What the fuck is the matter with me?
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What is it with me falling for girls with serious maternal issues?? Jesus Christ, it's like I'm attracted to the quality of possessing an abusive mother. Shit.
cause nobody knows this girl I'm talking about and this is basically just me vomiting words onto here for the sake of writing out my feelings. Yaaaaay for Emo!Jess.
But I just don't get it. I always fall for these girls that have parental problems or just abusive parents or abusive friends, just... they have problems.
It's the same type of girl. She gets shit at home for not being "good enough" so her self-esteem, in reality, is shit but she plays it up in public, acting really friendly and outgoing and self-absorbed, when in fact she feels lower than dirt because that's what her mom/parents make her feel like.
And then as soon as she finds me, she finds someone she can dump all her shit on and feel no attachment because by this time I'm already head over heels for her, so I'll sit through an hour of bitching and emo talk without complaint and be the shoulder to cry on and the hand to pat the back and smooth the hair but then when things are okay it's like she can just put me back in a cupboard, ready to take me out and wind me up when she needs me. I'm the Coin Operated Boy. Son of a bitch.
This gets me so riled up because this is what happened with Mel and yet I still don't have the heart/brains/balls to say "NO!" this time, either, though I know exactly what's going to happen. I'm already getting myself too into it and getting disappointed. And I'm not even dating this girl yet. Fuck.
I mean, what do you do when you have someone that you think you're falling in love with and you KNOW you've already fallen in lust with, and one day they act totally infatuated with you and the next they don't even talk to you, and then all the sudden something goes horribly wrong and you're suddenly the only person they want to talk to and the only person they think they can talk to, and you call them names like "Princess" and "Love" and "Darling" and they tell you that those names make them feel special, and every time you compliment them they give you a kiss on the cheek and when you're sitting together on a couch in 80 degree weather they still feel the need to link arms with you or hold your hand or lean their head on your shoulder and when they take their shirt off you blush and they notice and they start doing things to make you blush even harder until your face is the color of ketchup...
And they already have plans for the fourth of July, but they cancel them to go watch fireworks with you, even though it's only going to be for an hour and it's not totally legal fireworks and they definitely aren't going to be as good as the ones she was originally going to see. And she knows this. But she comes anyway.
And she totally doesn't want you. And you know this.
What is it with me falling for girls with serious maternal issues?? Jesus Christ, it's like I'm attracted to the quality of possessing an abusive mother. Shit.
cause nobody knows this girl I'm talking about and this is basically just me vomiting words onto here for the sake of writing out my feelings. Yaaaaay for Emo!Jess.
But I just don't get it. I always fall for these girls that have parental problems or just abusive parents or abusive friends, just... they have problems.
It's the same type of girl. She gets shit at home for not being "good enough" so her self-esteem, in reality, is shit but she plays it up in public, acting really friendly and outgoing and self-absorbed, when in fact she feels lower than dirt because that's what her mom/parents make her feel like.
And then as soon as she finds me, she finds someone she can dump all her shit on and feel no attachment because by this time I'm already head over heels for her, so I'll sit through an hour of bitching and emo talk without complaint and be the shoulder to cry on and the hand to pat the back and smooth the hair but then when things are okay it's like she can just put me back in a cupboard, ready to take me out and wind me up when she needs me. I'm the Coin Operated Boy. Son of a bitch.
This gets me so riled up because this is what happened with Mel and yet I still don't have the heart/brains/balls to say "NO!" this time, either, though I know exactly what's going to happen. I'm already getting myself too into it and getting disappointed. And I'm not even dating this girl yet. Fuck.
I mean, what do you do when you have someone that you think you're falling in love with and you KNOW you've already fallen in lust with, and one day they act totally infatuated with you and the next they don't even talk to you, and then all the sudden something goes horribly wrong and you're suddenly the only person they want to talk to and the only person they think they can talk to, and you call them names like "Princess" and "Love" and "Darling" and they tell you that those names make them feel special, and every time you compliment them they give you a kiss on the cheek and when you're sitting together on a couch in 80 degree weather they still feel the need to link arms with you or hold your hand or lean their head on your shoulder and when they take their shirt off you blush and they notice and they start doing things to make you blush even harder until your face is the color of ketchup...
And they already have plans for the fourth of July, but they cancel them to go watch fireworks with you, even though it's only going to be for an hour and it's not totally legal fireworks and they definitely aren't going to be as good as the ones she was originally going to see. And she knows this. But she comes anyway.
And she totally doesn't want you. And you know this.