Tales from the Open Road (Part 1)

[finger_walking]

What the hell guys. Why do you always decide to get interesting when I’m away? I’m hurt. Or at least I would be if I hadn’t you know, been on the road with my favourite people and not missing any of you at all

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[black_in_motion]

It's not my fault if those hicks don't have enough taste to SLOW THE FUCK DOWN for the hot chick lying half naked on the side of the road. Maybe if I glued antlers to my head and started singing about Ol' Dixie I would've had a few takers.

By the way, HEY, NICE TITS! I AM THE BEST PHOTOGRAPHER EVER. HIGH FUCKING FIVES.

[finger_walking]

Man, fuck 'em. We're too good for them anyway.

Thanks baby ♥ HIGH FIVES! I'm going to show this to my grandkids when I'm old and saggy so that I can scar them for life with what age has in store for them. It is going to be awesome.

[black_in_motion]

Why does this always happen whenever we wind up stranded in the middle of Where In The Fuck, America? At least they didn't steal our clothes this time, unlike those fuckers in New Mexico.

Hey, I know a great rack when I see one, and yours is worthy of adoration ♥ AND THEN I CAN FLASH THEM AND THEY WILL ALL CRY AND WE CAN GO DRINK SPIKED LEMONADE WHILE WE PLAY GIN RUMMY WITH THE GIRLS FROM THE THIRD FLOOR OF THE OLD FOLKS HOME. Man, I can't wait to get old, we're gonna be so badass!

[finger_walking]

I DON'T KNOW!! What the fuck is wrong with our country? FUCKING NEW MEXICO JEANS THIEVES! I am never going back to that god forsaken stretch of highway ever again. Except to say hi to that sweet lady who gave me a skirt. She was awesome.

Hahaha, man, we so are. I love us.