Fic: Paparazzi (Numb3rs, Charlie / Colby, Don / Martin)
Title: Paparazzi
Pair: Charlie Eppes / Colby Granger,
Don Eppes / Martin Fridegord
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine, etc.
Feedback: Always Welcome
Notes: Several referances to Reasons for Irritation.
NUMB3RS Main List
“Don’t move.” Colby hurried into the garage and pulled out his gun. “Stay quiet and stay here.”
“What’s going on?” Charlie turned around, almost dropping his chalk.
“I saw a guy looking over the backyard fence. The same guy, who was following me and David today.”
“Following you where?”
“First he was in front of the office, then he followed our car to the victim’s house, and I saw him trying to take picture from behind the police line. When I went to talk to him he ran.”
“You didn’t run after him?”
“Of course I did.”
“And you didn’t catch him?” Charlie let out an involuntary little giggle. “After all the practise you’ve had…”
“My chase and catch rate is still the best in our field office.”
“Because you’re always running after people.”
“Only when they try to escape and why are you so calm about this?”
“What did he look like?”
“Young guy-”
“Long dark hair, filthy jeans, a lot of flannel?”
“How did you know?”
“That’s just my stalker. Ignore him and he’ll stay out of your way.”
“Your stalker!”
“Maybe that sounds misleading… He started at CalSci this semester and he got involved with some of the extracurricular activities.”
“Running track?”
“That too. You remember when some of my old students set up that fan site for me?”
“Is that thing still up and running?”
“Yeah, and it’s more popular than ever. I thought about trying to get it shut down, but it’s kinda flattering. How many math teacher has his own fan site?”
“What does that have to do with stalking you?”
“I talked to the guy, who’s running it, and that kid is in charge of the picture galleries. I guess he decided casual pics are better than posed.”
“So he started stalking people?”
“He’s harmless, and as long as he takes his pics out in the open and doesn’t step on the property he’s still operating within the law. Did you know you can see all the way from the road to our front door?”
“Of course I know that.”
“I know that too, but I never really thought about it, until I saw some of the pics they have in their gallery. You remember when you went to pick up the newspaper from the door in your briefs and a sandwich hanging from your mouth?”
“No.”
“If you want a reminder, just check the website. The title for that pic was: This is what professor Eppes wakes up with.”
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Don tilted his head and watched as the leather clad derrière wiggled left and right while the woman wobbled on her dangerously high heels. She placed a stack of papers on the desk and Martin looked up from his computer to examine them.
“Ready for lunch?” Don knocked on the doorframe and walked in.
“In a minute. Candy, this is my partner Don. Don, this is Candy, she just started here.”
“Nice to meet you.” The blond flicked her hair back and offered Don an eager handshake. She leaned against the desk, and her frontal gear practically fell out of her pink top. “I’m going for lunch too with some of the girls, so I’ll just drop them to her desk before I go.”
“Do that, she’ll call me if there’s anything else about this.” Martin signed the last page and handed the papers back to her. She took them and wiggled out of the room.
“Tell me that woman’s not…”
“My new assistant?” Martin grinned knowingly. “You really think I would hire Career Girl Barbie? No, she’s Ms. Douglas’s secretary.”
“Is she new here too?”
“Ms. Douglas? She’s been here for decades, you met her once when we were in that charity event. In her sixties, thick glasses, hair always in a bun, dresses like a demure pilgrim.”
“That one… Ms. Prim and Proper.”
“Yeah, and why she wants that woman wiggling her assets all day long…”
“Fire under the surface?” Don tried to think about it and grimaced. “I don’t wanna think about it.”
“Each to his own. Or her own in this case.”
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“Why didn’t you tell me?!”
“I just told you and you looked so cute, I thought why not. Let them look and be jealous. They got pics of Don and Martin and practically everyone who’s dropped by at the house. They even got this funny “Inner Circle” page, about my family.”
“Have you told Don about it?”
“I told him about it, but I left out the what they wrote about him.”
“Do I want to know?”
“I’m not telling you, unless you ask.”
“Good.”
“Go ahead and ask.”
“No.”
“I can see you wanna ask…”
“Okay, tell me.”
“I’ll go one step further and I’ll show you.” Charlie flipped hi laptop open and opened the browser. After few clicks he found the page he was looking for. On top of the page was the text “The Inner Circle” followed by the page index. He scrolled down to Don name. “Don Eppes, here pictured with his life partner. Yes, both brothers are dating men, but when it comes to the older brother… we all guessed it a long time ago when we first saw his hairstyle. Agent Eppes may be far away from the brilliance of his younger sibling, but at least he’s got a good taste in men.”
The picture next top the text was obviously taken in a formal occasion, both men were dressed in dark suits. Martin was clearly talking to someone just outside the frame, while Don was wolfing down a handful of appetizers.
“That still doesn’t make up for the sandwich thing. Some stuff is supposed to be private.” Colby protested, but he couldn’t keep a grin off his face when he saw the photo.
“How bout I call them and suggest they limit their paparazzi stuff only to the CalSci area?” Charlie offered. “You’ll keep your clothes on there, right?” He smiled like a perverted lunatic, and the expression made it clear where his thoughts were. Except in my office.”
“You think they’ll listen to you?”
“I’m their demigod. I could ask them to strip down and do a rain dance in the CalSci parking lot and they would do it.”
“That’s…”
“Impressive?”
“No.”
“Amusing?”
“No.”
“Stimulating?”
“No.”
“Creepy?”
“You’re getting closer.”
“Weird?”
“Even closer.”
“Weird and creepy?”
“Bingo.”