38. Lost in second chances without end
Has it already been a week?
I have gotten better, stronger. But not enough. If not for the fact that I got out of that place, I'd almost call this a wasted experience.
Not fast enough. Not good enough. Connections that just aren't there.
There has to be a quicker way to achieve this.
There are days when I'm barely been able to understand what it is being here will help me achieve. Days when hours slip by like seconds, and night looms over me constantly. Not a single thought given to the light of day. And those are the best moments.
Because in that time, I can see what it would be to succeed. What it would be like to not be the defeated one, forever that foolish little brother.
I had to get away from them. That apartment had nothing to do with it. It's them. Clouding my vision, the future that I must achieve. Every time I feel another thread within my grasp, I lose it. Distracted by that moron.
But even as I realize that, I still find my thoughts drifting to them. To what it could be.
And I hate myself all the more.
I have gotten better, stronger. But not enough. If not for the fact that I got out of that place, I'd almost call this a wasted experience.
Not fast enough. Not good enough. Connections that just aren't there.
There has to be a quicker way to achieve this.
There are days when I'm barely been able to understand what it is being here will help me achieve. Days when hours slip by like seconds, and night looms over me constantly. Not a single thought given to the light of day. And those are the best moments.
Because in that time, I can see what it would be to succeed. What it would be like to not be the defeated one, forever that foolish little brother.
I had to get away from them. That apartment had nothing to do with it. It's them. Clouding my vision, the future that I must achieve. Every time I feel another thread within my grasp, I lose it. Distracted by that moron.
But even as I realize that, I still find my thoughts drifting to them. To what it could be.
And I hate myself all the more.