ROAR FeedbackthaneofcawdorSeptember 23 2010, 09:00:49 UTC
Reading through this, I can tell that you do hold promise for poetry. Rhyming poetry is hard to do without making it seem twee or sacrificing quality in order to make things rhyme, but you do it quite well.
My favourite lines: "The paper smells aged and the words are there for scattering." - The image of words ready to be thrown out to germinate and foster other words of their own is carefree and hopeful; conversely, the words could also be "scattered" by people taking them out of context and blowing apart the original meaning. Just a really cool sentence.
"Those secrets are standing where your door should have been" - The image of vulnerability and nakedness is powerful.
Overall it was a unusual subject to pick whilst at the same time being something everyone can relate to. You have talent for forming poetic imagery.
Well, hello, FET! I’m Toxic and I’ll be taking on your edit for this week. It’s wonderful to meet you and, can I just say, I love your name! Well, I love drinking your name I guess is more accurate, but still.
Anyway, the way I roll with the editing machine is this: I go line-by-line through the entry, commenting on not only what needs a good prodding but also what makes is particularly brilliant. I cover everything from grammar and spelling to creative choices and storyline. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask. I’m here to help you
( ... )
Thankyou very much for spending the time to go through my poem and letting me know where I done well and not so well, means alot to know that you enjoyed reading it. I shall be writing some more and posting it on here.
Thankyou again and I hope that you're well and enjoying your sunday :)
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My favourite lines:
"The paper smells aged and the words are there for scattering." - The image of words ready to be thrown out to germinate and foster other words of their own is carefree and hopeful; conversely, the words could also be "scattered" by people taking them out of context and blowing apart the original meaning. Just a really cool sentence.
"Those secrets are standing where your door should have been" - The image of vulnerability and nakedness is powerful.
Overall it was a unusual subject to pick whilst at the same time being something everyone can relate to. You have talent for forming poetic imagery.
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I shall continue to enter each week on here & carry on writing poetry.
You have given some good advice, thankyou again :)
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Anyway, the way I roll with the editing machine is this: I go line-by-line through the entry, commenting on not only what needs a good prodding but also what makes is particularly brilliant. I cover everything from grammar and spelling to creative choices and storyline. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask. I’m here to help you ( ... )
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I shall be writing some more and posting it on here.
Thankyou again and I hope that you're well and enjoying your sunday :)
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