The Kohler-Wielle Legacy 3.1: In which Syrah chokes a bitch. Or a Dance-O-Nomiconthinger. Either
CAUTION: 60+ pics for the usual 3mb approx download. MOAR COMMENTARY NOT BY ME! MUHAHAHHAHAAA!! Delicious guest update (there seems to be a theme here, Nett has uni updates, ergo guests do them... xD) by jtph_jo..! WOO!!
Need to catch up? Kohler-Wielle Archive
SO. Kohler-Wielles, Red generation, 3.1. You have probably noticed by the rather unstylish and pedestrian opening words of this update, even though there’ve been all of five of them, that this is not bondchick_nett... :O~ ARMAGAAADS what is happening to the world?!?
NO, this time around, I, jtph_jo, am taking the very prestigious and honour-bestowing place of ~guest updater~! I hope I do a somewhat passable job, and if I don’t, please just smile glassily and pretend to save my fragile, fragile ego.
OKAY, ONWARDS THEN!
Oh, re the teaser pic? Syrah is fired up with steely determination, for uni, it is serious business. Be careful you guys! If Syrah is after a book in the library reserve section, you better not be over at the photocopiers with it when she gets there! You’ll be blasted to smithereens by fiery lasers cleverly concealed behind those tangerine eyes.
OKAY, NOW ONWARDS THEN! xD
Uh, okay. This guy is a college professor and so… he’s an elder. But he seriously looks like a teenage boy with… wrinkles. And a kind of weirdly skinny, bony jaw and chin. Progeria maybe? >__<
One of the college randoms has decided that the deliciously tomato red tiles of the bathroom are a great place for a kip. Now, Nett has titled this pic “surelybetterplacetosleep”, but I think she’s forgetting that this is college, American style, where (as hollywood doubtlessly COMPLETELY RELIABLY informs us) kids do nothing but party and drink. The chick’s probably just finished barfing in that toilet stall behind her and passed out there, so it was hardly a conscious choice of sleeping location now was it?
I am a tad disturbed by the awkward leg and neck positions though. Maybe she felt backwards from upright and is like, in a coma? :x Man I’m fully of sunny thoughts today, aren’t I? Progeria, and now crippling spinal injury.
Methinks Syrah has spied something she likes…
There he is. Hey. Wasn’t he black in the little thought bubble? O_o I swear he was. Instead he’s quite definitely white and apparently THE SECOND COMING OF THE LORD JESUS CHRIST judging by the aura. And wouldn’t you know it, JC is an emo. Wow, actually, that makes so much sense it’s kind of scary…
But apparently Syrah couldn’t get the Lord and Saviour’s head to turn. Unsurprsing really Syrah, I mean, you’re not a prostitute OR a nun so you’re definitely not his type.
Wooow Syrah’s not the only one actually down with the art of washing one’s body to eliminate those pesky clouds of stench. This is so incredibly rare in the world of dorm living in the Sims (and yes, I’ve heard in real life as well). Still, judging from the subtle “I’ll just lean back this way and turn my head just so and get a good view” action from that dormie chick, I think she jumped in the shower just to check out Syrah’s pasty bum.
Awchrist. No dorm experience would be complete without a few puddles of dormie urine around. And grey suit man has a pretty typical reaction for a college student really. You wet yourself in a college class, unless you’re having an epileptic seizure or something (and even then -_-) you can probably expect a lot more snickers than sympathy.
Seriously though Nett, is baldy a uni student? He looks about fifty! What’s going on with weird aged sims in your hood mang?!
Baldy was so ashamed of his lack of bladder control that he literally DIED FROM EMBARASSMENT and joined some dude who probably got laughed at so hard for his terrible snakeskin suit and jaunty neck scarf that he ALSO DIED FROM EMBARASSMENT. And they played poker together and looked surprisingly merry in the process.
Seriously, those aren’t college kids, are they?! What the fuck is going on with the fashion sense at Syrah’s college? She should count herself lucky to be unpopular with the gents if THIS is the talent on offer…
Why are lightning strikes always attracted to DECK LIGHTING. The fire doesn’t even burn at the level of the light, so it just looks stoopid. :T
Yep, see, I told you. Syrah’s dorm is totes full of drunken college chicks. I think this one managed to chuck on her own boobs as well before passing out on Syrah’s rug, which involves a whole new level of specialness.
BowlerHatCamoDude: “Ugh, man, you’re PRETTY and WELL DRESSED - can’t you tell that is just SO last year around here? DO NOT WANT…”
But like… apparently he DOES want?
Hey, I know what it is. He’s just pretending he doesn’t because he’s trying to be cool and fit in (clearly, with the very very random fashion combos) so he doesn’t want to be seen with Syrah in public? Peer pressure, dude. Brutal :(
See? He’s like “Look everyone! See? I get it, I’m hip to the groove. I think THAT one is hot. Pastel pants and a polo top ganked from her mum’s closet? Yep, I’ll get in on that action!” *weeps inside*
Syrah gets her revenge though :T Pretty typical of jilted women - the dude treats you like shit, so you take it out on the OTHER WOMAN. Men do it as well though. Like, your chick leaves you for another dude? You beat the shit out of HIM. I do not get people seriously XD
And Syrah is so awesome that she realises her pettiness and makes up for it by prettifying the hapless dormie. I mean, just because bowler dude can’t recognise Syrah’s CLEAR superiority is no need to take out her rage on her poorly coordinated bowler-preferred sistren.
Still, despite Syrah’s sultry siren sexiness (oh yeah, alliteration, I went there) she always crawls into bed alone :( d’awww honey. Well you know, you could always turn lesbian and hit up that shower-perving chick?
Trying to beef up a little there honey? The pic is called ‘youclaimthisisfun’ but like, I’m not hip to that groove. I never pretended working out was FUN. Hell I am like the epitome of that geek chick who’s not exactly fat but she’s kinda chubby and super unfit. I wouldn’t even know what to do with that kind of exercise apparatus thingo.
Judging by Syrah’s expression, this isn’t exactly her favourite thing in the world either.
(Nett's Notes: The thing is, Syrah is like, totes active, and so while she was working out her fun metre was going up...
FACIAL EXPRESSION DOES NOT MATCH, MAXIS! >_>;;)
Man, this is what happens when your turn ons are mechanical and HATS.
The cafeteria man? REALLY, Syrah? :T Nett you need some more sexy behatted men in your game >_> (though, tangentally, two of the Ouroboros children of this gen have grey hair as a turn on, coupled with makeup on one and cleaning on the other. THEY WANT NANNAS. And one of the boys has cologne and formalwear as turn ons, and makeup as a turn OFF. THAT one’s going to be interesting if he ends up heir :P)
Well, whatever makes you happy dear. Knock yourself out listening smilingly to his ramblings about his last cruise to the Bahamas with his wife and his zimmer frame. It could be worse, I suppose. You could be attracted to men with snakeskin suits and jaunty pink neck scarves who pass out on the floor of the cafeteria NOT TALKING ABOUT ANYONE IN PARTICULAR *COUGH* >_>
I’m starting to think it’s not the rampant alcoholism that’s leading to the rash of passed out dormies. Someone is totally mixing roofies into the food/drinks/SOMETHING. I’ve noticed that weird sunnies chick has been in the last two shots of passed out people… *narrows eyes* DON’T THINK I DON’T NOTICE YOU THERE, SUNGLASSES. I’m watching, Zakowski, ALWAYS watching…
See… Syrah knows what’s up. One dude passed out, one dude peeing uncontrollably - and she looks straight at SUNGLASSES CHICK. She knooows wench, you better pack your spare sunnies and headscarves and 75 gallon drum of rohypnol and be off before Syrah calls you out! :T
Syrah fills the halls of the dorms with the strains of a sensual serenade…
...A heartfelt plea for somebody to just LOVE HER…
Are you listening, bowler hat?! ARE YOU?!
Then she suddenly realises peeing-mohawk-man is standing a little too close for comfort, and if she keeps singing she has to drag in a bit too much air to want to keep doing so with him standing around. Gawd, thanks, Mohawk man ;__; how will she ever find true love now?
Um, I have no idea what’s going on here… Mohawk man is passed out thanks to sunglasses chick’s meddling with the food again but… the scissors?? Are they lurking, waiting, for their next chance to chop that objectionable fan of hair right off? I THINK SO!
Hmm, so, doing assignments in the toilets? Interesting choice, to say the least. Though I suppose if she’s studying like, the psychological impact of wall colour choice in public bathrooms, or the social and cultural significance of toilet paper roughness on the development of young adults, it would make perfect sense. Let’s give her the benefit of the doubt people, k?
You know, we’d be less convinced you were DOING THIS if you weren’t always standing around creepily whenever Nett happened to screenshot people passed out somewhere in the dorm. :T Look at her scheming pose, there. Just stay away from our Syrah, betch!
Speaking of Syrah, why waste valuable time on assignments and term papers when you could be gleefully juggling water bottles in your sexy red negligee?
Or head banging mosh pit style, still in aforementioned negligee?
Well, I don’t know if stinky pee Mohawk dude has de stinkified or what, but Syrah seems less gross and more… intrigued. A Mohawk doesn’t actually count as a hat, honey, as glue-stiffened and weird as it might be as far as hair goes. But it’s certainly a lot better than hanging around the cafeteria dude… So if you want to pretend it’s a hat, you go right ahead :D
Syrah: See this here? Lovely perky butt right here! Totally unclaimed right now! 8D
I know you want a boyfriend sweetie but this is probably not the best approach XD
Syrah: Boyfriend? BOYFRIEND? AHAH I don’t NEED a boyfriend! NO WAY, LIKE… I’m TOTALLY FINE. SEE how HAPPY I AM? AHAHAH. AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAH!!!
Yeah, I can see how immune you are to the attentions of dudes Syrah XD. Is that a college professor I spy as well? Naughty, naughty girl. I suppose this is how you make all that time for bottle juggling and rocking out then? ;3
(Nett's Notes: Okay so normally I am SUPER BAD and usually get my college kids to hook up with Lecturers to get free grades, but even though Syrah and Professor Loki Guo were RIDICULOUSLY close and always had makeout sessions, it never ONCE upped her grades at all. WTH!?! IT USED TO BE SUREFIRE!!)
Brothers are always good for comforting hugs. Sangiovese pays a visit, and manages to look only a VERY tiny bit perturbed about his sister’s mental welfare. A+.
(Hey Nett, is this the part you were playing at my house by the way? XD)
(Nett's Notes: LOL IT TOTALLY IS! xD xD)
So the cafeteria man sets the stove on fire. And happily just KEEPS COOKING AWAY while he’s consumed by flames. Dude, I know you’re old and senile, but surely you still have some active thermoreceptor and nocireceptors left SOMEWHERE? GTFO the fire DX
One of the random passed out chicks wakes up from the heat of the flames - yep, nice to see that sunglasses-girl’s roofies are starting to wear off, now it’s time to MOVE MOVE MOVE..!
Um, guys? Only the blonde girl is actually under the sprinklers. You’re about TWO METRES AWAY from the water trajectory, I think it’s safe to put your arms down.
I don’t think cafeteria guy is just sneezing in this food, as the picture title suggests, I think he’s actually WIPING HIS NOSE in it.……….
………..
……….
...Okay I really just grossed myself out D8
Syrah’s love life is looking so forlorn that she resorts to a date old family friend and companion, a man who has been with her all her life, Ball of Stink™. Being a cloud of smell particles, he can’t actually eat anything, but he certainly seems to be enjoying watching her chow down on pancakes in her nightie. Bit of a feeder, are we, BoS™?
Well THAT explains why he was enjoying himself so much, doesn’t eat. Panty shot ++
Hun, you really might want to consider some more appropriate clothing for your study sessions given some of the dormies skulking around…
Even after he almost burnt the dorm down, Syrah still seems to have a bit of a thing for the old cafeteria dude.
Syrah: If I stand here expectantly smiling at him for long enough, I’m sure EVENTUALLY he’ll notice me *sparkle*
Oh, it’s progeria professor again. Oh, man, there really is something odd about his face :( Syrah’s all, *tilts head sympathetically*
The gardener behind them I KNOW is pruning some kind of bush, but it really looks like she has two hands and her face pressed against the wall, all erotic like “mmmm, delicious red bricks, so rough and gritty against my skin”
…
The fuck is wrong with me today!?! DX
It’s okay hun, at least you waited until he was gone before you admitted that he’s really really weird looking >__<
For some reason, Syrah is reminded of… herself... by the snow storm. Is that because you’re apparently so repellent to men that you’ll be forever frigid… ?
:(
Or maybe it’s that she knows she’s just as pretty as new fallen snow <3 d’aww look at that little face! There’s hope for you yet, SURELY!
So uni was boring Nett to tears with its monotonous cycle of assignments, term papers, Syrah getting rejected and stinky, pee soaked townies passing out everywhere. So she decided to add some… interest.
>:3
(Nett's Notes: HI BESSIE!! :D :D)
Apparently Syrah hates cheerleaders so much that the sight of one makes her physically ill. When I first opened this pic I thought the chick was flashing her for some reason and I was like LOL. But nope, just Syrah being the college outcast we’ve come to know and love <3
So Modena must have come to visit! That hair still kind of icks me out, the idea of having this normal wavy bob thing and then these RANDOM LONG TENDRILS JUST DRAPING OVER YOU. I’d forever think I had some bug or something crawling on me and be like “EW EW!! Oh..” I think I’d last about two seconds flat before grabbing the kitchen shears.
But I digress. Pretty Modena is pretty :D And so much like Syrah really features wise XD
Is this one of those bizarre like - “Hey, we’re so close that we have this creepy like dance routine/weird handshake thing when we see each other” things? Because it SURE looks like it girls. And it also looks like you derived it from the chicken dance, which is its whole own level of interesting.
(Nett's Notes: I have a friend who has very similarly aged, VERY HOT sisters. They used to work out choreographed dances that showed off their figures to their best possible abilities and then would go out to nightclubs, get all the guys hot and heavy with their moves and then reject EVERYONE and go home together arm in arm. This is SO TOTALLY what this reminds me of xD)
So this shot is called “forthefans” and I was like wait… what? Fans of what, twincest? And then I was all D8 at myself again until I looked at the next shot and went…
OMG IT IS FOR FANS OF TWINCEST.
So here you go, fans of twincest, wherever you may be. Enjoy.
Meanwhile Sangiovese, who missed out on his chance to make it a tripletcest bump’n’grind session in that first screeny, is playing poker with REPELLENT!Cheerleader and Progeria-Professor. And apparently being a bit sexually suggestive by the looks of that speech bubble! :O
Sangiovese’s poker face manages to look more like a ‘coy sexy face’. It looks like any moment that hand might stray right off the edge of the table and onto progeria-professor’s thigh.
(Nett's Notes: HE MIGHT SWING THAT WAY, YOU DON'T KNOW! xD)
:O :O :O Bessie chomped the blonde dormie! Welp, RIP Blondie. WATCH OUT SUNGLASSES, UR NEXT >:T
Syrah is less than perturbed by the maneating cowplant, in fact, she seems almost inordinately fond of old Bessie.
SO FOND in fact, that she merrily milks Bessie of the life giving juices of her dead dormie, smiling serenely all the while…
Which I feel myself is something of a feat, given the kind of pustuled, pimply look those teats have about them, and the decidedly spooge-like consistency of the “milk” she’s pumping out of there D:
Yeah you can just imagine it now, can’t you? Kind of slippery and gummy at the same time and it makes that “SPLUURP” sound as it bloobs into the cup.
She even grins as she drinks it, which suggests it has to taste better than it looks. I’m going to pretend I didn’t say everything above, and the cow plant juice has the taste and texture of like… whipped marshmallow. Otherwise I’ll never look at Syrah the same way again. >__<;;
(Nett's Notes: DUDE Have you ever eaten Nattō? 127,288,416 Japanese people can't be wrong!! xD xD)
It’s electrifying stuff, quite literally! MMM imbued with stolen lifebloods! *nomnom*
And Bessie is pleased. I feel she would even be steepling her fingers if she in fact had fingers to steeple.
WELL THAT’S IT. I hope you enjoyed! :3 If you did, come and read Kreechurs! MWAHAHAHA ADVERTISING >:D
<3333 Thank you Nettles for the chance to lay my grimy fingers on the hallowed pages of the Kohler-Wielles! :D
___
ARMAGAD!!! Jo and Kat TOTALLY outdid themselves, I loved every second of both their updates. YOU GUYS RULE I LOVE YOU SO HARD!!!!!!!!! *loveloveforevers*
Epical just doesn't cover your updates! And I can't believe you're both so in-tune with the KWs and me that you both wrote so much stuff! EEEE!!! THANKYOU GUYS CRAZILY!! :D You saved my sanity writing these! :D
Stay tuned everyone for the next update, the END OF UNIVERSITY -- THANK CHRIST AND ALL HIS PEERS! -- AND THE START OF THE GENERATION THREE CHALLENGE.... DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNN..!