Haven't read Tokyo Babylon in a while, so I might not have all my facts straight.fire_rose17May 22 2012, 22:32:53 UTC
When Hokuto died, Subaru had felt it. He had felt her life go out like a flickering candle deep in his chest, knew the time of death down to the exact second. And he had known exactly who had done it.
In a way, the resulting anger and grief had saved his life. It had gotten him out of bed when nothing else would. He had been able to function again, if not live.
But at the same time, it had ruined him, for every time he looked in the mirror, he saw her face, even when his face matured and was no longer identical to hers. And he relived that pain all over again, a pain that only death could cure. Subaru's or Seishirou's, it didn't matter which.
He survived on that pain, that anger that drove him forward, although towards death or revenge (or both) he did not know. He wanted to hold on to that pain, make it into a shield, a wall against that man
( ... )
Re: Haven't read Tokyo Babylon in a while, so I might not have all my facts straight.transient_wordsJune 17 2012, 16:34:02 UTC
Okay, I'm commenting on this after ...let's not comment on the date, but I love *this*, I really do. I think that, for such a short piece, you commented on a lot of complex themes: death, unable to let go, and self-hatred. And guilt, of course - Subaru wouldn’t be Subaru if this weren’t a recurring theme in his life
( ... )
Re: Haven't read Tokyo Babylon in a while, so I might not have all my facts straight.fire_rose17June 17 2012, 18:05:43 UTC
It's all right. I know you've been going through some stuff. Like I said, it's been awhile since I last read TB, so I'm glad I got my characters straight. I think Subaru does blame himself, because he lost the bet, he couldn't make Seishirou love him, even though it's not his fault that Seishirou is a cold, heartless sonuvabitch (and normally I don't use that insult, because I don't like dragging someone else's mother into it...but we've actually met her). It's really too bad, because I think Seishirou wanted to love him. He just couldn't, at least not enough.
In a way, the resulting anger and grief had saved his life. It had gotten him out of bed when nothing else would. He had been able to function again, if not live.
But at the same time, it had ruined him, for every time he looked in the mirror, he saw her face, even when his face matured and was no longer identical to hers. And he relived that pain all over again, a pain that only death could cure. Subaru's or Seishirou's, it didn't matter which.
He survived on that pain, that anger that drove him forward, although towards death or revenge (or both) he did not know. He wanted to hold on to that pain, make it into a shield, a wall against that man ( ... )
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