of singed sugary and yet spicy fingers in the morning. :D
While Cube's at work, Valencia heads down town to make friends and influence people on his behalf. GOTTA HAVE MORE FRIENDS. MOAR FRIENDS = MOAR PROMOTION!
I love that its just randoms too. Oh hai random townies, lets back friends on the floor out the back of a clothing boutique. Even though you all probably work as nightfill at Woolies, this will completely enhance my husband's standing as a hard-hitting, critically thinking, unhingingly reputable photo journalist.
Yup.
OMG WHATEVER, TOWNIE. We don't like you either. So Nyerrrrrrr. Except for later on when I discovered he had elf ears, and suddenly I was all ARMAGAD GET IN MA LEGACY. Oh yeah, changeable as the wiiiiind and species biased.
I AM NOT ASHAMED!
I realised after a little while that Ginger would go missing most nights for a while and I'd not see her in the house. So one night I clickeded on her icon and... ARMAGAD!
She'd snuck off to a secluded part of the lot in order to quietly blow bubbles under the moonlight on her lonesome. ADORABLE!
AND THEN, FINALLY.. IT WAS TIME FOR TEENDOM..!!!!! Seven birthdays simultaneously? I gotta say, it can't really be done without it being a MASSIVE MESSY CANDLE AND ICING APOCALYPSE OF DOOOM..!
Who is blowing out candles when? Who stands about waiting for whom? WHO IS WATCHING WHO? WHO WATCHES THE WATCHERS!? WHO WATCHES THEIR WATCHES!? Why do they wait? Who has cued up items when? Growing pains and stretchmarks a plenty when you suddenly near double your size and then half your siblings wander off to eat cake while you await them to WITNESS YOUR HALLOWED ADVANCEMENT so you then are forced to apply an entire vat of paw-paw cream to your poor straining skin alone while your kith and kin face plant into cake slices.
Lives were lost, eyes were pierced, hats caught on fire. From cake and confection, no one was safe.
*moments silence*
See what I mean? Plus fear my BRAINCHILD of putting electric lights right on the waterfront so that they electrocute the world. Oh yeah, I has a smart.
(PS: Notice how it's the kid's birthdays and yet still, pre-occupation with Cube reigns supreme? It never ends, everyone in the whole world, loves them some Cube).
TIME FOR TEENAGEDOM MAKE-OVERY!!!!
In order of birth! Syrah! ADORABLY ADORABLE, Y/Y?! *has a love* She's definitely a good mix of her parents, subtle similarities from both. OM NOM.
Sangiovese. HELLO YOUR MOTHER'S SON! *cracks up* I just want to come up and tweak that helicopter pad of a nose. *delighted* Also, he's so delighted to do almost anything and everything. Check him out, making juice. OMG! FRUIT GOES IN THE JUICER?! HURRAH!!
Cinnabar. FREAKEN. DOWNRIGHT. HOT. I feel that you agree. You know, in ma waters. And another fabulous mix of his parents, that nose is a triumph of middling between V's broad schnoz of adorability and his father's more structured proboscis.
Ginger Kohler-Wielle. Very similar looking to Syrah, nerdy bookworm who still manages to pull the world with her sassy, take no prisoners personality. Also, bloody hell she enjoys noogie-ing THE WHOLE WORLD. BAAH! No one is safe, not even the furniture.
Poppy! Poppy boppy bo moppy boppy mo moppy, POPPY! I have a thing for this kind of face apparently. She's SO like her mother, I LOVE her nose of huagness. I don't know why but its so cute on her face in conjunction with her other features. xD
Kermes. Yeah, so, he didn't get any more exciting, though I tried... Poor Kermes.
I did TRY to focus on him and make him more interesting, but seriously six out of seven ain't bad odds, you gotta agree?
And last, but VERY DEFINITELY not least: Modena! :D Similar to Ginger & Syrah, thinnest nosebridge I think of them all (and winner of scariest wrist rotation O_O SOMEONE SUMMON AN OLD PRIEST AND A NEW PRIEST, who KNOWS what could happen if that hand managed to break free and become... IDLE?!?! *gasp*), Modena is freakenly super cuteness personified.
Plus, I dunno what it is about her, but do we smell future travel show presenter!?
See? She's clearly excited by every single activity, no matter what it is and isn't afraid to try new things. She even went back to play with crazy world-dominating robot. SHE IS ALL-FORGIVING, YOU GUYS!
Modena: The carpets under my toes are awesome, the smell of this paint is awesome, creating whilst surrounded by my childhood home and my loving family? ITS ALL AWESOME!! *sparkles*
Okay maybe she's a little TOO easily pleased... ^_^;;
And also? A little scatty. Where is Modena here? She saw some butterflies and skipped off to frolic among them, CLEARLY, otherwise she would've shown up for the load screen family portrait. I mean if CARROTS can show, surely she could?
And its not like she's hiding in here, that big hair is kinda TOUGH TO MISS!
Valencia: Oh fiddlesticks. *forlorn*
Lawds, Valencia, delayed reaction is delayed much? You could be forgiven however, as this reaction could possibly be caused by the fact that THIS CRAB CAN MAGICALLY SPRAY CORNFLAKES AT ITS DIGIT AMPUTATIVE VICTIMS! O_O;;
QUICK SOMEONE MAKE A WISH TO BE POPE, HE'S CLEARLY A MAGICAL PRINCE IN CRUSTACEANIC DISGUISE!
Cube!Pope! He'd make a decree to let all his people has as many sexytimes as they desire, and yey, it shall be good.
I took this shot PURELY to show you the kind of insanity that goes on rather consistently in this house. TOO MUCH STUFF GOIGN ON IS TOO MUCH!
Also, I can't work out who Sangiovese thinks is crazy pants. Feels like a case of pot wiggling in the general direction of the kettle to me. There's so much going on here while he gestures emotively to a visiting thematically-dressed-townie that I just can't tell what he'd be gesticulating in reference to whilst he sinks his toes into the plush fur of faux-dead tiger...
Cube: Oh my, suddenly approaching this large leg of meat hanging from my cieling has made me realise that I have at some point in the recent past harnessed the power of ULTIMATE FITNESS. =|
Sangiovese: *bes proud*
Leg-Of-Mutton: *bes hangie*
Modena: So, I to have come to the conclusion that my family is loco... Please observe:
EVERYONE including random townies and kids the kids brought home from school? Totally and utterly preoccupied with thoughts of Cube. Alright so its hard NOT to think about a man of Cube's stature proffering up roast beef while in tightly cupping Speedos, but you can't tell me this is a random, one-off occurence.
I fear that Cube has realised Modena has drawn attention to it, and though I feel he would never harm nor endanger his flock, why is it that he looks so D:< in her general direction while his thoughts fill with her? WELL?!?! *stress*
INTERMISSION!!
And for our 'INTERMISSION!!' today? Three types of hot (and apparently broody) meat, as capture for simkittensims ..! I hope you enjoy this button popped, tie released, expansively packaged, steaming hot meat in triplicate! :D
Poppy does. And its kind of disturbing... Stick to your vegetarian meal, kay my girl?
PS: LOVE THAT SLEEPWEAR! Also I love that they autonomously choose to make this meal for breakfast over all the other 903482439 things I have installed and that are original. I dunno why but it makes me happy that they're all balanced diet action. xD
Ginger decided the focus was not on her enough, so she decided to get SO fit that she had a stroke. *massages the left side of her face in hopes to bring it back to life*
And then she rewarded me by going to noogie her most happy-go-lucky sibling... GREAT, Ginge, juuuuuuuust peachy. Or um... Tomato-ie? Jonathon Apple-ie? *struggles for red fruits on the same kind of level as a peach*
Syrah shall now show you how to properly enjoy simulated snowboard action: CRAZILY AND WITH EXPLOSIVE GUSTO..!
Surprisingly though, Carrots has chosen this room with a widly animated squealing girl to escape from the chaos of the rest of the house. Surely tells you how crazed it REALLY is, Y/Y?!
And then she toddled off to work with a spring in her step, and promptly got the sack. Its okay sweetie, in these hardened economic times I'm sure it wasn't you -- last one in is oftentimes the first one out when it comes to le guillotine du employment.
WHO KEEPS STORING IMPORTANT STUFF IN THE POT PLANTS?!?!
Okay I don't get this game. If it hurts, why volunteer to play it?! O_O;;
Turkey aka Death-To-Nett's exposed sphincter, no matter how perfectly cooked and prepared by ChefCube!™ is DISTURBING YOU GUYS!
Speaking of disturbing, what's up with Cube wandering into the bathroom to wash his hands while his youngest daughter is having a bath..? I understand there's modesty bubbles involved here, and he's got his back turned to her, and its nothing he didn't see when she was an infant... But sometimes I think this family is a little TOO close...
Uh.. Cube? Whut?
No, seriously. Whut? Just get a good old look why don't you...
*eye narrow*
THIS BETTER BE YOUR EYES CHECKING OUT THE CLAW-FOOTS INTEGRITY, CUBE. I'd hate to freak out about you turning into some kind of freakish 'keeping it in the family' kind of man.
I mean, he DID used to be in the hygene and sanitation services game. So it'd be alarming if he DIDN'T take this opportunity to quickly double check that the bathroom fixtures were doing their upmost to support and properly be of a caring tool to his children, right?
*benefit of the doubt*
Yeah, Sangiovese, I'm just gonna scrub that entire incident from my brain, too...
Kermes: Oh I'm SO proud of you brother! *moves in for hug*
Sangiovese: OMG KERMES DON'T TOUCH ME THE BORING MIGHT RUB OFF!! AUGH!!!!!!!!! *shove*
Valencia: *Trying to work out who this long-haired, optically assisted child is*
YAY DELIGHTED LOVE, Valencia and Cube elated in bed together. Okay, its like a reset, the NATURAL BALANCE RESTORED!
Poppy, I love you, you're freakishly adorable. But, um...
That's a plate.
And now, it is time for a jaunty concerto (can concertos BE jaunty?) accompanied by interpretive dance!
Modena: *jams a concerto medley with a contemporary beat except for where she's on a piano and so there's no beat so just pretend I can remember shit from the seven years or so I studied musics, k?*
Sangiovese: *simulates the happy worker, hi-ho-hi-ho-ing to his stimulating works*
THIS IS NOT SANGIOVESE FALLING OVER!! NO! He has done this on purpose! He's illustrating the perilous struggle of even the most optimistic of the now unworking workforce as they are forced from their jobs due to the ever shrinking belt-tightening of a struggling employment environment. NEXT! They shall resort to waist training and corsetry in order to cut costs and stay afloat, using organ-displaced mermaids as their idyllic idolised ideal..!
OH THE TENOR! THE SIGNIFICANCE!
Sangiovese: Uh, waist training? Organ displacement..? I'm... Just gonna... Not and say I did, k? *moves his hands in a mysoginist hour-glass manner, then runs off to hide from any of his sisters that have decided to become militant feminists*
Carrots: Just so you know, I'm still here. Bein' orange. And furry. LOOK AT MY PAWS!
Cinnabar: THE HEAT, IT BUUUUURNS..! MY FACE, MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!!
Carrots: OUTTA MA WAY, NOOB!!
Calcifer: I LIVE AGAIIIIIN!!! *licks wall tiles*
Hey, check it out, alliterative speaking characters! :D
Poor Cinnabar, he's so terrified by the re-appearance of the flame demon that his mouth has turned into a dapper bow-tie. STYLISH!
Uh, so, I thought I was done worrying about how incredibly close this family is..? Didn't I scrub something like this from my mind preiviously? I did, right?
I mean I kind of get this if the curtains on the shower are closable and such but... Uh?
SCARILY CLOSE SIBLINGS ARE SCARILY CLOSE!
RILLY RILLY CLOSE O_O;;
Good morning, Poppy! Is this what you look like first thing in the morning, without your face on? The puffy morning face is still adorable. I'm sorry, but it is! xD
Hoa! This is Valencia, without her makeup... But with her new eyeballs from my emotive set! :D :D YAY!! I went through and diligently replaced EVERY SINGLE PERSON in the whole neighbourhood with a selection of the new eyes in SimPE. HUAG task was HUAG, but weirdly it stripped the entire house of their makeups...
And when I sent Valencia to the mirror to get her makeups back and to give her a little stylish-older-mother makeover, she lost the delicious orange replacements and suddenly her eyes were set to my aliend defaults. WTH?!
Uh.. Um... SHE'S JUST TRYING SOMETHING NEW OUT WITH CONTACTS, OKAY?!
Cube still approves of his delicious wife, and that's the main thing. Y/Y?!
He pretty much approved of his wife's new 'experimental' look all over the house...
So since Kermes was just languishing about being boringsauce, I figured I'd give him something to do in the form of painting an heir portrait for Valencia... Syrah obligingly decided to cameo in this screenshot as a captivating couch cavortationer to up the interesting quotient of the shot.
Kermes: *studiously paints a retrospective of his mother*
Syrah: ♫ My loony bun is fine Benny Lava! Minor bun engine made Benny Lava! I told a high school girl... I love you inside me! I'd love to see you pee on us tonight! OOOOOOoooOOOOooOOoOOoOoOooOoooooooooh..! ♫
WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT YOU GUYS BEING UNNATURALLY CLOSE!?
Kermes: You're singing of obscure southern indian dialects is akin to a nightingale, dear sister! *moves in for a hug*
Modena: Yeah no, Kermes, seriously, don't touch me... Sangiovese warned me about you. *eye twitch*
WOOT! Sanity remains :D
Sangiovese: OH MY! MY GRADES ARE FABULOUS *shifty eyes*
Me: Lawds, yes, people ARE looking. *can't help but be amused and endeared*
Dammit. xD
Poppy: HEY I GOT FIRED EVERYONE WOOOOOOOOOOO YEAAAH!!! *rejoices*
Me: DAMN YOU, CHANCE CARDS!!! BLAAAH! Poppy, bb, I'm sorry I picked the wrong option for you but, uh, wrong emotion to the-- wel wait. If you hated that job and just wanted out, that WOULD be a correct emotion... CARRY ON!
Kermes: *is slowly becoming incorporeal/less than concrete/flimsy due to his rather dully insipid existence*
So diaphonous in fact that Poppy's arm goes right through him during her dance of un-employment joy and he doesn't seem to notice.
Kermes: Hey I'm just happy to be here.
Me: Awwwww ;_;
And now I leave you with this pearl of horror: NUUUU CUBE IS SICK!!!!
*cry*
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PS: YES THREE MORE UPDATES AND I'M UP TO WHERE I'VE PLAYED TO! :D I SHALL GET ON TOP OF THIS. I SHALL!!!