Fic: Countereffect (Criminal Minds, Spencer Reid / Derek Morgan)
Title: Countereffect
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pair: Spencer Reid / Derek Morgan
Disclaimer: Not mine, etc.
Feedback: Always Welcome
Criminal Minds Main List
Reid held it with both hands, keeping it as far from himself as he could.
“What do I do with it?”
“Why do you ask me?” Morgan grinned.
“Look at it. It’s planning something.” Reid was ready for full blown panic.
“It’s not an `it`. It’s a `she`.”
“Why am I holding `her`?”
“Because her mom thought you looked more reliable than me?”
“She just shoved `her` to me. You want to take `her` from me?”
“No. You two look so cozy together.”
“There is nothing cozy about this. When babies come close to me they cry,
scream, vomit, urinate, or defecate.”
“Well, that one looks pretty happy with you. You could hold it little
closer, you know.”
“You called it `it`.”
“So did you. You’re holding it like a time bomb.”
“What am I supposed to do with it?”
Morgan thought about it for a minute. “You could sit down and hold it
against you.”
“It’ll throw up on me….”
“Just try it.”
Reid sat down on the waiting room couch and pulled the baby carefully against
his chest. Baby snuggled against him, causing him to tense up like a statue.
“Now what?”
“You could talk to her.” Morgan suggested.
“Talk to her…” Reid tilted his head down to look the baby in the eye. “Baby,
if you have physiological needs you want us to help you with, I would appreciate
some advance warning.”
“You can`t talk to a kid like that!” Morgan giggled. “She doesn’t understand
anything you say, it`s all about the tone.”
“I will not speak baby talk to her.” Reid commented. "It has been proven that
IDT or CDS can actually harm child’s cognitive development.”
”IDS what?”
”Infant-directed talk or child-directed speech.”
”How do you know…. Okay, forget I asked.”
”How long do you think they’ll question that woman?”
”When they’re one, she’ll have to work with the sketch artist to get a sketch
on our unsub.”
”So you have no idea.”
”I just said that.”
”And what do we do with this?” Reid pointed to the baby, who was about to
fall asleep.
“Wait.” Morgan smirked. “Did you notice?”
“What?”
“The Reid effect`s not working.”
“Just wait, there`s still time….”
“Come on, admit it. You`re making progress. First you got friendly with Clooney,
now you`re bonding with a baby.”
“Firstly, we are not bonding. Secondly, did you just compare a small infant to
a drooling dog?”
“There`s some similarities….. Anyway, that`s pretty adorable.”
“What?”
“You and a baby. You`ve ever thought about it?”
“Have I thought about what?”
“Kids. Didn’t they ask you to do donate to some inhuman test tube race project,
or whatever it was?”
“That was a resurch project, that aimes to collect genetic material from higly
intellectual or skilled individuals for genetic research and preservation. And I
didn’t do it.”
“Yeah, squirting to a test tube`s really not the same.”
“That was a very disturbing mental image, and do not talk about ejaculation in
front of a baby.”
“She´s asleep. But what about the real thing?”
“What thing?”
“Kids. You wanna pass on the genious gene?”
“No.” Reid muttered. “Absolutely not.”
“Why not?”
“It`s highly questenable if high intelligence is hereditary. And even if it is,
I`m not sure if I want to inflict that on any child.”
“Okay…” Morgan wanted to question him about it, but decided to play it safe.
“What about you?” Reid asked. “I`m sure you want at least five carbon copies
of yourself.”
“I`m not that selfcentered!” Morgan chuckled. “But maybe one or two. Not
yet though.”
“I know. This job and kids are not very compatible.”
“Yeah, but honestly, I think you would make a great dad.”
“I wouldn’t!”
“You would. You would act the same way you always do.”
“How?”
“You try to rationalise it, then you start babbling, and finally you do what
you need to do.”
“Thanks. You would be a good dad too. At least we`ve been seen enough of
warning examples to know what to avoid.”
“How is she?” Hotch marched out of the conference room.
“She`s asleep.” Morgan smiled.
“I can take her for now. You two need to go check the ex-husband`s old address,
couple eye witnesses claim he`s been there few times.”
“Watch the head.” Reid warned and handed the baby over to Hotch. “Did you know
that statistics on infant injuries-”
“Pretty Boy, we got work to do.” Morgan pulled his shoulder gently.
“Okay.” Reid took one more look at the baby. “Well… Goodbye, it was nice to
meet you.”
Hotch gave Morgan an amused look.
“Don’t even ask….” Morgan chuckled.
When Reid and Morgan turned to leave, the baby started screaming and tried to
reach Reid with her chubby little hands.
“You got a fan.” Morgan commented.
“What did you two do to her?” Hotch asked and started rocking her back and forth.
“We were experimenting on the Reid effect.” Morgan wrapped his arm over Reid`s
shoulder and pulled him the direction of the elevators. “Good luck ,Hotch.”