Fic: Muffin Run (Criminal Minds, Spencer Reid / Derek Morgan)
Title: Muffin Run
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pair: Spencer Reid / Derek Morgan
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine, etc.
Feedback: Always Welcome
Criminal Minds Main List
“Did you get anything?” Prentiss asked and lifted her eyes from the wall filled with maps and victim photos.
Morgan gave him a long look and slammed his bag on the desk.
“Have you ever had to interview hookers in a street corner?”
“Yeah. Did they offer you a good deal?”
“Real bargain.”
“They offered the same to me yesterday, and I didn’t get anything out of them either. It was a long shot anyway.”
“They’re all potential victims, you’d think they’d be willing to talk to us.”
“We’re the enemy, people on the street are their customers. If one of them dies, a new one pops up. How’s Reid?”
“What do you mean?”
“Are you kidding?” Prentiss grinned. “Reid in the middle of that crowd. Sounds like a time and place for a full-on freak-out.”
“Actually he took it pretty well. I don’t think he really understood what they meant.”
“Where’s he now?”
“He’s here.” Reid placed a cardboard tray on the desk. “I went to get some coffee on the way back. There’s a really nice little place across the street.”
“Which one’s mine?”
“That one.” Reid handed one of the take-away cups to Prentiss. “They have really great muffins in twenty-five flavours.” He took off his backbag and pulled out a several greasy paper bags. “Blueberry, raspberry, strawberry-”
“Pretty Boy, I think we got the message when you said they had twenty-five flavours. What did you get?”
“Three strawberries, three blueberries, three raspberries and three chocolate chips.”
“What’s with the threes?”
“Six of us, and six local detectives who’re on this case. I didn’t bring them coffee, but I thought it would be a nice gesture. Did you know that in several mythologies the number Three often includes mystical or magical beliefs. So does seven-”
“Baby boy.”
“Sorry, I had to queue after some really big guys. I was too afraid to say anything when they were giving me looks.”
“They gave you looks? What kinda looks?”
“One of them was asking about the calorie content of the smoothies, and I offered my knowledge to assist with the decision making process. They didn’t seem very happy about it, so I kept quiet after that.”
“Give me a blueberry.” Prentiss demanded and Reid handed her a muffin. She took a big bite from the pastry and closed her eyes for a moment. “That’s good….”
“Especially when we didn’t have any lunch.” Morgan added and took a strawberry muffin. “These really are good.”
“I told you.” Reid beamed and bit into a chocolate muffin. “I ate four of these while I was queuing for the coffee. Did you know that one muffin contains 420 calories and 20 grams of fat?”
“I don’t want to know.” Prentiss grunted.
“That’s actually more than a in a big Danish. Those contain about 270 calories per unit."
Prentiss paused mid-chew, and gave Reid a pained look. Her eyes went up and down the skinny body. Finally she dumped her muffin to the paperbasket.
“I really hate you sometimes.” She took her coffee and took a long gulp.
“Did I say something?” Reid asked through a mouthful of muffin.
“You said enough.”
“Oh.” Reid thought about it for a minute, his face all scrunched up in his social-interaction-is-not-my-strong-point expression. Then he gave up and continued munching his muffin. “Did Morgan tell you we met a girl called Muffin?”
“No. Was she a baker?” Prentiss didn’t bother to go lightly with the sarcasm.
“No, a prostitute. But the interesting thing is that it is 2.058 times more common for Muffin to be a girls name than a boys name, but there is almost one hundred men in the US named Muffin.” Reid grabbed the paper bags and bounced up the stairs. “I’ll go see if the detectives are hungry.”
“Five. Five muffins.” Prentiss threw few venomous glances at the point where Reid had for a moment ago stood. “I think I’ll have to kill him.”
“Hold on, I should probably say something here.” Morgan chuckled.
“Don’t bother. The whole protective boyfriend routine is cute, but right now I’m not in the mood for that.”
“You want me lift your spirits?”
“Does that include a bottle of wine, a long bath, and a hot man? And I mean a hot straight man.”
“Remind me about that when we get back, I’ll hook you up with somebody.”
“I’ve heard Reid talking about your buddies, so no thanks.”
“Okay, what else can I do? You wanna hear what happened when we went to interview those hookers?”
“They offered you free samples?”
“Besides that.”
“What?”
“I was introducing myself to this pimp, when he noticed Reid talking to one of his girls. Guess what he said.”
“Just say it.”
“He offered me two of his girls in exchange for Pretty Boy.”
“You’re kidding…..”
“No, according to him there’s a real market for that young and innocent type.”
“And you turned him down?”
“Hey!”
“Sorry, this case is really getting to me.”
“I can see that.” Morgan pulled his beeping cell phone from his pocked and checked the new message. “We got the warrant for those phone logs, they’re bringing them in half an hour.”
“Great.”
“I’ll go tell Hotch.” Morgan was about to leave, but turned back. “And don`t get any ideas of selling Pretty Boy while I’m gone. I have no use for two hookers.” Morgan went up the stairs, leaving Prentiss alone.
She argued with herself for three minutes. Finally she decided to give in. She picked the half eaten muffing from the paper basket and took a big bite.