ILU2DEATH..! 1.0 // Rainbow Legacy 1.0
CAUTION: 66 images equates to a 3.6MB download. Adult Themes & Sexy Times. DEATH! Nudie nudity? And the most horrific of them all: grammatical errors and random spelling mistakes. BAH! >_<;;
Because I'd seen brilliantcat's rainbow legacy, the Drops, and it was one of the first legacy posts I'd seen since I started Simming again last year, my interest in doing one had been growing with ever, EVER increasing fervour. I started downloading items and clothing specifically with doing one in mind for around three months and now, finally... IT HAS BEEEEGUN!!!!!!!!
Because, however, I enjoy doing challenges, and Legacies aren't exciting enough for me to stick it out past generation three, I wondered how I could make it even more interesting for me personally. And thusly I give you CHALLENGES WITHIN CHALLENGES! HUZZAH! OH, SO LOVELY! *tears of joy* So, because from all the breeder challenges I've been inflicting on my friends, its obvious that I enjoy testing out genetic salads I thought what better way to go through as many genetic types as possible (not to mention be 'rid' of all the usual Maxis suspects in one generation) than attempting I LOVE YOU TO DEATH..! With one little alteration. Not only must he marry as many women as possible, they've got to get pregnant first. OoOOoOooh the cruelty!
We begin with this lovely scene of idyllic family fun. Awwwww. So wholesome, what could be more innocent than one man standing on an empty plot near the middle of nowhere hurling a stick for his enormous Goldendoodle?
*snerk*
Our intrepid, blonde and questionably delicious founder, Craven Kohler-Wielle. *kissy faces at him* He may look somewhat... Familiar ... (*high fives lemon_lime35 and her sim-creating skills*).
Fresh from college; he's got the baby-face of an angel, slightly demonic orange eyes that will bode well for his thematically flavoured future offspring, and he's NOT afraid of commitment. Which is handy, because he's gonna need to commit, and commit and commit again. Though exactly what he's committing may perhaps be a little different to your average legacy founder.
MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAA! /Dr Horrible
Upon pet creation (because I'm obsessed with them now, you'll never escape seeing pets in my sims posts again!) I was wondering what on earth would be a suitable pet for 'upstanding,' strapping young Craven. Maxis came through with the goods..! One of the existing breeds was listed as GoldenDoodle. Which made my eyes ACTUALLY do this: O_O. I then discovered through the magic of the intarwebs that it was an HONEST GOD'S TRUTH REAL LEGITIMATE DOG BREED. This made my mouth ACTUALLY do this: :O
WORLD?! Meet Zeus, the Goldendoodle. If you don't know why Zeus is fitting for a yellow generation dog founder, you're obviously not at all familiar with Luminescent Rain, The Big Hit, or Classical Mythology. You're all lucky Craven isn't called Zeus since that would make this legacy a) INCREDIBLY GROSS, b) HIGHLY UNSANITARY, & c) incredibly short since despite what the greeks seem to claim, you can't get pregnant that way peoples! XD
OKAY! Imagine a whole mess of time passed and Zeus *cough* Craven had this house built to his exacting specifications, and moved all of his stuff in. This also meant others moved in to the neigbourhood and his area became suddenly MUCH less vacant and much more suburban.
OR, I saved the game straight after putting Craven & Zeus on the lot then went off and did a whole mess of breeding experiments and then made a self-sim and needed to test her somewhere so built her a house across the street from Craven's lot, also built another house with everything I'd need to townify a mess of CAS townies and then went back and built the Kohler-Wielle yellow house while C&Z were still paused mid stick-fetch.
YOU DECIDE.
Oh yes, I nearly forgot! Our founder's intruiging stats. In summation: A mildly slovenly bloke, drunk with the power to mould young brains, who wants fifty kids with some well-groomed artistic chick - hippie artists need not apply! Oh, and he finds the prospect of rotting flesh on his SO unnattractive - but solely because he can't procreate with that.
MY FIRST EVER STINKY SKUNK! *elated* I want him as a pet ;_; SKUUUUUNK...! Not long after this happened in game I discovered they're releasing the skunk on WoW as an ownable pet, and I'd been crying about that since BC came out. NOW I CAN'T PLAY WoW ANYMORE, NOW YOU DO THIS, BLIZZARD?
I've got your numbers, I hope you know. *narrows eyes*
Because he was my first EVER Stinky Skunk I decided to make Craven go pet him. Cause skunk juice turns on the laydeeees, yes? Well that may have been how I convinced him anyway... ^_^;;; He totally bought it and wandered on over with a cheerful grin and a little TALLY HO, CHAPS! Only to be shot straight in the face with Eu De Mephitidae.
Craven: MY EYES! THEY BURNNNN..!!!
Me: YAY *delight*
OOooOoh look who's strutting on past! Its my SelfSim, Nettles Crustacea..! :D
Completely unnaffected by Craven swapping pheremones with Pepe (s'okay Nettles, my olfactories don't work either), she grinningly welcomes him to the neighbourhood (CHICK! He was here first XD) and then sits down at his grand to show off her piano playing prowess.
Craven serves the welcome wagon lunchmeat sandwhiches and thusly completely sidesteps the entire ARMAGAD FIRE landmine that so often plagues newly housed CAS simmies. Nettles is tentative making sure its not chicken before stuffing her large mouth with delicious but Lisa Ramirez has no such scruples...
SPEAKING of Lisa Ramirez... Those are some very VERY interesting genetics you have going on there. Am I having magical feelings towards wife one? *eyebrow waggle*
CUE COURTSHIP... ENGAGE! Craven opens with the COMPLETELY subtle fertilisation question. No one's ever started with that line before, dude. You're incredibly original. No, really. >_>;;
BUT MIRACLE OF MIRACLES..! SHE BUYS IT!
Lisa: OOoOooh Craven, you soooo fiiine..! *farthearts*
Craven: *yawns* Old news...
Lisa: *PLUSPLUS*
Their courtship going unconventionally (and speedily!) well, Craven decides he MUST KNOW all her wants and fears...
Uh. Who on earth is Checo..? >_<;;;
HUH. So, she's with Checo and Tessa is her daughter, amirite? Methinks we has stumbled into a Bluewater Village native. DAMMIT. That's against the rules right? I mean she's a playable. Not that I've ever actually PLAYED her... *ponderous thoughts*
EH! Who gives a crap, every man has needs, ne? XD And she seems TOTALY AND UTTERLY into it, inspite of being Knowledge (lawls I looked her up) and not Romance Slutulation aspiration. She just wants to know Craven, yeah? ~_^
*runs from being pelted with olives*
Wait.. Yellow Generation... Lemons? Oh man OOOOWWW! O_O;;;; How about saffron stigmas? OoOOoh! Luxury projectiles!
About there the phone call from pink neckerchief guy came through, right on time, and since Lisa was a rule-breaking grey zone I figured why the hell not? Time to check out the local talent. Craven exited the shuttle outside a night-spot I'd never seen before, and assessed the scene in a manly fashion... Which is when I noticed it...
NONE OF THAT THANKYOU BOYS..!!! Don't be secretly and innocently brushing your hands up against each others in a Legacy, kk? I checked Craven's stats, he's Male: -77, Female: +144. So knock it off, I need babies, okay? BABIES!
EEEEEE!! In yet another first, MY FIRST EVER COUNT..! AWESOME! Kind of.. Benjamin Long-esque, his name is -- I kid you not -- Count North Northington. AND HE VANTS TO SUUUCK YOUUR BLOOOOOD, BLEH!
Actually, no he doesn't. What he wants to do is play with ALL of the stray dogs on the lot (and Zeus cause he came along too XD) and buy extravagant meals to hurl the scraps to the animals in the middle of the restaurant.
WTH?! Okay so no one's really going to say no to an all-powerful king of the night, but seriously? ANIMALS in a swanky restaurant where you have to ask to be seated by a hostess? I BUY IT NOT! Sanitation people? WHERE'S THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT WHEN YOU NEED THEM? >_<;;; Maybe he's been reading too much Anne Rice and decided to go cold turkey from Sims and feed on the local canine population instead? Or maybe he tried one then decided the community strays needed to consume more fatty acids? Community service?
Um, so I might've spent a little bit too long obsessing over this. He's just a dog person, k? *blushes and moves on*
Downtownies. such interesting fashion statements they like to make. THAT hair, with that rose with a long-sleeved, ill-fitting ralglan t-shirt and high pants. Lady, the only way you ever getting laid is if someone takes pity on you and decides those clothes HAVE to go. ^_^;;
So when they got out of the shuttle, Craven's group consisted of 4 guys and three girls. When they first arrived a bunch of them went straight for the bubble hookah, and Craven went to chat up the waitress. Then when he went to be seated, ONLY THE GUYS came with. The chicks? NO WHERE TO BE SEEN. Totally disappeared.
You think they served them up as the 'Chef's Special' ? O_O;;;;;; TONIGHT! CHICKEN AND FISH!
With only the waitress (who completely did NOT dig him) and PoorlyDressed™ left around as feminine wiles, Craven went home and avoided any further indirect contact with PinkNeckerchief™
OBLIGATORY ADORABLE ZEUS GETTING A BATH SHOT! EEEEEEE!!! *snuggles his wet-dog self*
HAI LUCY HANBY! Nice porno maid suit :D Natural Redhead?! You know what that means?! You'll be getting in this Legacy, and you'll be doing it THIS generation >:D
MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAA! /Bella Lugosi
Well hello, Dagmar Bertino. I'm told you make incredibly pretty babies. Now to keep you for later generations of SQUANDER YOUR PRETTY NAO?! *strokes imaginary beard*
FUN FACT: Dagmar likes to break stereotypes, all the dogs, even the angry mean strays, love Dagmar. Whenever she comes to drop off the mail, the dogs all line up to get pats from her. Awwwww..!
THE FIRST FIRE OF THE CHALLENGE AND THE LEGACY!
Lightning strikes the the grove around the buddha shrine. FOREBODING!! SimGods are displeased? Luckily even though everyone and their dog (literally) came running from what felt like the ENTIRE neighbourhood, the rain put the fire out before anyone's hygiene levels even cracked yellow. Guess SimPoiseidon wants us all to procede. >=D
TIME FOR DOGGIE BABIES.. Aka puppies ^_^;; It was a toss up between a few different dogs, and in the end we decided on a lab named Lulu -- because it could be short for Tulip, and Tulips are yellow. Or they can be yellow. Or something.
Don't ask me, this was endalia's logic ^_^;;;
ANYWAY! MAKE FRIENDS PREASE SO WE CAN HAS PUPPIES :D
Perhaps a symbol of frustration, Craven began autonomously building half-arse sandcastles then trouncing them with girlish delight.
*makes him call Lisa for a booty call*
See? Lulu was a good choice, she completely matches the decor in Craven's room :D
BOW CHICKA BOW BOW..! /Viva Pinata mating dance music
YES! While Zeus and Lulu are getting it on and inciting the jingly lulluby of conception,
Craven is getting his own rocks off. Lisa, is le pleased, so trusting with her eyes closed. CLOSED SO SHE CANNAE SEE CRAVEN'S ALIEN EYES OF DOOOOOOOOM..! If you had any sense lady, you'd run. Cept you don't since you're over here cheatin' on your mans. I'm not gonna warn her, are you? *eyebrow raise*
Downtown again, trawling for the ladies, Craven wanders into a townified early (and hysterically incorrect) version of my self sim, Lyna Rotaugen, and asks her out for a date. She squeals hells yeah and they make a bee-line for the karoake machine. DUET TIMES..! How do you make a true and lasting impression on your date? Make her ears bleed with your shitty musical stylings.
Lyna & Craven: MAAAAAAAAA ENDLESS LOOOOOOOOOVE....!!!
Craven: *gesticulates wildly*
Lyna: *kills everyone softly with her eyes closed*
Lyna & Craven: *MEGAPLUSPLUS*
Shitty musical stylings: works every time.
Abandoning the mics, the couple take to the dance floor - alone mind you, yeah this night spot is THE place to be >_>;; - and Craven puts the moves on Lyna. First time he goes for the grope she removes his hands and makes myriad faces at him. Not to be deterred however, he goes in for a second approach and... SUCCESS! Is THIS our first bride?! :D :D :D
Craven decides it'd be SUPER LIGHTNING BOLT HOT to ask Lyna if she needed a lift home, and she agreed so they hopped into his car as dawn broke... For some perplexing reason, however, Lyna climbed into the passenger seat and Craven didn't drive off. Scared that I'd already corrupted Downtown, I nearly quit out when THIS happened:
This chick strutted out of the nightclub, walked straight up to Craven's sports car and hopped in. Was she in a social group with Lyna? Had she decided Craven was the kind to pick up hitchikers? (Whoa lady, you know what happens to them! SERIAL KILLERS, DUDES) Was she so tanked she mistook his yellow car for her cab? WHO KNOWS!
I assume they dropped Lyna off at her home, cause when the car pulled into Craven's driveway, the only people that got out were Craven and MysteryChick™, Helena Gore. Well if you're gonna come home with Craven, baby, you can stay. AND NEVER LEAVE!
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA...! /Baron Silas Greenback
So you go out for a night on the town, bring home a strange woman you've never spoken two words to before she jumps into your car and you come home to this. Your dogs, kicking the shit out of each other.
STOP THAT GUYS! ZEUS! Stop picking on Lulu! She's carrying your babies! O_O;;;
I'd never had a Womrat before, and there was a yellow cage. So obviously this meant I had to get one! :D YAY ANOTHER FIRST!! World! Meet Mustard :D COLONEL MUSTARD! :DDDDDDDDDD
Colonel Mustard is displeased.
♫IIIII SAW CRAVEN KIIIISSSIIING HEEELLLLLLAAAAYNAAAAAAA...! Underneath the willow tree at noooooooon..!♫
Crisp outdoor air, fast cards, pretty flowers, a canopy of leaves... Craven's seriously got game.
Serious game.
At post-coital meat sandwiches... *snerk moar*
Craven: Awfully overcast weather we've been having?
Helena: *FALLS IN LOVE*
Okay now you're just overdoing the romantic cliches, Craven. An evening stroll on the beach and Helena agrees to absolutely EVERYTHING Craven suggests.
Craven: You like lunch meat?
Helena: Absolutely!
Craven: Is yellow your colour?
Helena: Is if you say it is, you think I'd look good in yellow? :DDDD
Craven: Are you a giraffe?
Helena: DA!
Craven: How do you feel about Grecian Gods?
Helena: I LOVE GRECIAN GODS! ZEUS IS MY FAVOURITE..! SO POTENT!
Craven: Are you a cactus?
Helena: I'm very succulent!
Craven: Want to move in?
Helena: I thought you'd never ask. *sparkles*
What is it about beach walks for most people? Does all that sand and salt make you go totally loopy from the COMPLETE ANNOYING SCRATCHY INTRUSIVENESS OF IT ALL?? Someone's all WILL YOU MARRY ME? And so you reply "YES GOD ANYTHING TO GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS HELLISH PLACE" ?? O_O;;;
*may or may not be a beach person*
*whistles*
Some shampoo, a little dye and some nice new clothes; Helena scrubs up VERY WELL. Time to test-drive new and improved, Helena, Craven?
Helena: Yeah? Is it? *hopeful*
Craven: Dooobeoodoodooooo
*checks Zeus's mems* HA! Had your arse served to you by your heavily pregnant mate, eh Zeus? SERVES YOU RIGHT.
The jingly lullaby made me SWING back to their bedroom at speed. Awwwwwwwwwww..! Pregnancy! ^_^ Please note two things:
a) Helena looks like the cat that got into the canary's cage
b) Sex/Getting knocked up apparently turn her nails red O_O
The next morning at breakfast - dry cereal! How romantic! - Craven pops the question and Helena squees till the neighbourhood is deafened by her supersonic audio projection.
That's a yes, btw.
Whoa. ^_^;; Okay. Cop. Huh. Well, okay. This could be a problem. Craven, please to be asking people what their jobs are before you marry them, k?
Guess her waters told her Craven was trustworthy though, or she wouldn't have got into his car, right? ^_^;;
Wife's at work, must lavish affection on all surrounding living creatures..! As soon as she got in the car, he was ON Colonel Mustard, all kissy kissy face and cuddles. D'awwwww..!
And then onto Lulu. That's uh. Thats a lot of teeth you have in that mouth there, Lulu. Too many teeth...
*gingerly takes steps back, maintaining eye contact*
While Helena's at her shift, Craven gets the house and grounds ready for their wedding. Yeah, sims, they work FAAAAAAAAST..!
WOOOO THREE NEW PUPPIES..! Except the wedding just started, the guests just arrived... WHAT ABOUT THE WEDDING?!?! O_O;;
Awwww, rather scary looking little girl puppy, Persia(n Oranges).
Middle puppy and only boy of the litter, Pumpkin. *shouts out to jtph_jo*
And Citrus, the last little girl..! ^_^ Newly born and already knows to be terrified of that dude that lives with his mother in Bluewater Villiage. WHY is he here, again? O_O;;;
Helena comes home from a long day of busting criminal ass, and immeadiately pretties up for the wedding. GOT to love what the hell is going on in the background! Nettles is there getting the hates on her alpha version, Lyna. Lyna is standing BEHIND Nettles, getting her hates on ABSOUTELY NOTHING.
Lisa Ramirez is talking to everyone who'll listen telling them Craven is the best snog she's ever had. Bless.
I, Helena Gore, take you, Craven Kohler-Wielle, to be my lawful wedded husband. From this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health. To love, honour and obey, till death do us part...
Helena Gore, You'll do for a two-year renewable trial period. For better only, for richer or atleast comfortably-off, In sicknes and in health, hypochodria excluded, To argue with over tiny ridiculous things, Till were both so senile we can't remember who the other one is... Fingers crossed....
Uh... What she said. ^_^
/me makes delightfully obscure book reference
YAY the guests are completely overwhelmed with emotion, and applause. Except for the ones who ignored the whole thing and got tanked at the bar. We're looking at YOU Lisa. See how she's still talking about snogging Craven? Yeah? SHE'S TALKING TO THE WALL.
I will never understand this weird american tradition of shoving food in your lover's face... Is it supposed to signify fertility or something? O_O;;;;
"Oh baby, I love you so much, thanks for tying yourself to me for all eternity, here's a handful of cake to shove in your mouth so you look really unnatractive to the crowds. MAYBE SO UNNATTRACTIVE THAT NO ONE ELSE WILL WANT YOU SO YOU CAN NEVER LEAAAAVE MEEEEEEEEEEEE..!" Yeah? Something like that?
*fret hands*
INTERMISSION while the happy couple are sped off in a limo for their motives maxing 5 hours honeymoon:
PUPPIES! ^_^
Unable to keep their hands from each other, Craven and Helena Kohler-Wielle only just make it to the front door before they divest each other of their clothes and go for it on the couch. Don't know why they bothered, they could've gone for it in the front yard for all the privacy that front room affords them. XD
Uh. So, uh. Craven's ALWAYS well groomed, and he has blonde hair. I SWEAR all my Knowledge sims have got their motives and wants swapped with Romance sims... XD
Why are townie's LTW careers never the same track as the jobs they already have?
Irrefutable proof that pregnancy reduces even the smartest Knowledge aspirationers to blithering idiots. Lulu, the DOG, is all "Hello Danny. Come and play with us. Come and play with us, Danny. Forever... and ever... and ever. " and so Helena goes "YAY OKAY, Who's Danny?" and starts throwing a stick for Lulu to fetch in the ENTIRELY GLASS-ENCASED HALLWAY.
I don't predict any doom here at all. Nope.
Craven's arse seems unimpressed, y/y?
Lyna calls Craven up and asks if he wants to hit the town with some mates. He's all "MY WIFE HAS GONE BATSHIT CRAZY, I'M THERE..!" and jumps in his car to pick her up. When he parks out the front of a nightclub, who would get out but Marylena Hamilton. Hey Marylena, your athletic dress always weirds me out, your little profile icon always seems so bland and lifeless, and I always wish you'd wash your hair. I think you can be the one to die marry Craven next >:D
Lyna: What about me? Dont I get to marry Craven? Me? Yeah? Me? I'm here! PICK ME!
In due time, my pretty one, in due time. ♥
TIME TO GROUP SMUSTLE...! WHOOOUP WHOOOUP!!
Everybody hits the dance floor with fervour (except Komei Tellerman back there, who smustles in the dark, awwww) -- some so completely consumed by smustle fever that they forget to check their coats. Craven included.
Lyna runs out onto the dance floor but then refrains from dancing, she just stands in the middle of the room with a funny smile on her face, watching Craven.
Awwww! *heartheart* Creepy as SHIT, but awwwww..!
Back where the home fires burn, Helena gets up from one of her all-day naps (pregnancy does NOT sit well with her XD) for a pink-dust pop of third trimester joy. YAY! New little Kohler-Wielles are almost upon us! *boogies*
Um... NUUUUUUUUUUUUU!! THE BABIES!?!?!?!! GAAAAH!!! Helena, completely unable to look after herself, goes outside to cook herself a plateful of hotdogs... In a skimpy short dress and heels, in winter... She serves up the meal but before she can eat a bite she crumples over in pain. She STARVED TO DEATH. O_O;;;
Craven runs out from the house, accompanied by Lulu and Zeus who have formed quite an attachment to Helena, and begs for her life while the dogs howl their distress.
CRAVEN SAVE THE BABY! Its like... 5 sim hours away from being born! O_O;;;;; Sure Helena was supposed to die, but NOT LIKE THIS! O_O;;;;;;;;;;
He failed. ;_;
Rest in Peace, Helena Kohler-Wielle. May your contemporaries mourn your loss, and your replacement manage to outlive the strain of carrying Craven's apparently demon babies. Amen.