Setting the Story Straight

[finalgirl]

Okay. So.

I just beat this Resident Evil 2 thing, this game that's about the second worst day of my life. On the GameCube. It took me longer than it should've because I kept hitting the Power button rather than watching "myself" die.

They screwed up a lot. So, here's a master list of what's wrong with this damn game and why people should stop mentioning it to me.

Yes, I can go for headshots. I was really good at it by the end there. I was not wasting entire clips of 9mm on a zombie's torso, because that doesn't work.

Just about any time you see zombies in the game? Multiply that by at least five. It wasn't that bad in some parts of the RPD or in those tunnels under the city, but they still had way too few zombies running around.

I don't know why there are only four or five weapons in the game, and the knife. I was in a police station. I found a lot more guns lying around than that, and God knows I used them.

Zombies can't usually work a doorknob, but they can pound on a door until the latch breaks. Running into the next room to escape a zombie was temporary at best.

There were plenty of bathrooms in the RPD! I don't know what the hell was going on there.

The guy who died in the gun shop in the game was named Robert Kendo. I didn't just let him die, I talked him into coming with me, but I lost track of him in the street outside the RPD building. I don't know what happened to him. I ran into the bus and suddenly he wasn't there anymore. I'm pretty sure he went into the restaurant across the street.

I was not trying to have a reasonable conversation with Chief Irons despite the corpse on his desk. That wasn't there. I'm not stupid enough to have a talk with a guy like that in a situation like that.

Raccoon City in general was just crazy about these stupid little locks where you insert a weird crest or something instead of just finding a key like a normal human being. It was some quirk of the architect who redesigned the whole damn town in the eighties, and people were doing their damnedest to convert over to normal keys. That said, I didn't bother with crests half the time; I was carrying a grenade launcher and a set of lockpicks, for God's sake. What I couldn't pick open I could blow open.

Annette Birkin was a lot more rational than she comes off as in the game. I guess Leon had a hard time with her, but she seemed pretty decent for me, especially for an Umbrella employee. I kinda wish we'd met under better circumstances.

Raccoon City medical herbs work fast, but they don't work that fast.

Giant spiders are actually pretty fragile.

I think that about covers it, really... I could mention a lot of little things, but those only really matter to me and Leon.

The point's really this. The game's a damn liar.