I feel you. This, "any increase feels like a failure - I must really be crazy; who needs more medication to be normal?! " felt so, so familiar, and I struggled with it for years. Finally somebody pointed out to me that if I had diabetes, I wouldn't have a problem taking insulin, so why should this be any different? There's no moral failing, just effed up chemicals in your body. Of course, knowing that and feeling that are different, but still, it worked eventually. I didn't know this was something you were dealing with; if you ever want to talk about it, you've got my number. Miss you, lady.
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