Fic: Couples Only, Chapter 3/3 (Criminal Minds, Spencer Reid / Derek Morgan)
Title: Couples Only, Chapter 3/3
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pair: Spencer Reid / Derek Morgan
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine, etc.
Feedback: Always Welcome
Criminal Minds Main List
Couples Only, Prologue
Couples Only, Chapter 1
Couples Only, Chapter 2
“What’s next?” Morgan pulled a fresh shirt over his head. “Lecture or therapy?”
“Group therapy.”
“What’s the topic?”
“Hot or Not: How to make your sexual id`s connect.” Reid paused to think about it. “That doesn’t even make sense. Id is one third of the of the psychic apparatus in Freudian psychology, and-”
“Pretty boy, I know. They’re just trying to make it sound more scientific than it is.”
“Why?”
“You don’t need to know. What do they do there?”
“Map out the strengths and weaknesses of couples sexual interaction and try to find ways to weed out the weaknesses or turn them into positives.”
“That could be interesting. If only we had some weaknesses in that area….” Morgan smirked and watched Reid blush.
“I don’t know…. The whole thing sounds pretty amateurish. Did you see the picture they had in the brochure?”
“No.”
“A pencil drawing of what looked like a female sexual organ.”
“Maybe it’s a metaphor for something.” Morgan suggested.
“I don’t think it is. Better just get it done.”
“That’s the right attitude. Where is it?”
“Lecture hall three.”
“No, the brochure.”
“Why?”
“I’m just curious.”
“In the wastebasket. And don’t try to find it, they took out the trash when we were having breakfast. And they took the rest of the baskets content too.”
“Pretty boy, that’s pretty prudish.”
“You didn’t see that picture. I’ve seen victims slaughtered, but that thing really made me nauseous.”
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“This is ridiculous!” Reid fumed when he and Morgan came back to their hotel room.
“Calm down, they could have kicked us out completely.” Morgan smirked. “Instead we can stay the whole weekend here, order room service for free and we don’t have to attend any more lectures or go to some therapy sessions. So thanks a lot Baby boy, you just saved my weekend.”
“I didn’t say anything inappropriate. They selected the topic and gave honest answers.”
“It was a group therapy session, nobody is completely honest.”
“Why not? Isn’t that the whole point of it?”
“Yeah, but sometimes you have to hold back a little bit. Like when they asked everyone to tell the weirdest place they’ve had sex.”
“I was completely honest about that.”
“I know, but people didn’t want to hear we made out in the morgue’s supply closet while working on a serial killer case. Did you see that shaky guy?”
“What guy?”
“He started shaking so badly they had to escort him out of the room.”
“That wasn’t my fault.”
“I’m not saying it was.”
“And people really seemed to listen when we all gave our speeches about our partners sexual strong points.”
“I know, even I was blushing! I still can’t believe you told them all that….”
“It’s all mere data for the analysis of the relationship, there’s nothing enticing about that.”
“That’s not what they were thinking.”
“Well, then they have a very dirty imagination.”
“You can’t talk dirty without blushing, but you could very accurately describe the length, girth and curve of my little Profiler. Not to mention how all the moans and whines I make when we’re at it for a roadmap for a satisfactory copulation.”
“It’s simple logic, really. When you know what each noise means, you can adjust your own strategy accordingly.”
“And you really didn’t need to answer the questions from the audience.”
“I thought it was like when I give lectures at Quantico. Gideon always said that it’s better to answer questions now then in the field where it may be a question of life and death.”
“It’s not a question of life and death when some yahoo wants to know about my bottoming/topping ratio. They think I’m some kinda oversexed himbo who can’t keep it in his pants for ten minutes and drops his trousers anytime you ask!”
“Sounds pretty accurate.” Reid deadpanned. Then he started giggling. “Sorry, but you should have seen your face.”
“What the hell, we don’t need to see those people ever again.”
“That’s a nice way to think about it.”
“And they said we can order whatever we want from the room service for free if we stay in our room.” Morgan grinned widely. “I was thinking we could go through the menu, order all the most expensive food, a bottle of champagne and have some fun in the hot tub.”
“And?”
“And see if can fine-tune that bottoming/topping ratio.”
“Aren’t you happy I can’t keep my mouth shut?”
“Sometimes.”
“Just sometimes?”
“Let’s just say that I love it most of the time, and the rest of the time doesn’t really need to be mentioned.”
“Good enough.”
“Besides…. I talked about you too.”
“When?”
“We’ll talk about it in the tub.”
“When did you even have time to talk about me?”
“At lunch, when you went to get your third dessert pudding.”
“What did you tell them?”
“Just good things. You go get the tub ready, I’ll call the room service.”