The Kohler-Wielle Legacy 3.0: Its university as you've never seen it before!
Holy pink turtles, what is this? A Kohler Wielle update? No way, it can't be. But wait, it is. And it's not just any Kohler Wielle update...it's a Kohler Wielle update guest written by me, simkittensims!!
bondchick_nett came to me other day mildly stressed up because she was so far behind on updates and felt like she couldn't play until she caught up. So I was like...OMG!! I WILL WRITE THE NEXT KOHLER WIELLE UPDATE FOR YOU. And she was all...OMG YOU SHOULD TOTALLY DO THAT!!! And I was like...LETS DO IT WOMAN!!! And so here it is.
In this update we will follow the red generation heir, Syrah, to college and see what kind of crazy shenanigans she gets up to. I took the liberty of peeking at the pictures already and let me tell you there are some ca-razy shenanigans ahead. So put on your shenanigan saftey hat (imagine a pink polka-dotted yellow hard hat with tassles and confetti all over it) and jump in!
See what I mean? It's the first day and already Syrah is getting stalked by a naked streaker who chooses to use heart-shaped pasties to hide her naughty girly bits. Syrah, I would recommend staring straight ahead and not turning around. I am not sure if your beautiful virgin eyes would be able to handle the sight behind you.
Seriously? Seriously? You are barely an adult and you already want babies? The baby wanting gene, it is strong in this one, I sense. Valencia's daughter through and through.
(Nett's notes: ARMAGAD HAWLEE SHEEEEEYEEET! Syrah wouldn't stop thinking about having babies or adopting babies her entire uni career. Like woman, you're a pleasure sim, PLEASURE! Not Family like your mother. LAAAWWWWDS!!)
And what do we have here? I barely even recognize her. Syrah goes from a fashion challenged little girl to a downright sexy young woman in mere moments. I approve, I approve. And from what I hear, so does moonlapse. Am I right, bondchick_nett??
(Nett's notes: BWAHHAA! I sent her downtown for some new clothes and a haircut or two, and Greg was wandering past my lappy and stopped dead still in his tracks:
Greg: Is that... That's Syrah?!?!?!
Me: Yup!
Greg: GOD GOOD JOB GROWING UP, GIRL!! )
Apparently Syrah goes to a college full of fashion challenged gooberheads. I mean, really? A suede jacket and a mowhawk? Hawaiian shirt and your sunglasses while inside? Come on guys...pick up a fashion magazine once in a while. Or even just turn on your television. Just please stop dressing like you are a living in the 90s.
(Nett's notes: IKR?! Considering Sims 2 was made originally in, what, '04? You would think they would've worked out that the 90s were well and TRULY over by that point... MAXIS!?!? >_>;;)
She must being playing Pokemon: Platinum. Seriously, that game is intense. You would think it wouldn't be, but battling a Luxio against a Budew...intense. I mean for reals. When Budew pulls out his Stun Spore move, you better watch it. Didn't you know? Handheld gaming r serious bizness.
We could focus on the fact that Syrah looks like she is about to crap herself with fear. Or the fact that her hair manages to look kick ass even while she is hanging in a weird position. Or maybe we should focus on the fact that she is going to try and keep herself balanced while wearing heels. But no, I am going to focus on and point out that Syrah's boobs look absolutely gianormous in this picture. Seriously, her boobs look fantastic. I want to lay my head on them and snuggle. *Snuggles*
Yup, that's got to hurt. But no matter. Her hair and boobs still manage to look absolutely fantastic and we all already know, that's the only thing that matters.
(Nett's notes: HOW DO SIMS SURVIVE THIS?! The metal supports are going THROUGH HER FACE!! O_O;;; Seriously this has got to go on an episode of Medical Incredibles or some shit -- which incidentally is a freaken weird show, why does the voice over dude for Mythbusters do the voice over for it? I keep expecting all the subject cases to EXPLODE at the end of each segment...)
Syrah, babe, I highly recommend you avoid the dance sphere next time. It appears to have ended quite poorly for you. Despite that...the hair and outfit is still looking fantastic my dear. Oh, and is that a fresh manicure?
(Nett's notes: Not only that, but she has SERIOUSLY HIGH BODY POINTS. How is it even possible for her to have total fail - no matter HOW hot she looks doing it - in the danceosphereonomicon?!!?)
Oh hell no. It appear's all of the townies have come down wiith a case of Michael Jackson. This seriously creeps me out, and kind of makes me want to take a shower and scrub myself clean from the creepiness. *Shudder*
(Nett's notes: CHECK OUT HIS HANDS!! CHECK THEM OUT! Those aint gloves ya'all, thats his REAL skin colour. REAL. GENUINE. AUTHENTIC EVEN!)
I never know Bella was a famous artist with a released vinyl. I wonder what kind of music she releases. I can totes picture her as a soulful lounge singer...standing up the stage belting out lounge tunes in her raspy voice, giving you the "come to me" eyes at all the men in the room. I think I just solved the mystery of where Bella Goth disappeared to. She went off to Hollywood to star cheesy movies playing the sexy and mysterious Juanita Bonaparte...headliner at The Backdoor Lounge. Performances every Tuesday, Wednesday and Saturday. $5 at the door.
There is just so much wrong with this picture. Knox Starling (by me, simkittensims ), I love you, but this look is not for you.
Syrah, I 100% agree with you. The worst part is, they don't realize how insanely...odd they look. And dancing like that makes them look even more ridiculous.
Meet Lynwood. Lynwood is currently going to Sim City Community College to learn how to become a used car salesman, with a minor in Card Shark 101. He has clearly already mastered the look (courtesy of Loopy Larry's Discount Duds), and now he is working on the "suave-ness" (and by that I mean being as sleezy as he can without being too creepy). You go, Lynwood, you go.
As Syrah sleeps blissfully in her 500 count Egyptian cotton sheets, wierd bowler hat dude stands over her bed breathing heavily wondering if she is dreaming of him. No dude, she isn't. She is dreaming of pretty and fluffy things like awesome lolita dresses on huge discount and furry little ducklings.
It's not very often that you find a sim who will actually roll the want to declare a certain major. Even more rare is a sim who actually roles a fear for certain majors. Apparently Biology and Economics will send Syrah running for the hills. I am right there with you dear, right there with you. So Drama it is. Since I know what bondchick_nett has in store for our dear Syrah, I think this just might be perfect.
(Nett's Notes: HOLY SHIT! Seriously I normally wait for sims to tell me what they want to declare as their majors, and Syrah's mother and uncle so didn't bother so they ended up with the default philosophy, when she rolled all of this I thought I'd died and gone to Uni Xpac heaven!)
Awwww sweetheart. Did the first makeover not go over so well? It's ok, just squeeze your boobs together and it will instantly be forgotten.
*Dies of laughter and amusement at the names of the professors* Seriously, I cant even pin point what their nationalities would be. Appollonia Sarin sounds like a Greek Goddess....of...hrmm....Sarin...*Looks Up*
Sarin, also known by its NATO designation of GB, is an extremely toxic substance whose sole application is as a nerve agent. As a chemical weapon, it is classified as a weapon of mass destruction by the United Nations in UN Resolution 687. Production and stockpiling of sarin was outlawed by the Chemical Weapons Convention of 1993.
So basically one of Syrah's Drama professor's is a Greek Goddess who if you piss off will release an extremely toxic substance that will severely effect your nerves. I think I would go to Prof. Loki Guo if I had any major issues...even if his name does make him sound like a goofball.
(Nett's Notes: Dude, Loki is the Norse trickster god, I'm not sure you're safe EITHER way! xD xD But lawds could they BE more suitable for Drama teachers?! I mean I'm not sure you could get more optimal if you PLANNED this shit!)
Well well well, what do we have here? His name speaks lack of social skills but his beautiful blue eyes speak...come here my sweet honeymuffin.
Syrah! You sassy little tart! You better not be doing what I think you are doing. I do NOT think that Valencia would approve. You know how your mother is about family values. Hell even in my own game I can't seem separate her and Cube. It's sickening.
Awwww, good girl. Lock that virtue up tightly with a key that is kept in a padlocked safe hidden on an island in the middle of some large ocean. And OMG!!! The upper lefthand picture....SO FRACKING ADORALE!!!!!!
Syrah: Why yes Professor, he is right here. I know, I know...His blue eyes are just so dreamy aren't they? And the messy blonde hair. *Swoon*
Sexy Blue Eyed Professor Named After A Trickster God: Oh yeah, baby...I am totally in. *Wink Wink*
Syrah: *Checks pulse to make sure she hasn't died from too much swooning*
Syrah: They say we're young and we don't know
We won't find out until we grow
SBEP: Well I don't know if all that's true
'Cause you got me, and baby I got you
Syrah: They say our love won't pay the rent
Before it's earned, our money's all been spent
SBEP: I guess that's so, we don't have a pot
But at least I'm sure of all the things we got
SBEP: I got flowers in the spring I got you to wear my ring
Syrah: And when I'm sad, you're a clown
And if I get scared, you're always around
Syrah: So let them say your hair's too long
'Cause I don't care, with you I can't go wrong
SBEP: Then put your little hand in mine
There ain't no hill or mountain we can't climb
SBEP: Babe
Both: I got you babe I got you babe
Exactly WHAT is there to gossip about with your mother? She has only been with one man her entire life (someone that was picked out for her pretty much before she was born) and has spent all of her adult years popping out little ones and taking care of them. I really don't think there could be anything interesting to gossip about concerning Valencia...except for maybe that simkittensims 's self-sim is about to marry her smexy elfling husband.
Sexy Blue Eyed Professor: If I cover my face he wont be able to see me, right? That is what my mommy taught me when I was little.
(Nett's Notes: Mohawk guy apparently seemed SUPER unimpressed with Professor Loki's with-student shenanigans and so kept trying to beat him up. Loki wandered over here to cry but his arms and hands seemed a little... Off to me... So I went in for a closer look...)
SBEP: Peek-a-boo...I see you. *Teeheehee*
(Nett's Notes: YOU FAKER, LOKI!! God what do we expect though, I guess, I mean he IS a drama teacher. xD xD)
Well what do you expect after a rousing duet of I Got You Babe and gossiping about your baby and Cube obsessed mother? This is most DEFINITELY the next logical step. One can only resist those beautiful blue eyes for so long.
(Nett's Notes: Except for the part where they're both missing each others.. everything... xD xD xD Honey? His mouth ain't two inches to the left of his face...)
Look, I get that Syrah's 500-count sheets are extremely soft and comfortable, but that is NOT your room and NOT your bed, so..........GTFO!!!
Syrah: 1
Random Dormies Who Sleep in her Bed: 0
(Nett's Notes: I don't care if it means no one can woohoo in her bed with her, GTFO RANDOM DORMIE COOTIES!!)
Syrah: So how's that omelet?
Random Bowler Hat Guy: Uhhhh...Good? And that pancake?
Syrah: Eh...it's ok........
Unresolved sexual tension perhaps?
Uh...honey. You might want to head to a doctor. Your feet are looking a little...odd.
(Nett's Notes: YAY! I had been avoiding downloading the sexyfeet hack and any clothing that had the sexy feet in it, until I realised I'd somehow managed to download this underwear set that already touted them. Sexy feet really DO look sexy! *likes*)
Cute Bowler Hat Guy: So a figure if you shape my sideburns a bit, and maybe put a little rouge on my cheeks it will totally make my eyes pop.
Definitely wasn't sexual tension at the breakfast table. I am thinking its more likely that Syrah might have walked in on Cute Bowler Hat Guy doing....stuff...with a fellow male dormie. That could DEFINITELY make for awkward breakfast conversation.
When it rains, it pours, literally. Poor girl, up all night partying studying, late for her exam, and passed out on the sidewalk while it downpours. But again, damn her boobs look rather large and comfy in that shirt. *Rests head on luscious chesticles*
(Nett's Notes: Kat, you've got yourself a rather unhealthy SUPER healthy obsession with chest pillows going on. I APPROVE!)
Dayum, chica. Homegirl is looking sexy. You've got some skillz...yes, that is with a Z...that is just how awesome your skillz truly are.
It was the cook! In the kitchen!! With her homemade souffle and a stack of homework!
Do I win now?
(Nett's Notes: YES YOU DO MY LOVELY!! Also, as Weird Bowler Hat Guy's whole life flashes before his eyes its apparent that the fourth wall is broken and he was generated, fully formed, specifically for this dormitory. THERE IS NOTHING THERE..! *le gasp)
Uh oh Spaghetti-Os...neat little noodles you can eat with a spoon. Apparently Syrah feels that this makeover isn't quite up to snuff.
But honestly....there is no other way to describe this win other than epic win. The mustache, the rose colored glasses and the hawaiian-ish shirt....EPIC WIN.
Ah yes, Pleasure Sims. At least you can't get taken away by a social worker this time....At least I don't think she can. Syrah looks like she has gotten some practice in. That is some serious air. Style could use a little bit of work. Overall, I give it a 7.9.
Aaah, Lynwood Summerfield. He enjoys trying to sell cheaply made cars for overly ridiculous prices, knock of snake skin jackets, the smell of money and apparently passing out on the porch. This guy is a winner. Can I get his number, please?
WHAT?!?! WTF?!?! I AM SO DAMNED CONFUSED!!!! GAY? TRANSEXUAL? CROSS DRESSER? I NEED ANSWERS!!!!!!!
P.S. I love the amazingly awesome smirk on the cook's face. It is definitely...smarmy...yeah that's the word. He is totally pretending to be completely engrossed in his mac-and-cheese, but really you know he is eyeing the young dormies behind him. He is plotting which one to go for first. I am gonna guess the guy in the suit.
What do you mean the date was only great? Any date with my dear Syrah has to be fantastically awesome and amazing. And where is the present? Is that seriously all you are going to leave? A rose. A single measely rose. From what I know professors make fairly decent money. It should at least be a dozen roses...if not a grand piano or expensive telescope. Cheap date.
(Nett's Notes: He'd actually left a really expensive rug on the porch. But I didn't notice it for about three semesters... xD xD)
LOL!!! Loot bag is totally cute and adorable. It makes me wonder how those NOT CHEAP dates fit those LARGE AND AWESOME presents in there. It must have magical and mystical powers, like the one that Hermione has in the 7th Harry Potter Book. Yeah, that's what it is. You can literally carry everything in one of those...including your kitchen sink.
How many times do I have to say this? Sitting like that while trying to type a paper, or play video games, is not good for your back. Honestly, you are a sim that belongs to bondchick_nett!! You should be aware of the best ways to take care of your back!
Awwwww, bb. Don't hurt your brain too much. I want you to take care of those precious brain cells. You are going to need to make quite some interesting choices once you graduate. I mean, I didn't give anything away...nope not at all. *Teeheehee*
Ok, I am sure I could think of something snarky and witty to say for this picture, but honestly, the only thing I can think about is how gorgeous she looks. Her hair frames her face ever so perfectly, and the red nighty with tights looks gorgeous with her skintone. Ok, ok...I think I might have a little crush on Syrah. <3 <3 I am not ashamed to admit it!
EGADS!!! DEMON MAID!!! *RUNS FOR THE HILLS*
You better not leave demon aura all over Syrah's expensive bedsheets. I don't want my pure and innocent Syrah to be tainted by those evil eyes and that skanky outfit. Seriously, how can she actually get any work done in that skimpy outfit?
And Lynwood Summerfield takes another untimely fall. This time in the extremely red bathroom. That is why you don't wear snakeskin boots with no traction on tile! Not only is it not safe, but it is also a fashion travesty. And OMG!! ELF EARS!!!!
(Nett's Notes: I know right!??! He's an elf AND his name is Lynwood Summerfield?!?! I can't believe he was RANDOMLY generated!? This dorm is too too full of win xD)
Instead of standing there stressing about him passed out on the floor, why don't you wake him up and get him off the floor and into a warm and comfy bed? No? Fine, just continue on worrying instead of actually doing something about it.
I though you learned your lesson the last time? You and dance sphere do NOT go together! You know what we be even more embarassing? I believe you actually have a good number of body points, right?
(Nett's Notes: She's nearly MAX body points. WTF SYRAH!?!?)
Normal relaxing time in the hottub with a fellow dormie while talking politics and the upcoming election right?
(Nett's Notes: Absolutely normal, really lovely, nothing to see here...)
....
Yeah....You might want to look into electrolysis, or bleaching or at the very least, shaving it off?
That is a sight that is seriously going to haunt me when I go to bed tonight. Seriously, thanks for that bondchick_nett .
(Nett's Notes: YOU'RE WELCOME BABY!!! xD xD)
OMG!! IT'S VALENCIA!!! GAH!!! I LOVE HER SO HARD!! SO ADORABLE AND CUTE AND SWEET AND I JUST WANT TO PINCH HER CHEEKS AND DO BABY TALK WHEN I SEE HER!
Syrah: Be the ball. Be the ball. Be the ball. I am the ball. I am the ball. I am the ball. Here comes a strike!
The note on this picture simply reads "he has a hat". I have no clue what that means, except for, well...He has a hat?
(Nett's Notes: Okay Syrah's turn ons are, INEXPLICABLY AND MOST ANNOYINGLY: mechanical and HATS. DAMMIT So she's turned on by nearly no one - and hence my attempt to get her with Weird Bowler Hat Guy. xD But I was like OMG He's turned on by her AND he's wearing a hat!?!? He might be a lamer hot dog guy but everyone's gotta start somewhere, right?)
OMG!!! IS THAT ONE OF THE OUROBOROS TWINS STARING AT THE BACK OF SYRAH'S HEAD??? IT TOTALLY IS!!
Also, Syrah, you might want to move on. Your mission in life is to make babies, and apparently hotdog shirt be-hatted guy is not gonna be getting near your eggs anytime soon. It's ok sweetie, I know you are going to have TONS of options. *Wink Wink*
WTF?! When did this happen? What did Cinnabar ever do to you, except look absolutely adorable and make me love him? I certainly don't remember you and Cinnabar ever fighting before? I DO NOT UNDERSTAND?!?!?
Woah, woah woah. I think you are jumping the gun a bit, my dear. Remember, he wants nothing to do with your eggs? Also, aren't you a Pleasure Sim? You should be rolling the want for playing pool and going on dates and playing video games...not getting hitched to, what I believe is a teenager who works at a hotdog stand!
Houston, I think we have a problem. Syrah truly is Valencia's daughter.
__
KAT!?!? YOUR UPDATE-FU IS SO STRONG I WAS BLOWN CLEAR OUT OF MY BACK YARD WHILST READING THIS! *giggles* THANKYOU BB! WE'RE ONE STEP CLOSER TO GENERATION THREE'S CHALLENGE. And since I've already played the challenge out in its entireity I gotta tell you all: Its EPICAL!! *boogies*
Stay tuned! The next update is guest-written by jtph_jo of Kreechur's fame and the current Ouroboros legacy round! :D