(no subject)
but it's all i'm doing now
listening for patterns in the sound
of an endless static sea
I'm staring out into that vacuum again
From the back porch of my mind
The only thing that's alive
I'm all there is
And I start attacking my vodka
Stab the ice with my straw
My eyes have turned red as stop lights
You seem ready to walk
You know I will call you eventually
When I wanna talk
Till then you're invisible
Cause there's this switch that gets hit
And it all stops making sense
And in the middle of drinks
Maybe the fifth or the sixth
I'm completely alone
At a table of friends
I feel nothing for them
I feel nothing!
Nothing!
Well I need a break from the city again
I think I'll ship myself back west
I got a friend there she says
"Hey anytime!"
Unless that offers expired
I have been less than frequent
She's under no obligation
To indulge every whim
And I'm so ungrateful
I take she gives and forgives
And I keep forgetting it
And each morning she wakes
With a dream to describe
Something lovely that bloomed
In her beautiful mind
I say I'll trade you one
For two nightmares of mine
I have some where I die
I have some where we all die
I'm thinking of quitting drinking again
I know I've said that a couple times
And I'm always changing my mind
Well I guess I am
But there's this burn in my stomach
And there's this pain in my side
And when I kneel at the toilet
And the morning's clean light
Pours in through the window
Sometimes I pray I don't die
I'm a goddamn hypocrite
But the night rolls around
And it all starts making sense
There is no right way or wrong
Well you just have to live
And so I do what I do
And at least I exist
What could mean more than this?
What would mean more?
Mean more?
Oh oh oh oh
hell this entire album has been the only thing ive been listening to for a week or so now. I scroll through the other hundred or two albums on my mp3 player, and it just keeps coming back to bright eyes... and always digital ash in a digital urn. The lyrics aren't especially appropriate to how im feeling at the moment, but something in conor's voice and the optimism and (theres something else there.. but i cant find a word for it.. courage? pride? something like that. He seems comfortable saying whatever he thinks) keep catching me and carrying me along for the ride.
so the question remains.. how am i at the moment? stressed, tired, strained, lonely, proud, contemplative.. all of these words would be appropriate. Lost in my own little world for most of the time.
I'm putting a lot of strain on my body from constantly caring for mum. Her walking is really bad without this new walking frame she got a couple of days ago (for long distances she's in a wheelchair now) so its tiring just helping her between watching tv and the computer. Helping someone walk is a strange thing actually, its something that your mind just automatically does, one foot then the other, but watching someone else's balance and keeping and eye out for any swaying to one side... eh its really tiring. Lifting her from sitting down each time she needs to get up is putting my back through hell right now. Major lower back pain for the past couple of weeks. I need to get some physiotherapy happening on a regular basis, and probably pilates as well or I'm bound to do some permanent damage.
I've been playing a hell of a lot of world of warcraft (as always). Seems to be my only means of escape from the world at the moment. Our guild has expanded to having about 140 members (when i joined it was about 20 people) recently, and we've just started doing guild runs of the big raid instance in the game, Molten Core, sooo much fun, especially since i get to tank there :D *proud and boastful*
Uni is really interesting, the subject's ive chosen this semester are actually things I am interested in, as opposed to things i feel i should be studying (programming, maths). So i chose philosophy. geology and functional and evolutionary biology. I forgot what a science geek i can be :). Really enjoying all the lectures so far.
All in all, its still hard to keep the balance between study, caring for mum, whilst still looking after myself.
Death
data entry
ant hill law
encoded arc our common cause
drink liquid clocks 'til i see God
crystal display
can't turn it off
shh...shh...shhhh
don't talk
don't talk
listening for patterns in the sound
of an endless static sea
I'm staring out into that vacuum again
From the back porch of my mind
The only thing that's alive
I'm all there is
And I start attacking my vodka
Stab the ice with my straw
My eyes have turned red as stop lights
You seem ready to walk
You know I will call you eventually
When I wanna talk
Till then you're invisible
Cause there's this switch that gets hit
And it all stops making sense
And in the middle of drinks
Maybe the fifth or the sixth
I'm completely alone
At a table of friends
I feel nothing for them
I feel nothing!
Nothing!
Well I need a break from the city again
I think I'll ship myself back west
I got a friend there she says
"Hey anytime!"
Unless that offers expired
I have been less than frequent
She's under no obligation
To indulge every whim
And I'm so ungrateful
I take she gives and forgives
And I keep forgetting it
And each morning she wakes
With a dream to describe
Something lovely that bloomed
In her beautiful mind
I say I'll trade you one
For two nightmares of mine
I have some where I die
I have some where we all die
I'm thinking of quitting drinking again
I know I've said that a couple times
And I'm always changing my mind
Well I guess I am
But there's this burn in my stomach
And there's this pain in my side
And when I kneel at the toilet
And the morning's clean light
Pours in through the window
Sometimes I pray I don't die
I'm a goddamn hypocrite
But the night rolls around
And it all starts making sense
There is no right way or wrong
Well you just have to live
And so I do what I do
And at least I exist
What could mean more than this?
What would mean more?
Mean more?
Oh oh oh oh
hell this entire album has been the only thing ive been listening to for a week or so now. I scroll through the other hundred or two albums on my mp3 player, and it just keeps coming back to bright eyes... and always digital ash in a digital urn. The lyrics aren't especially appropriate to how im feeling at the moment, but something in conor's voice and the optimism and (theres something else there.. but i cant find a word for it.. courage? pride? something like that. He seems comfortable saying whatever he thinks) keep catching me and carrying me along for the ride.
so the question remains.. how am i at the moment? stressed, tired, strained, lonely, proud, contemplative.. all of these words would be appropriate. Lost in my own little world for most of the time.
I'm putting a lot of strain on my body from constantly caring for mum. Her walking is really bad without this new walking frame she got a couple of days ago (for long distances she's in a wheelchair now) so its tiring just helping her between watching tv and the computer. Helping someone walk is a strange thing actually, its something that your mind just automatically does, one foot then the other, but watching someone else's balance and keeping and eye out for any swaying to one side... eh its really tiring. Lifting her from sitting down each time she needs to get up is putting my back through hell right now. Major lower back pain for the past couple of weeks. I need to get some physiotherapy happening on a regular basis, and probably pilates as well or I'm bound to do some permanent damage.
I've been playing a hell of a lot of world of warcraft (as always). Seems to be my only means of escape from the world at the moment. Our guild has expanded to having about 140 members (when i joined it was about 20 people) recently, and we've just started doing guild runs of the big raid instance in the game, Molten Core, sooo much fun, especially since i get to tank there :D *proud and boastful*
Uni is really interesting, the subject's ive chosen this semester are actually things I am interested in, as opposed to things i feel i should be studying (programming, maths). So i chose philosophy. geology and functional and evolutionary biology. I forgot what a science geek i can be :). Really enjoying all the lectures so far.
All in all, its still hard to keep the balance between study, caring for mum, whilst still looking after myself.
Death
data entry
ant hill law
encoded arc our common cause
drink liquid clocks 'til i see God
crystal display
can't turn it off
shh...shh...shhhh
don't talk
don't talk