I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I thought I had things under control, and that I closed my heart and mind to that which was slammed in my face. Painfully I gave up a part of my heart that has for a year been mending, all to find that I never really gave it up. I must be strong, I must conceal the fact that I still might love him who now loves ( Read more... )

'let's open the windows and let in the air ( Read more... )

it struck me today how odd the male species truly is... (can i say species here??) so i went to a show tonight, it was fun, but i was tired and uninspired.. yes. but when ivorycrapline started the screemo routine, everyone just went nuts... every guy to be exact. now, this is nothing new to me, but i just observed and thought about it tonight for ( Read more... )

the excuses are used and the reasons are strung. this selfish melancholy that drives me back to 1984 and takes me places i know all too well, leaves me despising myself and repenting in dust and ashes. woe to the longing of self. woe to the satisfaction that never comes. the girl in the back clothes herself in the prettiest garments and paints her ( Read more... )

Sometimes I wake up in the morning and laugh at myself.. laugh at how I closed my eyes and fell asleep to the beating of my heart, and shut my ears to the pounding of your hand. Excuses are spent and overused. I'm tired of running, of walking, of moving at all in a way that ties me closer and closer to the ground that i tread. I'm looking and ( Read more... )

Things change, like the autumn when the leaves fall.
things change like the sunset, when the clouds roll.

I know, but do you.. do you have to?

Things change like the snow on the eve of spring.
And I know, but do you.. do we have to?

***

"He killed a thousand people... And in my best behavior I am really just like him."

"Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?" Amos 3:3 ( Read more... )

So often I find myself enclosed in a glass perception of reality. Everything looks the same, but nothing can hurt me. Nothing seems to make its way into my world. Well tonight, that glass was shattered. I have lost motivation to work, I have nothing to work towards. I have not lost hope on love, for I am still young, but it will be a while until ( Read more... )

as a smile forms i wipe away the tear that you brought to my eye when i heard of your love for me. how blind i was to overlook that preciousness that you gave so tenderly. mixed emotions tend to blur the image of wonder, but i will soon see clearly as through glass rather than a mirror. how could i possibly return such a care while i am too dirty ( Read more... )

the days have seemed longer and empty. the weeks have gone by in strides, and i know not when i will finally understand what love truly is, but i am on my way. it seems that every turn i make leads me to another brick wall that i must somehow manage to climb, and once over swim across an ocean that never seems to end. land is coming, ahoy... i see ( Read more... )