Fic: Hood Ornament (Criminal Minds, Spencer Reid / Derek Morgan)
Title: Hood Ornament
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pair: Spencer Reid / Derek Morgan
Disclaimer: Not mine, etc.
Feedback: Always Welcome
Criminal Minds Main List
“She didn’t mean it like that-”
“That’s exactly how she meant it.” Morgan groaned when he walked to the bullpen
with Reid. “There wasn’t really that much room for misinterpretation.”
“What did you misinterpret?” Garcia asked and took a big bite from her candy bar.
“Nothing. And where’s everyone?”
“Hotchie is having a meeting with that grouchy crow whatever her name was upstairs,
Prentiss is interviewing one of the witnesses and J.J.`s…. I’m not sure actually, but
she’s gone anyway.”
“And you’re having your lunch here all alone?”
“I was waiting for male company, I have a reputation to live up to.”
“A reputation?” Morgan teased.
“Yep. Everyone knows I attract hunky agents like honey attracts flies. You two came
here to see me didn’t you?”
“Why else would we come here?” Morgan sighed theatrically and placed his bag
to his desk. “Besides, I couldn’t wait to get out of that place.”
Reid slapped a hand on his mouth to stop a giggle, but it was too late. Garcia put
down her candy bar, and sat down on Morgan’s desk. “Okay, my chococrunchie,
where were you and what happened?”
“Penny-”
“Don’t try to say `nothing`, because mama knows. And she finds out everything
one way or another.”
“Okay, I’ll tell you. We went to talk to talk that guys psychiatrist. You remember her?
The same shrink who convinced the parole board that he was good enough to go?
Anyway, after five minutes she tried to kick me out.”
“She refused to talk?”
“No, she said something so moronic I almost punched her.”
“What did she say?”
“She just wanted to talk to me about the case, that’s all.” Reid commented. “You’re
making a big deal out of nothing.”
“I’m not! That doc was a moron.”
“Calm down, honeypootchie. What did she say?” Garcia asked.
“Those two started blabbing technical terms, and when I tried to say something
she told me to be quiet and look pretty.”
Garcia stared at him and then started laughing. “I’ve been telling you that several
times!”
“I’m serious! Reid’s pretty, you’re pretty, I’m not pretty.”
“Then what are you?”
“Well… rugged and manly.”
“And wearing a pretty pink shirt….” Garcia laughed again and Reid joined her.
“I’m a manly, smart professional! I’m not a hood ornament!”
“Of course you’re a manly professional.” Garcia grinned. “Who also happens to
have unusually bouncy buttocks.”
Morgan groaned and waited till the new fit of laughter died down.
“My butt has nothing to do with this. I have brains. Maybe not as gigantic as Pretty
boy’s here, but I do have them. I’m not some himbo who got his badge by sleeping
his way here.”
Reid and Garcia tried to control themselves, but another wave of laughter erupted.
“Think about it from my point of view.” Garcia giggled. “My life would be pretty grim
without my eye candy. And you’re here, doesn’t that prove something about your
brain?”
“She’s got a point.” Reid agreed. “And Pretty Boy’s my title.” He blushed and nailed
his eyes to the floor.
“I’m the only one who uses it.” Morgan said, but couldn’t keep the wide grin away
from his face.
“I like it like that.”
“Me too.”
Garcia’s eyes were pingponging from one man to the next and back again.
“That was soooooo cute…. I think I should call the sap police.”
“You get sappy with your laptop, so I wouldn’t talk if I were you.” Morgan grinned.
“And you even gave it a birthday card.”
“I need to keep it happy, so it keeps keeping me happy.” Garcia chuckled.
“Have you been surfing on porn sites again?”
“Sometimes. As long as you keep valuing big brains and cute face higher than
gorgeous boobs, I need to take what I can get.”
“My Goddess can do a lot better than cybersex.”
“I know, but with my attributes I can afford to be picky.” Garcia paused. “Where’s
Spencie?”
“He was just here…” Morgan scanned the bullpen and spotted Reid coming
back with two cups of coffee.
“Your talks usually take some time, so I wanted to use it productively.” He handed
the other cup to Morgan. “Have you resolved you crisis about your professional self
image in relation to your preferences in indicating your sexual gratification towards
your exterior potential?”
“I have no idea what you meant, so I’ll just say yes.” Morgan took a sip from his
mug and grimaced. “This has to be yours, it tastes like someone blew up a candy
factory and brew the coffee from the rubble.”
“Sorry, I mixed them up.” They exchanged their mugs.
“What exactly did you mean?” Morgan asked.
“What did I mean when?” Reid sipped his coffee.
“Just now.”
“Nothing. You just… you know….”
“I don’t know so tell me. In understandable phrases!”
“You dislike people drawing conclusion based on your exterior factors, but
you like to emphasise them. You enjoy getting attention based on your
appearance.”
“That has nothing to do with this!”
“Our genius here has a point.” Garcia interrupted. “You’re the only guy I know
who’s been worried that his ass looks big in fitted pants.”
“I just want to know they fit well!”
“Anyway, my point is that majority of that attention is positive, so there’s no need
to worry about one isolated incident.” Reid grinned.
“Thanks. And you appreciate my efforts, don’t you?”
Reid didn’t have time to answer before Garcia let out a frustrated sigh. “You’re
really fishing for compliments aren’t you? That’s enough cuteness for a single
girl to endure. Take your yummy tush and your Pretty Boy brainiac and get me
some more candy bars. I’ll be waiting in my bunker.”
“You got something new for us?” Morgan asked and started to dig coins from
his pocket.
“Get me a dozen of those orangy chocolaty things and I’ll tell you.”