You're My Wonderwall
*
*
Sometimes I feel
Like I am drunk behind the wheel
The wheel of prosperity
However it may roll
Give it a spin
See if you can somehow factor in
You know theres always more than one way
To say exactly what you mean to say
Was I out of my head? was I out of my mind?
How could I have ever been so blind?
I was waiting for an indication
It was hard to find
Dont matter what I say only what I do
I never mean to do bad things to you
So quiet but I finally woke up
If youre sad then its time you spoke up too
*
CHALLENGE: Can anyone name every song I've referenced in this LJ in the past week? Like, with lyrics between paragraphs? I'd like to see if any of my songs were obscure enough that some of you didn't know it.
Well another day of oblvion and Bacon. It killed time and we had a great time surfing YouTube and laffing the night away. Now my parents are yelling at me to get upstairs cuz' almost 11 and I have to get up at 7 tommorow to head off to colleges. We'll be back by saturday afternoon at the latest. Then I'm throwing a nice big back-to-school party at my house on sunday. Bacon, Shane, Kevin, Saso, Kathryn, Zahara, Gilbert, Dennis. Is there anyone I'm, missing? I need to try to spread the word from my trip so everyone knows ahead of time. probably like 330-9oclock. Come and go as you please ^.^ Polker will probably be our main game, but our games of poker are more like sitting around telling stories and jokes, with some chips changing hands every once in awhile XD it was a blast last time and im sure it will be again on sunday.
*
Dear, I fear we're facing a problem
you love me no longer, I know
and maybe there is nothing
that I can do to make you do
Mama tells me I shouldn't bother
that I ought just stick to another man
a man that surely deserves me
but I think you do!
So I cry, and I pray and I beg
Love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
love me love me
pretend that you love me
leave me leave me
just say that you need me
So I cried, and I begged for you to
Love me love me
say that you love me
leave me leave me
just say that you need me
I can't care about anything but you
Lately I have desperately pondered,
spent my nights awake and I wonder
what I could have done in another way
to make you stay
Reason will not pledge a solution
I will end up lost in confusion
I don't care if you really care
as long as you don't go
So I cry, I pray and I beg
Love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
love me love me
pretend that you love me
leave me leave me
just say that you need me
So I cried, and I begged for you to
Love me love me
say that you love me
leave me leave me
just say that you need me
I can't care about anything but you
*
I wonder if anyone is actually reading all my song lyrics XD. W/e. I'm having fun.
Felshar "The Gray Fox" World-Master, "The Great Crusader" and Bane of Ullinil! Ah, the title grows and grows.Plus Bacon and I extended the DnD campaign, but I got bored with it kinda fast so we watched Boston Legal and ... uhh... well yeah OMG YEAH IF ANYONE READS THIS PART ITS PROBABLY THE BEST PART OF ALL: Every place bacon has snuck into as his ninja so far (2 main places: a noblemans house and a castle) has had an..interesting scene. In the house, he was sneaking down a chimney that extended three floors hihg, and on the 2nd floor, he saw two (hot, young) people making out on a couch in the study. Judgeing from their rebellious smiles, they weren't suppposed to be there. He continued down, but tehn escaped the same way. As he passed by, all he saw was teh clothes (one was the clothes of a french maid) draped over the couch, and he could see the legs of the two people extending from out the other side of the couch, spasming and dancing in joy. Although on the run, he still had the sense of mind to stop and stare XD just for a moment. Then he continued on his way.
In the castle, he was sneaking around the 6th floor, and heard giggling from a room across the hall from the one he was in. He went over to investigate. He heard them shushing eachother, and then realized what was going on. He took a few moments to watch another hot couple doin' what they do best through the key hole for a little while, until finally deciding the mission was more important than his peeping Tom instincts.
QotD: "And for this portion of the adventure, we must travel onto the internet."
*
Something's in the air tonight
The sky's alive with a burning light
You can mark my words something's about to break
And I found myself in a bitter fight
While I've held your hand through the darkest night
Don't know where you're coming from but you're coming soon
To a kid from Oregon by way of California
All of this is more than I've ever known or seen
Come on and we'll sing, like we were free
Push the pedal down watch the world around fly by us
Come on and we'll try, one last time
I'm off the floor one more time to find you
And here we go there's nothing left to choose
And here we go there's nothing left to lose
So I packed my car and I headed east
Where I felt your fire and a sweet release
There's a fire in these hills that's coming down
And I don't know much but I found you here
And I can not wait another year
Don't know where you're coming from but you're coming soon
I can still hear the trains out my window
From Hobart Street to here in Nashville
I can still smell the pomegranates grow
And I don't know how hard this wind will blow
Or where we'll go
*
And...yeah...^.^ other QotD: "LOOK!!!! THE LEFT!!!!" "I hate you."
Right now, The font of the entire internet is scaled up by about 10 points. I don't know what I pressed, and I can't fix it. I feel like im 75 and my computer is set to like UBER BAD EYE SIGHT MODE. In any case, this is really weird. And its sorta pathetic cuz all i can do now is write about it and wallow in the misery that I can't fix it. Ummm...yeah. hehe ^.^
*
I walk the line
Leave it all behind
I've been waiting forever
Let's go back in time
When I could read your mind
So I've been waitin'
It took a season's going by
To know it's not my fault
I tried to be perfect.
Tried to be honest.
Tried to be everything that you ever wanted.
I tried to be stronger.
Tried to be smarter.
Tried to be everything but you...
It's been so long
Since you've been home
I used to wait up forever.
Used to say a prayer
Wishing you were there.
And I'm still waiting...
You told me once
You'd show up,
But I fell for that before
I fell to pieces
Then I woke up to no one
Just a picture of Jesus
And a house left in pieces
And it took a season's going by
To know it's not my fault.
I want you
I need you
I want to believe you
I want you
I need you
I want to believe you
I tried be perfect
Tried to be honest
Tried to be everything but you...
*
(Everything You Ever Wanted ~ Hawk Nelson)
I think I can drown out all my feelings with music. I hope so anyways. Some of the things they have to say, I hate. But some of them keep giving me hope. They rejuvinate me when I feel I'm about to break. I'm still in one piece tho. Hey, I'm Still Alive.
I thought about something today. I don;t know what it means. Let it mean what you want to you. I just thought up the words.
"What is it that keeps us hanging on the ledge? So perilously perched above a precipce that can take away all the pain? Why don't we just let go? What is it that keeps us holding on? Wouldn't it be easier to embrace the lonely road? Sometimes I wonder why I bother hanging onto this life I have. Why not embrace the Evenflow? Rush into the stream of blood and gold, and let it sweep you away? Wouldn't it be easier?"
Yeah thats all...I dont know... I tried to answer it. I think I know. what it is for me, anyways. I see what I'd miss up there at the top of the mountain. They are two different lifes but easy? is that what i really want? Naw, I know who I am better than that. Let life be easy. But when there are things that make you happy, a struggle makes it so much more worth it! But then it rains and a sad song plays. And letting go seems so much easier. At times like those, I drift into sleep and let memory seep from my veins. And I awake with new life and new energy to pursue the things I love and want. but, psst. You know what makes it terribly painful? As your muscles cramp and you struggle to hold onto that peak through a storm? What makes it truly terrible? When you know the only way you;re staying up there is by hurting the ones you;re struggling for. That really hurts. And thats tough. And holding onto the ledge THEN? Thats truly difficult.
I don't know if I want to say what I'm thinking right now......................no, thers no need. I wish there was some way to not have to say any of this. The only reason I'm keeping this journal is so I have my silent wailing wall. I need someplace to pine and wail and miss my kathryn. Cuz to her face? Oh boy, she'll never know. She'll know I still love her. But she'll think I'm having a BLAST. And i thank GOD i am such a great actor. And so great at copeing with stuff. I'll be able to convince her everything is fine and keep it that way. At least I'll be able to keep her happy while I mourn. I just hope I get over it soon...so I dont HAVE to act anymore. So i can just relax and be happy for her. (i cant help but say it: Or maybe I'll get really lucky and the storm will clear, and she'll help me up onto the peak, and we'll stare out from the mountaintop (as we have before).
OMG thers a good memory!!! From when we hiked that mountain and looked out on the laakes! Oh that was glorious And that was a new hampshire trip ^.^ Oh man i fergot how great that was. And... oh dear... this memory is quite powerful...Someplace only we know...The river. Oh kathryn if only we could reminise about that! Those hours spent there...oh my dreams will be good tonight...hehe...wow...thats a humbling memory. v.v My dreams will cheer me up. the memory however... I DID lose my family...Losing her is like losing EVERYONE i love...onmly she'd be able to understand that tho. Shes the only one who knows just how much she meant to me...and how much that family meant to me....I her.
*
You say I only hear what I want to.
You say I talk so all the time so.
And I thought what I felt was simple,
and I thought that I don't belong,
and now that I am leaving,
now I know that I did something wrong 'cause I missed you.
Yeah yeah, I missed you.
And you say I only hear what I want to:
I don't listen hard,
don't pay attention to the distance that you're running
to anyone, anywhere,
I don't understand if you really care,
I'm only hearing negative: no, no, no.
So I turned the radio on, I turned the radio up,
and this woman was singing my song:
lover's in love, and the other's run away,
lover is crying 'cause the other won't stay.
Some of us hover when we weep for the other who was
dying since the day they were born.
Well, well, this is not that;
I think that I'm throwing, but I'm thrown.
And I thought I'd live forever, but now I'm not so sure. You try to tell me that I'm clever,
but that won't take me anyhow, or anywhere with you.
You said that I was naive,
and I thought that I was strong.
I thought, "hey, I can leave, I can leave."
Oh, but now I know that I was wrong, 'cause I missed you.
Yeah, I missed you.
You said you caught me cause u want me and one day you'll let me go.
You try to give away a keeper, or keep me 'cause you know you're just scared to lose.
And you say, "Stay."
And you say I only hear what I want to.
*
And btw, it hasn't stopped raining since she left.
*
*
Sometimes I feel
Like I am drunk behind the wheel
The wheel of prosperity
However it may roll
Give it a spin
See if you can somehow factor in
You know theres always more than one way
To say exactly what you mean to say
Was I out of my head? was I out of my mind?
How could I have ever been so blind?
I was waiting for an indication
It was hard to find
Dont matter what I say only what I do
I never mean to do bad things to you
So quiet but I finally woke up
If youre sad then its time you spoke up too
*
CHALLENGE: Can anyone name every song I've referenced in this LJ in the past week? Like, with lyrics between paragraphs? I'd like to see if any of my songs were obscure enough that some of you didn't know it.
Well another day of oblvion and Bacon. It killed time and we had a great time surfing YouTube and laffing the night away. Now my parents are yelling at me to get upstairs cuz' almost 11 and I have to get up at 7 tommorow to head off to colleges. We'll be back by saturday afternoon at the latest. Then I'm throwing a nice big back-to-school party at my house on sunday. Bacon, Shane, Kevin, Saso, Kathryn, Zahara, Gilbert, Dennis. Is there anyone I'm, missing? I need to try to spread the word from my trip so everyone knows ahead of time. probably like 330-9oclock. Come and go as you please ^.^ Polker will probably be our main game, but our games of poker are more like sitting around telling stories and jokes, with some chips changing hands every once in awhile XD it was a blast last time and im sure it will be again on sunday.
*
Dear, I fear we're facing a problem
you love me no longer, I know
and maybe there is nothing
that I can do to make you do
Mama tells me I shouldn't bother
that I ought just stick to another man
a man that surely deserves me
but I think you do!
So I cry, and I pray and I beg
Love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
love me love me
pretend that you love me
leave me leave me
just say that you need me
So I cried, and I begged for you to
Love me love me
say that you love me
leave me leave me
just say that you need me
I can't care about anything but you
Lately I have desperately pondered,
spent my nights awake and I wonder
what I could have done in another way
to make you stay
Reason will not pledge a solution
I will end up lost in confusion
I don't care if you really care
as long as you don't go
So I cry, I pray and I beg
Love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
love me love me
pretend that you love me
leave me leave me
just say that you need me
So I cried, and I begged for you to
Love me love me
say that you love me
leave me leave me
just say that you need me
I can't care about anything but you
*
I wonder if anyone is actually reading all my song lyrics XD. W/e. I'm having fun.
Felshar "The Gray Fox" World-Master, "The Great Crusader" and Bane of Ullinil! Ah, the title grows and grows.Plus Bacon and I extended the DnD campaign, but I got bored with it kinda fast so we watched Boston Legal and ... uhh... well yeah OMG YEAH IF ANYONE READS THIS PART ITS PROBABLY THE BEST PART OF ALL: Every place bacon has snuck into as his ninja so far (2 main places: a noblemans house and a castle) has had an..interesting scene. In the house, he was sneaking down a chimney that extended three floors hihg, and on the 2nd floor, he saw two (hot, young) people making out on a couch in the study. Judgeing from their rebellious smiles, they weren't suppposed to be there. He continued down, but tehn escaped the same way. As he passed by, all he saw was teh clothes (one was the clothes of a french maid) draped over the couch, and he could see the legs of the two people extending from out the other side of the couch, spasming and dancing in joy. Although on the run, he still had the sense of mind to stop and stare XD just for a moment. Then he continued on his way.
In the castle, he was sneaking around the 6th floor, and heard giggling from a room across the hall from the one he was in. He went over to investigate. He heard them shushing eachother, and then realized what was going on. He took a few moments to watch another hot couple doin' what they do best through the key hole for a little while, until finally deciding the mission was more important than his peeping Tom instincts.
QotD: "And for this portion of the adventure, we must travel onto the internet."
*
Something's in the air tonight
The sky's alive with a burning light
You can mark my words something's about to break
And I found myself in a bitter fight
While I've held your hand through the darkest night
Don't know where you're coming from but you're coming soon
To a kid from Oregon by way of California
All of this is more than I've ever known or seen
Come on and we'll sing, like we were free
Push the pedal down watch the world around fly by us
Come on and we'll try, one last time
I'm off the floor one more time to find you
And here we go there's nothing left to choose
And here we go there's nothing left to lose
So I packed my car and I headed east
Where I felt your fire and a sweet release
There's a fire in these hills that's coming down
And I don't know much but I found you here
And I can not wait another year
Don't know where you're coming from but you're coming soon
I can still hear the trains out my window
From Hobart Street to here in Nashville
I can still smell the pomegranates grow
And I don't know how hard this wind will blow
Or where we'll go
*
And...yeah...^.^ other QotD: "LOOK!!!! THE LEFT!!!!" "I hate you."
Right now, The font of the entire internet is scaled up by about 10 points. I don't know what I pressed, and I can't fix it. I feel like im 75 and my computer is set to like UBER BAD EYE SIGHT MODE. In any case, this is really weird. And its sorta pathetic cuz all i can do now is write about it and wallow in the misery that I can't fix it. Ummm...yeah. hehe ^.^
*
I walk the line
Leave it all behind
I've been waiting forever
Let's go back in time
When I could read your mind
So I've been waitin'
It took a season's going by
To know it's not my fault
I tried to be perfect.
Tried to be honest.
Tried to be everything that you ever wanted.
I tried to be stronger.
Tried to be smarter.
Tried to be everything but you...
It's been so long
Since you've been home
I used to wait up forever.
Used to say a prayer
Wishing you were there.
And I'm still waiting...
You told me once
You'd show up,
But I fell for that before
I fell to pieces
Then I woke up to no one
Just a picture of Jesus
And a house left in pieces
And it took a season's going by
To know it's not my fault.
I want you
I need you
I want to believe you
I want you
I need you
I want to believe you
I tried be perfect
Tried to be honest
Tried to be everything but you...
*
(Everything You Ever Wanted ~ Hawk Nelson)
I think I can drown out all my feelings with music. I hope so anyways. Some of the things they have to say, I hate. But some of them keep giving me hope. They rejuvinate me when I feel I'm about to break. I'm still in one piece tho. Hey, I'm Still Alive.
I thought about something today. I don;t know what it means. Let it mean what you want to you. I just thought up the words.
"What is it that keeps us hanging on the ledge? So perilously perched above a precipce that can take away all the pain? Why don't we just let go? What is it that keeps us holding on? Wouldn't it be easier to embrace the lonely road? Sometimes I wonder why I bother hanging onto this life I have. Why not embrace the Evenflow? Rush into the stream of blood and gold, and let it sweep you away? Wouldn't it be easier?"
Yeah thats all...I dont know... I tried to answer it. I think I know. what it is for me, anyways. I see what I'd miss up there at the top of the mountain. They are two different lifes but easy? is that what i really want? Naw, I know who I am better than that. Let life be easy. But when there are things that make you happy, a struggle makes it so much more worth it! But then it rains and a sad song plays. And letting go seems so much easier. At times like those, I drift into sleep and let memory seep from my veins. And I awake with new life and new energy to pursue the things I love and want. but, psst. You know what makes it terribly painful? As your muscles cramp and you struggle to hold onto that peak through a storm? What makes it truly terrible? When you know the only way you;re staying up there is by hurting the ones you;re struggling for. That really hurts. And thats tough. And holding onto the ledge THEN? Thats truly difficult.
I don't know if I want to say what I'm thinking right now......................no, thers no need. I wish there was some way to not have to say any of this. The only reason I'm keeping this journal is so I have my silent wailing wall. I need someplace to pine and wail and miss my kathryn. Cuz to her face? Oh boy, she'll never know. She'll know I still love her. But she'll think I'm having a BLAST. And i thank GOD i am such a great actor. And so great at copeing with stuff. I'll be able to convince her everything is fine and keep it that way. At least I'll be able to keep her happy while I mourn. I just hope I get over it soon...so I dont HAVE to act anymore. So i can just relax and be happy for her. (i cant help but say it: Or maybe I'll get really lucky and the storm will clear, and she'll help me up onto the peak, and we'll stare out from the mountaintop (as we have before).
OMG thers a good memory!!! From when we hiked that mountain and looked out on the laakes! Oh that was glorious And that was a new hampshire trip ^.^ Oh man i fergot how great that was. And... oh dear... this memory is quite powerful...Someplace only we know...The river. Oh kathryn if only we could reminise about that! Those hours spent there...oh my dreams will be good tonight...hehe...wow...thats a humbling memory. v.v My dreams will cheer me up. the memory however... I DID lose my family...Losing her is like losing EVERYONE i love...onmly she'd be able to understand that tho. Shes the only one who knows just how much she meant to me...and how much that family meant to me....I her.
*
You say I only hear what I want to.
You say I talk so all the time so.
And I thought what I felt was simple,
and I thought that I don't belong,
and now that I am leaving,
now I know that I did something wrong 'cause I missed you.
Yeah yeah, I missed you.
And you say I only hear what I want to:
I don't listen hard,
don't pay attention to the distance that you're running
to anyone, anywhere,
I don't understand if you really care,
I'm only hearing negative: no, no, no.
So I turned the radio on, I turned the radio up,
and this woman was singing my song:
lover's in love, and the other's run away,
lover is crying 'cause the other won't stay.
Some of us hover when we weep for the other who was
dying since the day they were born.
Well, well, this is not that;
I think that I'm throwing, but I'm thrown.
And I thought I'd live forever, but now I'm not so sure. You try to tell me that I'm clever,
but that won't take me anyhow, or anywhere with you.
You said that I was naive,
and I thought that I was strong.
I thought, "hey, I can leave, I can leave."
Oh, but now I know that I was wrong, 'cause I missed you.
Yeah, I missed you.
You said you caught me cause u want me and one day you'll let me go.
You try to give away a keeper, or keep me 'cause you know you're just scared to lose.
And you say, "Stay."
And you say I only hear what I want to.
*
And btw, it hasn't stopped raining since she left.
*