(no subject)
Checking in after a long, long time. Once again RL, and by that I mean work, has taken over life completely. Saw that the nominees are up on PS. Also remembered that last year I actually got an award and this year, I didn't even make a nomination.
Not that this greatly affects my life in any way, but it did get me thinking about my writing. When I joined the comm last year, I used to post like a mad woman (as lazvernius, stjarna1984 and australian_imp as my chief betaers would well remember.) Gradually, the comments on my fics started reducing and I remember having a conversation about it with lazvernius. His advice was that perhaps my fics got too repetitive because I was writing too many at the same time. Since I wrote almost only PWP, that kind of made sense.
All the sex scenes sounded the same, I ran out of ideas for scenarios etc etc. Since June of last year, I have, by and large, been absent from not only PS but LJ as well. Yet, I have managed to post a certain amount in the last 10 months. And the biggest change I noticed was the dramatic reduction in the number of comments. Maybe it's because people are more quality conscious nowdays cos' at one time, even the shitiest of my fics would get a bunch of comments.
I have never thought of myself as a good writer, particularly compared to some of the old hands of the comm but I did enjoy the comments I got on my fics. Don't get me wrong ... I still love to write and will continue to do so at every opportunity I get. But sometimes you just feel the fizz going out of it. The permanent feeling of self doubt just gets that much worse sometimes. I've been going through that for a while now. Besides the lack of time, the inspiration has just not been there to write. And a large reason for that is the feeling of self doubt over my writing.
*shrugs* Just something I've been feeling for ... well, probably from the time I joined this comm. There are people whose fics I read and honestly don't find very good. But yet I see that they keep writing and posting. And sometimes I really wonder, am I the only one who actually lets my feelings of inferiority prevent me from writing or posting? Probably. And I admire those who keep posting and frankly I find in most of their cases, they just get better and better. But it still makes me wonder ... how many people would actually stop writing because they felt that their fics weren't worth it?
Anyway, that over, let's move on to bigger and better things ...
1. Flem's dismissal - an absolute shocker!! Even a blind person would have not given that out. Absolutely horrendous. Gotta feel for a guy who's playing his 100th Test. Not the best way to start it. But here's to a 100 in the second innings!
2. For all the tennis fans on my f-list - just to make you all jealous ... guess who got to work with footage of Tommy Haas and Mardy Fish's match??!!! Yeah! That's right! Me! *grins* Sadly there wasn't a single element of slash in it. No touching even. *kicks the boys*
3. Bangladesh are back to their old ways. Pity cos' I was just starting to feel some admirations for them. But the coolest thing in the 2nd Test so far ... that bolt of thunder that came shooting down from the sky today!
4. India-Pak cricket in Abu Dhabi ... a serious overkill. I love watching India-Pak cricket, I really do. But frankly I'm so fucking sick of it that I really don't feel like watching either of the two matches.
Ummm ... that's all I guess. Time for me to say goodnight. So, goodnight!