T:SCC ; Sarah/Cameron ; 01001001 01001100 01010101 - a Fanmix
[She thinks in ones and zeroes. The fly by in her artificial veins, through her circuits and wires. Programmed to mimic emotion, to fit in, to go under the radar. Telling her to protect John Connor. That is her mission, her duty. Her destiny, as humans say. Sarah Connor is to protected so long as she doesn't get in the way of her mission.
She thinks that her secondary systems came up with the plan in the background, as she walks during the night, looking and thinking and planning and deciding. Sarah Connor rarely smiles, even more rarely laughs. Laughter is the best medicine- at least that's what the TV tells her. She would thank the TV for explaining but it isn't as advanced as her and wouldn't understand.
The ones and zeroes flare when she stands in Sarah Connor's doorway late at night and watches her sleep. The primary systems don't like it. She is not the mission, she is not to be protected. Her secondary systems continue to hum away, not caring.
Sarah Connor is John Connor's mother. She has the same mission as I do. She must be protected. Human mothers do not eat their young like hamsters.
She learnt the last one in school.]
'It's so beautiful here,' she says,
'This moment now and this moment, now.
And I never thought I would find her here:
Flannel and satin, my four walls transformed.
But she's looking at me, straight to center,
No room at all for any other thought.
And I know I don't want this, oh, I swear I don't want this.
There's a reason not to want this but I forgot.
Recessional - Vienna Teng
['Do you have to do that?' Sarah asks sharply over breakfast the following morning. She doesn't eat breakfast. She drinks coffee, black, bitter. Half a teaspoon of sugar, three large spoonfuls of coffee.
Cameron blinks, waiting for her to explain.
'Do you have to watch me?'
Cameron blinks again. Humans don't like to be stared at. 'No.'
Sarah squints at her before taking another large gulp of her coffee. John's spoon clatters in the bowl.
'Thought we already had a talk about the whole staring thing,' he says. There's milk on his lips and he wipes it away with the back of his hand.
'You said not to stare in public. We are not in public.'
'How about no staring period?' Sarah suggests as she grabs John's empty bowl and takes it up to the sink. It's her skin that fascinates Cameron- the way it moves over her bones and muscles, how it keeps everything in place. Holds her blood and bones, organs and brains. She would be nothing without it. Cameron can function without her skin. The ones and zeroes laugh at it, reminding her that humans need more to survive than just skin. Clingwrap would function just as well.
Cameron tilts her head, watching as Sarah turns. She watches as her thighs tense and relax as she walks past her, down the corridor.
'What're you looking at?'
Cameron looks over at John, trying to come up with the appropriate response. 'Your mother has a fine ass,' she finally says. The boys at school say it sometimes.
John frowns, taken aback. 'What?'
'Her buttocks is well formed,' Cameron explains patiently. John continues to frown, puzzled.
'I'm not sure which one of those sentences is more disturbing,' he mutters as he pulls his bag onto his shoulder.]
She's blood, flesh and bone
No tucks or silicone
She's touch, smell, sight, taste and sound
But somehow I can't believe
That anything should happen
I know where I belong
And nothing's gonna happen
She's So High - Tal Bachman
[It's Sarah's eyes that grab her next. She finds herself studying them, wondering if it'd be at all possible to convince her systems to change the colour of her own eyes to match. They're green- a wonderful, spectacular, pale green, ringed with a deeper hue. In some lights the outer ring appears to be almost teal, adding a fantastic blue touch. Cameron wants to touch.
Sarah calls her on her staring again- Cameron wants to explain that she's not staring, she's studying, but Sarah is already moving onto the next topic. Cameron doesn't think Sarah would understand, anyway, and somehow that doesn't bother her.]
Minutes turn to days
Years just melt away
In the park at dawn
Just a flower on
I keep callin' to you
My baby blue, my baby blue
My Baby Blue - John Hiatt
[The girls at school seem obsessed with the topic of relationships. Who's dating whom, who had sex on the weekend, where somebody's boyfriend is taking them. They always get angry when another girl is dating a friend's ex-boyfriend or expresses interest in doing so.
Cameron asks John about it. John replies that girls are just odd in that aspect and to not get involved. She starts asking more questions and John waves her off with, 'it's a female thing' and turns back to his math homework.
So Cameron asks Sarah.
'Why d'you wanna know?' she asks distractedly. She's making dinner. Although Cameron doesn't need to eat she's fascinated by food and the preparation of it. Sarah said she'd enrol her in cooking classes if she was that interested but never got around to doing so. Cameron classifies it as an empty promise.
'What's it like?' she replies.
'What's what like?'
'Love.'
Sarah looks up, frowning slightly before turning back to the potatoes. 'Teenage girls don't fall in love. Usually. They think they do but they don't.'
'I'm not a teenage girl.'
'You're not really a girl.'
'You call me "she". Does that not make me female?'
'It... it makes things easier.'
'For you or for everyone else?'
'Hand me the butter.'
Cameron makes a move to before stopping. Sarah looks at her expectantly, holding her hand out. 'Tell me what it feels like.'
'What?'
'Tell me what it feels like to love.'
Sarah drops her hand. 'You're bargaining with butter?'
'Yes.'
With a dramatic sigh, Sarah leans against the kitchen bench. 'It makes you feel warm and tingly and all around happy.'
'Like a bath?'
'Yeah. Wait- what?'
Cameron hands her the butter. 'When I have a bath I get warm and tingly.'
'You get tingly?'
'Yes.' Cameron pauses for a moment. 'Would you like to go to the prom with me?'
That seems to really throw Sarah off. 'What?'
'The prom. You're meant to ask someone you like to go with you. I would like you to go with you.'
'Why?'
'We are on good terms with one another and you find my company pleasant when I'm not being a big scary robot. I'm also pretty. People like their dates to be pretty.'
Sarah frowns at her. Before she can respond, the door opens and Derek and John enter in various states of filth and injury. As John walks off, beaming and tossing a football, Derek wipes sweat off his upper lip.
'Never- never- playing football with that kid again.']
I've been awake for a while now
You got me feelin like a child now
'Cause every time I see your bubbly face
I get the tinglies in a silly place
It starts in my toes
And I crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go
Bubbly - Colbie Caillat
['You asked Mom to go to the prom with you?'
Cameron looks up. The ones and zeroes don't like English. She should be good at it- her teachers says she has 'potential'- but it involves analysis, synthesis, empathy. Math is easier.
'Yes.'
John has the same expression Sarah had on Wednesday. There's a bruise on his cheek from when he'd been playing with Derek. Sarah kept tsking at it, saying it would draw attention.
'Why would you do that?'
Cameron blinks. 'I was under the belief that you're meant to invite someone to the prom.'
'Morris asked you.'
Cameron waits for him to continue.
'You said yes.'
'You told me to.'
'You're going to the prom with Morris!'
Cameron blinks again.
'Don't you like him?'
'I like Sarah better.'
John gawks. 'Why?'
Cameron looks down at her English homework. The Grapes of Wrath. She doesn't like it but it must be read. 'She makes me tingly.']
And it's only doubts that we're counting
On fingers broken long ago
I read with every broken heart we should become
More adventurous
And if you banish me from your profits
And if I get banished from the kingdom up above
I'd sacrifice money and heaven all for love
Let me be loved, let me be loved
More Adventurous - Rilo Kiley
['Cameron, I'm not going to the prom with you.'
She watches as Sarah puts the safety on another gun and sets it aside. There's a grubby rag in her hand as she cleans the weapons, sorting them, making sure the safety is on. Cameron stands by her chair, watching her work, pointing out areas where she's missed a spot.
'You're going with Morris. Don't you want to go with him?'
'John said something similar.'
Sarah picks up another gun, snaps the safety in place. Cameron finds her eyebrows narrowing. That's dangerous.
'Why don't you want to go with me?'
Setting the gun down, Sarah looks up at her in shock. 'Why? Why? Why would I?'
'Girls can wear gowns and boys wear suits. There is music and dancing. Sometimes there are balloons. Often there is kissing. Kissing is meant to be pleasurable. Apparently couples are meant to return home and have sex.' She stops. Sarah is still looking up at her, an eyebrow raised.
'And this is meant to interest me how?'
'Sex is also meant to be pleasurable.'
'And...?'
'We could have sex after. If you wanted to. I'm not pressuring you.'
Sarah blinks, her brow still raised.
'We were told in sexual education that we shouldn't pressure our partners into having sex.'
'I see.'
'It's a highly valuable lesson.'
'Yes, I imagine it is.'
'Are you coming to the prom with me?'
'No, Cameron.'
Cameron is silent as she watches Sarah wipe down another gun. When she sets it aside she speaks again.
'We could have sex anyway.'
'I'm not going to have sex with you.'
'We could kiss. Many teenage girls do. It would be an experience that would help me fit in at school. John is very insistent on me not being a freak.'
'Maybe some other time.'
Cameron nods, making sure to remember that.]
I know I've been a liar
and I know I've been a fool
I hope we didn't break it
But I'm glad we broke the rules
My cave is deep now
Yet your light is shinning through
I cover my eyes
Still all I see is you
The Animals Were Gone - Damien Rice
[She's doing pull-ups again. The sun is setting and Cameron is standing on the porch steps, watching as Sarah hefts herself up. Her shoulders are straining, the skin on her back glistening with sweat. Dropping to the ground, she turns, doing a double take as she looks at Cameron.
'You're ready,' she says.
Cameron looks down at the dress she's wearing. It's a soft, silky sky blue. Turning back to Sarah, she lifts her foot. 'These shoes are not functional.'
The corner of Sarah's mouth twitches as she heads up to the house. Pausing by Cameorn, she runs her finger under the strap of the dress, fixing it.
'You're going with Murray, I'm guessing?'
'Morris,' Cameron corrects as she follows Sarah. She heads to the kitchen and pours herself a large cold glass of water. 'And yes. These shoes are uncomfortable.'
'They're meant to be.'
'Why?'
Sarah shrugs and drains the glass before pouring herself another one. 'I don't understand. Guess women just like to suffer for fashion.'
'But you're a woman. John said females would understand. How can you not?'
Sarah sets the glass down and leans against the kitchen bench. She runs her eyes over Cameron, the tiniest smile on her lips.
'You look nice,' she finally says.
'Thank you,' Cameron replies automatically. 'You look nice, too.'
'I've been working out. I don't look nice.'
'You do,' Cameron insists. 'You're glowing.']
Have you seen her all in gold?
Like a queen in days of old
She shoots colors all around
Like a sunset going down
Have you seen a lady fairer?
She comes in colors ev'rywhere;
She combs her hair
She's like a rainbow]
She's a Rainbow - Rolling Stones
[They've got a tip on the location on the Turk. Sarah hesitates at first before bringing Cameron along- she doesn't want her exploding again. The building they're in is falling to pieces and Cameron's systems judge that there is a 57.2% chance of it falling down on top of them. Derek says there's a 57.2% chance of him pulling the chip from her head if she keeps talking like that.
The ones and zeroes laugh at him and Cameron does, too.
'Why does she do that?' Derek mutters. Cameron's following Sarah while keeping a close eye on John.
'She thinks you're funny,' John replies.
'She doesn't think anything.'
'I think Sarah's pretty.'
Sarah turns around at that. Her gun is out, finger itching to pull the trigger. She's nervous- Sarkissian's trick had gotten under her skin. Cameron stops a few feet short of her, turning her attention to their surroundings, looking for threats. A sound coming from outside catches her attention.
Racing to the window she looks down at the ground three stories below. A truck is pulling away, crashing through a fence. She can't see the driver's face.
'We have to go,' she says, snatching Sarah's hand and pulling her away from the window. Another sound- smashing glass, bullets her system supplies. Tossing Sarah to the ground, Cameron lunges for John and grabs his ankle, tugging him down. Looking over her shoulder, she waits until the first round of bullets stop before running back to Sarah. She's already up on her feet. Her eyes are on John but she flickers them over to Cameron for just a moment. Cameron reads it as a silent thanks.
Without a word they run from the building, Cameron staying ahead of John, Sarah by her side.]
There she goes again
With fishnets on, and dreadlocks in her hair
She broke my heart, I wanna be sedated
All I wanted was to see her naked
Now I am watchin’ wrestling
Tryin’ to be a tough guy
Listenin’ to rap metal
Turntables in my eyes
I can’t grow a mustache
And I ain’t got no season pass
All I got’s a moped
The Girl All The Bad Guys Want - Bowling For Soup
['You said you thought I was pretty,' Sarah says later that evening. A shard of glass had cut her shoulder and Cameron's cleaning the injury. It doesn't require stitches but it's wide and sensitive to touch.
'Yes,' she replies as she dabs antiseptic on it and prepares the bandage.
'You can judge these things?'
'Yes. I am capable of my own actions and thoughts, so long as they don't affect my mission.'
Sarah is quiet for a moment, hissing when Cameron puts too much pressure on the cut. Making sure the bandage is sticking, Cameron hands Sarah her shirt. Sitting back down beside her on the couch, she recaps the bottle of antiseptic and sets it back in the first aid kit.
'Thank you.'
'You were injured. You couldn't reach it.'
'I mean for thinking I'm pretty.'
Cameron blinks, looking up at her. 'Oh.'
Again Sarah is quiet. The TV is on, the sound down low. The pictures flicker across the screen. At first the ones and zeroes didn't like them- they moved too fast and she found herself concentrating on each tiny frame instead of the moving parts. She's learnt to adapt, though, to simply watch.
Putting the kit away, she returns and sits back down beside Sarah.
'Can you feel?' she asks suddenly. 'I know you can mimic, but... if you can, uh, appreciate things, like appearances, can you feel?'
Cameron looks at the screen. Her systems are trying to analyze each tiny picture and it frustrates her. Looking away she tries to focus on Sarah's question but her systems don't like it. The ones and zeroes flare, telling her to anaylze the TV again. They don't like Sarah, she complicates things. Human and female with the unnecessary emotion of love.
'Cameron?'
'You should have a bath,' she says.]
Surrender, I won't defend ya'
Translation overload, return to sender
Are you mistaken, I won't partake in
I really wanna but I promise I'm not faking
Why don't you hold my hand?
Don't You Wanna Feel - Rogue Traders
[It takes a week for the injury to close up and another few days before the swelling goes down. Sarah doesn't complain when Cameron checks it, dresses it, and makes sure it's not infected. Cameron is thankful for that- it makes it all much less difficult.
She finds Sarah in her bedroom, pushing the trunk back under the bed that holds their guns. It's late, Monday night. John is in his room doing homework, Derek watching TV, keeping an ear out for Cameron. He still doesn't trust her.
Sarah looks up at her expectantly, a wary look crossing her eye when Cameron shuts the door.
'He's listening,' Cameron replies. Sarah is still dressed even though it's 10:27 PM. Cameron wonders if she needs help with that.
'He's always listening. He doesn't trust you.'
Cameron already knows that so she doesn't say anything. She takes a step forward and although Sarah doesn't move Cameron knows she's ready to fight if that is the case.
'I should check your injury.'
'It's fine. It's better.'
'Oh.' The fact Sarah won't let her touch her is oddly disappointing. At least Cameron reads the system signals as disappointment. The ones and zeroes don't like it. Sarah Connor does not need her injuries checked by Cameron.
'What?'
'I was hoping you would take your shirt off.'
'I'm not going to take my shirt off for you, Cameron,' she says as she sits on the bed and unlaces her boots. Cameron watches as she tugs them off, socks coming off next. She wiggles her toes, her feet free from their prison.
'You're taking your boots off,' Cameron points out. 'That's a start.']
Big black boots,
long brown hair,
she's so sweet
with her get back stare.
Well I could see,
you home with me,
but you were with another man, yeah
I know we,
ain't got much to say,
before I let you get away, yeah
I said, are you gonna be my girl?
Are You Gonna Be My Girl - Jet
[The house is quiet. John's at school and Sarah had sent Derek off or he'd wandered off on his own. Cameron doesn't know. She'd played hooky again- Sarah had sent her off on a mission. She likes playing hooky. Thursdays has history with Mrs Ward and economics with Mr Marsh.
'I want to do ballet again,' she announces. Sarah looks up from the paper she's been going through, a small stack of articles by her elbow, a pair of scissors in her hands. 'I enjoyed it. I was good at it. At school we're told to follow our talents and hobbies.'
'Your teacher is dead. You let her be killed.'
'I could get another. You could take lessons with me.'
For some reason that makes Sarah smile. Cameron tilts her head but doesn't question it. She likes seeing Sarah smile. It makes her tingle. It makes Sarah glow.
'I don't think so, Cameron. I haven't worn a leotard since I was six.'
Cameron sits down next to her and looks at the articles.
'We'll see, though. About enrolling you.'
'Will you come to the end of year recital?'
'We'll see.'
Cameron looks up at her and smiles. It seems to surprise Sarah but there's a similar smile on her face.
'Thank you.'
'Why can't you take up something like salsa, though? You could teach me. It won't be like prom but then we could dance together.'
The smile on Cameron's face brightens. She ignores the buzzing ones and zeroes and rests her hand on Sarah's. When she doesn't pull away Cameron threads their fingers together and points out another article of interest.]
Baby don't you know I love you so
Can't you feel it when we touch
I will never never let you go
I love you oh so much
Save The Last Dance For Me - John Barrowman
[She finds Sarah sitting on one of the swings, rocking herself back and forth. It's early in the morning, the sun just starting to peek up over the horizon. She stands by the swingset for a moment and when Sarah doesn't say anything she walks around and sits down next to her.
'You're up early.'
'I don't sleep,' Cameron replies.
'You've said that before.'
Looking up at the sky, she watches as the sunrays dancing along the clouds, in pinks and oranges, yellows and reds. They don't have many sunrises like this in the future. The skies are covered in dark clouds, the air filthy and thick with smog. Children are kept in the tunnels to avoid exposing them to the toxic air.
'Is John still asleep?'
'Yes.'
'Derek?'
'I didn't check.'
Sarah rocks herself back and forth, the chains squeaking. Cameron looks over at her, the sunlight on her features, making her glow. She likes it when Sarah glows. She turns to her, a questioning look on her face. Wordlessly, Cameron reaches out, holding the side of her face. Sarah eyes her hand but lets herself get tugged forward. Her lips are soft and part easily when Cameron swipes the lower with her tongue. The ones and zeroes start to argue but she ignores them. The rest of her system likes it, buzzing with pleasure. A flare runs over her body when Sarah rests her hand on her shoulder, another flash going through her when Sarah gasps as Cameron brushes the back of her hand against her breast.
Pulling back, Cameron blinks a few times, feeling more than just a few tingles. Sarah's pupils are blown, her lips red, parted, kiss-swollen.
'Oh,' Cameron says.
'Oh?'
'Mm.' She looks back over at the sunrise, licking her lips. She can taste Sarah on them. 'I liked that.'
Sarah is quiet, rocking back and forth on the swingset. There's another creak of the chains. Resting her hands on her lap, Cameron finds herself smiling. She hadn't even thought of doing it. The surprises her, and that, in turn, makes her smile grow wider.
'We should do that again.'
'Yes,' Sarah agrees.]
I was put here for a reason
I was born into this world
And I'm living and I'm believing
I was meant to be your girl
In this life
In this life
You give me love
You give me light
Show me everything's been happening
You've opened up my eyes
In This Life - Delta Goodrem
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