Fic: Death by a Fence, Epilogue (Numb3rs, Colby / Charlie, Don / Martin)
Title: Death by a Fence, Epilogue
Pair: Charlie Eppes / Colby Granger,
Don Eppes / Martin Fridegord
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine, etc.
Feedback: Always Welcome
NUMB3RS Main List
Death by a Fence
“Ouch…” Colby lumped down to the drivers seat of the car, pressing a handkerchief against his forehead. “If someone else had done that, he would be cuffed on the floor right now.”
“It’s just a little bump.” Martin sat down on the passenger seat. “And she’s an old lady, just let it go.”
“That was no lady, that was an ugly little gremlin dressed up like an old woman, so he can beat people up with her umbrella! Why did she even have that thing? We haven’t seen rain for at least two months!”
“She’s old and obviously senile, it’s better not to agitate her.”
“We were both in Alan’s funeral, when did they change the rules?”
“They didn’t, people of different religions can attend a Jewish funeral. Not to mention it’s in a cemetery, not in a synagogue.”
“So what’s her problem?”
“If I understood correctly, she called you a faithless hillbilly-”
“You understood that? I missed most of it when she started slipping to Yiddish.”
“I know few words here and there. She basically accused you of trying to corrupt Charlie and seduce him out of his religion and then there was something about shoving barbeque sticks up your bodily cavities and…” Martin took a good look at Colby’s stunned face and smirked. “I think we can just say she wanted you out of there and leave out the details.”
“For someone who knows just few words, you seemed to understand her well.”
“Charlie interpreted some of it. And Don got some critique too.”
“What did she say about him?”
“She by ranting about how young people have no respect for funerals and use too much hair products. Have you ever seen Don’s hair when he’s skipped his grooming routine?”
“Yeah, but why was she hanging by his tie for while?”
“She was trying to smell his breath, she was sure he had eaten pork.”
“We all did.” Colby reminded. “At lunch, before we drove here, but I can’t figure out how she could smell it.”
“I don’t think she did. When we were leaving she was accusing one little girl for being a midget spy dressed up like a little girl, who was infiltrating the ceremony to provide information for some terrorists.”
Charlie jogged across the street and stuck his head in through the window.
“Sorry, guys.” He was slightly out of breath. “Great-aunt Esther has a new nurse, and she screwed up her medication.”
“So she’s not always like that?” Colby asked and rubbed the tender spot on his forehead.
“She is always like that, that’s why has her medication. But I think she’s starting to wind dow, she’ll be out of it by the time it’s over.”
“When does it start?”
“Soon, everyone’s already here.” Charlie looked awkward and gave both of them an apologetic little smile. “Do you mind if you have to wait here? I don’t want her to make a scene in the middle of the kevura.”
“Two gentiles in exile.” Martin chuckled and nodded. “I think we’ll manage.”
“Thanks. I know this is ridiculous, but she’s ninety-eight. No one wants to agitate her, they`re worried she`ll decide to kick the bucket right then and there.”
“If she’s well enough wield an umbrella like that, she can’t be that fragile.” Colby complained. “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere near her.”
“It shouldn’t take long. They were taking names of people who would like to say few words about her, and the only ones who agreed are those who wanted to have the last word after listening to aunt Irene for decades.”
“Are you gonna do that… tearing thing?”
“The what thing?”
“Like when Allan died. You did that… thing.”
“You mean keriah? That’s only for close relations. If you loose a parent you make the tear on your left side over the heart, and if you loose a spouse or a sibling it’s on the right side. Aunt Irene didn’t really have anyone close.” Charlie recited and glanced over the road. “They’re gonna start soon, I have to go.”
“Call me when you’re ready to leave.” Colby suggested, but Charlie was already halfway across the street with his curls bouncing everywhere. “We`ve been demoted from partners to chauffeurs.”
“It’s sad.”
“Yeah.”
“Are we talking about the same thing?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Irene.”
“Then no, we’re not talking about the same thing. Did you see those people over there? No one’s sad that she’s gone.”
“Exactly, that’s what’s so sad. She lived a long life and no one will miss her when she’s dead.”
“Why would anyone miss her? She worked overtime to be the most despicable and hated person in the entire West Coast. Just be glad nobody bothered to pretend some kinda grief.”
“Maybe you’re right.” Martin pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m trying to remember a Swedish proverb, but I can’t… It was something about burying grudges when someone dies, because we all leave behind an empty shell and you can’t hate somebody who’s no longer there.”
“If I agree with that, can I hate that living crow who hit me with her umbrella?”
“Yeah.”
“Then you may have a point.” Colby paused for a minute and a crooked smirk appeared out of nowhere. “And speaking of all things non-kosher… You know that place couple blocks from here, where they make those XL hoagies with extra bacon?”
“No, but we got some time to kill here…”
“And we’ve already been kicked out…”
“We should get something for Don and Charlie too for the ride home. After they`ve survived that family gathering, they deserve it.”