Fic: Issues (Criminal Minds, Spencer Reid / Derek Morgan)
Title: Issues
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pair: Spencer Reid / Derek Morgan
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine, etc.
Feedback: Always Welcome
Criminal Minds Main List
“You know the effect rates on those?” Reid grinned. He was leaning against the doorframe, watching Morgan’s bedtime routines.
“I got it as a gift.”
“From who?”
“My mom.”
“When?”
“When I had my last birthday.”
“Your mom send you that deep-frying thing.”
“Okay, I got this from my sisters.”
“They send you-”
“Fine, I bought it myself.”
“Why?” Reid giggled.
“It was on sale?”
“Try again.”
“I found a new one. Again.”
“I told you when you found the previous ones: What does it matter?”
“It’s easy for you to say, you’re younger than me. And you got that face.”
“What about my face?”
“You got that “eternal teenager” thing. You get carded every time we go to a bar.”
“That’s not my fault!”
“That’s the most irritating part of it. You don’t need to do anything about it. You take a shower in the morning and that’s it.”
“I still have no idea what you mean.”
“I mean that some of us have to work to look this way and we would like to keep looking like this.”
“Who’s we?”
“What do you mean we?”
“You used plural.”
“It’s just an expression. The point is that I’ve worked hard to look this way and I wanna keep it.”
“I thought you went to the gym.”
“That’s not enough anymore.”
“So you use…. that.”
“I don’t use it, I just…. I’m trying it. You got a problem with that?”
“No. If you want to use wrinkle creams, go right ahead. By the way… did you read that article in that medical journal I left on the magazine rack?”
“Have I ever read your magazines?”
“There was a really interesting article about the andropause.”
“Androwhat?”
“The male menopause.”
“Reid!”
“It’s a scientifically proven condition. It’s caused by the decrease of testosterone in the body. It causes effect that are quite similar to the female menopause.”
“There’s nothing wrong with my testosterone! And why are you lecturing me about that?”
“You are getting closer to that age. After thirty-five the levels of testosterone decrease in a an increasing pace.”
“Are you saying I’m old?”
“No, I’m saying that no matter how well you take care of your self, you can’t turn back time. We get older and our cellular structure decays. Have you had muscle and joint aches?”
“Yeah….”
“Hot flashes?”
“No.”
“Night sweat?”
“I don’t know, I’m asleep!”
“Mood swings?”
“No!”
“I’ll take that as a Yes. Erectile dysfunctions?”
“Hell no! And you should know that!”
“There’s the mood swing again….”
“I don’t have mood swings!” Morgan paused. “Wait a minute…. You really think I have it?”
Reid smirked. “No, I don’t. But it took your mind away from your new wrinkle.”
Morgan stared at him. “I think I’ve rubbed off on you.”
“Maybe.”
“Seriously, couple years ago you couldn’t have kept a straight face that long.”
“Is that a compliment?”
“Yeah. You think I’m ridiculous, don’t you?”
“Well…. Remember what you said when Prentiss bought you that pink drink with the umbrella when we we’re in that bar, waiting to fly home?”
“Yeah.”
“If tought guys from Chicago don’t drink girly drinks, they probably don’t use wrinkle creams either.”
“Okay, I give up.” Morgan dumped the tiny jar to the bin.
“At least you don’t need to worry about your hairline.” Reid commented.
“And you have more than enough hair for two.”
“Is that some kind of a hint that I should have a haircut?”
“I remember what your hair looked like when it was short and you’re not going anywhere near scissors.”
“It wasn’t that bad.”
“It looked like you cut it yourself.”
“I did.”
“What?”
“I cut it myself.”
“That explains it. I’m getting rid of all the scissors in the house.”
“Why are we talking about my hair now?”
“Because it looked so awful!”
“If you don’t stop now, I’ll go back to the topic of erectile dysfunctions on males over thirty.”
“Don’t say that. Don’t even say that.”
“Erectile dysfunction?”
“I told you: Don’t say it! I’m a guy, even hearing that expression is painful.”
“They have very good medications for that-”
“I don’t have a problem with my erections.”
“Than stay away from my hair.”
Both men were quiet for a minute. Then they started laughing.
“You can take care of my erection issue, if I can handle your hair.” Morgan suggested.
“How is it even possible to make a nice proposition sound so dirty?”
“It takes a lot of practice.”