(no subject)
Someone please tell me why I insist on writing pieces that make me bawl my eyes out.
I'm writing a hanfic at the moment that is from the POV of the middle child of Taylor Hanson, Marie; I've been writing it since June this year. Anyway, I'm in the process of writing the epilogue, and I was crying as I worked on it last night. That never happens; I am so hardened emotionally that only a piece written by someone else can make me cry. Anyway, it's not done yet, but it'll be finished soon. I'm trying to get it done before tomorrow night.
* * *
Eclipse: Epilogue
October 2026
I pulled a lock of my hair forward into my line of sight and started playing with it distractedly. The ARIA Awards wasn’t exactly the best place for any of us to be right now; I certainly didn’t want to be here. I just wanted to be at home, surrounded by my memories, not here in the Sydney Superdome, surrounded by my fellow musicians; I was still hurting more than anybody would ever be able to understand. To lose someone you loved more than anyone in the entire world was the worst kind of pain imaginable.
“Marie, are you okay?” Madeleine asked me; she put a gentle arm around my shoulders.
“I miss Dad,” I whispered over the sound of Killing Heidi accepting the ARIA for Song Of The Year. “I miss him so much, Maddie…I just wanna go home.”
“Okay; after they announce the winner of Album Of The Year, we’ll get out of here; we’ve got about five or ten minutes.” She sighed. “I know you didn’t want to come, Maz-”
“Then why did everyone tell me I had to?” I asked bitterly. “Why the fuck did they make me come?”
“Because, Marie, it wouldn’t have been the ARIAs without you. You’re not Taylor Hanson’s daughter for nothing; the Marie Hanson I know wouldn’t let this get her down. She’d pick herself up, dust herself off and keep going. I know that your dad wouldn’t want you to give up. He loved you far too much for that.”
“I know Maddie,” I said. “I know that.” I sighed. “I feel like I’m gonna die…”
Líadan reached over from my other side and looked into my eyes. “You won’t, Maz,” she told me. “You’re strong; you’ll get through this. We’re here for you guys.”
“Shh, you guys, they’re announcing the nominees,” Lee hissed. “I don’t wanna miss out on hearing the winner.”
The six of us looked over to the stage, where Natalie Imbruglia was preparing to announce the nominees.
“The nominees for Album Of The Year are Down Through The Years, Sunshine; Dark Horses, Summer Keats; Daughters Of Glory, Tamara Kingston; Somewhere Out There, Renegade; and These Dreams, Eclipse.” We took one another’s hands, as if that small gesture could change fate. There was just no way that a group of six kids who hadn’t even been in the music business six months could win one of the night’s two major awards. No way in the world.
“I got a good feeling about this one,” Shaun said.
“Shut up Shaun; you’re gonna jinx it,” Kasey shot back.
“And the ARIA goes to…” The six of us held our breath; winning this would mean all of our hard work would have been worth it, and we wanted it so badly. “Eclipse, for These Dreams!”
“Oh my God!” Kasey squealed. “Oh…my…fucking…God!”
Madeleine smiled encouragingly at me. “Come on Maz,” she said.
I allowed Madeleine to help me out of my seat and lead me toward the stage; the six of us stood in a tight semi-circle around the podium, and Lee spoke on our behalf.
“Well, to be honest, we don’t really have a speech written. But we want to thank our families for supporting and believing in us, and our fans for being some of the most awesome people in the whole world.” He paused. “The reason for not having a speech prepared is because last month, Marie’s father was killed in a car accident in Melbourne.” He looked to me. “Marie?”
I nodded and cleared my throat, then stepped up to the microphone and started to sing softly.
“Would you know my name…if I saw you in heaven…would it be the same…if I saw you in heaven…I must be strong and carry on…‘cause I know I don’t belong here in heaven…” Out of the corner of my eye I saw Madeleine nod to Lee, and my friends joined in.
“Would you hold my hand…if I saw you in heaven…would you help me stand…if I saw you in heaven…I’ll find my way through night and day…‘cause I know I just can’t stay here in heaven…
“Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees…time can break your heart, have you begging please…begging please…
“Beyond the door there’s peace I’m sure…and I know there’ll be no more tears in heaven…”
The assembled crowd joined in for the final verse.
“Would you know my name…if I saw you in heaven…would it be the same…if I saw you in heaven…I must be strong and carry on…‘cause I know I don’t belong here in heaven…”
I leaned in close to the microphone, and in a tear-choked voice barely louder than a whisper I said, “I love you Daddy, and I miss you so much.”
As the six of us left the stage to tumultuous applause, I could have sworn I saw my father standing right there between Emmanuel Carella and Bec Cartwright, standing there with a look of utmost pride in his eyes.
I knew the exact reason he was so proud of me. Despite the fact that I had suffered what was probably the most profound and painful loss that any child could ever endure - the loss of a parent, especially someone they loved unquestionably - I hadn’t let it get me down. I had stood on that stage before seven-and-a-half-thousand people and sung the only song that had the power to make me, Lorelei Marie Hanson, cry. But not only that, I was carrying on the ‘Hanson family dynasty’, as Dad used to so affectionately put it.
With tears now streaming down my cheeks in rivers, I raised one trembling hand and mouthed, “I love you Daddy.”
And in my head, I heard my father’s voice for what I knew would be the last time.
“I love you too Lorelei Marie, and I am so proud of you.”
Wiping away a few stray tears, I turned to the five other members of Eclipse and managed a faint smile. “Let’s go home, you guys.”
* * *
I couldn’t find the courage to visit the cemetery until many years later.
“Marie, honey, why are we here exactly?” my husband of ten years, TJ Brightman, asked me as he pulled the car up alongside the kerb. In the back seat, our two children, Selina and Taylor, sat bickering over whose turn it was to ‘kick the back of Daddy’s seat’.
I cast a slight glare at TJ as I answered his question. “TJ, today is the fifteenth anniversary of my father’s passing,” I replied. “I’ve never been here; I haven’t been able to work up the courage. I need to do this. I’ll probably never heal completely, I know that, but this will probably help a great deal.” I unbuckled my seatbelt and kissed TJ quickly on the cheek. “I won’t be long.”
I hopped out of the car, carrying with me a bunch of flowers - waratahs, wattle boughs, Tasmanian blue gum, sunflowers and frangipani. I knew roughly what I was looking for, and I’d know it when I found it, but it was still going to be a fairly tedious search.
I found what I was looking for after half an hour of searching; the black marble and the gold engraving were dulled by age, but the wording was still legible. I knelt down and read it for the first time.
Jordan Taylor Hanson
March 14 1983 - September 22 2026
Rest in peace, sweet angel
‘Beyond the door there’s peace I’m sure
And I know there’ll be no more tears in heaven’
I remained in that position for so long, trying to work up the courage to talk without crying. This was so hard; now I understood how my mother felt every year. “Christ, Marie, get on with it…” I muttered before throwing caution to the wind and starting to talk.
“Hey Dad, it’s Marie…you know, your little princess. I know I’ve never come to visit, and I’m sorry about that, but I just couldn’t work up the nerve. Knowing that I lost my father at the age of eighteen still hurts a decade and a half later, but I’m so grateful for the time we did have together. You taught me so much, and most of it I’ve actually remembered.” I forced a smile. “I’m married now, have been for the past ten years; I’ve got two kids as well, Selina and Taylor - you’d love them, you really would. It saddens me somewhat to know that they’ll never know their grandpa. But I’ll bring them here one of these days, I promise.
“Hmm, what else to tell you…well, Eclipse is still going strong, we go on tour in a couple of weeks. We’ve actually contemplated doing a cover of a Hanson song; I think I’m finally ready to go ahead with it now, it would have caused me too much heartache before.
* * *
And NaNo starts in two days... *freaks out*
I'm writing a hanfic at the moment that is from the POV of the middle child of Taylor Hanson, Marie; I've been writing it since June this year. Anyway, I'm in the process of writing the epilogue, and I was crying as I worked on it last night. That never happens; I am so hardened emotionally that only a piece written by someone else can make me cry. Anyway, it's not done yet, but it'll be finished soon. I'm trying to get it done before tomorrow night.
* * *
Eclipse: Epilogue
October 2026
I pulled a lock of my hair forward into my line of sight and started playing with it distractedly. The ARIA Awards wasn’t exactly the best place for any of us to be right now; I certainly didn’t want to be here. I just wanted to be at home, surrounded by my memories, not here in the Sydney Superdome, surrounded by my fellow musicians; I was still hurting more than anybody would ever be able to understand. To lose someone you loved more than anyone in the entire world was the worst kind of pain imaginable.
“Marie, are you okay?” Madeleine asked me; she put a gentle arm around my shoulders.
“I miss Dad,” I whispered over the sound of Killing Heidi accepting the ARIA for Song Of The Year. “I miss him so much, Maddie…I just wanna go home.”
“Okay; after they announce the winner of Album Of The Year, we’ll get out of here; we’ve got about five or ten minutes.” She sighed. “I know you didn’t want to come, Maz-”
“Then why did everyone tell me I had to?” I asked bitterly. “Why the fuck did they make me come?”
“Because, Marie, it wouldn’t have been the ARIAs without you. You’re not Taylor Hanson’s daughter for nothing; the Marie Hanson I know wouldn’t let this get her down. She’d pick herself up, dust herself off and keep going. I know that your dad wouldn’t want you to give up. He loved you far too much for that.”
“I know Maddie,” I said. “I know that.” I sighed. “I feel like I’m gonna die…”
Líadan reached over from my other side and looked into my eyes. “You won’t, Maz,” she told me. “You’re strong; you’ll get through this. We’re here for you guys.”
“Shh, you guys, they’re announcing the nominees,” Lee hissed. “I don’t wanna miss out on hearing the winner.”
The six of us looked over to the stage, where Natalie Imbruglia was preparing to announce the nominees.
“The nominees for Album Of The Year are Down Through The Years, Sunshine; Dark Horses, Summer Keats; Daughters Of Glory, Tamara Kingston; Somewhere Out There, Renegade; and These Dreams, Eclipse.” We took one another’s hands, as if that small gesture could change fate. There was just no way that a group of six kids who hadn’t even been in the music business six months could win one of the night’s two major awards. No way in the world.
“I got a good feeling about this one,” Shaun said.
“Shut up Shaun; you’re gonna jinx it,” Kasey shot back.
“And the ARIA goes to…” The six of us held our breath; winning this would mean all of our hard work would have been worth it, and we wanted it so badly. “Eclipse, for These Dreams!”
“Oh my God!” Kasey squealed. “Oh…my…fucking…God!”
Madeleine smiled encouragingly at me. “Come on Maz,” she said.
I allowed Madeleine to help me out of my seat and lead me toward the stage; the six of us stood in a tight semi-circle around the podium, and Lee spoke on our behalf.
“Well, to be honest, we don’t really have a speech written. But we want to thank our families for supporting and believing in us, and our fans for being some of the most awesome people in the whole world.” He paused. “The reason for not having a speech prepared is because last month, Marie’s father was killed in a car accident in Melbourne.” He looked to me. “Marie?”
I nodded and cleared my throat, then stepped up to the microphone and started to sing softly.
“Would you know my name…if I saw you in heaven…would it be the same…if I saw you in heaven…I must be strong and carry on…‘cause I know I don’t belong here in heaven…” Out of the corner of my eye I saw Madeleine nod to Lee, and my friends joined in.
“Would you hold my hand…if I saw you in heaven…would you help me stand…if I saw you in heaven…I’ll find my way through night and day…‘cause I know I just can’t stay here in heaven…
“Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees…time can break your heart, have you begging please…begging please…
“Beyond the door there’s peace I’m sure…and I know there’ll be no more tears in heaven…”
The assembled crowd joined in for the final verse.
“Would you know my name…if I saw you in heaven…would it be the same…if I saw you in heaven…I must be strong and carry on…‘cause I know I don’t belong here in heaven…”
I leaned in close to the microphone, and in a tear-choked voice barely louder than a whisper I said, “I love you Daddy, and I miss you so much.”
As the six of us left the stage to tumultuous applause, I could have sworn I saw my father standing right there between Emmanuel Carella and Bec Cartwright, standing there with a look of utmost pride in his eyes.
I knew the exact reason he was so proud of me. Despite the fact that I had suffered what was probably the most profound and painful loss that any child could ever endure - the loss of a parent, especially someone they loved unquestionably - I hadn’t let it get me down. I had stood on that stage before seven-and-a-half-thousand people and sung the only song that had the power to make me, Lorelei Marie Hanson, cry. But not only that, I was carrying on the ‘Hanson family dynasty’, as Dad used to so affectionately put it.
With tears now streaming down my cheeks in rivers, I raised one trembling hand and mouthed, “I love you Daddy.”
And in my head, I heard my father’s voice for what I knew would be the last time.
“I love you too Lorelei Marie, and I am so proud of you.”
Wiping away a few stray tears, I turned to the five other members of Eclipse and managed a faint smile. “Let’s go home, you guys.”
* * *
I couldn’t find the courage to visit the cemetery until many years later.
“Marie, honey, why are we here exactly?” my husband of ten years, TJ Brightman, asked me as he pulled the car up alongside the kerb. In the back seat, our two children, Selina and Taylor, sat bickering over whose turn it was to ‘kick the back of Daddy’s seat’.
I cast a slight glare at TJ as I answered his question. “TJ, today is the fifteenth anniversary of my father’s passing,” I replied. “I’ve never been here; I haven’t been able to work up the courage. I need to do this. I’ll probably never heal completely, I know that, but this will probably help a great deal.” I unbuckled my seatbelt and kissed TJ quickly on the cheek. “I won’t be long.”
I hopped out of the car, carrying with me a bunch of flowers - waratahs, wattle boughs, Tasmanian blue gum, sunflowers and frangipani. I knew roughly what I was looking for, and I’d know it when I found it, but it was still going to be a fairly tedious search.
I found what I was looking for after half an hour of searching; the black marble and the gold engraving were dulled by age, but the wording was still legible. I knelt down and read it for the first time.
Jordan Taylor Hanson
March 14 1983 - September 22 2026
Rest in peace, sweet angel
‘Beyond the door there’s peace I’m sure
And I know there’ll be no more tears in heaven’
I remained in that position for so long, trying to work up the courage to talk without crying. This was so hard; now I understood how my mother felt every year. “Christ, Marie, get on with it…” I muttered before throwing caution to the wind and starting to talk.
“Hey Dad, it’s Marie…you know, your little princess. I know I’ve never come to visit, and I’m sorry about that, but I just couldn’t work up the nerve. Knowing that I lost my father at the age of eighteen still hurts a decade and a half later, but I’m so grateful for the time we did have together. You taught me so much, and most of it I’ve actually remembered.” I forced a smile. “I’m married now, have been for the past ten years; I’ve got two kids as well, Selina and Taylor - you’d love them, you really would. It saddens me somewhat to know that they’ll never know their grandpa. But I’ll bring them here one of these days, I promise.
“Hmm, what else to tell you…well, Eclipse is still going strong, we go on tour in a couple of weeks. We’ve actually contemplated doing a cover of a Hanson song; I think I’m finally ready to go ahead with it now, it would have caused me too much heartache before.
* * *
And NaNo starts in two days... *freaks out*