Teddy Roosevelt would have approved
It's weird. Part of me lately is drifting back so strongly to wanting to stick around and see where this year goes. Then another part of me is just ready to let it go and move on. Part of me still places so much on friends in my life, even if they don't put nearly the same into me. Part of me is disgusted by all that everyone does. Part of me is enthralled and enchanted with what everyone does. And part of me is finding out something new everyday that's ever-widening the gap between me and those I'm living with.
Which, I'm not sure changes anything.. can't take off yet.. or at least, can't reliably so. But it's just.. it's strange. I keep finding myself coming back and finding so much beauty in people, and especially in their more vulnerable aspects. Before you back off and think I'm some psychopath.. I mean that. When someone lets down their guard, if just briefly.. it's as though in that one moment, you can see more than you could in a lifetime with them never letting on. I can't help but feel it's in those moments, where we show who we really are, and truly strengthen our bonds. Maybe I'm wrong, though.. I can't speak for anyone else.. and maybe this is just my view of it, but I know.. even with those I'm so far from now, those memories, those few times where who we really were came to the surface.. it helps remind me of what wonderful people they are, and how grateful I should be to be a part of their lives. I really do love that vulnerability.. that imperfection. I'd go nutty if everyone I knew was a complete wreck that put everyone else to shame, and obviously so.. but I've managed to avoid getting myself surrounded by people like that. Not that there aren't people that are wrecks, even in those I know.. but it's a far more subtle thing.
So! That actually almost never happens anymore. Sometimes.. and it has a bit lately, which spurred it being mentioned here, but I remember a time where.. you know.. people actually felt comfortable enough around me to open up and share deeper secrets to themselves. That doesn't happen anymore. And dammit, that.. well, I guess that kinda hurts. Bit of a sense of loss.. bit of sadness to a number of things. I think I might have had that connection, maybe once in.. shit, I have no idea. Oh. Maybe twice. Should probably say.. the sort where it is guarded, not something where someone is vulnerable, but it's generally like that. So, I guess what would qualify as something deeper for some said person.
Which, is so far off-track where I wanted to go. I still think this thing is an exercise in futility, and even moreso, given that there's an inverse relation between the length of my entries, and the apparent comments to these. Which, I can't be sure, but as that's the only way I have to judge who actually reads these, makes me wonder how many of the longer ones are actually viewed. And, if any of the comments as to half of them tell me their too long are any idea.. probably not too many people go through them. Be happy, it's like a metaphor for mankind's struggle to understand the world and themselves through sheer force of will, happening right before your eyes. All of life's lessons rolled up neatly into one little site, if you're only able to understand it.
Which reminds me, I made a small comment about never doing anything spiritual here, minus the icon. That isn't true. I mentioned enlightenment one other time. But, beyond that, because that's a really small piece, it's interwoven really heavily throughout my rants on the world. Maybe it isn't visible to too many people, but the outlook I've written on those rants, is a heavy blend of personal experience and esoteric beliefs.. which, could be cut down to 'personal experience,' I suppose. Nobody might notice the spirituality in there, though. Most of the commentary onto lack of perception/awareness, or people doing stupid things, is a huge spiritual carryover. That's one of the biggest underlying messages that's been taught by nearly everyone throughout the ages, from Buddha, to Jesus, to Marcus Aurelius, to Henry David Thoreau, to just scratch that surface. Nearly everyone has touched on that, the divine, God, love (or true love), or what have you. Generally, though.. nobody is aware quite what they have, if they even notice it at all. I alluded to it before.. I believe in here, if not my personal journal. It's something like, we're all running around without noticing where we're going, or where we've come from. Occasionally, we stumble across something, bigger than we could ever begin to comprehend, but most of us just quickly get themselves up, and scurry off without ever knowing, or wanting to know, what they may have found. That's the part that gets me, and really saddens me. And that's the part where the drama comes in, and how the lack of closeness and openness in a relationship bothers me. It's all interconnected, and in this case, so closely.
Again.. straying from what I meant to say.. and.. ah, hell.. I'll do another post, because nobody will come this far and reply. But, I don't know.. part of me kinda wants to complain as to how different me and my parents are, but most of you already know that. What you might not know, and I didn't, is that that difference, and gap, it keeps growing everyday. Or at least, it's becoming blindingly more aware everyday, though part of me is wondering if some of it isn't new. I'd go into huge details.. but I really don't want to. My parents and I, we don't think at all on the same track. I believe it's better to think for yourself and decide what's best based on how you feel, regardless of the world around you, and try to help as many as you can along the way. And them, they're kinda pretty deadset on the rules, obeying what's set out even if they don't believe in it, and keeping pretty well to themselves, or at least, not bothering themselves with concerns that don't help them. And, it baffles me.. sort of.. why the fuck people can put up with something, and continue to do it, especially when they don't believe in it. To me, that's just.. you're just.. it's.. there isn't really a word for how stupid and insane that is. I really believe in that whole, walk the talk thing, and if you believe in it, and talk about it, than actually get off your ass and do something about it. If.. let's say the Russian Revolution. If I believed in it, I'd think it would be a hell of a lot better to actually act on that, and try to do something to change the world to fit how you hope can make it better, than just sitting back and talking about all the great things it can do. And likewise, I'd rather have one person, that would actually help me change the world, than a hundred people that would just pay lip service to it.
AND EVERY FUCKING PERSON JUST PAYS LIP SERVICE. >=| No, seriously. It's about that much. Nobody actually acts on what they preach, they just preach it. Yeah, a few people do, and you could give me examples.. hell, I know examples too. The point, is that most people don't. And even the people that do, it's usually just on a few things. If I met someone that always followed up with what they said, and tried to make it a reality, I would stop and shake their hand, regardless if I agreed or not. Even if I disagreed, that's something that's worthy of recognition and respect, and I'd give that. And I live in America. It's just a shining example that personifies how everyone does that. Not just the authority, I mean the individual person living in it. Which, incidentally, is supposed to be the power in the bloody country, but at some point everyone gave up on that, and decided to be led by the nose.
Oh, shit. That reminds me too. Napoleon Bonaparte once said "Four hostile newspapers are more to be feared than a thousand bayonets." And, while I'm confident he was referring to that with words, one can inspire and change the hearts of men, which will always defeat and overpower force. The pen is mightier than the sword, just rephrased.. Anyway, I believe what can also be taken from that, is that people can be led. So, so, so easily. Look at history, and what little it's taken to do that. I don't know the events and histories to every country around, but I'd be willing to bet they all have something of the sort. And what that made me think.. is why are people led? Fear is always a powerful incentive, but what about when fear isn't the driving cause? Then I started thinking, too.. people are afraid of the unknown, or change.. status quo is familiar, and even if awful, at least it's known, and you have an idea how to deal with it. It's like, once you get people set in something, their natural fear of change will help deter them from straying. Not that it can't be overriden, but it's usually overriden by a stronger fear, namely in revolutions, either a fear of the state, or a hope for something better, or both.
Which, it fits. Everyone is afraid to go outside their comfort zones personally. Look at everyone you know, and yourself. How often would you stray to what's uncomfortable and scares you, even if it could be better? Status quo.. it's so much easier. So, that's sort of a long way to say, 'People are sheep.' That comes off really, really cynical.. but, thinking about it for a moment, it probably should. Fear is.. probably.. the driving emotion, and most popular, for nearly everything enacted by those in power. It's certainly been the weapon of choice by many of the world's leaders. ..And the start for a world war. Need to relook the Balkan region for WWI, but I'd imagine some played out into it. Patrick could help me out, if he read this far. Cold War was all about fear, too.. which, actually, I sort of like. The fact that I could come into a world without glowing and having a third eye, even if it was out of complete abject terror, I'm kinda ok with.
All that, authority.. it bothers me. It tells you how to think, and that isn't anyone else's place to decide. True, there are those that should be able to guide and help you, but way too many people abuse that power. Even great teachers, didn't force things upon their students. That's part of it.. there is something that has to be taught by coming to it on your own, and if you beat it into someone, it just won't work. Unless, you perform something along the lines of 1984, and just don't even have anyone know that life could be different.. but that's not the subject we're on here. Guidance.. but nobody has ever been able to take someone to understanding all on their own.. there is always something you must do by yourself.
Coming up next: Further indulgance into religion, possibly spirituality, and concert invites.
Oh, and this was a big shower thought, or at least in part, too.
Which, I'm not sure changes anything.. can't take off yet.. or at least, can't reliably so. But it's just.. it's strange. I keep finding myself coming back and finding so much beauty in people, and especially in their more vulnerable aspects. Before you back off and think I'm some psychopath.. I mean that. When someone lets down their guard, if just briefly.. it's as though in that one moment, you can see more than you could in a lifetime with them never letting on. I can't help but feel it's in those moments, where we show who we really are, and truly strengthen our bonds. Maybe I'm wrong, though.. I can't speak for anyone else.. and maybe this is just my view of it, but I know.. even with those I'm so far from now, those memories, those few times where who we really were came to the surface.. it helps remind me of what wonderful people they are, and how grateful I should be to be a part of their lives. I really do love that vulnerability.. that imperfection. I'd go nutty if everyone I knew was a complete wreck that put everyone else to shame, and obviously so.. but I've managed to avoid getting myself surrounded by people like that. Not that there aren't people that are wrecks, even in those I know.. but it's a far more subtle thing.
So! That actually almost never happens anymore. Sometimes.. and it has a bit lately, which spurred it being mentioned here, but I remember a time where.. you know.. people actually felt comfortable enough around me to open up and share deeper secrets to themselves. That doesn't happen anymore. And dammit, that.. well, I guess that kinda hurts. Bit of a sense of loss.. bit of sadness to a number of things. I think I might have had that connection, maybe once in.. shit, I have no idea. Oh. Maybe twice. Should probably say.. the sort where it is guarded, not something where someone is vulnerable, but it's generally like that. So, I guess what would qualify as something deeper for some said person.
Which, is so far off-track where I wanted to go. I still think this thing is an exercise in futility, and even moreso, given that there's an inverse relation between the length of my entries, and the apparent comments to these. Which, I can't be sure, but as that's the only way I have to judge who actually reads these, makes me wonder how many of the longer ones are actually viewed. And, if any of the comments as to half of them tell me their too long are any idea.. probably not too many people go through them. Be happy, it's like a metaphor for mankind's struggle to understand the world and themselves through sheer force of will, happening right before your eyes. All of life's lessons rolled up neatly into one little site, if you're only able to understand it.
Which reminds me, I made a small comment about never doing anything spiritual here, minus the icon. That isn't true. I mentioned enlightenment one other time. But, beyond that, because that's a really small piece, it's interwoven really heavily throughout my rants on the world. Maybe it isn't visible to too many people, but the outlook I've written on those rants, is a heavy blend of personal experience and esoteric beliefs.. which, could be cut down to 'personal experience,' I suppose. Nobody might notice the spirituality in there, though. Most of the commentary onto lack of perception/awareness, or people doing stupid things, is a huge spiritual carryover. That's one of the biggest underlying messages that's been taught by nearly everyone throughout the ages, from Buddha, to Jesus, to Marcus Aurelius, to Henry David Thoreau, to just scratch that surface. Nearly everyone has touched on that, the divine, God, love (or true love), or what have you. Generally, though.. nobody is aware quite what they have, if they even notice it at all. I alluded to it before.. I believe in here, if not my personal journal. It's something like, we're all running around without noticing where we're going, or where we've come from. Occasionally, we stumble across something, bigger than we could ever begin to comprehend, but most of us just quickly get themselves up, and scurry off without ever knowing, or wanting to know, what they may have found. That's the part that gets me, and really saddens me. And that's the part where the drama comes in, and how the lack of closeness and openness in a relationship bothers me. It's all interconnected, and in this case, so closely.
Again.. straying from what I meant to say.. and.. ah, hell.. I'll do another post, because nobody will come this far and reply. But, I don't know.. part of me kinda wants to complain as to how different me and my parents are, but most of you already know that. What you might not know, and I didn't, is that that difference, and gap, it keeps growing everyday. Or at least, it's becoming blindingly more aware everyday, though part of me is wondering if some of it isn't new. I'd go into huge details.. but I really don't want to. My parents and I, we don't think at all on the same track. I believe it's better to think for yourself and decide what's best based on how you feel, regardless of the world around you, and try to help as many as you can along the way. And them, they're kinda pretty deadset on the rules, obeying what's set out even if they don't believe in it, and keeping pretty well to themselves, or at least, not bothering themselves with concerns that don't help them. And, it baffles me.. sort of.. why the fuck people can put up with something, and continue to do it, especially when they don't believe in it. To me, that's just.. you're just.. it's.. there isn't really a word for how stupid and insane that is. I really believe in that whole, walk the talk thing, and if you believe in it, and talk about it, than actually get off your ass and do something about it. If.. let's say the Russian Revolution. If I believed in it, I'd think it would be a hell of a lot better to actually act on that, and try to do something to change the world to fit how you hope can make it better, than just sitting back and talking about all the great things it can do. And likewise, I'd rather have one person, that would actually help me change the world, than a hundred people that would just pay lip service to it.
AND EVERY FUCKING PERSON JUST PAYS LIP SERVICE. >=| No, seriously. It's about that much. Nobody actually acts on what they preach, they just preach it. Yeah, a few people do, and you could give me examples.. hell, I know examples too. The point, is that most people don't. And even the people that do, it's usually just on a few things. If I met someone that always followed up with what they said, and tried to make it a reality, I would stop and shake their hand, regardless if I agreed or not. Even if I disagreed, that's something that's worthy of recognition and respect, and I'd give that. And I live in America. It's just a shining example that personifies how everyone does that. Not just the authority, I mean the individual person living in it. Which, incidentally, is supposed to be the power in the bloody country, but at some point everyone gave up on that, and decided to be led by the nose.
Oh, shit. That reminds me too. Napoleon Bonaparte once said "Four hostile newspapers are more to be feared than a thousand bayonets." And, while I'm confident he was referring to that with words, one can inspire and change the hearts of men, which will always defeat and overpower force. The pen is mightier than the sword, just rephrased.. Anyway, I believe what can also be taken from that, is that people can be led. So, so, so easily. Look at history, and what little it's taken to do that. I don't know the events and histories to every country around, but I'd be willing to bet they all have something of the sort. And what that made me think.. is why are people led? Fear is always a powerful incentive, but what about when fear isn't the driving cause? Then I started thinking, too.. people are afraid of the unknown, or change.. status quo is familiar, and even if awful, at least it's known, and you have an idea how to deal with it. It's like, once you get people set in something, their natural fear of change will help deter them from straying. Not that it can't be overriden, but it's usually overriden by a stronger fear, namely in revolutions, either a fear of the state, or a hope for something better, or both.
Which, it fits. Everyone is afraid to go outside their comfort zones personally. Look at everyone you know, and yourself. How often would you stray to what's uncomfortable and scares you, even if it could be better? Status quo.. it's so much easier. So, that's sort of a long way to say, 'People are sheep.' That comes off really, really cynical.. but, thinking about it for a moment, it probably should. Fear is.. probably.. the driving emotion, and most popular, for nearly everything enacted by those in power. It's certainly been the weapon of choice by many of the world's leaders. ..And the start for a world war. Need to relook the Balkan region for WWI, but I'd imagine some played out into it. Patrick could help me out, if he read this far. Cold War was all about fear, too.. which, actually, I sort of like. The fact that I could come into a world without glowing and having a third eye, even if it was out of complete abject terror, I'm kinda ok with.
All that, authority.. it bothers me. It tells you how to think, and that isn't anyone else's place to decide. True, there are those that should be able to guide and help you, but way too many people abuse that power. Even great teachers, didn't force things upon their students. That's part of it.. there is something that has to be taught by coming to it on your own, and if you beat it into someone, it just won't work. Unless, you perform something along the lines of 1984, and just don't even have anyone know that life could be different.. but that's not the subject we're on here. Guidance.. but nobody has ever been able to take someone to understanding all on their own.. there is always something you must do by yourself.
Coming up next: Further indulgance into religion, possibly spirituality, and concert invites.
Oh, and this was a big shower thought, or at least in part, too.