Fic: Starting From The Basics (Numb3rs, Don Eppes / Martin)
Title: Starting From the Basics
Fandom: Numb3rs
Pair: Charlie Eppes / Colby Granger,
Don Eppes / Martin Fridegord
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine, etc.
Feedback: Always Welcome
NUMB3RS Main List
Martin gave him a long, disbelieving look.
“Don.”
“Yeah?” Don asked carefully.
“You’ve been shot, right?”
“Yeah.”
“And stabbed?”
“Yeah.”
“You’ve met professional hit men.”
“Yeah.”
“Gang members?”
"Yeah."
“Violent terrorists?”
“Yeah.”
“Then can you explain to me what’s so scary about one dirty diaper?”
“It’s not scary, it’s….. creepy.”
“People have done this for ages, it’s totally safe.”
“I know, but I can’t!”
Martin sighed. “Fine, I’ll do it. Again.” He settled squirming Helen on the bathroom tabletop and pulled the tapes open. Don covered his eyes with his hand.
“Stop that. She’s a baby, it’s a natural thing.”
“I just don’t wanna see it.”
“But you don’t mind looking at her when she’s clean again? That’s weird.” He took a pile of baby wipes and started cleaning the chubby baby-butt. “Okay, give me a new one.”
Don handed him a clean diaper. “When mom had Charlie I was too small to be awkward, but now…..”
“We’re good now, aren’t we?” Martin cooed to the baby and lifted her to rest against his chest. “What do you want to do now? You want to eat, don’t you?”
“How do you know?”
“She keeps sucking her fingers. All my sisters did that when they were hungry.”
“I thought babies do that all the time.”
“Depends on how they do it. Can you warm up a bottle?”
“Where do I milk it from?”
“There’s bottles in the fridge. Didn’t you listen when Colby dropped her off?”
“Not really. Every time he or Chuck start talking about babies they go on and on. I’ve learned to tune out when it starts.”
“She’s staying overnight, you better listen. It’s not exactly rocket science.”
“Okay.” Don groaned. “Tell me the basics.”
“When they cry it’s usually one of three things. Hunger.”
“Like now?”
“She’s not that far yet, but yeah. Second one is when she needs a new diaper.”
“That one’s for you. What’s the third?”
“Attention. If she’s she’s dry and fed, she wants attention. Pick her up and all that.”
“How the hell do you know all that stuff? You got a secret wife and three kids stashed somewhere?”
“No, I was the oldest and I have four younger sisters. It was like living in a day-care centre twenty-four-seven.”
“Explains a lot. You look like a natural born daddy.”
“Don’t tell me your clock’s ticking.” Martin grinned.
“Don’t start….” Don went to the kitchen and Martin followed with Helen. He pulled the fridge open. “How often does she eat?”
“Depends on her. Why?”
“The fridge’s half full with milk bottles. How can one baby eat so much?”
“She’s in that growing phase. Babies do their biggest growth spurt during the first year.”
“Seriously?”
“Yep. And no more than forty-five seconds.”
“What?”
“The milk. No more than that. It can’t be too hot or she’s burn her mouth and throat.”
Don took on bottle and put it in the microwave.
“Is it really that picky?”
“It is!”
They waited till the oven clinked.
“Now what? You’ll just….. feed her?”
“Don, it’s all just common sense. Take her.” Martin handed the baby over to Don and took the bottle. “Sit down on the couch.”
“With her?”
“Yep.”
Don did as he was told. Martin put a tip on the bottle and tested the temperature.
“Okay, now put her on your lap, head against your arm.” He gave the bottle to Don.
“And now I’ll….. Push this in?”
“Put the tip on her lips and she’ll do the rest.”
Don followed orders. Helen grabbed the bottle with her chubby hands and started gulping her milk.
“That’s not so bad, isn’t it?” Martin chuckled.
“No.” Don had to admit. “This is kinda nice. But I’m still not gonna change diapers.”
“I can’t believe you’re so squeamish about it.”
“I’m not! And I like babies when they are clean. What do I do when she’s done?”
“You’ll ask her if she would like an after dinner cigar.”
“You’re making fun of me, aren’t you?”
“Just a little. She needs to burp.”
“Wow.... She`s done.” Don pulled the empty bottle away from Helen’s mouth. “This kid has some serious suction going on.”
“Place her on your shoulder and tap her back gently.” Don followed orders. “And put a towel under her chin.”
“Why?”
“Because she might-” Martin paused and started laughing. “She might do that.”
Don tilted his head to the side. He could feel something warm dribbling down the back of his shirt.
“She threw up on me, didn’t she?”
“Yeah.”
“From now on this is your job. This and diapers.”