Fic: Free Weekend (Numb3rs, Charlie Eppes / Colby Granger, Don Eppes / Martin)
Title: Free Weekend
Fandom: Numb3rs
Pair: Charlie Eppes / Colby Granger,
Don Eppes / Martin Fridegord
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine, etc.
Feedback: Always Welcome
NUMB3RS Main List
“Just say it, I’m pathetic.”
“I didn’t say that.” Charlie tried to suppress a grin.
“But that’s what you were thinking.” Don leaned back against the couch cushions.
“Well, you got a whole weekend to waste and you show up here with a pizza…..”
“I don’t have anything to do. I’ve been to the gun range and hand-to-hand combat classes. Then it was midday and I couldn’t come up with anything else to do.”
“Okay, but if you think you’ll progress to stalking people in the woods with a meat cleaver, give me an advance warning.”
“I will. And I had plans, but they kinda fell through.”
“Why?”
“Kingston.”
“I’m not following.”
“Martin’s in Kingston.”
“I thought he said Croydon….. Anyway, can’t you come up with something constructive while he’s gone?”
“Apparently, I can’t. You don’t mind me hanging here, do you?”
“That depends, how long are you gonna stay?”
“You got plans?”
“David picked up Helen just before you showed up. We got a free weekend and a babysitter. Do the math.”
“Sorry.”
“Why do you think Colby had that sudden desire to go mow the lawn when you came?”
“Well, I’m not going to get any, so I have zero sympathy for you.”
“Don.” Charlie swallowed the last piece of his pizza slice. “I’ll say this as nicely as I can: You need a hobby.”
“I got hobbies.”
“Like what?”
“I…. I go to the gun range.”
“Because you need it at work.”
“I go to the gym.”
“Because your job requires good health.”
“I watch baseball.”
“Along with the rest of the nation. And sex doesn’t count either.”
“My life’s not that empty!”
“Not empty, but centred around three things. Work, Martin, and the rest of us. Do you even have friends outside your team?”
“I got friends!”
“That you stay in touch with regularly.”
“Well….”
“See what I mean?”
“Unfortunately yes. Last night I couldn’t sleep. Works done, weekend’s beginning and my head’s too wired to let me sleep. And I haven’t even slept alone for ages.”
“Well, you knew Martin would go back to work sooner or later.”
“Yeah, but couldn’t he find something on the same continent?”
“He’ll be back in few days. And you could…. Read a book?”
“Have you seen my bookshelf?”
“Well, borrow something from Martin.”
“We don’t exactly have the same taste. His idea of light reading is War and Peace.”
“I can lend you something. Wait a minute.” Charlie bounced up the stairs, and returned few minutes later carrying a pile of books. “How bout this? Lock & Key: How to keep your lover satisfied.”
“Maybe not.”
“Motorised sextoys: Introduction to a new Level of Pleasure.”
“No thanks.”
“What every young man should know about anal sex.”
“No.”
“Gay Man’s Kama Sutra.”
“Show me.” Don took the book and leafed through the illustrated pages. “Is that even possible?”
“What page?”
“Twenty-seven.”
“Yeah, it’s possible.”
“Seriously?”
“Yep. You’ve never tried it?”
“No! I’m usually pretty much a non-speaking extra when Martin’s showing off something more advanced.”
“I remember.” Charlie grinned. “He’s quite the acrobat.”
“How many times do I have to tell you: I don’t want to hear about that.”
“It can’t be that horrible.”
“It is. I don’t wanna hear any details about that.”
“It’s not that big of a deal! We’ve both slept with the same guy, so what?”
“So that!”
“Well….” Charlie smirked. “You wanna even the score?”
“What?”
“Take a look.” Charlie pointed to the window. Outside Colby was cutting the lawn without his shirt. “Would you like to borrow him?”
“Chuck, I’m not listening.”
“Yeah, you are. Look at that butt. Like two cantaloupes in a row.”
“Not listening.”
“And the front is just as nice.”
“I don’t wanna screw Granger, okay?!” Don didn’t even realise how loud his voice was until he looked outside. Colby was giving him a weird look.
“You did that on purpose.”
“Maybe.” Charlie giggled. “But it’s a good thing you said no. If you had said yes, I would have been forced to kill you.”
“Lucky me.”
“How bout you take your book and go home, okay? I got some things to do.”
“What things?”
“Colby’s getting hot and sweaty, and I’m getting ready to attack. Believe me, you don’t wanna see that.”
“You’re right about that….” Don got up from the couch and headed to the door. “Have a nice weekend.”
“We will. And Don….”
“Yeah.”
“A little suggestion: Phone sex.”
“You just have to have the last word….”
“No, I’m serious. Call him.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Okay. I’ll call him later and ask how you did.”
“You’re not gonna call him.”
“You think you’ll get some tough critique from your dirty talk?”
“Hey, I can talk dirty with the best of them.”
“Then go call him and leave me alone. I got a sweaty, half naked man waiting in my back yard. I’m gonna give Mrs. Sorenson a real shock. That old crow is always spying the whole neighbourhood with her binoculars.”
“She likes bird watching.” Don shrugged.
“Yeah, right…. That grandma is a grade-A perv. I’ll be really surprised if she survives this show without a heart attack.”