Cullen The Herd 1.6
CAUTION: 60 images for 3mbs or somewhere in that ballpark, the usual crazed tangental rambling, recaps of INSANE STUFF THAT MADE MY JAW DROP AND SHAKE MY LAPTOP SCREEN IN A PANIC LIKE WHOA..!
Fishing in pajamas is an ill-advised past time. Don't do it at home, k? This community awareness announcement was brought to you by the letters "C," "H" and the colour Argyle.
I don't care what you say. ARGYLE IS NOW A COLOUR!
OH ALSO!! A RETRACTION!! Last Cullens I totes said Abi Cullen was a character of baykinz 's contrivance. WELL I WAS WRONG!! Theresaface's character was named ~*Molly.Swan*~ Abi Cullen was the name of her compatriats. OKAY THAT'S OUT OF THE WAY, LETS GO..!
SO!! Where were we? Oh yes! When we left you all, lauriethemuppet was nomming on the old lady bloods of Bathory...
Laurie: OM NOM NOOOM!! What an excellent vintage, TASTES LIKE LAVENDER!! With a subtle undertone of talculm powder and... What's that!? *gasp* Lawn clippings? What a triumph!
Me: Uh.. I hope you swallowed there, Laurie.. Be kind of a waste if you spat... LIFE giving oxygenating bloods and all. THERE ARE NO SPITTING TUREENS IN THE CULLENS!!!! They can't afford them... ^_^;;
YES!!! SKIN OF A KILLER ATTAINED..!! In the true sense of the word: FIERCE!!
Not only that, but we can afford a coffin! OUTRAGEOUS EXPENSE! HUAG LUXURY AQUIRED! *boogies*
So I went looking through my chat transcripts to post a conversation about Bathory's questionable sleep wear here because I was SURE I had a perfect memory about whether or not Bathory should have these so-pink-they-may-as-well-have-hello-kitties-on-them old lady pajamas or if I should go out and buy her something more vampire thematic...
And I couldn't find it anywhere. I thought Adiums chat transcript search function had failed me and I dwelled in shadow because usually it is THE SHIZNITS.
And then I realised, I must've had the conversation with moonlapse IN. REAL. LIFE.
*headdesk*
WHOA, Hey Abi? That's... That's a lot of pee for one tiny little creature. Do you keep your bladder off-site or something?
Deacon walks with a swagger in his step, apparently poverty is THAT COOL.
Deacon: Those that primp shall inherit the world.
Me: I thought that quote was about the meek and lambs and shit?
Deacon: Yeah? 'And the Lion fell in love with the Lamb,'** got married and hey presto! INHERITANCE!!! *knuckledust*
Me: YOUR LOGIC IS IRREFUTABLE!! *bows down*
*whisperwhisper* So, like, did you hear? Mum's a VAMPIRE! What a lamer. *gigglegiggle* Uh, guys? Ultimately you'll BOTH be vampires. WTH you gossiping about this for!?
So I got a little... Vampire happy at this poing, so sent Bathory out on the town to crazily convert some sims, in the hopes that they'll go out and convert other sims... I didn't install the hack that means I can have like 90% of the hood be vamps or anything. Nopes! *whistles*
First things first:
Bathory: DALE! (simsforaranya) MY LOVE! Live young and fresh with me forever, BB!
Dale: *is dazzled and willingly submits*
SUP THERE KNOX STARLING!??!?! (simkittensims)
*does a dance of much-wanted future sperm donor sightage*
ALSO! He's completely wearing Aikea's AL-extracted motorbike jacket, but moonlapse caught sight of it and was all WTF IS HE WEARING A STAR TREK UNIFORM!?! And I thought he was on crack and told him god dude its a MOTORBIKE JACKET *zoom in* but now he thinks all I did was provide him with even more proof that it totes is.
So great?
Poll
Coming to a theatre near you: EDWARD CULLEN (lauriethemuppet) in THE BLAIR WITCH VIII.
"In January of 2009, one elderly vampire wandered into a second hand shop near Povertytown, Simcity, while shooting a documentary being the figurehead of an alleged docudrama...Two months later that footage was finally freaken posted on livejournal."
Oh ps? DALE IS VAMPYYYYRRRRRRR!! :D :D
Dale Forest: *eye twitch*
Dale Forest: *finger conniption*
Dale Forest: *Spontaneous DIY Dental Work*
As my conversion spree hits full stride, SUP choose?!
Muu: BLEH BLEEEEH!! I AM NO LONGER BLACK! *RAWR!!*
Me: Yeah I did wonder about that, I thought the vampire default I had was semi-transparent. OH WELL, NOW YOU ~*~SPARKLE~*~! And you're now designed to DRAW PEOPLE IIINNNNNN, so you can catch any old mans. So sayeth Stephanie Meyer!! :D
Deacon: ♫I've got a feeling, a feeling deep inside. Oh yeah, Oh yeah..!♫
Me: That's... Right?
Deacon: OH YEAH DON'T STOP ME IF YOU KNOW IT, BABY! ♫I've got a feeling, a feeling I can't hide♫
Me: Oh no. no. Oh no! This means you'll be leaving soon! *cries*
*gratuitously rips off the Beatles* Hey, could've been worse, I was toying with Cliff Richard & The Shadows, or I could've turned to George Strait. Oh yeah, I could've gone there. Country music. The music of pain.
POP!! DEACON IS A MANS!!! A really... slobby mans apparently O_O;;
Deacons all grown up, and you can guess what that means... TIME TO CONVERT HIM UP AND SHIP HIM OUT!
*is equal parts excited and sads*
Bathory: Look into my eyes son, don't you see the pretty colours? Would you like to see the phosphorescence?
Deacon: OoOOoOoh..! So pretty, and sparkly.. Oh the dazzling colours..!
Miyu: *Ignores family shenanigans and shirks her homework in favour of reading a novel*
Me: Honey? You.. Gonna pay attention to whats going on? Your brother's kinda about to become a creature of the night and uh--
Miyu: What? Huh? What? Is dinner ready?
Me: No, um, what are you reading?
Miyu: Oh its this book some chick at school said was like this other book about this family with the same last name as me. She said its got actual 12s in it that, like, fart arse around having sexy times while talking with extraneous verbs and shit and then kill themselves instead of running off together like not-idiots. Unlike the book that's about the people with the same name as my family. They're just 12. Except for where one of them is like a hundred or some shit IDEK.
Okay, I was really excited about having a vampire finally in the family so I could have a handy auto converter... But. Um. This is kinda... WRONG. O_O;;
N'Awwwww What a cutie!
Bathory: My little baby's all grown up! *teary eyed* *bottom lip wibble*
Deacon: Heh. I'm all old except not and a vampire and still freaken poor and I'm just gonna lie down here for a second, just a second, nothing to worry about *panicked grin*
*sigh* No university = failsauce. MANG I so need to find me a no-aspiration-fail-sans-uni hack or some shit. This is gonna get OLD, and fast.
Although, if everyone's epic fail faces are as epic as Deacons...
*strokes figuratively imaginary beard*
Time passes, Deacon moves out, the garden, it grows ever bigger... SOON IT SHALL FIGHT FOR SPACE ON THE LOT WITH THE FOREST SLOWLY GROWING THARRRRRRRRRR..!
Although the forest's growth has kinda stunted a bit, no one's dug for treasure or gotten a promotion or anything for AGES. DISSAPOINTING! I want the forest to take over and become evil due to someone finding an old dusty reprint of the necronomicon so that it rapes everybody and then I can have half-human, half-plant babies! YAY!
Or. I could just get a plant sim. Either.
Speaking of baykinz, like I was like, 20 images ago, LOOK SHE IS HERE!! AND SHE IS SO PRETTIES!! *adores*
(PS: SUP Male version of simkittensims, Charles..! :D
Theresa, she is here! And she is bored.
AND SHE IS ALSO A MANS!! A HOT mans I should say! *wantwantimpregnationtoCullens*
GODDAMMIT, I swear to all that's holy this whole hood is suffering from an acute case of Blair Witch-Itis. LUX ALEXANDER?! (baykinz ), CHARLES?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Is the wallpaper SO fascinating? Long-haired townie I can forgive, she was just generated for backfill and padding, but YOU TWO WERE DESIGNED WITH A PURPOSE.
Jesus, its not Blair Witch-itis is it? Its the Happening. Its, er, happening, Isn't it? Only unlike the movie not one of these townies started walking backwards and then lying down in front of ride-on mowers. After doing this, nothing really happened.
JUST LIKE THE MOVIE >_>;;
Bathory: OH GOD THE SHADE..!! IT BURNS..!
*headdesk* Seriously if plantsims don't get any sunlight need out of sitting in the shade, Vampires shouldn't burn in it, since clearly they're not in the sun. BLAAAH!
Or, uh, BLEH! As the case may be.
HOLY SHIT WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?!? ABI?! IS THAT YOU!?
I.. I WANT TO SAY KILL IT. WITH FIRE. O_O;;;;;;;;;;
I mean look at this. How does this neck even work?! EXPLAIN THIS TO ME. USING SIMPLE WORDS. AND BIOLOGY.
Lawds, I guess she has to stay, freakish unnatural neck and all. Within minutes of transitioning from puppydom she knocked over the rubbish bin, ate garbage and then vomited it up on the property. The classiness of the Cullens, its UNSTOPPABLE!
Still, she's freaking me the FUCK out. O_O;;;
Abi Cullen: OH HAI!
Abi Cullen's tongue: OH HAI *molests Miyu's bicep*
WHICH MAKES THAT TONGUE ABOUT A FOOT LONG AND SHAPED LIKE A TRUNCHEON. Which I guess would make her a really good lesbian, you know, if I was gonna stoop to mentioning that kind of cliche.
Bathory was pretty DAMN hungry from all that exposure to the shade, but handily Miyu brought that pool-cleaning/mail-and/or-pizza-delivering/pop-song-singing-policeman teenager home from school with her. DELICIOUS SNACKY CAKES !
NEWSFLASH: Miyu is FREAKEN EVIL! O_O;;; That ain't run of the mill glee she's experiencing there in the cold and dark in her swimsuit. That there is diabolical glee.
*hides the matches*
Even though there's a smoke plume coming from the chimney when there's no fire burning in their 44GallonDrum Stove... I noticed that later actually. IDK if its a bug or what but it always smokes. PHANTOM SMOKING. And really, Phantom, I thought you were a better example for the kids than that. What with your being a friend to the animals (or wolves) and your freakish ability to pull off purple spandex bodysuits without looking like a stranger dangerish child interferer.
The Leader of the Pack wandered onto the lot and I idly wondered if your dogs could breed with him... TURNS OUT YOU CAN! I saw the option in the pie menu and clicked "HELL YES" and consequently managed to get this screenshot that's clearly FRAUGHT WITH SYMBOLISM!
Things going into dark other things, nubile young women throwing darts and getting a bullseye, the erect poles for the polebeans all standing to attention, the crashing surf... MY GOD! COULD YOU GET ANY MORE CLEAR ABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!
Its the love shack baaaaaaabeeeeeeeeeee..!
Abi Cullen: *waits patiently for sexy times*
Leader of the Pack: *checks out Abi's quivering rump and its pleased*
Pay close attention, Miyu, for when you're gonna need to do this. You're an adult super soon, so its gonna be required and STAT!
Bathory: Teeheeheee, beastiality.
Lighthouse: *bes all symbolically emphasising*
Fireworks-off-camera: *sets the house on fire and singes the grassy surrounds*
Baby-jingle: *IS HEARD!!!*
RESULT!
And check it out, Abi didn't even need to be friends with the LotP to partake of one-night-stand inducing babyshake.
CHECK IT! Its Kirby Brilliant..! (brilliantcat's selfsim in MANFORM).
Kirby: I LIKE THIS FOOTPATH! *elated*
The house grows, FINALLY!
Also, PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE LOVE HEART RANDOMLY FLOATING ABOVE THE HOUSE >_>;; I turn off friendship decay, because it gives me the shits that you don't talk to someone for ONE DAY and they're all OMG WE ARE NO LONGER FRIENDS, WE'RE DRIFTING APART. What the HELL is that?! I realised on sim day is equivalent to one human year, but its still also only one day. And so, FRIENDSHIP DECAY THE WAY ITS SET UP IS DUMB!! Hence, that shit is off.
LOOK!! Indoor kitchen is HAX!!
So Bathory had been fishing all night long, and at 6am I X-ed the fishing action from her queue and told her to go to sleep in pajamas in her coffin so she'd be asleep safely tucked up in her wooden overcoat by the time the sun rose.
Well, she certainly stopped fishing. And she certainly changed into her pajamas. But then she decided to ignore me completely and walk out onto the beach...
I screamed GO TO BED! And told her so in her queue, but she amicably said: "NURRRRRR..!" and beamed merrily as she mosied on down to the sand... All the time I'm panicking and clicking madly on her coffin to send her to bed and screaming audibly at moonlapse that she's going to get herself killed...
Cause apparently, she wanted to sunbake instead. She'd even co-ordinated her beach towel to match her bathing suit.
Bathory: Never forget to Slip Slop Slap, kids!
Although these days you also have to "Seek and Slide" apparently. TWO IMPORTANT THINGS BATHORY CLEARLY FORGOT TO DO. Cause if she was seeking the shade she'd've GOTTEN THE HELL OUT OF THE BURNING MORNING SUN >_>;;
Bathory: Oh yes, you can never be too careful when applying sunscreen, you should always take your time and make sure you don't miss any spots. Who knows what that little patch of burnt skin could mean for your future!
Me: THE LITTLE PATCH!?!? WOMAN YOU'RE LITERALLY FULL-BODY CRISPING AS WE SPEAK! *flails so hard*
With a huge grin of self-assured pleasure with the task at hand, Bathory got comfy on her plushy towel, meanwhile her needs were PLUMMETING through the floor.
And she began concentrating on working on her tan. DO YOU SEE HER QUEUE UP THERE?! DO YOU SEE IT!?!?
At this point Greg was plaintively asking me if I was going to attempt to save her, and I was screaming back at him with bugged eyeballs that I had already done all I could do, and she was completely ignoring me. With white-knuckles I gripped onto the laptop screen and pleaded with this clearly senile pile of pixels to get the HELL back into the house and refrain from turning to a pile of ash (and dowelling).
And yet she continued to ignore my pleas, and continued on with her death wish.
BATHORY GET UP YOU'RE GOING TO DIE. *flails violently*
FREAKEN. FINALLY.
Oh but does she run back? Does she speed walk? Would she be a contender in the walking marathon at the Olympics?! NO! ITS APPARENTLY TIME FOR A CASUAL STROLL! A LEISURLY PERAMBULATION, A PROMENADE IF YOU WILL >_<;;;
And then, MIRACLE of ALL miracles, she MADE IT back to her coffin alive! O_O;;;
I seriously, did NOT believe it. WHO SURVIVES THIS!? Everything that you need to live has bottomed out, but oh I love my new open-plan kitchen and I recently spoke with my loving daughter, ITS ALL I NEED TO HARNESS FLAME RETARDATION?
Oh, REALLY? *headdesk*
THANKS FOR REMOVING VALUABLE YEARS OFF OF MY LIFE, BATHORY! >_<;; Not EVERYONE can enjoy eternal life in order to endanger it wildly like that.
*takes ten minutes to breathe*
Speaking of life endangerment... Abi formed a preoccupation with rolling about in puddles in the rain. Cause, you know, hypothermia is HIGHLY recommended for healthy puppy growth. TOTES! Its in all the manuals. >_>;;
Miyu: GOD WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS FAMILY!? Last time I checked it wasn't an ISBI!?
A question for the ages, Miyu. A question for the ages.
Oh wow, how you doing, green alien acne?
Night fell, and Bathory awoke with a thunderous rumbling in her belly...
And so I had Miyu ring up her boyfriend, Persimmon Drop (brilliantcat), and he decided to bring a friend (lauriethemuppet's selfsim in manform, Hector)... SUP BREAKFAST!??! :D :D
Miyu walked out to greet them both, but Persimmon seemed to already know why he was here: To let Bathory get a little sample of her future son-in-law :D
Bathory: FABULOUS drop of red. Subtle hints of cinnamon, saffron and citrus, with clear tumeric notes and... Was that a suggestion of ochre? I APPROVE!
His job of impressing his mother-in-law over, Persimmon goes to spend some quality time with his girlfriend... HECTOR DOES NOT APPROVE OF THIS JAILBAITING!!
And so even after Persimmon went home with nary a peck on the cheek from Miyu, Hector stayed until dawn to chaperone, whilst images of her much more liberal, vampirically speaking, brother flitted through the teen's dreams...
PHEW!!
--
** OH SHIT! *dies forever* I was telling simkittensims & javabean_dreams in chat that I'd managed to get in a Lion+Lamb reference and I was BOOYAH-ing. When Steffi pointed out that I'd written Lion+LAME. *dies forever* And I checked and I'd written it in BOTH chats. Now don't MY true colours show..? xD