Fic: Badge Fetish (Criminal Minds, Spencer Reid / Derek Morgan)
Title: Badge Fetish
Pair: Spencer Reid / Derek Morgan,
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine, etc.
Feedback: Always Welcome
Criminal Minds Main List
“Where is she?” Morgan peeked into the hallway. “I’m not leaving if she’s stalking us somewhere….”
“Normally I would tell you to act professionally.” Hotch stated. “But under the circumstances that’s quite understandable.” He let out a deep sigh. “The protocol dictates we should keep good relations and open lines of communication with the locals, but she has groped me so often I can hardly sit down.”
“Same here.” Morgan complained. “And when sweet little old ladies act like that it makes you wonder if she’s under some kinda medication.”
“Like hormone replacement?” Reid suggested from the door and walked in. “It’s known to cause severe moodswings and out-of-character-behaviour. Of course that doesn’t explain some aspect of her actions, but I have a theory about that-”
“How did you get here? Did she ambush you?”
“No, she was too busy mauling Rossi.”
“I can`t believe she`s still walking free.”
“Morgan, she`s not an unsub, she`s the cafeteria lady. And according to some of the locals she`s so old they just don’t have a heart to tell her to stop.”
“Can we sneak out now?”
“Yeah, when I came back she was groping Rossi`s belt and the front of his pants.”
“In the middle of the station?”
“I think she was trying to take a look at his badge and her grip slipped.”
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Morgan`s hotel room
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Two hours later
“You know…..” Morgan shoved his spare shirts into his backbag. “I’m always happy to leave when the case is over but this one….”
“It’s over now.” Reid comforted and tried to muffle his chuckles. “She’ll be here and we’ll be in Virginia, so she will not threaten your virtue ever again.” He thought about it for a minute and started laughing. “Sorry, that was an incorrect choice of words, because it implied you actually have some virtue left in the meaning that would suit this situation.”
“What does that mean?”
“Well…. If we consider virtue in a sexual and moral sense like this scenario would demand, you had fiddled off all the remains of it long before we even got together.”
“Are you saying I was loose?”
“I’m just saying that she wasn’t that far off the mark, she instinctively categorised you as a potential pray due to your open stature as a sexual creature because you choose the exhibit yourself as such.”
“I didn’t flirt with her!”
“I know you didn’t. Not consciously. But you do send out certain signals, and it’s understandable that she might misinterpret them.”
“Okay, I admit you may have a point there, but it doesn’t explain why she was all over you, Hotch and Rossi, depending on who was around.”
“I can explain that.” Reid grinned. “Didn’t you notice her behaviour, body language, how her eyes kept wandering below our belts….”
“I was too busy trying to keep something between us, like a desk or a blackboard or a Hotch.”
“Judging by my observations, I can give an explanations with about ninety-three percent accuracy.”
“So what’s her problem?”
“She has a badge fetish.”
“A badge fetish?”
“It’s quite normal, but most people aren’t as direct as she was.”
“You call that normal?”
“Everyone has something they find sexually provocative. Some people have a preference for uniforms or woman in high heels-”
“Yeah, but are you saying she’ll go after anything with a badge?”
“I saw her eyeing Prentiss too, so I’d have to say yes.”
“That’s just weird….”
“You know how you react when I wear my glasses and my messenger bag and nothing else?”
“You mean….”
“I mean that drool and stammer reaction you do.”
“But I don’t react when you’re wearing your badge.”
“I always take it off when I get undressed.”
“Yeah, but I don’t see the appeal.” A weird look took over Morgan’s face. “Pretty boy….”
“What?”
“Are you speaking from personal experience?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you’ve dated three feds, me and Chad and…. that third one whatever his name was. You got a badge thing too?”
“Morgan, I met agent Adams when he was training the new recruits, I met Chad when he was doing martial arts training, and I met you when I joined the BAU. I’ve never gone after anyone because they have a badge.”
“Good to know.”
“I’ve always preferred the man behind the badge.”
“Wanna see mine?”
“I can see it all the time.” Reid commented.
“You mean you wanna go see other badges?”
“No, it means we have to finish packing, we’re meeting the team in ten minutes.”
“I think my badge is loosing it’s sex-appeal….. Maybe I should polish it….”
“Morgan.”
“But I kinda get the whole concept, it does look sexy, bulging on my belt and it compliments my other bulges-”
“Morgan. If you don’t pack now, you and your badge will have to take the commercial flight back.”
“Sorry.” Morgan pulled his backbag shut. “We’re gonna spend at least couple hours at the office before we can go home.”
“So what? Paper work is an unavoidable part-”
“Just give me a little sneak preview to tide me over….”
“Fine, but just a really quick one.” Reid pulled his tweed coat open so that Morgan could see his badge dangling from his belt. “Take a good look.”
“I’m looking….”
“And that’s all you get till we get home.”
“That thing with your glasses and your messenger bag…. We gotta add your badge to that.”
“When we do that I don’t have a belt to hang it on.”
“I`ll find a place for it.”