(no subject)
That was quite the hiatus, but without all the fun reruns.
March 20th, 2004. I am recording this journal entry on my new .. recorder thingy. I feel it is more dramatic this way and truly captures the pain deep within me.
I am sorry, Mother. I have turned to the fish oil again. The pain of losing Earl, my third cousin once removed is just too--
(unidentified voice/orca moan): Martin.
Yes, Martin. The pain of losing Martin was too much. Flipper loaned me his saxaphone, but wailing on that thing brought me no peace. He just doesn't understand the pain. He makes silly puns about "whaling" on his sax. How can he joke about my PAIN?
Whatever. I don't need him. I have new friends. Friends that can stay out past 10 pm on game nights.
How do I turn this thing --CLICK--
April 1st, 2004
I had to pawn my recorder thingy for more fish oil. I have moved out of my mother's swimming pool and have found my own place. It's one of those inflatable swimming pools that's only 3 feet deep, but I'm making it on my own. It's hard, but I manage. The first two nights I slept in the gutter. The water was rank. But I'm a tough whale.
Scooter found me and told me he had a nice tarp up on 32nd and Fishway that had collected rainwater and was better than my gutter, but I don't take handouts. Besides, I could tell he was JUDGING me. I make out okay, though, and the next day I found the swimming pool where I now live. I'm practically an adult. I even found a roommate--Finn.
Finn (two n's--he's from a different country) loaned me his favorite shark tooth. We cut ourselves with it to express our pain. (But not enough to draw blood. Ewww) It is so dark within us. I lost Walter. It turns out that Finn's parents try to make him eat his vegetables and he's completely and totally in love with this sperm whale named Greg and Greg is prejudiced against orcas. Actually, I think that Greg is in love with Finn too, but this other evil orca named Jill is writing Finn fake whale-notes telling Finn that Greg only likes girl-sperm-whales and signing them with Greg's signature.
Either way, our pain is deep.
Okay, I have to go now. My time at the library is up and this little girl with glasses is giving me a hard time. Bye! :)
I mean :| My pain is deep. And dark. Like my new turtleneck.
-Fin
April 15th, 2004
I stumbled into work during the 2nd period. The coach with the hair that doesn't move glared at me. I could tell he was JUDGING me. I think he's jealous because I have my own swimming pool and answer to no one. I bet his wife makes him make the bed every morning.
-Fin
April 21st, 2004
I accidentally walked in the twins making out. They gave me a fish and told me to be a good Fin. I told them that I was good--good and dark. I tried to explain all my pain and the darkness within me and started to recite some of my poetry--really, my arte, but all they did was give me another fish.
-Fin
April 22, 2004
I accidentally walked in on Todd and Markus making out. They gave me a fish and told me to be quiet.
-Fin
April 23rd, 2004
I accidentally walked in on Dan and Wade making out. They gave me a fish and told me to be quiet.
-Fin
April 24th, 2004
I accidentally walked in on Brad and Brendan making out. They threw a fish at me and told me to get lost. For a moment I had a flashback of my childhood and my father beating me with a fish, but then Brad threw another fish at me, hitting my head and causing me to lose consciousness and all memory of remembering when my father used to abuse me.
-Fin
April 25th, 2004
I accidentally walked in on Cookie and Ed making out. They gave me a fish and told me not to tell anyone. Not even my diary. I am a rebel orca and broke my promise.
-Fin
April 26th, 2004
I walked in on our two coaches making out. Coach yelled at me to get out of his living room.
I am sad I did not get any fish out of this adventure.
-Fin
May 2nd, 2004
Coach keeps yelling at me for not showing up at games on time. He has threatened to fire me. I think that he's not really mad that I've been showing up late. This is just his way of threatening me for knowing too much. I'm not quite sure what to do in situations like this, so I think I'll file a sexual harassment claim.
-Fin
May 14, 2004
I have been fired. Something about a faulty harrassment suit and not showing up for work. I do not know what these words mean. Luckily I have stack of fish to help me through the next few weeks until I find a new place of employment.
-Fin
May 30th, 2004
Clearly, what happened was a result of my being fired. I am the X-factor. I will await the next few weeks for the Canucks to rehire me.
-Fin
June 15th, 2004
I am back home. Finn was an awful roommate. He used hardcore drugs like Tylenol and always threw parties without asking me to them. I don't think I ever received an invitation or RSVP'd. I think they were parties mostly just to get Greg to come over, and Finn didn't want me around because I wasn't cool enough. Whatever. His parties were not cool. There were sperm whales everywhere, and eels making out in corners of the swimming pool (even though the swimming pool was round! I don't know how they did it), and scary nautical hats. The water was always dirty in the pool because he never did his fair share of cleaning it and I think a crab made a hole in the pool while singing his own rendition of "Under the Sea."
I tried to repair it with duct tape, but it didn't work and I was back to the gutters. Seagulls screamed and gawked at me and asked me if I was looking for a good time. It was awful.
So I went home and told my mom I was waiting for the Canucks to call me back and rehire me. She told me to call them and grovel.
Anyway, one of the two happened and now I'm back on the Canuck team again with a clause in my contract that says I'm not allowed in the locker room or Coach's house. I'm only allowed in the stands and at special events, but that's fine by me. Perhaps I can go find more lesbians.
-Fin
2004. 19th of July.
I bought a new recorder thingy. I'm cruising the beaches (with my mom). I fell in love earlier this week but my mom won't let us be together becuase the girl I'm in love with is a sea otter. My mom says that it will never work and that there are laws against it.
I think she just doesn't want me to be happy.
How do I turn this-- CLICK--
August 1st, 2004
It turns out that my recorder thingy isn't waterproof. Things didn't work out with me and the sea otter.
The President of the Pacific tried to pass a constitutional ammendment to make it illegal for sea otters to marry orcas.
I'm looking for a new ocean to live in.
-Fin
August 30th, 2004
The World Cup has begun and nobody called me to come and cheer them on. I wonder why.
-Fin
September 15th,
There is no hockey. I am out of a job. Jenna-the-sea-otter won't return my phone calls.
-Fin
September 18h, 2004
My mom is cramping my style. I need my own place. Does anybody know of any cheap swimming pools around?
-Fin
I just got off the phone with my good friend Dorsal. I think I know where I'm going to go.
March 20th, 2004. I am recording this journal entry on my new .. recorder thingy. I feel it is more dramatic this way and truly captures the pain deep within me.
I am sorry, Mother. I have turned to the fish oil again. The pain of losing Earl, my third cousin once removed is just too--
(unidentified voice/orca moan): Martin.
Yes, Martin. The pain of losing Martin was too much. Flipper loaned me his saxaphone, but wailing on that thing brought me no peace. He just doesn't understand the pain. He makes silly puns about "whaling" on his sax. How can he joke about my PAIN?
Whatever. I don't need him. I have new friends. Friends that can stay out past 10 pm on game nights.
How do I turn this thing --CLICK--
April 1st, 2004
I had to pawn my recorder thingy for more fish oil. I have moved out of my mother's swimming pool and have found my own place. It's one of those inflatable swimming pools that's only 3 feet deep, but I'm making it on my own. It's hard, but I manage. The first two nights I slept in the gutter. The water was rank. But I'm a tough whale.
Scooter found me and told me he had a nice tarp up on 32nd and Fishway that had collected rainwater and was better than my gutter, but I don't take handouts. Besides, I could tell he was JUDGING me. I make out okay, though, and the next day I found the swimming pool where I now live. I'm practically an adult. I even found a roommate--Finn.
Finn (two n's--he's from a different country) loaned me his favorite shark tooth. We cut ourselves with it to express our pain. (But not enough to draw blood. Ewww) It is so dark within us. I lost Walter. It turns out that Finn's parents try to make him eat his vegetables and he's completely and totally in love with this sperm whale named Greg and Greg is prejudiced against orcas. Actually, I think that Greg is in love with Finn too, but this other evil orca named Jill is writing Finn fake whale-notes telling Finn that Greg only likes girl-sperm-whales and signing them with Greg's signature.
Either way, our pain is deep.
Okay, I have to go now. My time at the library is up and this little girl with glasses is giving me a hard time. Bye! :)
I mean :| My pain is deep. And dark. Like my new turtleneck.
-Fin
April 15th, 2004
I stumbled into work during the 2nd period. The coach with the hair that doesn't move glared at me. I could tell he was JUDGING me. I think he's jealous because I have my own swimming pool and answer to no one. I bet his wife makes him make the bed every morning.
-Fin
April 21st, 2004
I accidentally walked in the twins making out. They gave me a fish and told me to be a good Fin. I told them that I was good--good and dark. I tried to explain all my pain and the darkness within me and started to recite some of my poetry--really, my arte, but all they did was give me another fish.
-Fin
April 22, 2004
I accidentally walked in on Todd and Markus making out. They gave me a fish and told me to be quiet.
-Fin
April 23rd, 2004
I accidentally walked in on Dan and Wade making out. They gave me a fish and told me to be quiet.
-Fin
April 24th, 2004
I accidentally walked in on Brad and Brendan making out. They threw a fish at me and told me to get lost. For a moment I had a flashback of my childhood and my father beating me with a fish, but then Brad threw another fish at me, hitting my head and causing me to lose consciousness and all memory of remembering when my father used to abuse me.
-Fin
April 25th, 2004
I accidentally walked in on Cookie and Ed making out. They gave me a fish and told me not to tell anyone. Not even my diary. I am a rebel orca and broke my promise.
-Fin
April 26th, 2004
I walked in on our two coaches making out. Coach yelled at me to get out of his living room.
I am sad I did not get any fish out of this adventure.
-Fin
May 2nd, 2004
Coach keeps yelling at me for not showing up at games on time. He has threatened to fire me. I think that he's not really mad that I've been showing up late. This is just his way of threatening me for knowing too much. I'm not quite sure what to do in situations like this, so I think I'll file a sexual harassment claim.
-Fin
May 14, 2004
I have been fired. Something about a faulty harrassment suit and not showing up for work. I do not know what these words mean. Luckily I have stack of fish to help me through the next few weeks until I find a new place of employment.
-Fin
May 30th, 2004
Clearly, what happened was a result of my being fired. I am the X-factor. I will await the next few weeks for the Canucks to rehire me.
-Fin
June 15th, 2004
I am back home. Finn was an awful roommate. He used hardcore drugs like Tylenol and always threw parties without asking me to them. I don't think I ever received an invitation or RSVP'd. I think they were parties mostly just to get Greg to come over, and Finn didn't want me around because I wasn't cool enough. Whatever. His parties were not cool. There were sperm whales everywhere, and eels making out in corners of the swimming pool (even though the swimming pool was round! I don't know how they did it), and scary nautical hats. The water was always dirty in the pool because he never did his fair share of cleaning it and I think a crab made a hole in the pool while singing his own rendition of "Under the Sea."
I tried to repair it with duct tape, but it didn't work and I was back to the gutters. Seagulls screamed and gawked at me and asked me if I was looking for a good time. It was awful.
So I went home and told my mom I was waiting for the Canucks to call me back and rehire me. She told me to call them and grovel.
Anyway, one of the two happened and now I'm back on the Canuck team again with a clause in my contract that says I'm not allowed in the locker room or Coach's house. I'm only allowed in the stands and at special events, but that's fine by me. Perhaps I can go find more lesbians.
-Fin
2004. 19th of July.
I bought a new recorder thingy. I'm cruising the beaches (with my mom). I fell in love earlier this week but my mom won't let us be together becuase the girl I'm in love with is a sea otter. My mom says that it will never work and that there are laws against it.
I think she just doesn't want me to be happy.
How do I turn this-- CLICK--
August 1st, 2004
It turns out that my recorder thingy isn't waterproof. Things didn't work out with me and the sea otter.
The President of the Pacific tried to pass a constitutional ammendment to make it illegal for sea otters to marry orcas.
I'm looking for a new ocean to live in.
-Fin
August 30th, 2004
The World Cup has begun and nobody called me to come and cheer them on. I wonder why.
-Fin
September 15th,
There is no hockey. I am out of a job. Jenna-the-sea-otter won't return my phone calls.
-Fin
September 18h, 2004
My mom is cramping my style. I need my own place. Does anybody know of any cheap swimming pools around?
-Fin
I just got off the phone with my good friend Dorsal. I think I know where I'm going to go.