ILU2DEATH..! 1.3 // Rainbow Legacy 1.3
CAUTION: 61 shots = 3.2MB download. Dial-uppers and those on evil caps? Ye be warned! The usual round of sex, drugs and potty mouth action lie seductively beneath the cut ;)
PS: Not sure if this one is funny.. If its not, SORRY! If it is: OH THANK GOD XD
Need to catch up? Rainbow Legacy Archive
We revisit the Kohler-Wielles, a little while post Lucy's death, to find Craven spending all his time half-naked, drowning his sorrows for wife three in introspective prose. His oldest children, however, continute to excel in school and appear none the worse for wear after witnessing the drowning death of the only mother they've ever conciously known.
The pets, however have not fared so well. Lulu in particular has changed since Lucy's death. Whenever anyone goes to pet her or give her any form of love she shirks away, cowering. Valencia is wounded by this behaviour, but from then on resolves to leave Lulu be...
...Choosing instead to teach her Sulfur Crested Cockatoo, Saffron, to talk like she's a british criminal engaged in a heist.
V: Can you say Guv'nor?
Saffron: Two minutes, Turkish
V: Guv'nrrr, Gov'nor
Saffron: Five minutes, Turkish
V: *sighs* It was TWO minutes five minutes ago... DO YOU KNOW WHAT NEMESIS MEANS?
Risso + This Log Chair = OTP
I can't get him to prefer his bed. Even when there isn't an enormous dog monopolising it, he still wanders over here for a bit of a kip as soon as the sun goes down.
Is this like one of my friend's theories that to get out of bed in the middle of the night when she needs to pee is madness, so she just lies there, busting, until morning? You're too lazy to go to your ten point comfort bed with the million thread count sheets because its on the second floor, so you'd rather a splintery rough-hewn log bench?
ENOUGH MOPING CRAVEN! TIME TO GET BACK IN THE LISA SADDLE! Bit o' Ramirez always serves to fire up the loins for re-wifing. Guaranteed. Maybe its her turn?
Out for a bit of on-the-town wife scouting, and LOOK WHO WILL NEVER SHUN CRAVEN AGAIN?! Its the waitress from the swanky restaurant that turned him down when he first moved to this little corner of Simlandia.
She spilled the chef's special all over him. ALTHOUGH last time I checked, the chef's special was a tapas style seafood dish. Where's the prawns in this mess? And why are there so many forks? *counts six forks in this mess of salad*
Lettuce, tomatoes, lemon and orange slices. You know, with a bit of good danish feta I bet that's actually RIDICULOUSLY delicious.
*wonders if I can convince someone to prepare that this week*
*also wonders about getting clumsy in as a bride*
Uterus donation is the LEAST she can do, ne?
V!! >_<;;;; NOT YOU TOO!!! *weeps* YOU. HAVE. A. BED.
Magically, and for no reason I could fathom, there ended up being two nannies in the house. One slightly less annoying than the other. Slightly. BUT! This one, (the slightly less annoying one), well she happened to a) have my favourite default face template, and b) INEXPLICABLY HAD RED HAIR!
This made me squee like a mad woman thinking that this meant that she was a red-head and we all know how much I love getting me some red-hair bred into my families. I since know that this nanny having red hair is PURELY caused by the fact that Peggy is CRAZY PANTS and apparently believes that when you get old, your hair turns red, not grey. So this Nanny could've had ANY hair colour (turns out it was actually blonde) but I didn't know that at the time and so I shamelessy flexed my hackery fingers and aged her down as a potential fourth wife for Craven.
I DO NOT REGRET!
And look what she transitioned into! DAMN GIRL, you got yourself some wild streak in your re-found youth. I WANT YOU IN THIS LEGACY! Pity you have to die in a fire, but you get to be young again, that's worth it, right?
Second Nanny is all WTH HAPPENED TO YOU AND HOW DO I GET SOME?!
See this, lady? THIS Is why you don't get a chance at a second youth. THE. COT. IS. RIGHT. THERE.
Is this why Valencia and Risso keep choosing lawn furniture to sleep on instead of their beds? Because Nannies (and damn Lucy) kept putting them on the floor instead of their expensive vintage cots?! >_<;;;;;
NANNIES, I BLAME YOU!
Since their relationship was so high, I decided to throw caution to the wind and get Craven to ask Lisa to, finally, move in. The scene was set, he'd said and done and touched all the right things to juice her up into a very accommodating mood...
...And she turned him down.
I was all WTF HOW DARE YOU SAY NO TO CRAVEN AFTER ALL THE SCENES YOU CONSTANTLY MAKE! DID THE WALL PUT UP WITH YOUR DRUNKEN MOANING FOR NOTHING!?!
And then I FINALLY noticed this. I know I mentioned knowing in episode one that she was married to Checo Ramirez, but I didn't know it at the time of playing this. (Yeah, I played FAR ahead, what of it? XD).
WELL DAMMIT FINE. GOD. Whatever, you can be his booty call forever, you seem to love it except at weddings when you cry about wanting it to be you but then you turn him down when he asks.
MAKE UP YOUR MIND, LADY!
I'm intruiged by the fact that everyone makes a beeline for the grand in this house (especially guests) but NO ONE considers painting. Not artistic, anyone? At least I can be assured the kids wont deafen me with their karaoke stylings when they're older. YES ladies and gentlemen, THE RUMOURS ARE TRUE!! Constant, diligent piano practice in which you never EVER open your mouth except to facilitate impassioned face-making will improve your singing style. Its absolutely common knowledge that ALL concert pianists have voices of angels.
The alleged pedo-bear at jtph_jo 's wedding and his amazingly impressive casio keyboard + vocal skills are living proof!
*vaguely wonders if this means Risso will grow up to sound like Alan Rickman*
God, that'd be awesome. Risso say chair! Say lamp! Say cake..!
OoOoOoh, and now you KNOW its not a lie. *sighs happily, fanning self*
I'd have to immediately go out and marry my self-sim to him. Except she's already married and living in ecstatic bliss with four hundred babies. BUT STILL! You MAKE time for Alan Rickman!
Noelle (oh yeah, that's her name, LIKE CHRISTMAS! :D) picks up an infant and I am instantly afraid she will display the same fail childcare as she was performing as a nanny...
OH MY GOD! Is that someone actually putting a baby INTO A CRIB?!!? Does this mean this child might actually ENJOY SLEEPING IN THEIR BED for once!?
Noelle, I AM SORRY FOR MY DOUBT!! You WIN at life. Although if you could explain to me why you were so useless as an old nanny but now you're all hottie refreshed adult you're autonomously AWESOME at childcare, that would be nice. *head asplodes*
Craven: Congratulations on being super hot, Noelle. *grabs boob* Wanna move in and be a mother to my kids?
Noelle: Oh I thought you'd NEVER ask! *delighted*
Okay, its official, I love her. I don't care about you, Craven. Its ALL about Noelle. Well, for now any way. /fickle
Don't think I've forgotten you, Marylena <33333333333 She's the SWEETEST ghost, she gets up every night and just floats around her kids, making sure they're okay. I STILL LOVE YOU MARYLENA, DON'T WORRY! NOELLE CAN NEVER REPLACE YOU! /A.D.D.
I picked your daughter for heir and everything. You like, y/y? :D
Noelle appears to know who granted her renewed youth, and her wants even when not on a date are always 100% All Craven, ALL THE TIME..! CRAVEN..! CRAVEN! CRAAAVEN! And then she rolled this. KISS OF DEATH, NOELLE! I'm holding you to that, but I promise you'll go out happy :D
*sings Blaze of Glory and blames Its My Life coming on the radio while I was in therapy today* Also, I admit, I like Bon Jovi, I AM NOT ASHAMED!
In the middle of the night, the new couple check on the infants and instead of going back to bed, they wander out onto the balcony to take in the ocean spray and the refreshing night air. Craven turns to give Noelle an appreciative backrub, while his underwear just appreciates.
Noelle's underwear: *bes frilly and petite*
Craven's Boxers: HUNGREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...!
Guaranteed way of assuring feeding time? Popping the question!
Arguably Craven's most romantic proposal yet, (breakfast pre work, front yard by bursting rubbish bin, breakfast before dirty nappies, balcony on a picturesque clear night... WE HAVE A WINNER!) Noelle of course accepts, pops the top of her platinum status and feeds his pants right there on the balcony. And then against the stairwell downstairs. And then on the kitchen counter. And in the hallway on the way to the hot tub...
...And then IN the hot tub. And then the pants demanded a nap.
While the house is in uproar organising another wedding, Lucy's twins grew to toddler's in a small but cake-filled birthday party on the beach. Sienna's features uh... Well I'm hoping this is just bruising by being whacked with a generic brand ugly stick and that the swelling will go down by the time she reaches adulthood. Poor little dear, she IS a bundle of love, no matter how much glass her cheeks can cut. At any rate, from all the fetch in the hallway Craven has the glazier set to two on speed dial.
OCHRE!!!! Eeeeee! Total clone of his father only with his mum's dark skin. He looks almost exactly like lemon_lime35 's original sim I based Craven off of. SPOOOKY! XD
And yes, I gave them identical toddler suits. OH YEAH, I WENT THERE..! I think that's the kinda gal Lucy would've been. ^_^;;
The wedding is upon us! Craven and Noelle invite Count North Northington as a courtesy but assume he wont show up because of the time of day the ceremony was planned. GUESS AGAIN!
MOST. IDIOTIC. VAMPIRE. EVER. Not only does he show, but he shows EARLY: as in midday. WTF!?! He wanders in in his dead-everything outfit and then freaks out that the sun is 'at its zenith' and he has to leave before he burns to a crisp. NOT THE LEOPARD SKIN! THE MINK! OOOOOH THE ZEBRA!!! What a choob.
On the beach, by the surf; Craven in his yellow-shirted suit, Noelle in a shimmering gold mini-dress. The couple enthusiastically exchange vows while the usual suspects (almost entirely women -- its like a queue of future death! XD) watch on, taking bets on how long the miracle bride will last wishing the couple all the best in their future life together.
Can I just reiterate that I think its SO MEGA ADORABLE that he's always SO happy when he's at the altar!? Although I'm not sure this time, he seems a little... Melancholy this time around, don't you think?
Awwwww little Risso approves of his new mummy! Look at him all pleased! *snuggles his little face*
*wonders how his weight on that chair hasn't sunk it into the sand nearly all the way... Especially with its proximity to the water...*
Wedding elation increases physical bouyancy?
Valencia, too, is quietly pleased. Wow she's got a big nose. XD Its the kind of nose an uncle or some close male friend of the family would find irresistible to 'steal' and say "GOTYANOSE..!!" to try and tease the owner with. Only I never understood how that worked. Your nose clearly doesn't have a thumbnail on it, nor does it look anything like a thumb.
While we're on the subject, what made clearly VERY white older males think that they could do that to very clearly NOT white six year old me and expect me to react with shock and dismay? How exactly would my "DON'T BE STUPID, MY NOSE DOESN'T HAVE A FINGERNAIL AND ISN'T THAT COLOUR" be a shocking display of intelligence in a six year old? And then why would they keep doing it like there was some joke I was clearly not getting and if they just said "GOTYANOSE!!" enough times I'd relent and say "Oh you've got me, how very clever of you to take my nose without so much as an alcoholic swab and a scalpel *cry cry* please return it to my face so that I may continue to breathe like I have been doing for the last ten minutes while you continued this idiotic charade..?" NOT. ROCKET. SCIENCE. STUPID. OLD. MEN.
So back to the wedding... ^_^;;
Craven delicately feeds Noelle some of their wedding cake and everyone applauds. Really I'm surprised he didn't fork her in the chin with THAT bountiful view a few inches to the south... Even I'm distracted. XD Looking all flavours of bond-girl fine, Noelle ♥
Witness: Lisa, happy to be at a wedding of Craven's. Unlike the last few where she got completely plastered and animatedly told stucco that Craven was an awesome kisser, or when he married Lucy and decided it was beneath him and so got angry at grass...
Anyone else figuring she's only THIS STOKED cause she assumes Noelle will be struck by lightning in a week and she'll be able to resume her place in Craven's arms?
PUT DOWN THE TURKEY, NETTLES! WHATEVER YOUR TRAUMA IS, WE CAN TALK THROUGH IT! ITS NOT WORTH YOUR LIFE!!
Its so sad that the only place I'll ever enjoy eating actual poultry again is by watching my simself eating it. Why is it though that when she does this, I want to make her selectable and give her food poisoning? IF I CAN'T EAT IT, NEITHER CAN YOU, NETTLES..!
The nanny employed to look after the toddlers while the wedding is proceeding, not surprisingly, blows MAJOR CHUNKS. Poor Ochre keeps falling asleep on the floor by his crib, and then waking up to rub his face in this most RIDICULOUSLY ADORABLE FASHION!
*hasn't toyed with the idea of keeping him almost constantly sleep deprived so he constantly does this AT ALL*
Sienna spent the entire ceremony staring into space. Without blinking. With that Mona-Lisa smirk on her face.
*cower*
Cube? Why are you a maid in the Kohler-Wielle house when you appear to be a highly decorated Commodore? ZOMG DOES THIS MAKE YOU THE 'MYSTERIOUS STRANGER' THAT APPEARS ONLY IN JANUARY?!
Mystery solved..! He's slumming it to see how people 'in the real world' live, and thats what he does the other 11 months of the year when not skulking around picturesque manicured gardens waiting to talk to impressionable young maidens. He's royalty! Toddler hating royalty, but everybody's gotta have flaws, amirite? :D
Risso continues his obsession with the breasts of his step-mothers/potential step-mothers. Kind of worried what this constant stream of new mums is doing to the kids... Risso really is all about visually quality test their racks. Risso, honey? Her face is a little higher...
Yeah, Lyna, right there with you, babe. Ten year olds checking out your chest = not okay! Inverse pedo-bear?
Maybe he's struggling with missing having a constant mother and its coming out in an and advanced/early-onset boob fetish... Yeah that doesn't make it better. RUN FOR THE HILLS, LYNA!
'SUP PIERCE BROSNAN HAL..?!!
Noelle might be a STUNNING package to look at, an animal in the sack (actually have they even done it in a bed? Waiting for marriage?!? *snerks*) and a queen of childcare, but dayum the poor girl can't dance. Poor Craven toes, so crushed like shoe-toe shaped mrm.
Lisa has a yellow bikini as standard?! SCREW YOU CHECO, I AM GETTING THIS WOMAN INTO THE KOHLER-WIELLES.
Craven and Noelle do their best impersonation of an action film movie poster -- CATCH EM IF YOU CAN!! -- fleeing the wedding to excitedly jump each others bones in the limo on their honeymoon. And THIS time Craven gets to enjoy every single moment of it, magically youth-rejuvinated nannies know how to care for that inner child. ^_~
Noelle? I BLAME YOU for Craven's future almost constant dress of choice and the terrifying gut he grows over it. YOU'RE A FEEDER, LADY! GOD! Why put me through that woman? >_<;;;
That being said, I feel really sad she'll never get that LTW. *pouts* Yes I know, another Family/Cancer. I project. Its okay. I can still have a love/hate with her.
While Dad and their new mother are practicing The Kama Sutra: Travel Edition; Valencia watches over her little brother and sister with a keen eye for teaching them life lessons.
The Nanny continues to leave bottles lying about on all floors of the house, allowing their contents to fester and rot. Mmmmm, healthy.
Valencia: YOU WANT THE BOAT LITTLE BOY!?
Ochre: Yus pwease, Wehwensssaaa. *worry worry*
Valencia: Well you can't have it, boats go on water and do you know where your mother died? IN THE WATER. Go play with a rocket. Mums don't die in space.
Uh, V? They do but you just don't hear them scre-- um.. Oh, nevermind. ^_^;;;
The limo returns ferrying its newlywed cargo and Noelle struts from its rear seats, down the footpath. Either the limosuine is fitted with one of those novelty musical chimers that play some hysterically annoying midi whenever it reverses, OR! I heard the conception lullaby. WHICH MEANS! GUESS WHO'S KNOCKED UP!?
Noelle: IS IT ME?!?!
Me: Yes, you ridiculous cutie, it is! ♥
Noelle: YAAAAY!!
Noelle further enjoys her new-found youth and re-hotted, newly impregnated body by indulging in enmasse sexy times with Craven. The honeymooon, it certainly IS NOT over.
*gets massive lols out of my gerbera-censors* You look like a hilarious flower-child, Noelle! *apologises to her*
Hi Marylena! You just woke up to check on your kids? :D They're getting good grades, always feed their pets, love all their new mums and are pretty well-adjusted. Almost. Kind of. Mostly.
See? Valencia always has time to give love to whoever needs it. No need to worry, Marylena. ^_^ Awww, Persia is delirious with belly-rubbin' joy. Don't bite your own tongue off now, k puppy?
WOO! Ochre has completely gotten a handle on this whole navigational + ambulatory science and is STOKED!! Check it out! He's going! And going..! No idea where he's headed, but he's heading. And he likes it.
Craven: Once upon a time, on a farm far away, a Father Duck had been sitting on a clutch of eggs. One morning the eggs hatched and out popped six fluffy, delightful little ducklings, and one huge grey duckling who, though still cute and fluffy, was very different to her brothers and sisters...
Sienna: *stare stare stare*
Craven: ... So the different, still really cute, duckling was shunned by the other farmyard animals even though her father did his best to console her, the biggest little duckling felt nobody wanted her. And so one day she ran away...
Sienna: *STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARE*
Craven: ... And she found some other birds who weren't ducklings and they said she was the prettiest Swan that ever lived and the not-so-grey-not-duckling felt totally vindicated and went back to the farm to kill all the animals that shunned her with her laser sight. And she lived happily ever after. The end.
Sienna: *Mona-Lisa Smirk*
Where you going in nothing but your swimming trunks, Craven?
Craven: Why, I'm going to be driving my son to school!
Risso: *mortified*
Awwwww, its okay Risso. This will build character. Or pay to feed and shelter a therapist and their family. Either way its going to enrich someones life, and thats personally rewarding, isn't it?
Zeus, the Goldendoodle of virility and love, has done what none of Craven's wives have achieved. Reached his twilight years. ♥ Now he spends much of his time sitting by the waves, watching the frothy surf. Ostensibly wondering if there's any merdogs that have been turned into foam that he can have sexy times with. Its not cheating if its mythical. :D
So. Things you didn't know about Valencia for a thousand... She kind of... Lurks around in the front yard doing seemingly innocuous things until a female walk-by appears. Then she instantly runs over to them and greets them to her home. Has a conversation...
And then checks out their ball-skills. Even though she gets on famously with Noelle, I think.. Uh... She seems to be screening future sperm repositories for her dear old dad... ^_^;;;
Why so shifty Risso? Are you pretending to be a Spy? Nobody's watching, V's off checking the hand-eye coordination of a plucky brunette and Noelle's playing with Lulu in the kitchen...
OH! Detergent!?!? *cracks up* You little rebel, you <3333
Grilled cheese make Craven crazy. I don't even have Free Time and yet since marrying Noelle he's always jonesing for a grilled cheese fix. Maybe cause its coloured similar to her? MmmMMmm this every-time food reminds me of my delicious, age-defying wife..!?
Because this installment was going to be MAMMOTH I've split in in half. NO DEATH FOR YOU!!! So I'll leave you with a picture of Risso getting some sweet sweet womrat kisses from Daffodil. D'awwww..! Its not beastiality when its just little kisses, k!?
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