Pigsy's Journey to Beauty: Episode Three
CAUTION: 56 shots for a 2.6mb download. Death, destruction, foul language, POOR PARENTAL SKILLS! This one hits all the bases. OH and uncensored nudity, so it might not be safe for work ya'll!
Pigsy's Journey To The West Beauty: De-Uglification/ISBI/Matchmaker for One Challenge: Episode Three
Welcome to Passoutlandia! Where we sleep for 100 years albeit in sporadic shifts and NO ONE sleeps in a bed where possible. >_>;; IDGI, they ALL have perfectly excellent beds. WHY DON'T THEY GO TO THEM?!
Oh joy, NOW I can welcome you to the house of fun disease.
*was totes going to make more of an allusion to that song by Madness, since it totally has the line 'Comprehende savvy understand' in it, but never actually realised how damn disparate the lyrics are*
You know what's NOT disparate though!? The way the freakend disease RIPPED through the house. I swear to all the freaken gods, Whitney stepped in the house, coughed once and EVERYBODY contracted massive diseases. Well, everyone except for Morgan who stayed miraculously death-flu free. MAYBE SHE HAS THE IMMUNITIES!
GODDAMN. Okay so Gandalf is ADORABLE and everything but do I hear the straining strains of THE NEVERRREEENNNDIIIING STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAARRREEEEEEEEE?!!? NANA NAAAAAAANANAAAAANANANANANAAAA!! >_<;;
*sigh* Its my fault for doing and ISBI, I know, I asked for it. But still, I never had this problem with Date or Incinerate. THOSE boys always found a bed one way or another >_>;; *wonders about investing in tents*
Whitney: OH YEAH! Looking FIIIIIINE my girl..!
Yeah, you know, if not DISEASED >_>;; *looks for signs of pox*
I just realised I must have a LOT of sim in the culinary career track, as I get this chance card a HECK of a lot.
YEAH PROMOTION! And since I get this card so often, who is shocked that he got a promotion? NO ONE. That's who. *Undermines Zhu's achievement*
Xenocrates: I AM FEELING COMPLETELY UNINSPIRED!! I CAN'T EVEN PUT UP A BLANK CANVAS, ITS TOO MUCH!! MY MUSE IS GONE! *crisis*
Gandalf: Hahahhaaaaa, check out how much you suck. Look at you! Go on, LOOKATCHERSELF!! *sniggers*
Wow, Gandalf, that's awfully charitable of you... O_O;;
Yeah I know I'M feeling the love...
PS: How does he manage to still look cute even when he's being a mean-spirited forehead furrower?!
Wylma fursploded into FREAKEN ADORABLE!!! AAAAND! She's another Scottish Fold. Hell's yeah kitten adoption lottery WIN!!
Wylma: I AM THE CUTEST! Look into my eyes and wibble your bottom lip. Go on. Wibble it. OoOOoh I feel the trembly vibration from here. It pleases me. May you live long and be fertile. *blessing* *purrs like an outboard on premium unleaded*
Random-Townie-Child-Gandalf-Brought-Home: NURRRRRRRRRR!
*hears the swell of that orchestra heading full swing into 80s children's movie thematic ballads again*
Whitney?! Will you NEVER go to bed? Not even one of your childrens beds?? You're right in front of the tv this time. Zhu might appreciate the view, but fyi you don't make the greatest of all windows...
And now it's time for GANDALF! The Stone Bath Pirate Experience, DON'T MISS OUT! Tickets selling fast! Get yours now before they're sold out! There's kids lined up around the block sleeping on concrete just to get in to see this one.
Oh wait, my bad, that's his MOTHER >_>;;
Gandalf: One day I'll grow up and go up there!!
Me: Uh, no you wont, since according to all the challenge rules, you're not heir. To my extreme regret and apologies, Little Bacon. *snuggles*
Gandalf: Whatchoomean I wont?!?!
Me: Which? Go into space and be butt-probed by our alien 'friends' or be heir?
Gandalf: Uh... I have to choose one? *stress*
Me: No, cause the answer to both is still you can't.
Gandalf's Little Porcine Heart: *breaks*
Tinkling Sound Akin To A Champagne Flute Shattering: *is heard*
Oh, just in case you were wondering, Whitney DOES actually make it to her bed once a day or so. For this, her daily serve of tenderloin - though sometimes she mixes it up a little with a little of Zhu's juicy sirloin cutlet. But for some reason she only manages to go to sleep in the bed HALF the time. Quite often she'll get up again, go to another room and fall asleep there. *sighs*
Sigh... Sleep? Perchance to dream... OF YOUR OWN DOWNY SOFT YET FIRM SLEEPMAKER MULTI-LATEX MATTRESS AND DUCK-FILLED QUILT PERCHANCE?!?! Memory foam pillows?! GODDAMN WOMAN, what does foliage have on that kind of prospect?
IDK why, but I found these two autonomously playing a completely straight game of chess ADORABLE. ♥
*waves to Tonberry*
Zhu? Please to be explaining why you decided to walk to the other side of the house to the kitchen to eat your plate of yoghurt and fruit in Morgan's bedroom??
Whitney. Cracking your skull on the pavement is NOT one of the items on the checklist to destiny!ultimate. Its on the checklist to concussion, coma, brain heammorage et al... But definitely NOT awesome.
Memo to Whitney: Quit it!. No love, me.
Zhu, getting awfully cocky in his old age, decided to show the kitchen bookshelf how to make crepes suzette in his pyjamas. But he burned his finger and FLUNG the plate at the bookshelf instead....
Zhu: Phew, that was a close one. *relief* To think I nearly singed my index finger. Wait, can I smell burning..?
Zhu: NO LOOK I CAN REALLY SMELL BURNING, THESE PANTS ARE POLYESTER!! FAUX SILK WAS ON SPECIAL THAT WEEK!!! HALP HALP!!! O_O;;;;;
But there was no one to come help because HE is the only torch holder, and I HAD FREAKEN FORGOTTEN TO PUT A SMOKE ALARM IN THE KITCHEN.
Nett: *heads directly to noobdom, does not pass go, does NOT collect $200*
And I really could've used that $200 too *pout*
Zhu: COULD WE FOCUS HERE?!! I AM SERIOUSLY ON FIRE!!
Me: I AM AWARE, BUT THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DOOOO!! *cries*
Ughs, Hey DEATH, how's your Pauline?
DEATH: She's orrrrrriight, how's your Pauline?
Gandalf: *weeps a safe distance from his father's fuming ashes*
Zhu's ashes: *fume*
Zhu's final resting place. Well, until we move ^_^;; With the food and the music. Where he loved to be best. *sniffles*
Morgan: ME PAPAAAA!!! *weeps bitterly into her blinding white scrying dish of current misfortune*
Uh, ladies and gentlemen? I present you our current Torch Holder. She's 9. THIS DOES NOT BODE WELL! O_O;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; *and continues to ;;;;;;; out the wazoo*
Dear me, and Morgan continued to not take heirdom well. She was pretty much 100/100 with her dearly departed Dad. I'd tell her to do anything and she'd break down into tears.
And then, I CAN ONLY ASSUME, she tried to top herself by going swimming briefly then standing out in the snow in her wet swimsuit for hours on end. ARE YOU TRYING TO END THIS CHALLENGE BEFORE ITS EVEN GOTTEN OFF THE GROUND?!
This was my most PRESSING concern however. With no useful adults in the house, and Morgan being apparently unable to cook ANYTHING, HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO FEED EVERYONE?!?! Especially the two boys. If they starved, all the kids would get taken and then challenge, AGAIN over. *FRAUGHT LIKE YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE*
Okay I KNOW the rubbish just left on the ground to fester is TOTES disgusting, but the IMPORTANT THING HERE IS FOOD HAS ARRIVED. LISTEN TO LITTLE MORGAN, AND EVERYONE PLEASE EAT IT OKAY?!?! Morgan you too cause if you die then the kids are SCREWED and will get taken away in this situation as well. SO EAT!
You eat, then Morgan doesn't have to be thrown into an orphan workhouse to forget her identity completely and then one day be fooled into thinking she's a lost princess of an antiquated yet totes romantical slain monarchy, and fall in love with a grifter named John Cusack Dimitri.
...And that's the MAIN THING!!
Morgan: I know its life saving and challenge saving and, well saving in general, but don't you think this pizza is TOTALLY questionable?! DDDDD:
Gandalf: *sleeps in an actual bed*
Me: *dies of complete shock*
Look you two, I don't care if these kinds of shenanigans go on when Morgan is a teen, but right now? THIS IS NOT ADVISABLE! *stress*
*eyeboggle* THIS IS WHAT COMES OF SNOWY ESCAPADES -- SIMS ARE CONVERTED TO BOBBLE HEADS!!!!! AUUUUUGH!!
OKay I know she did a heck of a lot of sleeping NOT in their bed before Zhu died, but ever since he did its almost like Whitney decided to make a concerted effort to NEVER sleep in it again. Keeping it pristine to his memory or something. IDK. But before when she made it to their bed SOME of the time, now she NEVER DOES. Couches are the closest thing she gets to to actually sleeping and not just passing out. Frustrating, yes, but heartbreakingly sweet ALSO yes.
RandomTownieWhoJustWalkedInWithoutBeingGreetedOrAnything: I WILL WATCH YOU EAT THOSE EGGS. I BET THAT TOAST IS CRISPY *stare*
Whitney: She's not there, she's not there, she's not there...
Except she WAS there, and thankfully she decided to make food for the kids. IDK how or why but THANK HER COTTON SOCKS EYEBALLS OF STARE-YNESS +7!
Whitney is fully into kissing animals. Her OTP is gone forever and thusly she's turned to lesbionic adventures featuring kisses with Wylma. Okay so its not REAL beastiality, but look at her serious face, she's totally picturing Wylma as Zhu. Heartbreaking or completely bloody pants of crazy? YOU DECIDE!
Yes yes, that's all very nice for you, GET TO THE PIZZA ORDERING, STAT!!!
OH. SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!! O_O;;; WHERE THE HELL IS THE NANNY?!?!?!?
*fingers crossed against social worker entire limbs crossed against social worker fingers crossed against social worker hair braided in several different configurations and then re-crossed against social worker toes crossed against social worker fingers crossed against social worker eyeballs crossed against social worker*
HOW CAN THE TWO OF YOU SIT HERE BEING SO SERENE AND EVERY-DAY IN THE FACE OF THIS KIND OF PERIL?!?! HOOOW?!?!?!?! *panics and flails and panics some more*
Oh ABOUT TIME. Where the HELL have you been, ApparentlyEmoNanny?!?
ApparentlyEmoNanny™: DON'T LOOK AT ME! YOU CAN NEVER UNDERSTAND ME!! YOU'RE NOT MY MUM!! *flamboyantly smooths hair across forehead*
Oh jeessssssus woman, I couldn't give a flying fruit smoothie what you're REALLY like, as long as you're a warm adult-counting body to keep my kids from being took. THAT'S RIGHT, I OBJECTIFY THE HELP! *controversial*
Um, isn't this the witch idling animation? O_O;; What's it doing in my very VERY apartment lifeless game? Also, anyone else think Morgan needs a serious, SERIOUS make-over? Its not just me, right?
VOILA!!! A proper face for our current torch holder..! Much more flattering, y/y?
Whitney: I'm still gorgeous right? In spite of the fact I get no real sleep? Those eyebags are in, yes? Heroin chic is back? If I just make sure I'm still pretty I don't have to go back and sleep with the memories... I AM STILL PRETTY RIGHT, HANDMIRROR?!!?
HandMirror: Uh, well, uh... *feels awkward*
Whitney: VALIDAATE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
All that validation tuckered her out and clearly the footpath is much more beneficial than any bed... *rolls*
Morgan joins the ranks of sim children that are way way WAY too excited to attend school. I guess she gets fed something OTHER than pizza there? IDK.
Whitney: Dear Diary. Everything is broken. Including all the chairs since I'm sitting on the floor for no other discernable reason.
BarStoolInPerfectlyExcellentCondition: *attempts to be incognito*
EverythingElse: *smokes*
Um, I'm sorry, what?
ZHU!! THAT IS UNFAIR!! How dare you up the freaken self-wetting tally! >_<;;;
Goddamn, he's OH SO pleased with himself. WELL I HOPE YOU'RE PLEASED WITH YOURSELF IN HELL, MISTER..! Well, wait, I guess he's not in hell, he's probably got his day job as Altar Cleanser back or something after his new stint at mortality. So he's all pleased with himself AND he gets an all-you-can-eat buffet. DAMMIT!
Blame your father, Gandalf, since he's apparently decided to up his devil types and add trickster-demon to the mix. Blame him REAL good.
Every night a growing number of wolves and the LotP lurk about outside the front door of the Bajie estate. And then they do this. WAY to sell yourselves, guys. Yeah I'm TOTALLY interested in your way of life and would really REALLY want to subscribe to your magazine. Truly. Ruly. >_>;;
OH MY GOD GAME, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?!?! MORGAN IS ORDERING PIZZAS AS FAST AS SHE CAN!!
Gandalf: WHO CARES ABOUT PIZZA?!?! I'VE NO HOPE IN GROWING UP WELL! ERGO, DEATH TO ALL RUBBISH BINS!
Morgan and Xenocrates: *Noms and pretends they don't see him*
And FINALE! Its totes like an episode of NCIS you guys, I leave you with the same image as the beginning, cept I don't have that soft drumbeat thnger sound and the image hasn't gone black and white. Budgetry restrictions, you know the drill... ;) ;) TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR HOLY CRAP IS THE CHALLENGE OVER CAUSE THE KIDS GET TAKEN? OR NO?!?!
PS: WTH those pyjamas make Gandalf look like he has chest hair *just noticed*
---
Current Challenge Stats:
Torch-Holders: 2 <-- Well okay there's only one, but there's BEEN two...
Perma-Platinum Sims: 0
Shrink Visits: 0
Social Bunny Visits: 0
Social Worker Visits: 0
Pass Outs: 21 <-- This is getting RIDICULOUS, you guise!!
Self-Wetting: 2 (6)
Repo-Man Visits: 0
Fires: 1
Fights: 0
Deaths: 2
Abductions: 0
Overheating/Freezing: 0