The Behr Legacy 2.1
Want to catch up? The Behrs @ katu_sims, and The Behrs @ fightocrime
CAUTION: 61 images for a 3.3Mb download. Tasteful nudity, language, adult themes: and I had something stuck under my 'S' key the whole time so if I have random missing Ss, THIS IS WHY! xD
Previously at home with the Behrs, approximately one day passed. xD There was LOTS of pixel_trade pretty, Elfin Magic sured up her position as heir, attempted to get generation three on the road and failed miserably - not that she was trying too hard. Athena Isela crushed and hated on a bunch of girls and The Behr Necessities opened to great fanfare, vampires, and a hell of a lot of lauriethemuppet brand sims. xD
And we're BACK on the ranch.. And by ranch I mean shop, in fair Verona Awesomesaucia where we lay our scene... Norah Inkstaind-Stars (SHOCKINGLY, inkstaind_stars xD) demands that she be taken seriously even whilst wearing super adorable ears. THE DRAMA! THE INTRUIGUE! THE BARRIER BREAKAGE OF IT ALL.
Okay so she just decided to play hardball on whether or not she'd buy that second pet rock and that third Chest of Booty. Which is understandable, even at the bargain prices at The Behr Necessities, does one REALLY need an uneven quantity of booty? And even if one did, do they really want it in their chest? Surely this is an anatomy fail?
APPARENTLY ONE DOES!!
Her hates and disagreeableness just makes this magically big bag's sale all the sweeter. ♥ Every big bag, its like a little ray of BOOYAH! straight into my heart. ^_^
MIND THE UTERUS, WOMAN!! We need that for later O_O;;;;;
And thusly I was inspired to download Numenor's cash register trainer (recommended by katu), cause seriously do not want bruised Behr wombs please and thankyou.
Speaking of the Inkstaind-Stars family...
Elfin Magic: Well HELLOOOOOOO Dawn Inkstaind-Stars (inkstaind_stars). Gotta get me some of that sweet something something on a stick. He can shop here any time, discount upon arrival. Guaranteed. *melts*
Elfin Magic: BUT NOT FOR THIS SIM! THIS SIM IS FUG. DOUBLE FUG.
OMG I can't remember who's sim this is or what his name is! >_<;; I was so good at screenshotting everyone's mouse-overs but somehow I missed his. I AM SORRY WHOEVER MADE HIM AND TO THE ACTUALLY SIM! I find him ADORABLE and got him cause I wanted his face in the Cullens. APOLOGIES AGAIN ORIGINAL MAKER!
Elfin Magic: I don't care that he's hard done by and has no name that you can recall. OR NO PARENTS. Freaken orphan is so repulsive *dry retch*
O_O;;; Its certainly all or nothing with Fin, isn't it?
*gasps* DO WANT ARAMIL NAILO (dragancaor)! The man is super hot and has such interestingly chiseled features. I ENJOY! I just hope 'Fin enjoys... ^_^;;
Elfin Magic: HELL YES I ENJOY! *unnatractive man face*
Er, well, as good as this is, could you put that face away, nevermind that its scaring the customers, its scaring me!
Athena Isela: HALP HALP! I'M BEING OPPRESED BY A BIG SCARY DOG! *cowers*
Honey? He's about the size of your shoe... O_O;;; WHY SO AFEARED?!
Men in Black anyone?
*is now never getting that song out of her head*
WOOTS!! Fin and Athena had been jonesing for a car since they moved in. And I could finally give one to them - pretty much entirely thanks to lauriethemuppet's sims buying 9340824832 treasure chests basically without prompting in the shop.
Ladies and Gentlebeasts? I GIVE YOU: THE DODGE CHALLENGER MAGNUM! *chorus of metal angels*
So its not QUITE the Impala, not even close since they're not even the same makers... But it was close enough in my book. xD ROCK OUT WITH YOUR COCK OUT, GIRLS!
And then who should wander by the house and immeadiately start hitting on and being hit on by Elfin Magic?
I ALSO GREATLY ENJOY THIS TURN OF EVENTS! :D Ah, so much enjoyment to be had. And people wonder the appeal of The Sims. Bet you anything those are the same people that don't get why Passions is AWESOME. I mean come on: tiny, bathshit crazy, pregnant girl goes to hell and has tea with Hitler, Stalin and John Wilkes Booth? WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE!?
Passions is awesome therefore The Sims is awesome. Irrefutable proof.
Elfin Magic: *Leans on in a little closer*
Aramil Nailo: *whispers the infamous sweet nothings*
Norah Inkstaind-Stars: *swings and has no idea what she's even doing there*
Athena Isela: *doomed to dig whilst her sister makes love to the neighbourhood*
I still wanna know what sweet nothings are. I mean we've tried to talk them but having no actual idea what the prerequisites for nothings that are sweet actually are it makes them pretty hard to execute.
I mean, like, the other night when moonlapse was explaining to me that he played a particular game by mounting his virtual drive instead of loading a cd, and I pouted and asked why he wasn't at that moment mounting MY virtual drive... Would THAT count?
You gotta admit my comment was pretty sweet, although I don't believe it came to nothing, IIRC... Sweet nothing fail? xD
DAMMIT!! All that autonomous flirting and sweet nothing action and they've only got one star!? I AM UPSET NOW! 'Fin deserves way more than ONE bolt. Three bolts, only here people, ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTE! We want terrifying celebrate everything from Rufus's hair balls to the sun coming up to the act of breathing with autonomous sex. And we want it now! Or whenever is most convenient.
*gasps* OMINOUS!!
Aramil went home and then like the apparently needy validation-sustained elf he is, called 'Fin up to go downtown immeadiately. I figured why not, good place to scope out fresh man-meats and so she heartily accepted and GOT IN THE CAR!
Who should they pick up on the way? But the delectable Delcie Catface (brilliantcat) and Indis Elanesse (iliketoplaygod). Who is apparently an army major, and doesn't believe in changing into civvies to hit the town. Guys like a girl in uniform?
URK! You're a fingergunner, Fin?! And who exactly are you finger gunning at exactly anyway?
ALAS!! A wasted fingergun, we don't choose you Aramil. I'm sorry. But I'm okay with you being excited about you feeling good about yourself at the prospect of POSSIBLY being chosen. Wait, does this mean I'm supportive of Elfin Magic's being a tease. OOOPS!
Elfin Magic: NURRRRRRRRRR!!! @_@
That's what you get for choosing someone when you don't actually choose them.
Aramil Nailo: THIS DRINK IS REDIKULOUS!
Redhearded Waiter: Don't be self concious now, WORK. THAT. BEV. ERAGE.
Aramil's back was turned and his attention was still swayed by the amazingness of his cocktail, and thusly I got 'Fin to scope a little action... Apparently Malachai Darwin (stakeit_uk) is JUST as redikulous as the beverage/the back of 'Fin's head.
Unfortunately all the ladies in the house agreed...
Poor Fin waited patiently for her turn to get his number till she could wait no more and had to end their casual outing 'fore this happened:
Herakleides (sea_serpent): *exclaims to Norah's chest* OH MY GOD SHE'S DEAD! Do you think she's gonna come back and haunt us?!?!
Norah: You clearly think she already DID come back to haunt you, YOU PEED ON MY SHOES! These were my favourite wedges! *strangles*
Actually, its not pee, its water *has pee hack* so I have no clue where that water came from and feel that perhaps Norah poured it there on purpose so that she could off Herakleides, bury him in the backyard in order for the Behr girls to dig up up and sell him in their shop. The popo don't really do anything in this town so it'd be totes legal.
HOLY SHIT! Well I guess that explains the sparking button but still, to think I nearly lost her and I had NO IDEA! O_O;;;;; WHAT UP WITH THAT, PICTURE IN PICTURE ALERT SYSTEM!?!? *writes stern letter to local MP*
*sigh* Guess what this pile of mdf and crockery was? You'll never guess. I know you wont. First there was the Kinder Rock Surprise, then there was the Rug, now..?
Drumroll please... This is the freaken pots and pans rack that hangs from the ceiling. CAST. IRON. POTS. AND. PANS.
Did he levitate himself up there to rip it to shreds and alchemically turn iron into third grade timber? Truly Rufus' claws know no impediment.
I feel that 'Fin has some kind of unnatural attraction to all sims inkstaind_stars - the one in question here is Aleksander. OHMYGOD! Katu has a thing for all of her sims too... COINCIDENCE?!?!?!? O_O
*sighs* I feel you guys have an overly cavalier attitude to the sanctity of the commercial premesis. JUST BE GLAD THERE'S NO CHINA IN HERE, K?!
Nikolai Potts ( katu_sims ): *stands really really still lest someone notices him and the structural integrity of his clearly starched collar is comprimised*
And you KNOW he cares, mang.
Elfin Magic: OH MAN WYATT WILSON ( jesstheex) YOU'RE SO FREAKEN REPUGNANT! *hires as salesperson immeadiately*
Yeah IDK either, but she completely had the want to hire him even though she'd only walked up to him, dry retched, said oh hai and then dry retched again. I guess she prescribes to the don't screw the crew rule and therefore only hires men she finds physically repulsive?
So back at home, Fin desired calling Aleksander up and invite him over, considering he is a MAJOR HOTTIE, I had absolutely no problem with this at all. xD She welcomed him to her home, then wandered upstairs to the newly almost completely furnished lounge room and felt him up.
Unsurprisingly, I APPROVE!!
OMG!! DO WE HAVE A WINNER?!?!?! :D :D
Uh, I guess its possible that we don't... *as crestfallen as 'Fin*
WAIT WAIT!! WHAT?!!? PERHAPS WE DO?!?!
DAMMIT!! *sighs* After all that acr interaction I was so sure we'd had a three bolting good time winner. BUT NU! BOLTAGE LACK FOR A THOUSAND ;_;
Digging a deep hole in the middle of a snow storm. Better than a cold shower. You don't have to waste water doing it and if you manage to not freeze to death and maintain arm mobility, you GET things to sell. FOR REAL DORU! WIN WIN!
Well except for the part where you don't win with the object of your affection. BUT I DIDN'T SAY IT WAS WIN WIN WIN, DID I?!!?
Well, I guess doing weighted leg curls - lifts? The hell do I know about excercise? xD - is one way to warm up. You know, if you want to also torture yourself... O_O;;;
This seems much better in my opinion. GD girl you're whited than the bath porcelain, the tiles even O_O;;;;
She was still taking it hard so I figured I'd send her down to the shop and get her to restock and reopen with her ice-chill won booty. No use wasting energy. Well except for the fact that the shop is accros the street so she wasted THAT energy.
Carbon footprint in the sims? DOES NOT EXIST :D :D :D
Random Townie: So... Uh... No sense no feeling?
Told you, 'Fin has absolutely no respect for her shop. Although I guess if you're at a point where making snow angels in the middle of your outdoor bazaar whilst wearing only sweats and no shoes or anything seems like a good idea, you're a little past caring what the clientele think...
Ah Helena Summerdream (simgaroop ), the loyalest of all loyal staff.
Seriously, The Behr Necessities has had four employees not counting 'Fin and Athena Isela. Faustie Roksana ( mine) quit after about ten minutes sim minutes, and Jared Jenji ( lemon_lime35 ) was employed just long enough for his completely non-skilled ass to be designated the job as fill-in cashier before he screamed that it was all too much pressure and he was out. O_O;;; He didn't even make it BEHIND the cash register before he threw all his toys out of the pram and tantied his way out.
Helena, the obviously incomperable Miss Summerdream, on the other hand, by this shot was on her fourth (or maybe even fifth) happy shift.
So clearly, too 'Fin's plan of 'employing the grotesque' is working out great. Epecially I feel because everyone ELSE views Wyatt as the excessively hot piece of man meats that he is. He's clearly won over Edward Cullen (lauriethemuppet), that's for sure.
Wyatt: I hear your wife already bought three of these chests o' boootaaaay home, so CLEARLY they're her favourite. Perfume is for the weak. Are you weak Edward? I see from your sparkly demeanor that you are not. Do a little something special for the Missus? I can see her shining eyes now as you get down on one knee and pop the top.
And pop the top he will! MUAHAHAAA! Love your work, Wyatt, dazzling the dazzler!
Although he does appear to have somewhat of a problem guaging people's personal space bubbles... Also: DO NOT WANT WRIST INJURY! O_O Press that cuff down a little further there son, that clear physical deformity kinda ALARMS me greatly.
Hey, my sims, my prejudice, kk? xD DON'T JUDGE ME! Like I judge my sims... WOO HYPOCRISY! *does a wiggling hypocrisy dance*
Elfin Magic: OMG DARINA! CHECK IT OUT! Nett's doing a dance of hypocrisy - complete with sassy hip wiggle..!
Darina Tampio (johqliini): OMG WHAR!?!?!? *is pelted with snowball*
I DO NOT UNDERSTAND SIMS, why do they think this is fun!? Especially when none of them are wearing weather appropriate attire. O_O
WHAT IF YOU SLIP YOU GUYS!?
I'm 90% sure you don't have ANY public liability insurance. *frets*
I think you have enough customers to not have to build your own, 'Fin. Just saying.
I'm not sure hiring Wyatt as a saleman was really the greatest idea ever. Sure he's AMAZING at delivering the big bags (Hey there, Benjamin Ngosi (jtph_jo ), I'm sure that treasure chest'll look just GREAT in your --- where the hell does one KEEP a treasure chest anyway?! O_O) and thusly filling the Behr's wallets with money house with furniture, but 'Fin CLEARLY has waaaay too much time on her hands now.
Next thing you know she'll be dressing the now men up in top hats and tails and pretending to marry them as practice when she finally meets her three bolting true lust.
Elfin Magic: OH MY XANDER SPOON (javabean_dreams) *fans self*
Is anyone else thinking that Fin opened this shop PURELY to perve on her customers!?
WHO'S THAT FART HEARTING OVER FIN?! Lesbionically fart hearting at that?
*gasps* Hello the ever gorgeous Iida Tampio (johqliini ). Just make me wish 'Fin hadn't rolled hetero there why don't you?! THINK OF THE PRETTY IMPOSSIBLE BABIES THEY WOULD'VE MADE! Oh the gorgeous, I weep to -- eh I'm too tired for this much emotional pastiche. Let's see if Xander Spoon is gonna deliver us from the two bolt smorgasboard of verboten, Yes?
DAMMIT!! STILL ONLY TWO! And here I was dying for some pretty geek elf action.
Hey, why does this one glow and the others don't? Cut price gold in them thar chests?
Lucky Cat says PICK ME, but we don't cause I got distracted by this:
OKAY YOU CAN'T SEE THE FART HEARTING, BUT IT HAPPENED! And you see how Aleksander is all half stoned dreamy eyed still? Well he's high on lust for Xander Spoon, that's what. NO WONDER Fin fell for him hard but he was all DO NOT WANT. He was just dipping a toe in the girl cootie pond and testing out the waters for sureity. I DO NOT APPROVE OF YOU CALLOUSLY USING FIN FOR THESE PURPOSES!
'Cept you were out of the running anyway cause of your lousy two boltage >_>;;
Exhausted from all that not-working at her store, Elfin Magic trekked home and picked up a walk-by on the street. With her sister for completely oblivious chaperone, 'Fin jumed straight to the point and skipped any and all pleasantries:
Elfin Magic: So hot stuff, wanna move in, evict my sister and fill me with your viscously virilent baby shake?
Malachai Darwin: HELL NAW WOMAN! O_O I just met you on the street. That bear behind me isn't going to chew my face off now is it? I'm too young to die. Please don't remove my lower organs and feed them to your mutant bison cat?
So in order for the frustrated Fin get rid of the body dispose of the evidence to safely see Mister Darwin to the door, she RELEASED THE HOUNDS! KORTNEY MICHEALS (simmericangirl) on her still-oblivious sister. What she doesn't know, can't hurt her/be given in evidence. *sparkles*
And then she brought in suitor number 9048230493 from the street, in the sexy form of Judah Catface ( brilliantcat ). I'd be excited about this prospect, but by this point I am SO WITH Athena Isela. My hopes, they are not high. *sighs*
Like bring in from the cold, say something innapropriate, make adances, some snogging might occur and then. Not. Enough. Bolts. *sighs more*
Judah?!?! THIS IS NOT THE EQUIPMENT YOU SHOULD BE INTERESTED IN! GAH!
HOLD. THE. PHONE. HOLD IT. DO NOT LET GO OF IT!! O_O *wonder what the hell that phrase even means REALLY, or where it came from, or why it means what we think it means*
Is this or is this not autonomous face eating. Open VORTEX MOUTH inhalation even?!?
HOLY CUPCAKE BURGERS, YOU GUISE!!! DO I DARE TO DREAM?! HOPE TO HANKER?! The promise here, it is so great. *wears heart grossly on sleeve* MAAAN now I have to pay for dry cleaning >_>;; YOU GUYS BETTER MAKE THIS WORTH IT!
O_O
BOLTS OF LUSTILY LUSTY ATTRACTION IN TRIPLICATE! THEY. HAVE. LANDED.
Now we have lightning, WILL WE GET LIGHTENING?!?! *ecstatic puppy sounds*
Rufus: Just remember, I AM ALSO CUTE! Now thankyou for visiting, come again! :D Cause all the gods know that 'FinMonkey™ does in the next update... *cat whistle*
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