(no subject)
Just to warn you.. This is a Stevie post so if you don't wanna hear me talk about him then don't read it =)
I talked to Stevie earlier tonight and it was the first time in a while that we had an actual conversation.
We talked and it was like everything was fine between us.
It was like nothing had ever changed between us.
Like Tesa was never apart of anything.
We talked for about two hours, and he seemed normal.
First he would just joke around with me and it was fun..
Then this popped up..
cut up heart x: i miss talking to u as much as i used to ...things have been sooo different lately.. ya know?
sTeVeNgOs88: yah i know i miss it too we used to have fun
The second after he said that I started crying.
There was no end to them, they just kept rolling down my face and kept hitting the floor.
I couldn't stop them.
I missed my best friend!
I wasn't crying because I wanted him, I was crying because I missed him.
I had missed our conversations about nothing and how we'd always talk.
Then this happened..
cut up heart x: Shayla im crying ='(
sTeVeNgOs88: y?
cut up heart x: oops sorry wrong IM..
sTeVeNgOs88: its ok but why are you crying
cut up heart x: just nothing.. forget i even sent it to u
sTeVeNgOs88: no tell me
cut up heart x: i cant.. you wouldn't understand
sTeVeNgOs88: yes i would
cut up heart x: no seriously.. you wouldn't..
sTeVeNgOs88: maybe i would
cut up heart x: no you wouldnt.. i just cant tell you
sTeVeNgOs88: y?
cut up heart x: theres just alot of things that i want to tell you that i cant
sTeVeNgOs88: ok
and then I showed Chelsea and she was like "awww" then I told her this..
cut up heart x: and i want him to say like what bc id tell him "i cant tell you how many times ive cried myself to sleep over you.. i cant tell you how many times a day i think about you.. i cant tell you how many times i close my eyes and ur face pops into my mind.. i cant tell you how many times i wonder if u still care about me.. and i cant tell you how many times a day i wish you'd just give me a chance".. i want him to ask me like what so i can tell him that
I wanted to tell him that soooooo bad, but I couldn't.
He'd think I was physco or something along those lines.
Then I started listening to "My Best Friend" by Tim McGraw and then thats when the tears really started streaming.
As the conversation went on he started to become more "not himself."
I don't know why it happens, but it's Tesa that's making him like this.
cut up heart x: he just lets the whole conversation fade... gosh ..i hate that aspect of him
LiLRaJuNCaJuN756: = \ you lie
LiLRaJuNCaJuN756: but ok
cut up heart x: i dont hate him ..i just hate that part of him ..he was ever like this before..
cut up heart x: usually i wouldnt get him to shut up
cut up heart x: now i can barely get him to speak
Shayla hears what Im saying, but I don't think she understands.
It's hard to talk to people about things like this when they don't get it.
I hate the way Stevie is now.
I hate it!
Sometimes I convince myself that I hate him.
But I know that's not what it is..
I know what it is.
It's the way his girlfriend makes him act.
Ever since they got together he's been different around me.
Im sure she knows I have feelings for him, that's why she's making him this way.
I don't understand why she's doing this, if that's the reason why.
She knows I can't take him from her.
I don't stand a chance.
So why does she hold a gaurd up everytime Im around him?
Does she feel threatened by me for some reason?
I find that hard to believe, but it's a possibility.
Why do I waste my time wishing he was mine, when I know that that's the last thing he'll ever be??
Im not inlove with him.
Im not.
I can't be.
Im so confused right now that I don't think I can type anymore.
GOODBYE.
I talked to Stevie earlier tonight and it was the first time in a while that we had an actual conversation.
We talked and it was like everything was fine between us.
It was like nothing had ever changed between us.
Like Tesa was never apart of anything.
We talked for about two hours, and he seemed normal.
First he would just joke around with me and it was fun..
Then this popped up..
cut up heart x: i miss talking to u as much as i used to ...things have been sooo different lately.. ya know?
sTeVeNgOs88: yah i know i miss it too we used to have fun
The second after he said that I started crying.
There was no end to them, they just kept rolling down my face and kept hitting the floor.
I couldn't stop them.
I missed my best friend!
I wasn't crying because I wanted him, I was crying because I missed him.
I had missed our conversations about nothing and how we'd always talk.
Then this happened..
cut up heart x: Shayla im crying ='(
sTeVeNgOs88: y?
cut up heart x: oops sorry wrong IM..
sTeVeNgOs88: its ok but why are you crying
cut up heart x: just nothing.. forget i even sent it to u
sTeVeNgOs88: no tell me
cut up heart x: i cant.. you wouldn't understand
sTeVeNgOs88: yes i would
cut up heart x: no seriously.. you wouldn't..
sTeVeNgOs88: maybe i would
cut up heart x: no you wouldnt.. i just cant tell you
sTeVeNgOs88: y?
cut up heart x: theres just alot of things that i want to tell you that i cant
sTeVeNgOs88: ok
and then I showed Chelsea and she was like "awww" then I told her this..
cut up heart x: and i want him to say like what bc id tell him "i cant tell you how many times ive cried myself to sleep over you.. i cant tell you how many times a day i think about you.. i cant tell you how many times i close my eyes and ur face pops into my mind.. i cant tell you how many times i wonder if u still care about me.. and i cant tell you how many times a day i wish you'd just give me a chance".. i want him to ask me like what so i can tell him that
I wanted to tell him that soooooo bad, but I couldn't.
He'd think I was physco or something along those lines.
Then I started listening to "My Best Friend" by Tim McGraw and then thats when the tears really started streaming.
As the conversation went on he started to become more "not himself."
I don't know why it happens, but it's Tesa that's making him like this.
cut up heart x: he just lets the whole conversation fade... gosh ..i hate that aspect of him
LiLRaJuNCaJuN756: = \ you lie
LiLRaJuNCaJuN756: but ok
cut up heart x: i dont hate him ..i just hate that part of him ..he was ever like this before..
cut up heart x: usually i wouldnt get him to shut up
cut up heart x: now i can barely get him to speak
Shayla hears what Im saying, but I don't think she understands.
It's hard to talk to people about things like this when they don't get it.
I hate the way Stevie is now.
I hate it!
Sometimes I convince myself that I hate him.
But I know that's not what it is..
I know what it is.
It's the way his girlfriend makes him act.
Ever since they got together he's been different around me.
Im sure she knows I have feelings for him, that's why she's making him this way.
I don't understand why she's doing this, if that's the reason why.
She knows I can't take him from her.
I don't stand a chance.
So why does she hold a gaurd up everytime Im around him?
Does she feel threatened by me for some reason?
I find that hard to believe, but it's a possibility.
Why do I waste my time wishing he was mine, when I know that that's the last thing he'll ever be??
Im not inlove with him.
Im not.
I can't be.
Im so confused right now that I don't think I can type anymore.
GOODBYE.