Fic: Say it with Flowers (Criminal Minds, Morgan / Reid, Garcia)
Title: Say it with Flowers
Pair: Spencer Reid / Derek Morgan
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine, etc
Criminal Minds Main List
Garcia blinked. She stared at the item on Reid’s desk. A bouquet of flowers, wrapped securely in several layers of paper.
“I was gone for twenty minutes, why didn’t anyone call me?!” She shrieked. “Who is it? It’s Rossi, isn’t it? He finally got that heart attack and keeled over some poor bimbo in the middle of it-”
“Garcia!” Reid raised his voice and waited for her to calm down. “Slowly and clearly: What are you talking about?”
“Who died?!”
“Over time, everyone. But no one in the last two hours. I mean obviously people die everywhere and all the time, but not anyone we’d know personally. Or they do die, but they haven’t. I mean not right now, but statistically speaking-”
“Then why are they here?” Garcia pointed at the delivery of flowers waiting at the desk. “People send flowers to this place for two reasons: Birthdays and deaths. There’s no birthdays for a while, so it’s gotta be death.”
“Baby girl, there’s no death.” Morgan got up from behind his desk and placed a calming hand on her shoulder. “Reid just signed for them when they were delivered.”
“And everyone’s alive?”
“Everyone’s alive.”
“You could have told me!” She gave him a sharp smack on the shoulder. “I was getting worried that old goat had finally hit the last home run. And don’t tell him I said that. Who are they for?”
“Hotch.”
“Our Hotchie got flowers? Any card?”
“It’s all wrapped up and even if there is a card, it’s not meant for your eyes.”
“I need to know! What if I’ve totally missed something like… like their cat’s birthday.”
“They don’t have a cat.”
“Or they’re gonna elope to Canada for a big gay wedding and no one told me about it.”
“Hotch just had his firearm qualification this morning and after that he has back to back meetings, so I think he’s too busy. Besides, Chad was working last night. He was supervising survival training for the rookies.”
“You mean he was scaring kiddies in the woods?”
“No, he was supervising when the trainers scared kiddies in the woods.”
“And when they finished in the morning, he went to run some errands, he’ll be gone for the rest of the day.” Reid added. “So no one is eloping.”
“Too bad, I wanted to be a bridesmaid.”
“There’s no bride.”
“Yeah… So, if nothing’s happened, who would send Hotchie-Potchie flowers?”
“That’s really none of our business.” Reid interrupted and eyed the well-wrapped bouquet on his desk. “Someone wanted to send him flowers and Hotch has no obligation to tell us about it.”
“But…” Garcia twisted her arms, trying to come up with a reason. The curiosity was making her look slightly deranged. “… it could be a bio weapon!”
“They check all deliveries before they are even allowed to the premises.”
“They could have missed something.”
“They didn’t, they even gave the delivery guy a full examination.”
“Yeah, they even pulled out the rubber gloves and lube.” Morgan laughed. “You should have seen the guy’s face when they finally called us about him.”
“They do that?” Garcia frowned. “They’ve never done it to me!”
“They don’t usually do it unless they have a reason to suspect hidden weapons or stuff like that. The guy got cocky at the check-up and they decided to have some fun with him. And don’t look like that, they just scared him, that’s all.”
“I’m back.” J.J. walked into the bullpen carrying several cartons of take-out. “Next time we’ll toss a coin, the shortest straw hates me.” She stopped to observe Garcia. “Why are you looking like that?”
“Like what?”
“Like you’re thinking some naughty, naughty thoughts.”
“I’m not, I’m thinking about flowers.” Garcia pointed at the bouquet. “There they are waiting and suffocating in all that paper. We should put them in some water.”
“And check the card?” J.J. added knowingly. “We wouldn’t want them to wilt, right?”
Reid leaned closer to Morgan and whispered in his ear. “Should we say something?”
“No way. When two females get like that, there’s no stopping them.”
J.J. deserted the take-away cartons on Morgan’s desk and headed to the break room. She came back a minute later holding a vase.
“Found one.”
“Great.” Garcia started carefully opening the packaging. Inside was a bouquet of white roses. “Why doesn’t anyone send me roses?”
“Will hasn’t brought me flowers for a long time, but we have an excuse for that.”
“Excuse?”
“We have a baby.”
“Oh, that… Found a card.” She pulled out a small white envelope. “Glued shut.”
“You know, that glue they use in those things is really bad…”
“Yeah, look at this. It just opens on its own.” Garcia tore the flap open and pulled the card out. “Little birdie told about your new personal best. I’m proud of you, babe. See you tonight. C.”
“C? It’s gotta be Chad.”
“Yeah, but “babe“? Sure, Hotch-Chi-Chi is a babe in that dark and brooding way, but someone calling my boss babe…”
“You’ve heard it before.”
“I know, but it always sounds totally unnatural. And what personal best?”
“Shooting range.” Reid sighed deeply and send Morgan a long when-is-this-conversation-going-to-end glance. “Hotch did his firearm qualification test in the morning and broke his old personal record at the shooting range.”
“He got flowers for that?” Garcia tilted his eyebrows. “I beat some Indian guy’s ass in checkers, played on-line ever since I got here in the morning, ate a full package of sour worms and no one sent me flowers.”
“Shouldn’t that be Kevin’s job?” Morgan suggested as innocently as he managed. “If he doesn’t give my goddess the attention she deserves, I may have to beat him up.”
“I’ll consider that…” Garcia commented when her cellphone beeped. She checked the message and started a brisk march out of the bullpen.
“Did I say something?”
“No, that was my gal pal from first floor. She always alerts me when they refill the vending machines, those choco-butterscotch thingies are always gone by the time I get there. And I might call you tonight if I need the as kicking service, I’ll do the preliminary spanking myself.”
“I think she means it.” Reid stated and his cheeks reached a level of blush that should be reserved for coy virgins.
“She does.” J.J. agreed, but her tone was slightly melancholy. She put the flowers into the vase and picked it up from the desk. “I’ll go and leave these in Hotch`s office.”
Morgan was too busy tapping his cellphone to acknowledge her hasty departure. Reid glanced over his shoulder, but couldn’t see what he was doing.
“Something urgent?”
“Not yet, I’m sending Will and Kevin an advance warning. They better make tonight count, or they’ll get full three verses of “Why don’t you ever do stuff like that for me?” and if any man can save a fellow male from that, he should.”
“It’s lunchtime.” Reid picked up one of the take-away cartons to emphasise his point. “J.J. and Garcia won’t even remember it when they go home.”
“Trust me, they’ll remember. When one woman gets flowers or something like that from her man, the other women start asking their own hubbies why they don’t bring flowers.”
“A woman didn`t get flowers from her man, Hotch did, and generalisation of the sexes like that is not-”
“Kid…” Morgan sent the text message and pocketed his phone. “Good thing you like guys, because you really don’t know anything about women.