My chest feels constricted, and I can hardly breathe.  There's a weight dragging me down.

And I want to talk about it, but, no matter what I say, it won't feel better.  It won't go away.  It just makes me feel embarrassed.

Such as the Sunday night before I have three papers due, two of which have yet to be written.

What is WRONG with me.

I love it when people compliment me behind my back, and it catches up to me.  That's probably my favorite feeling in the whole world.  I always try to think poorly of myself, so I'm never disappointed.  It feels more comfortable, I guess, but I still like to be proven wrong.  Who doesn't?  When someone compliments you to your face, it feels as ( Read more... )

1) She thinks she's the only one who cares about anything/that she's the only who has charged emotions.  It's just like when Gaby died.  I mean, clearly I don't care that we're essentially waiting for my grandmother to die.  It's not like I've known her my entire life.  It' s really insulting, I think.
2) She is taking out her frustrations on me ( Read more... )

When I can't sleep at night and leave the comfort of my bed, I get so afraid of the blackness, the unknown.  I'm seventeen, and I'm still afraid of the dark.

I feel as though my level of self-control is decreasing with age.  Alright, I've been like this before, but, when push comes to shove, I get things done; I work well under deadline pressure.  I come out okay.  Except, now, the deadline's come and gone.  That push with the finish line in sight never came.  I can't get motivated, I can't make ( Read more... )

It's gotten late and now I want to be alone ( Read more... )

I've been really lonely lately.  Which is due partially to the fact that I really have no choice but to stay at home alone all day.  I feel like I'm losing myself in the mundane, in things I'm supposed to do.  Like I'm rotting away, almost.  I don't know, I feel so far away from everyone, especially my friends.  It's as though they (as a collective ( Read more... )

It's a wonderfully overcast morning, as though it must have rained last night.  There are six ravens in my front yard, and they're sort of thick as thieves, which I guess proves that birds of a feather really do flock together.  It seems at least a little bit ominous, but I feel safe and warm inside my house, especially with my coffee ( Read more... )

It's really amazing how I find time to update my journal when I should be doing other things.

Namely college applications.

Only I keep bursting into tears when I think about them.  I just can't handle the pressure of choosing essay topics and writing and presenting myself and ohmygoodness.  I'm never going to get through this.