To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily. Not to dare is to lose oneself.
""And when the hourglass has run out, the hourglass of temporality, when the noise of secular life has grown silent and its restless or ineffectual activism has come to an end, when everything around you is still, as it is in eternity, then eternity asks you and every individual in these millions and millions about only one thing: whether you have lived in despair or not." -- Søren Kierkegaard
"The Sickness Unto Death"
(A small bit of research into Søren has made me like him. It's worth noting.)
Every day I'm alive is a good day. That my adventurous tendencies haven't killed me yet has got to be proof that not only does God play dice, those bastards are loaded. Or something.
Seriously, though. I mean to have this update be a little more meaningful. I'm not sure the last time I put something important here.. and, a quick check back puts it at awhile ago. I think I'm gonna aim for this particular post to be rather sporadic, though.
So, my first thought is something I've said before, but I'm gonna get it all recorded nicely on here so you can all come back and see it to remind you of my greatness. Or I only said it to about two people. Either or, really. The thought, though, is that when I'm happier or less cynical than people, something has gone very, very wrong in the world. I can't exactly claim any wherewithal to know what's going on with everyone out there, if just because I'm more likely to wander around a mountain naked than keep in good touch with everyone. Or even half the people I know. Maybe even one person. That's not my strong suit. Tangent #1 aside, it seems like there's always somebody that has some damn thing going on and is upset about life in some form or another. That's depressing. I mean, beyond why it should normally be depressing, life isn't worth getting upset over. At least, not how it usually is. It's also not worth getting sad or depressed over. It's life, shit happens, and even though maybe 95% of it we either cause or make worse ourselves, after that, so what? You can't go back and change the past, no matter how much you may want to.
The bit with life is, horrible things are always going to be coming up. If they aren't, then you're probably dead. You can't avoid them, and by trying to you'll probably make them worse. That being said, once they come up, (And here is where most of the world falls off), deal with it, and move on. Don't give it any special treatment. Face it down, work it out, and that's that. The moment you start to avoid you're making yourself a slave to something that isn't even real.
Which, I don't suppose that'll change anything. People'll be people, and you'll all continue to do what you continue to do. The world will go on, people will still be happy and sad over little things, even moreso over big things, suffer when they don't have to, forget to enjoy things when they should, and any other myriad of things. I can hope and dream, though. I don't have to believe it will work, but I can hope and dream.
Aside from that, I've had a brilliant weekend. I went hiking twice on my own a fair ways away from anybody else, both in places where I'd be seriously screwed should anything have happened. Got to explore an abandoned mine.. not terribly big, but terribly fun. Also terribly terrifying. With all the warnings saying 'Caution! Vertical shafts! Water over head! Cave-ins! Built in unstable rock! Poisonous gas!' you'd think it's a horrible idea to explore one. And it is. It's a stupid, idiotic, insane idea. And it was terribly fun. I ate lunch in one. I explored what it was like to turn off your light underground. I found out how much it toys with your mind when you're underground, and the things you'll think you'll hear.
There's something that comes over you when you're alone like that.. or, alone by yourself without really a trace of people for a decent length of time. I don't know.. I can't fully explain it, but leaving the mountain the second time, I was a lot more.. animalistic, maybe. Perhaps primitive? Sort of a skittish and cautious nature toward humanity and 'civilization.' It was odd, but somehow fitting. More aware of what was going on around me, and a feeling that what everybody was doing was quite pointless and futile. That people are too preoccupied with this or that, and never are really happy just being. When really, just being is all there is. It was sad and funny and some other emotions all rolled together in an insane man living in the woods sort of way. I would recommend everyone to spend some time alone like that, even though it's horribly unsafe and regarded poorly by nearly everyone, I think the benifits are far more useful. It's a lovely and refreshing change of pace, to be sure.
Also of interest and/or fun was driving to these places for a few hours listening to the Stones, The Who, and Paul Revere and the Raiders play. I don't think all of you would appreciate that as much as me, but I thought that was bloody brilliant. It was also fun to go 30+mph on a wet one lane road, swerving to avoid the giant puddles that were hell on the suspension. For reference, the speed limit was posted at 25mph, and the people that put that up are.. well.. what traffic safety would be like if I had a chance to head it. Anything over 20mph for a car, on a good day, is seriously asking for trouble. So I had fun. The car was probably scared shitless, but I had a blast. Anyway.
I wandered alongside a few cliffs of various slopes and lengths. I tried climbing down a steep slope and found out that my body doesn't like the overwhelming possibility of painful slippery death, the cowardly bastard. Trudged around a bunch in wet weather and fog all over the woods. Met a man who looked like a cross between Grizzly Adams, a hobo, something entirely unique, and the crazed man in the woods that will beat you with a bone he gnawed off a live animal. Speaking of being more likely to wander around a mountain naked.. tried to go skinny-dipping in a mountain lake up until the point I realized that mountain lakes are extremely fucking cold in fall, and that I couldn't feel what was wet after about seven seconds. Then I wandered around a mountain naked. It was actually much warmer than you'd think, despite what appearances would have implied.
You all should have been there. Especially Patrick.
Aside from that, I don't know what to say. I can think of a few things.. but I'm not sure what really matters or would be important. Then again, none of this was.. but I guess it seemed less not important.
I suppose, has anyone noticed if I give off any sort of vibe or aura of something? Not in a 'Nick, you have a blueish-gold aura!,' but just.. something. I dunno. I've heard from a few people that just having me around is comforting or calming, but as I seem to be completely clueless to the difference.. since.. I don't tend to be seperate from myself.. I can't really judge. Anyone have any thoughts or feelings on the subject? It makes me curious.
Oh. Right. And that. Would any of you be up for exploring old abandoned buildings, abandoned mines, not necessarily abandoned caves, ect. with me? I'm game for horribly stupid and dangerous ideas, but at least if something collapses and I'm going to die, it would be nice that someone knows where I am at the time, and provided that it isn't an instantaneous death, it would be nice to talk until we died.
"From the delicate strand,
between minds we weave our mesh:
a blanket to warm the soul."
"The Sickness Unto Death"
(A small bit of research into Søren has made me like him. It's worth noting.)
Every day I'm alive is a good day. That my adventurous tendencies haven't killed me yet has got to be proof that not only does God play dice, those bastards are loaded. Or something.
Seriously, though. I mean to have this update be a little more meaningful. I'm not sure the last time I put something important here.. and, a quick check back puts it at awhile ago. I think I'm gonna aim for this particular post to be rather sporadic, though.
So, my first thought is something I've said before, but I'm gonna get it all recorded nicely on here so you can all come back and see it to remind you of my greatness. Or I only said it to about two people. Either or, really. The thought, though, is that when I'm happier or less cynical than people, something has gone very, very wrong in the world. I can't exactly claim any wherewithal to know what's going on with everyone out there, if just because I'm more likely to wander around a mountain naked than keep in good touch with everyone. Or even half the people I know. Maybe even one person. That's not my strong suit. Tangent #1 aside, it seems like there's always somebody that has some damn thing going on and is upset about life in some form or another. That's depressing. I mean, beyond why it should normally be depressing, life isn't worth getting upset over. At least, not how it usually is. It's also not worth getting sad or depressed over. It's life, shit happens, and even though maybe 95% of it we either cause or make worse ourselves, after that, so what? You can't go back and change the past, no matter how much you may want to.
The bit with life is, horrible things are always going to be coming up. If they aren't, then you're probably dead. You can't avoid them, and by trying to you'll probably make them worse. That being said, once they come up, (And here is where most of the world falls off), deal with it, and move on. Don't give it any special treatment. Face it down, work it out, and that's that. The moment you start to avoid you're making yourself a slave to something that isn't even real.
Which, I don't suppose that'll change anything. People'll be people, and you'll all continue to do what you continue to do. The world will go on, people will still be happy and sad over little things, even moreso over big things, suffer when they don't have to, forget to enjoy things when they should, and any other myriad of things. I can hope and dream, though. I don't have to believe it will work, but I can hope and dream.
Aside from that, I've had a brilliant weekend. I went hiking twice on my own a fair ways away from anybody else, both in places where I'd be seriously screwed should anything have happened. Got to explore an abandoned mine.. not terribly big, but terribly fun. Also terribly terrifying. With all the warnings saying 'Caution! Vertical shafts! Water over head! Cave-ins! Built in unstable rock! Poisonous gas!' you'd think it's a horrible idea to explore one. And it is. It's a stupid, idiotic, insane idea. And it was terribly fun. I ate lunch in one. I explored what it was like to turn off your light underground. I found out how much it toys with your mind when you're underground, and the things you'll think you'll hear.
There's something that comes over you when you're alone like that.. or, alone by yourself without really a trace of people for a decent length of time. I don't know.. I can't fully explain it, but leaving the mountain the second time, I was a lot more.. animalistic, maybe. Perhaps primitive? Sort of a skittish and cautious nature toward humanity and 'civilization.' It was odd, but somehow fitting. More aware of what was going on around me, and a feeling that what everybody was doing was quite pointless and futile. That people are too preoccupied with this or that, and never are really happy just being. When really, just being is all there is. It was sad and funny and some other emotions all rolled together in an insane man living in the woods sort of way. I would recommend everyone to spend some time alone like that, even though it's horribly unsafe and regarded poorly by nearly everyone, I think the benifits are far more useful. It's a lovely and refreshing change of pace, to be sure.
Also of interest and/or fun was driving to these places for a few hours listening to the Stones, The Who, and Paul Revere and the Raiders play. I don't think all of you would appreciate that as much as me, but I thought that was bloody brilliant. It was also fun to go 30+mph on a wet one lane road, swerving to avoid the giant puddles that were hell on the suspension. For reference, the speed limit was posted at 25mph, and the people that put that up are.. well.. what traffic safety would be like if I had a chance to head it. Anything over 20mph for a car, on a good day, is seriously asking for trouble. So I had fun. The car was probably scared shitless, but I had a blast. Anyway.
I wandered alongside a few cliffs of various slopes and lengths. I tried climbing down a steep slope and found out that my body doesn't like the overwhelming possibility of painful slippery death, the cowardly bastard. Trudged around a bunch in wet weather and fog all over the woods. Met a man who looked like a cross between Grizzly Adams, a hobo, something entirely unique, and the crazed man in the woods that will beat you with a bone he gnawed off a live animal. Speaking of being more likely to wander around a mountain naked.. tried to go skinny-dipping in a mountain lake up until the point I realized that mountain lakes are extremely fucking cold in fall, and that I couldn't feel what was wet after about seven seconds. Then I wandered around a mountain naked. It was actually much warmer than you'd think, despite what appearances would have implied.
You all should have been there. Especially Patrick.
Aside from that, I don't know what to say. I can think of a few things.. but I'm not sure what really matters or would be important. Then again, none of this was.. but I guess it seemed less not important.
I suppose, has anyone noticed if I give off any sort of vibe or aura of something? Not in a 'Nick, you have a blueish-gold aura!,' but just.. something. I dunno. I've heard from a few people that just having me around is comforting or calming, but as I seem to be completely clueless to the difference.. since.. I don't tend to be seperate from myself.. I can't really judge. Anyone have any thoughts or feelings on the subject? It makes me curious.
Oh. Right. And that. Would any of you be up for exploring old abandoned buildings, abandoned mines, not necessarily abandoned caves, ect. with me? I'm game for horribly stupid and dangerous ideas, but at least if something collapses and I'm going to die, it would be nice that someone knows where I am at the time, and provided that it isn't an instantaneous death, it would be nice to talk until we died.
"From the delicate strand,
between minds we weave our mesh:
a blanket to warm the soul."