Cullen The Herd 2.1
CAUTION: 60 images for a three megabyte download. You know, like usual. Commentary written under duress, and brain pain. SO WHO KNOWS WHAT THE HECK IS GONNA BE TYPED HURRRRRRRR.... *afeared*
We shall open this lovely little foray into the world of the Cullens with thus:
Bathory + Skunk. A Romance.
Bathory: OH AN ADORABLE LITTLE WOODLAND CREATURE! Hello small creature of the night, and possibly day, but I know little of your kin. Please sit with me a while and regail me with tales of your people, small furried friend..!
Skunk: Why I thankyou kindly, oh denizen of the night. Your gracioius welcome gladdens my heart for my kind are often approached with fear and apprehension. Let us share a traditional greeting of my people. Lean in now for I am small and thou art lofty.
Bathory: I feel we have yet already met with an accord, our rapport is so strong I feel you should be embraced into our family fold. I shall proclaim my regard for you from the rooftops, cradle your good self to mine breast, and dub thee George?
Skunk: *squirt*
Bathory: ALAS!! WHERE DID IT GO SO WRONG?! *weeps*
So just in case you thought Abi Cullen's continual disturbing state of biological impossibility had worn off.
It hasn't.
BUT THE IMPOSSIBLE PROGENY OF BESTIALITY ARE NOW TO BE BORN! THEY SHALL DEFLECT FROM THE NEMESIS OF REASON, THE LEVIATHAN HORROR THAT IS ABI!
And you know, THREE puppies. Cause this isn't a poverty or anything >_>;;
DAMN YOUR VIRILE SEED, LEADER OF THE PACK, SPOT!
Ah, Abi proves that she is indeed a true Cullen.
AND SPARKLE BABIES PROVE IT IN BIRTH! Two girls and a boy: Velkan, Anna & Valerie. After Anna & Velkan Valerious from Van Helsing. xD
EeeEEee! Look at these little bundles of fuzz! So much adorability! Who can tell what they shall grow into, however. *anxiety*
I... I can't tell if Abi has love or hate for Ganesh. Is she smiling here and begging for attention? Is she ready to rip his leg off?! WHO CAN TELL!?!??!?!
Bathory, As much as I appreciate how AWESOME you look, and thankyou for the opportunity to share my amazement at you actually being able to pull off that huagnormous underwear set... Why are you up? It's the middle of the day...
Oh, because Man!dragancaor is calling you? And you're powerless to not take the call?
Red? YOU'RE AN ATTEMPTED MURDERER!!
Miyu: OH LAWDS MY POOR TEMPLES, WHAT IS THIS FEELING?! MY CAPILIARIES! MY FRAGILE BRAINS!!!!
Miyu: OH! Armagads! Adulthood!
Witness the toned down and yet still strongly recognisable Bathory Nose! :D
... And then the obligatory lack of college weeping. I suppose I could've possibly eased that by NOT purchasing a school-style locker to keep their meagre clothing in. But honestly, with her childhood you'd think she would've htfu by now, no?
Adult makeover times :D I'd been hanging out to use that hat, and since it wasn't possible in the Kohler-Wielles (Brown Gen? Um... That's in like 8 gens time ^_^;;;;) VOILA!
Although, I shoulda rethought this a bit... That long arse hair kinds drags out her long-arse chin to BLAAAZES. Blazing, holocaust-style conflaguration blazes.
Awww Bathory, thou art no longer the holder of the heir torch.
It has been passed.
To Roger Ramjet.
Or possibly The Tick...
Why must you turn me into a quality challenged record, Edward (lauriethemuppet)? NO. Miyu is NOT available. And NEITHER are you. Please to be ceasing waking Bathory in the middle of the day so she burns up in the comfort of her own home, k?
Persimmon: (brilliantcat) OH HOLY CHRIST MY GIRLFRIEND IS NAKED!!!!!! MY VIRGIN EYES!
Persimmon: Hey hey hey, I could get used to this. *butt grope*
Okay now I'm not sure if he's just loving the sight of her full-backal nakedness or if he's amazed she can shower whilst still wearing that cloche... Maybe this is all part of Miyu's foreplay strategy?
A) Invite your mans over.
B) Conveniently locate your bathroom immeadiately behind the front door
C) Be advantageously naked and dripping when he arrives.
D) Dazzle him with both your state of undress and your fashionable and yet astoundingly waterproof head wear.
THEN You're ready for seduction!
Miyu: First kiss me, my lover. *claws at face*
Picturesque, Y/Y?!?!
OH ITS SO ROMANTICAL! The epic titanicness of it all, soft lighting, the music video blend. Oh my, I am moved to emotional facial leakage, aren't you!?
Lawds where's Steve Buscemi and his little girl hat when you need him?
With that formality out of the way. TIME FOR MIYU'S FEET TO CONTORT IN IMPOSSIBLY TRAUMATIC WAYS BABIES!
Wow, this looks seriously complex, especially for both their first times. O_O;;
You guessed it, The Cullen fertility lives on. WE HAVE IMPREGNATION!
Miyu: Oh my. I feel.. Translated... *amazed and mystified*
Persimmon: *makes friends witht he family canine matriarch in preperation for his moving into the Legacy*
Me: Uh... Yeah, Persimmon? About that...
And I'm serious about that translated line. I read it in a rather... Interesting romance novel when I was 17 and its stayed with me as one of the most hilarious lines I've ever had the dubious pleasure of reading. That and the one about some cow farmers having sex on a rough-hewn breakfast bar and the wandering cowboy spreading her 'petals.'
I'm not sure I've ever really recovered from that last novelistic encounter. *shudder*
WAIT WAIT WAIT. What is this!? Burning smoke in the middle of the night? Bathory's pretty damn impressive, I think we can all agree, but honestly? Burning up at night? Surely even that level of fail is beyond our founder's reach?
EEE CHIPMUNK CHEEKS!
*gasps* WE HAVE PLANTSIMIANISM! Simultaneously with vampirism. OH THE MULTIPLES! Who loves how the skins don't play nice with each other even though I have every creature fix hack under the sun? You? You? You in the back? Yeah I thought so. *eyenarrow*
OMG I HAVE MONEY AND IT IS EXCELLENT, BUT THE SUN AUUUUUGH! IT BURNS ME! MY POOR WILTING FOLIAGE..!
Bathory: Oh, it's actually not so bad! WATCH ME, I'M BURNING UP..! LOOKOUT!
*strongly refrains from making a Jonas Brothers reference*
OKAY SO I JUST REALISED I WAS GOING TO GO MAKE ME AND MY MANS A CUP OF TEA (well two cups of tea, I'm not THAT poor that we have to share a cup, k? We're feeling all stimulated by Kevin's timely package :D). SO! HOLD PLEASE!
*goes to make a cup*
Here, watch this excerpt from last night's Gruen Transfer while you wait:
Click to viewKK! We're all enlightened and filled with classic australiana? Good? Yes?
LETS PRESS ON!
Miyu: Oh maaaaan my poor guts. I'm gonna ignore all posibilities of parasites, stomach migranes and other gastro-intestinal upsets and assume.. That I'm pregnant?! O_O;;
Bathory: HALP HALP, I NEED THE WATERS! THE CONDENSATIONS! Rains? A sprinkler? A pool? Droplets of dew trapped on Philodendron leaves? Yam juice squished by the hand of a questionably decapitated albeit short-lived seer?! Anyone? Dust?
Nope sorry, three quarters of an hour outside and poor Plant!Vamp Bathory is reduced to straddlin' the roses.
Miyu: N'Awwww, I shall water ye with this convenient watering can I magicked from thing air, my silly senile mother.
It wasn't just so she could get high off of her Mum or anything. Surely not. It was a completely selfless act. Totes.
Miyu: MmMMmmmm, your flavour... So outrageous, Motherrrrrr.... *drools*
HOLY SHIT. HALT THE PRESSES. NO SERIOUSLY. HALT THEM NOW!. I DON'T WANT TO SEE EVEN A DROP OF INK ON THOSE PUPPIES.
Someone. In this house. Is washing. A dish.
Miyu? You've actually been boring me to tears and I can't wait for you to pop out some girl-chillens so I can move you the hell out so you stop annoying me. But right now? In this moment of moments? I love you.
Let this be a lesson to all future Cullens. Flatware does NOT go in the rubbish bin.
Miyu: *is downtown* Oh hello brother, I have not seen you in an age. Let us kiss in the traditional greeting of siblings.
Deacon: *kisses his sister AWFULLY affectionately*
Me: INCEST! It is not best you guys! Except for when its fictional. Then its pretty cool. Especially between twins. And stuff. You know. Just sayin'.
>_>
^_^;;
Anyway...
THE PUPPIES THAT YOU FORGOT WE HAD HAVE GROWN TO ADULTS!
This is Velkan. (Or its Possibly Valerie. But since Velkan was born first, and this is the puppy who fursploded first, I'm going with this being a boy. K?)
Anna! The inexplicable! A coat that's all short, shiny and not like either of her parents, and she's I swear to all that's holy - and lets face it, that's a hell of a lot of stuff to swear too - she's about twice the size of her Leader of the Pack father, Spot. HOW DO YOU EXIST, ANNA?! But thank all those aforementioned gods and other deities you do cause, um, well:
This is Valerie. WHAT'S WITH THE BIOLOGICALLY DEFIANT HOUND ACTION?!
Valerie is clearly a romance!dog. Check out her strut. *applauds*
I am sorry, the commentator of this legacy has suffered from exposure to a critical mass of innuendo due to this screenshot. And consequently has exploded.
Lawds those long beans just HAD to be purple when they're at their most deliciously tasty state, didn't they?
Ah! In spite of Miyu's unending insipidness, I can take comfort in the fact that that classy Cullen gene, it lives on in her to be passed down to the next generation.
Aaaaah. The refreshing schweppervescence! :D
GO GO BATHORY! Infuse Miyu's womb with your grandmotherly vibrations of awesome. Cause lawds knows it needs it. *fingers crossed Persimmon's clear and present majesty mingles with Bathory's genes, by-passing Miyu's in some kind of concoction of genetic august magnificence*
Bathory: Peekaboo, distended belleh!
HAWLEEE SHEEEEYIIIIT!! This is what the butler belly saw! O_o;;; She's adorable and yet WHOLLY TERRIFYING. This kids gonna be too scared to be boring, with a grandmother flashing incisors worthy of long-extinct megafauna about.
AND... END MA GRANDMOTHERLY SPAMS!
Whoa whoa! Which houndly resident is disturbing the serenity?!
HA! Take that Valerie, you got your arse handed to you. BY YOUR MUM!
Okay at this point I'm just spamming pictures of Bathory because I love her, I've never had a plant-sim before, let alone a plant+vampire sim, and also did I mention that I love her!?
I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE IT NOTED ON RECORD THAT THIS PLAQUE IS A LIAR! ITS PANTS, IF IT IN FACT WEARS ANY, ARE IN NO WAY FLAME RETARDANT.
First born of the multiple birth, A GIRL! HEIR SUCCESS! Her name? Carmilla :D Cause who DOESN'T love vampire lesbians?
You know what else is extreme success? NATURALLY BORN TOPAZ BUTTERSCOTCH EYEBALLEN. NATURALLY. CULLEN RESULT!
Miyu: OMG, I already gave birth, there's more?!?! *extreme shock*
Carmilla: YAY SIBLINGS!
Bathory: *is wondering if this over yet, as she has important news to share with the tomatoes*
AsYetUnbornFoetus: I FEEL THE LOVE ALREADY, CLEARLY >_>;;
Baby two! And he has his dad's skin, and his mother's alien eyeballs! WOOO Normal skinned sims with alien eyes = WIN! Unfortunately, as you can tell from my liberal use of the word 'his' he is in fact a boy. Knight, after Detective Nick Knight, from Forever Knight. I'm sorry I couldn't resist, plus that show was so epically lame that it was almost awesome. Almost.
Knight's rockin' those pink llama pjs, y/y?
And finally, Bishop! Yus, another males. I am sad. So many awesome potentials for heirs, disqualified due to masculinity. *sighs*
Anyways, Bishop is named after a character played by the actor-who-formally-played-Nicolase-Nickleby in a really really RIDICULOUSLY sub-par vampire movie featuring a super cute Lucy Lui, Rise.
Terrifyingly bad surely-straight-to-video movie that was totes set up to spawn a franchise was terrifyingly bad and surely sent straight to video.
But Lucy Liu was naked randomly, and she had great hair. So that makes up for every one of that film's crimes against humanity, amirite?! :D
Wow, having seconds ago given birth... Those are some freakenly awesome maternally-centric wants you got there, Miyu. ^_^;;
ARMAGAD! WE'RE AT THE END OF THIS UPDATE! GENERATION TWO HAS TAKEN OVER, GENERATION THREE IS IN THE HIZZZZ-OOoOOOOooOOWSE! Who would've thought?! *boogies on down*
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