Fic: Pressures of Procreation 3/3 (Numb3rs, Charlie Eppes / Colby Granger)
Title: Pressures of Procreation 3/3
Fandom: Numb3rs
Pairing: Charlie Eppes / Colby Granger
Disclaimer: Not mine, etc.
Feedback: Makes the World turn.
Chapter 1/3
Chapter 2/3
When the door opened, David had to take another look at Colby. Then he started
laughing. “Charlie said you were sick, but you haven’t look that bad since Charlie
took you for that hiking trip.”
“I got off the couch to hear that?” Colby groaned and headed back to the couch.
“Yeah. But I did bring you some soup.” David place a carton of soup on the coffee
table and sat down.
“Are you planning to stay?” Colby gave him a grumpy glance.
“No need for that attitude. I’m going to work, but I thought I should cheer you
up on the way.”
“So far you’re doing really lousy job…”
“Are you alone? I thought Alan was babysitting you.”
“He was, but he had some meeting he couldn’t miss. And I’ve had all the
excitement I need for one day, so I don`t mind being alone for a while.”
“What do you mean?”
“Remember that woman Don talked about?”
“Yeah.”
“And how Charlie said she was a total wacko?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, after Don run away from their date she went back to her original target.”
“You mean Charlie?”
“Yep. Did he tell you what she was like when they first met?”
“No.”
“He was lecturing in some seminar, and she was there listening and latched
on to him.”
“Literally?”
“Not literally, but almost. She started following him, sending him gifts, stuff
like that. She didn’t stop, no matter how many times Charlie told her he
wasn’t interested.”
“Sounds like the geek version of Fatal Attraction.”
“That’s what I thought. I’m waiting for her to appear on the door wearing
a pink teddy and carrying some boiled rabbits.”
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“This is all your fault!” Charlie marched across the bullpen looking like
a bloodthirsty madman. “I can’t believe you did that!”
Don pulled Megan in front of him and tried to look small. “It was Megan!”
“What was Megan?”
“She blabbed about that message, I didn’t ask.”
“Ask about what?”
“But why didn’t you tell me about it, it’s partly your fault-”
“Don, shut up or I’ll shoot you.” Megan interrupted.
“Borrow me your gun, and I’ll do it for you.” Charlie continued. “And you,
Donna… What the hell do you think I should have told you?”
“About the baby!” Don exclaimed.
“What baby?”
“The one your gonna have with Colby.”
“Don, do I need to explain you the basic limitations of male anatomy?”
“I know that stuff, but you had an appointment.”
“Appointment?”
“With the psychiatrist. About surrogates.”
“Don…” Charlie said as calmly as he could. “Do you remember Ally
and Jimmy?”
“No…”
“Jimmy works in CalSci, in the Physics department. You’ve met him.”
“I have?”
“You have. Ally had some problems getting pregnant so they decided
to use a surrogate.”
“What do you have to do with that?”
“Clinic’s pretty selective. All the couples have to go through a psych evaluation
and they have to have two people to recommend them for the treatment.”
“So you’re going there to…”
“To discuss with the psychiatrist about their parenting skills.”
“Oh…”
“We’ll return to this topic later and I want a detailed explanation on why my
messages ended up in your hands. But right now we’re gonna talk about this.”
Charlie opened his backbag and dumped it’s content on Don’s desk. Couple
bouquets of flowers, several envelopes and silky pieces of ladies undergarments.
“It took me two year to rid of her, and now she’s doing this again. Because
of you!”
“It’s not my fault!” Don countered. “And is it really so horrible? She just sent
you some lingerie and flowers.”
“And follows me every time I leave the house. And let’s not forget these.” Charlie
took one of the envelopes and pulled several sheets of paper. “Take a look.”
Don started reading and his eyebrows met his hairline.
“Check fifth row.” Charlie instructed.
“Fifth row… `My date with you brother made me realize, that in the end we’re
meant to be together. He saw it too and made way for your love`…”
“That same story goes on for four pages. These came in the same envelope.”
Charlie handed Megan a stack of large photographs.
“She’s…” Don started but he was too stunned to continue.
“Naked.” Megan stated. “And well shaved…”
“She sent you these?” Don asked.
“Yep. I told you I have women coming out of the woodwork.”
“Out of the woodwork and into the centerfold.” Megan chuckled.
“That’s not all.” Charlie handed Don more sheets of paper. “Page three,
row seventeen.”
Don looked for the correct spot and his face went blank. “She want’s you to….”
“That’s nothing. Those `take me` fantasies go on for three pages.”
“I must admit she has a very active imagination.” Megan commented while
reading over Don’s shoulder. “And very raunchy.”
“You want to make this official?” Don asked. “If there’s a possibility she can
get dangerous, the people upstairs will want to know.”
“I know. I thought about it, but maybe we should try reasoning first.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m not interested in her, but maybe she would settle for a cheap copy.”
“I still don’t understand.”
“She’s out there in her car on the opposite side of the road. You’ll go and
offer to fulfill that wish list of hers from start to finish.”
“You can’t be serious!”
“I am. You caused this, it’s your job to fix it. And one more thing.“
“What?” Don asked and looked like he was about to cry.
“Remember to take a foosball table and some pepperoni with you. You’re
gonna need them for page five.”