Wow, it's amazing how quickly everything falls into place. Pete and I did patch things up, after several very very late nights and lots of crying and yelling. I think we're now stronger than ever, as he reassures me about my fears and doubts and reaffirms my trust in him. Now all I have to do is trust myself. Maybe because of all that stress, I'm ( Read more... )

...is what I seem to do the best. I'm pushing away the best thing that has ever happened to me and I cannot for the life of me understand why. There's no one else I would rather be with, there's nothing else I'd rather do than be with him. Yet I feel unworthy, pathetic, useless. Like the Calli he knows is a mere facsimile of the real me. And ( Read more... )

Mmm.... slept in for the first time in a week, and absolutely unmotivated to put on clothes and do homework. Instead I do
ABSOLUTELY NO LYING QUIZ

1. last cigarette?
December 15th, 2007. I gave them up when I left Chile.

2. last beverage:
Mmm champagne.

3. last phone call?
Yesterday morning, calling in late to work.

4. last text message
Pete =] ( Read more... )

So I'm back from the Bay, where I was camping out at Pete's g-parents' house for 5 days or so. How did the time disappear so fast, into hours on public transportation, giggling with his g-ma, playing fetch with Ranger, snuggling on the worn leather couch in front of hours of mindless electronic garbage, struggling up up the hills of SanFran, ( Read more... )

I feel so overwhelmed. This is all happening so quickly - spring break, grant applications, term papers, dance concert, summer jobs, senior year. Trying to figure out what I'm doing with all this. I feel like I have no marketable skills. And it sucks that everything good that I want to do in this world is not valued; why is it that all the low- ( Read more... )

I dreamt last night that Casey and I were friends again. Now, awake, I didn't think it could hurt any more to realize that it's not true. But unfortunately, that's not true either. Pete's also gone for interviews this weekend. I'm going to try really hard not to sink into a drunken overworked stupor and do something stupid. Now it's time for a ( Read more... )

Hello, livejournal community. After so long I've come back. I took a break while I was abroad and kept an informational blog and then wrote everything personal in a physical journal. I kept up with that paper journal when I got back from Chile but it started to become filled with those things mundane, and I felt that it was all so inconsequential ( Read more... )

This is just  to let you all know, just in case you're not on facebook/i don't have your email/i don't actually know you and our only contact is via livejournal that i've created a blog for my semester abroad in chile. it's where i'll be putting important stuff, like how to get in touch with me and where i go and whether or not i still have those ( Read more... )

back from new york city. had such amazing time. so amazing and overwhelming, in fact, that i can only describe it in fragmented form for each day ( Read more... )

Two weeks from today I'll be leaving the country for a whole new experience. Six days of those two weeks I'll be in NYC with some of my favorite people. Where did all this time go? In the beginning I couldn't believe it was going so slowly. I had to immerse myself in work, in the gym, in reading, in sitting around, in talking online, in catching up ( Read more... )