You know you've been waiting for it...
Keep in mind the first twenty minutes were something of a blur...thank you, giant bottle of champagne...
Things I learned from NATIONAL TREASURE...
1. Harvey Keitel's career had a shelf life, and it expired 11/19/04. R.I.P.
2. Jon Voight is actually dead, and has been replaced by a robot who can only say one line: "It's just another clue!"
3. When hiring the one chick for your film, always hire the most Aryan actress possible. Then delineate her character as being half-American and half-SomewhereElseian, just so you're not accused of making a nationalist picture (even if it depends entirely on raping American history).
4. When stealing the Declaration of Independance, borrow one of those poster tubes Mike Brady was always lugging about. It will lend a sense of responsibility for manhandling really old documents, and somehow make you not seem like you're making light of the situation when you toss the document out into traffic.
5. We should devise a technology that only lets Sean Bean act as Boromir, because everything else the poor boy does pales by comparison.
6. The scariest moment in the movie? Cage swims in the Hudson River *shudders*...make it stop, Mommy!
7. Best product placement: Cage and saucy!brainy chick make like Rock and Doris in fitting rooms at Urban Outfitters. Which is to say they have no sexual chemistry whatsoever, as witnessed by the third act let's-get-this-over-with obligatory kiss (literally: it goes something like this- Cage: "Aw, hell..." *grabs her and kisses her, movie proceeds along as though nothing has happened*).
and last, but certainly not least...
8. Our titular national treasure is, in fact....*GASP*...foreign?!?! Say WHAT?! You mean we just appropriated other nations historical junk and now we get to profit off of it? SCORE!
Side note: I heard a rumor that Jarvis Cocker of Pulp is scoring HP4 rather than John Williams...can anyone confirm or deny? Because that would be...well, "rad" just doesn't quite cover it.
Things I learned from NATIONAL TREASURE...
1. Harvey Keitel's career had a shelf life, and it expired 11/19/04. R.I.P.
2. Jon Voight is actually dead, and has been replaced by a robot who can only say one line: "It's just another clue!"
3. When hiring the one chick for your film, always hire the most Aryan actress possible. Then delineate her character as being half-American and half-SomewhereElseian, just so you're not accused of making a nationalist picture (even if it depends entirely on raping American history).
4. When stealing the Declaration of Independance, borrow one of those poster tubes Mike Brady was always lugging about. It will lend a sense of responsibility for manhandling really old documents, and somehow make you not seem like you're making light of the situation when you toss the document out into traffic.
5. We should devise a technology that only lets Sean Bean act as Boromir, because everything else the poor boy does pales by comparison.
6. The scariest moment in the movie? Cage swims in the Hudson River *shudders*...make it stop, Mommy!
7. Best product placement: Cage and saucy!brainy chick make like Rock and Doris in fitting rooms at Urban Outfitters. Which is to say they have no sexual chemistry whatsoever, as witnessed by the third act let's-get-this-over-with obligatory kiss (literally: it goes something like this- Cage: "Aw, hell..." *grabs her and kisses her, movie proceeds along as though nothing has happened*).
and last, but certainly not least...
8. Our titular national treasure is, in fact....*GASP*...foreign?!?! Say WHAT?! You mean we just appropriated other nations historical junk and now we get to profit off of it? SCORE!
Side note: I heard a rumor that Jarvis Cocker of Pulp is scoring HP4 rather than John Williams...can anyone confirm or deny? Because that would be...well, "rad" just doesn't quite cover it.