Fic: Fanfiction, Chapter 6/6 (Criminal Minds, Reid / Morgan, Hotch / Chad, JJ)
Title: Fanfiction, Chapter 6/6
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pair: Spencer Reid / Derek Morgan,
Aaron Hotchner / Chad Christensen
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine, etc.
Criminal Minds Main List
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5 (NC-17)
JJ. knew something was going on. Everyone, except Rossi, Prentiss and herself seemed to act oddly.
Hotch had even come out of his office, and was currently leaning against the railing on the landing. The fact that he was standing there, no files at hand or work to complete, was odd. He wasn’t exactly known to take breaks and hang out with the team in the bullpen, especially not in the middle of Friday afternoon.
It was unusual, but it wouldn’t have been so odd if others would have behaved normally.
Morgan was sulking at his desk, listening to Reid talking on his cell phone. JJ. perked up her ears and caught a few muted words.
“-couple minutes? Okay, we’ll be ready. Are you sure you can’t be traced? Okay.”
JJ. took a step closer to listen in, but Reid was already hanging up.
“I’m not late, am I?” Chad rushed into the bullpen, carrying a large gym bag over his shoulder. “I got accosted on the phone.”
“You’re right on time.” Reid assured and sat down on the edge of Morgan’s desk. “And even Morgan hasn’t said anything to warn her.”
“How could I warn her when I don’t know what you’re planning?” Morgan protested loudly. “Does everyone know what’s going on except me?”
“I know about this either.” JJ. comforted. “And I don’t think Emily or Rossi know about it either, or they wouldn’t have left for an early lunch.”
“Nice reasoning.” Chad grinned and turned his attention to Hotch. “By the way, your ex called.”
“Hailey?” Hotch walked down the stairs. “Why didn’t she call me?”
“She thinks this way there’s less chance of it turning into an argument.”
“Did she want to switch the pick-up time?”
“No, but she made an ultimatum. If we do what we did last time, she’ll do something very unpleasant to you.”
“To me? It was all you.”
“You were right there with me, babe.” Chad grinned cheerfully.
JJ. noticed everyone else in the room was sharing her confused expression.
“What happened last time?”
“Hailey and her fiancé had some big dinner party with his colleagues, so Jack was with us.” Hotch started. “They were supposed to pick him up on their way home.”
“Have you ever noticed how she talks about him?” Chad interrupted. He leaned back against a desk and crossed his arms over his chest. “Always “my fiancé”, like it’s his name and title all wrapped in one. Every time she says it I just wanna ask if the guy even has a real name.”
“Anyway-” Hotch cleared his throat. “-there was football on TV, and naturally those two had to raid the fridge and take over the whole living room.”
“All little boys love sports, especially when there’s a chance someone might get hurt on the field. I just went along with it.”
“It’s your influence, and don’t even try to claim otherwise.” Hotch stated, ignoring the protests, and turned back to JJ. “When Hailey came to pick up Jack, he was all hyped up and on a sugar high. I think you can imagine the rest.”
A blood curling scream boomed into the bullpen, and JJ. had to press her hands up against her ears. The scream continued, then finally turned into a whine, and then disappeared.
A long silence came, everyone too stunned to speak for a moment.
Morgan and JJ shared a confused glance while Reid, Hotch and Chad looked unusually smug.
“What was that?” JJ. demanded.
“Just Garcia. We knew she would be loud, but we had no idea she would be that loud.” Reid explained and grabbed the ringing phone from his desk. “Doctor Reid. No… No, we’re all okay. What? No, it wasn’t the fire alarm. Yes, you have nice day too.”
“Who was it?”
“Security. They wanted to know if they should isolate the floor.”
“How can you be so calm? It sounded like someone was slaughtering a squealing pig!”
“Interesting choice of words, but everyone is alright, trust me. Garcia just experienced a minor personal setback.”
“Minor personal setbacks don’t cause screams like that!”
“She’ll be fine, we should just let her go through her mourning process in private.”
“What do you mean mourning?”
“Her account on a certain site for erotic fiction was compromised.”
“In clear English-” Chad explained. “-someone hijacked her account and insulted all the other posters, readers and site moderators. Then weirdly enough, there was a funny little cyber attack against the site, and it all went down for a while. When it came back, all her fics were gone.”
“I should ask Kevin how he did that…” Reid commented, with a distinct tone of admiration. “He said the trails would lead all over the globe and finally go cold in some internet café in Kuala Lumpur.”
“Don’t forget the one thing she hasn’t even heard about.” Chad reminded. “Her neighbors cat got in through the fire escape.”
“I’m almost afraid to ask…” JJ started. “… but what does that have to do with this?”
“She confused Garcia’s memory sticks for a litter box.”
“What is this?” JJ asked, eyeing each man one by one. “How can you all act like this? What did she ever do to you?”
“Who wants to tell her?” Chad asked, lifting his hand over his mouth stifle a little giggle.
“My baby girl’s been writing smutty fiction.” Morgan explained gently. “That wouldn’t be so bad, and I actually liked them-”
“Morgan.” Reid gave him a warning glare.
“But she didn’t just use her imagination. She based the characters on us.”
“On us?” She blanched. “All of us?”
“Well, you didn’t really have that much to do in them.”
“That’s good.”
“Your biggest part was probably in that one, where you were in dating Prentiss.”
“Emily?”
“Yeah, but then she got bored with you, because your garden gate never recovered from giving birth and then she eloped with a sleazy Mafioso called Dave-”
JJ. gasped in anger and pointed a finger at him. “My garden gate is-” Her brain caught up with her mouth before she could finish. “-is none of your business. Or hers!”
“That’s exactly what we were thinking.” Chad said soothingly. “That’s why we had to do something about it.”
“Are they gone now?”
“Yep.”
“Then… I think it’s time for lunch.”
“I’m in.” Morgan offered. “You wanna go to that vegetarian place?”
“No jokes about gardening or anything even remotely related to that.” She threatened. “Not a word.”
“Sorry, I couldn’t resist.” Morgan grinned and grabbed his and Reid’s coats from the partition screen. “Steak place?”
“Fine by me.”
“Babe?” Chad lifted his eyebrows at Hotch and got a small shrug in return. They followed the others into the hallway. “Maybe Garcia will compose herself while we’re away.”
“Or set off the alarms.” Hotch kept a straight face, but the little curl of his lips gave him away.
Outtake I (NC-17)