Fic: X-Somes (Criminal Minds, Spencer Reid / Derek Morgan)
Title: X-Somes
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Rating: PG
Pair: Spencer Reid / Derek Morgan
Disclaimer: not mine, etc.
Feedback: Always Welcome
Criminal Minds Main List
“I don’t get it.” Reid shook his head when they got back to their car. “I mean I
get the principle of the thing, but on purely personal level I can’t understand
the impulses behind it.”
“You’ve never wanted to try it?” Morgan grinned and put his seatbelt on.
“No. I… I’ve always been happy with the partner I’m with at that moment. I’ve
never needed any… additional members.”
“Additional members? Babe, those people were normal, they just like more
movement in their bed.” Morgan drove the car out of the parking area and
headed to the local police station.
“And the logistics….” Reid carried on like he hadn’t even heard what the other
man had said. “How can they even decide who…. goes where.”
“Pretty Boy, we’re all adults here we can talk about threesomes without all
that circling around it.”
“No, we can’t. I can deal with the issue as long as it stays on theoretical level.
If I try to think about the actual act, with hands and legs everywhere… it’s….”
“It’s what?”
“Yucky.”
Morgan started laughing. “We see dismembered corpses, severed heads, bloody
ritual killings, and you think that’s yucky?”
“That’s not the same thing.”
“That’s right, it isn’t. Because those three people don’t harm anyone and they
all like it. What’s so horrible about a little Ménage à Trois among friends?”
“That’s a wrong term.”
“What?”
“Ménage à Trois. It means a domestic arrangement, where three people who are
having sexual relations with each other occupy the same household. A literal
translation would be “a household of three”. It doesn’t mean that your neighbour
sneaks in after dark to…. you know.”
“See who has a bigger lawn mower?”
“Morgan, that way of using the term is corrupting a romantic affair to a purely
sexual one. Those are two totally different things.”
“Okay, I believe you. But it’s nothing new! People have done that for centuries.”
“True. Did you know that Japanese Bukkake, was originally meant to be a public
way of humiliating unfaithful wives? That also has some similarities to Gokkun,
although that is more of a modern invention-”
“Babe?”
“What?”
“Would you like to tell me how you know so much about a topic you have no
interest in?”
Reid turned bright red. “Just because I don’t want to actualise my knowledge,
doesn’t mean I don’t know about different areas of human behaviour.”
“Right….”
“Can we drop this topic now?”
“No, this is too juicy. Can you honestly tell me you’ve never wanted to try it?”
“Yes.” Reid looked at Morgan carefully. “Have you….?”
“No. But I have nothing against it.”
“So, you wouldn’t mind someone else doing…. stuff with your partner?” Reid
looked slightly hurt.
“I didn’t think about it that way.” Morgan pondered. “You got a point. I’m
probably too possessive for that.”
“I like little bit of possessiveness sometimes.” Reid smiled.
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
“Would you borrow me to the neighbours?”
“Depends on the rent.”
“I’m serious.”
“No, I wouldn’t.” Reid giggled. “And I think you slipped from threesomes to
somewhere closer to swinging.”
“Don’t tell me you got some fascinating facts to share about that too….”
“Actually, did you know-”
“Pretty Boy, leave the others out of this. We both agreed, that thing’s not for
us, no matter how many times My Data Queen tries to lure us to her lair.”
“Ughhh…Just….don’t.” Reid grimaced. “I could never face her the next day. And she
said she wouldn’t really go to bed with you, so why would she go to bed with both
of us?”
“She told you that?”
“Yeah, she said she knows you too well to have sex with you.”
“She said that to me too. To my face. You don’t tell a man stuff like that. I could
get scarred for life.”
“But you’re not. You two are both happier as friends.”
“That’s true. But…”
“But what?”
“Who would you wanna have a threesome with? One person and just one time,
without consequences. Who would you pick?”
Reid’s eyes wandered back and forth between his own hands and the side
window. “Nobody.”
“Pretty Boy, you got somebody in mind. Spill.”
“It’s not that interesting.”
“It is. Is it someone from work?”
Reid didn’t answer.
“So it is.” Morgan went thought the list of guys in the office. “That Hudson guy
from Henderson’s team?”
“Morgan, we’re here.” Reid pointed out and stepped out of the car.
Morgan looked around. He hadn’t even realised they were at the local police
station again. “Yeah. But I’m gonna get it out of you sooner or later.”
“Get what out of him and did you get anything out of those neighbours?” Hotch
walked closer from his own car. But Morgan’s attention was on Reid. He was
suddenly turning bright red.
“Nothing, Hotch. And the interview was…. candid.”
“We’re having a meeting with the locals in ten minutes.” Hotch informed and
marched inside the building.
Morgan tried to say something, but he didn’t seem to get it out. He stared at Reid
with his mouth hanging slightly open. Reid kept turning even brighter shade of red
and squirmed like a worm on a hook.
“H-h-h-hotch?”
“We should get inside, I want to go over the resident list-”
“Hotch! The person you would like to have a threesome with is our boss!”
“Morgan, you’re in the middle of a parking lot.”
“Sorry, but…. It’s Hotch! I’m gonna have nightmares about that for ages.”
“You asked!”
“I know, but I didn’t think I would have to see that guy every day!”
“Calm down.”
“Sorry.” Morgan grumbled like a pouting kid.
“You asked a question, stating that it had nothing to do with reality, so you
have no reason to get carried away. We both already said that threesomes
are not for us.”
“Yeah but I’ve seen the way Hotch looks at you sometimes-”
“Morgan.”
“Okay, I’ll shut up. But….”
“But what?”
Morgan draped his arm over Reid’s shoulder. “If you’re alone with Hotch,
make sure there’s at least a desk between you two. Divorced guys can get
really desperate.”