Waiting for a Happy Ending - Extra
Title: Waiting for a Happy Ending
Author:
firefly_ca
Pairing,Character(s): Kurt/Blaine, with appearances by Stevie and the Evans family, the Andersons, and large swaths of Glee clubbers (New Directions and Warblers)
Rating: NC-17 for disturbing themes, scenes, etc.
Word Count: TBD - This one-shot is 3K
Spoilers: All of S2, up to 3x05
Summary: AU. Blaine Anderson lived under another name for almost nine years with an abusive man he was forced to pretend was his father. He always thought his own family had given up on him, but now that he's found out the majority of his life was spent believing a lie, he has to try to reconcile the life he had with the life that was taken away from him. Sequel to Looking for a Happy Ending.
Note: Huge thanks to my betas LoonyLevicorpus and callmerayray for taking the fic and trying to help me avoid stupid typos and things that make no sense this time around. Any mistakes you find are all from last-minute edits I made before I posted. Because sometimes I can't leave good enough alone.
A/N: Chapter five is coming along VERY slowly and I'm sorry about that, everyone. I've been crazy busy lately, but I promise you, I AM working on it every day and it will be posted eventually. In the meantime, have this! It is a fluffy inconsequential throwaway piece looking at the events of the very last scene (you know the one I'm talking about) from a very, VERY different PoV. If you need any warning for this section at all, I'd say there are mildly homophobic statements made from one of those types of person who can't speak without saying something mildly offensive to anyone.
It's almost 3 in the morning by the time Kyle slips back into the dorm room to avoid getting caught being out after curfew. Kyle is an undisputed master in the art of sneaking back in after curfew. Kurt just rolls his eyes and tells him one day his luck will run out, but Kyle isn't too concerned. He's basically a ninja after all the practise he's gotten.
Except this time, someone is waiting in front of his door, face obscured in the dim hall lighting. Time slows down to a crawl as Kyle weighs his options. It doesn't take long, because really, there is only one option. He's going to have to take this guy out. It shouldn't be too hard - the person looks small enough. Kyle can probably take him out before the guy knows he's there. The zero tolerance policy might be a bit of a problem if he's not fast enough and the mysterious stranger sees his face, but he could always claim to be starting up self-defense classes. Everyone knows the best way to learn how to defend yourself is to be placed in a situation where you don't know someone's about to throw you to the ground in a flying squirrel tackle.
Unfortunately as he edges towards the door, back against the wall, he steps on a painfully squeaky floorboard, causing the person's head to jerk up as he looks around almost hopefully. Kyle can't believe his parents pay so much to send him to this place when they can't even be bothered to make sure the floors don't squeak. He should write someone a letter.
Fortunately, he's close enough now to realize that the person waiting at the door is only a very nervous, very twitchy kid named Thad. Kyle has a couple classes with him, and recognizes him from Warbler performances, but they've never really talked before.
"Oh thank God," Thad hisses as soon as he recognizes Kyle, shuffling down the hall towards him in his housecoat and slippered feet. He's clutching something in his hands. "You're Kurt's roommate, right? I've been quietly knocking for hours but no one answers."
"Maybe it's because you're quietly knocking?" Kyle suggests.
Thad just looks at him helplessly.
"I was worried that if I did it too loudly I might wake someone up," he says.
"Yeah," Kyle says. "Like maybe the people you wanted to answer the door."
Thad just looks at him miserably, so Kyle decides to let it go.
"What can I do for you, little man?" he asks. Thad holds up the item in his hands, which looks like some sort of white Styrofoam box.
"Kurt and Blaine didn't make it to the dinner celebration," Thad explains. "We couldn't let the stars of the night not take their share of the dinner. I was tasked with delivering it to them. I've been coming out here once every half hour since 10:30."
"Celebration?" Kyle asks, happily. "They won?"
He grins at Thad hugely, and listens happily enough as Thad starts to regale him excitedly with a play-by-play account of the night's events, his nerves suddenly forgotten. Kyle's not as big on the glee club as most of the other students here, but school pride is school pride. And besides, it will make Kurt happy that they did it, and Kurt is an awesome roommate when he's happy. And sometimes when he's not happy, too. Kyle always makes sure to spend time bonding with him when he's having a 'fat day', because if there's any of Kurt's stepmother's awesome baking around the room shipped up in a care package, that's when it all gets offloaded onto Kyle as Kurt wails about the size of his thighs. It definitely beats his last roommate who played trombone in the school band.
When Kyle gets tired of listening about the floor plan of the Carmel High auditorium he holds up a hand for silence and after Thad trails off he tells him,
"I think I have a plan."
Thad perks up at this.
"Give me the food," Kyle says, reaching his hand out for the box.
"Why?" Thad asks, uncertainly. Kyle sighs a little.
"Because I have a key?" He says. "And whatever they've been doing that's got them sleeping so hard has got to have been very labour intensive. Do you really want to see the aftermath?"
Thad falters, still not willing to let his job fall to potentially unreliable hands. Kyle frowns at him.
"How happy do you think they'll be if you invade their privacy like this?" he asks. He speaks in the same disappointed voice his mother uses when she catches him trying to buy finished essays online. Thad caves.
"Fine," he says, handing over the food. "You're sure they'll get this?"
"Kinda hard to lose it in the two steps it takes to walk to Kurt's side of the room, man," Kyle says cheerfully as he pats Thad on the shoulder and waves him off to bed.
He's as quiet as possible walking in, which means that he doesn't shout after he trips on some clothing that gets caught on his foot as he walks in the door. He does shriek a little, however, when he looks down and notices that the clothing in question is a pair of boxers, because while Kyle is certain he wouldn't have a problem touching Kurt's or Blaine's balls if it would save their lives, when no one is under threat of death the last thing he wants is to get near their nuts, even if it's just by degrees of separation.
He forgets about his trauma almost as soon as he sees his perfect, beautiful bed though, laid out in front of him like a slutty girl just begging him to have his sleepy, sleepy way with her. He sets down the already forgotten food and strips to his boxers. It takes Kyle a long time before he'll admit that he needs sleep, but once he's reached that point, he doesn't mess around. But as soon as he switches off the light and slides under the covers, he's distracted by a pinging sound coming from somewhere on the floor, accompanied by brief flashes of light. Frowning, he sits up and pokes a leg out from under the covers as he feels around until his foot hits a cell phone. He leans down to pick it up after he flicks the light back on, his eyes a little fuzzed over with exhaustion; it takes a moment of squinting before the screen comes into focus.
Dad: Sent 2:58 AM
Blaine, if you don't answer me back right now there will be consequences. Don't you dare make me ground you.
Dad: Sent 3:00 AM
Blaine??
Kyle frowns and glances over to the other bed where Blaine and Kurt are tangled up in each other's arms fast asleep. He doesn't want anyone to get in trouble just because they slept through a few text messages. That isn't cool, and he doesn't know why Blaine's dad is being such a hardass about this anyhow. It's not even that late yet.
Blaine: Sent 3:02 AM
is that any way to treat the guy who thad says led his dweeby singing group to victory?
Dad: Sent 3:03 AM
What? Blaine, is that you?
Kyle snorts quietly, feeling some of the tiredness leave his body. Finding someone else's phone when no one's around to make him give it back is kind of like Christmas morning to him.
Blaine: Sent 3:05 AM
please. do i LOOK gay?
Blaine: Sent 3:08 AM
that was a joke.
Blaine: Sent 3:09 AM
because this is a phone.
Blaine: Sent 3:11 AM
and not real life.
Blaine: Sent 3:13 AM
im kurts roommate.
Kyle rolls his eyes when the answer comes back almost immediately. Some people have no idea how to take a joke.
Dad: Sent 3:13 AM
OH. Did Blaine leave his phone behind when they left?
Then again, Kyle thinks, laughing quietly as he reads, he's not entirely unfunny.
Blaine: 3:14 AM
haha good one.
Dad: Sent 3:16 AM
I wasn't being funny. What's going on?
Blaine: Sent 3:16 AM
do you want to guess?
Dad: Sent 3:16 AM
NO.
Kyle huffs a little. Blaine must get his manners from his mother, because this guy is sort of a tool. Still, Kyle prides himself on being a good sport, so he works hard to keep the tone light as he continues.
Blaine: Sent 3:18 AM
they never made it out of the room ;)
Dad: Sent 3:18 AM
??
Kyle's face feels like it's splitting in two as he answers.
Blaine: Sent 3:20 AM
congrats mr. anderson! yr boy is officially a man!
Blaine: Sent 3:21 AM
unless there's another pair of gays in here sleeping naked under the covers that i cant see.
Blaine: Sent 3:22 AM
haha
There's a long moment when nothing happens and Kyle starts to wonder if Blaine's dad has fallen asleep when finally he hears the pinging reply, just when he's started to lose interest and remember that there's a whole doggy bag full of food sitting on the table, waiting for someone to eat it.
Dad: Sent 3:30 AM
Could you wake Blaine up and have him call me?
Kyle shudders involuntarily, thinking about the boxers his foot has so recently touched.
Blaine: Sent 3:31 AM
NO. im not touching that side of the room. who knows what theyve done and on what.
Kyle is just hitting send when a terrible thought starts to form in the back of his mind. It's a thought that's so horrifying the idea of being the only person alive who knows it makes him feel weak. Fortunately he's not the only person in Westerville awake at the moment.
Blaine: Sent 3:33 AM
oh my god i hope they left my bed out of it.
Kyle winces slightly, because he remembers just a second too late about all the times he's been held late after school for saying things that other people think are offensive or whatever, even when they totally aren't. It's just that sometimes he doesn't remember that people are way too sensitive before he talks. Mr. Anderson is a tool, but Kyle doesn't like it when anyone hates him. Maybe Mr. Anderson is being so lame because he thinks Kyle has a problem with Blaine.
Blaine: Sent 3:34 AM
NOT THAT ITS NOT AWESOME THAT YOUR KID IS GAY.
Blaine: Sent 3:34 AM
IF I WAS GAY I WOULD TOTALLY TAP THAT. I PROMISE.
Blaine: Sent: 3:35 AM
YOUR SON IS HOT MR ANDERSON
Blaine: Sent 3:35 AM
HOW DO I STOP SHOUting oh its ok i got it.
Blaine: Sent 3:36 AM
i just dont want any spooge on my bed when i didnt do anything to put it there u know? and spooge was def flying in this room tonite.
Blaine: Sent 3:38 AM
you should see the place mr. anderson it looks like a sex war was fought here. clothes all over the place.
Dad: Sent 3:38 AM
What's your name?
But Kyle is in the middle of explaining himself and doesn't stop to answer. He hates when he has to stop a thought mid-text message. It's always so hard to remember where you were after you've got the conversation back on the right track.
Blaine: Sent: 3:40 AM
1 pair of boxers by the door and i dont even know where the other pair is. does Kurt look the kind of guy who likes to let his junk fly free? has it ever come up in conversation? o wait! 2nd pair on the corner of the dresser. no way those werent thrown. they must have been really going at it haha
Dad: Sent 3:40 AM
Your name?
Normally Kyle admires persistence, but only when it's not directed at him. He really thinks Blaine's dad isn't getting how much ass has obviously been tapped in this room tonight.
Blaine: Sent 3:42 AM
i dont want to say too much because im an awesome roommate but i think i see some luuuuuube. Kurt you doooog
Dad: Sent 3:42 AM
Name?
Kyle ignores the barrage of questions, which is frankly just getting bossy and repetitive by this point, scanning the room for other important information he can offer. Which is when he notices there's a very important piece of the fun festivities puzzle missing in the chaos around him.
Blaine: Sent 3:43 AM
oh. shit. shit shit shit.
Dad: Sent 3:43 AM
What's wrong??
Blaine: Sent 3:46 AM
i dont see condom wrappers! dude did you guys talk to them about safe sex?? do they skip that part in public school.
Blaine: Sent 3:47 AM
this is not cool mr. anderson.
Kyle gets up and cautiously moves to the other side of the room to investigate, the phone pinging away on the bed behind him. Kurt and Blaine are both still out of it. They look like they could sleep through a fire alarm right now. Kyle frantically wonders if he can roll them over to get a better look and see if one of them fell asleep on a box of condoms or something. Kyle is actually a very smart guy, regardless of all the extra donations his parents have started to make to Dalton since his enrollment. He knows that you do not have sex with someone without slipping into a magical STD-repellent penis jacket first. Love is a powerful force in the universe, but all it takes is one pregnant hooker giving you crabs and your fun times are over. Of course, gay guys probably don't get as many partners pregnant as straight ones, but still, unprotected sex is irresponsible. Kyle is going to have a very serious talk with these two come morning. Which is surprising, because he thought that Kurt of all people would have this sorted out. He's seen gay sex brochures in the guy's desk drawer and everything, one time when he was digging around looking for extra money.
The gay brochures! Kyle feels his chest unclench and he lets out a sigh of relief when he remembers them, because he had read them himself, to see if there were any hints on how to convince girls that anal sex is the best sex, and now he distinctly remembers a section stressing the importance of safety coming first. Kurt's got this covered. Kurt's got it covered. Kurt lives to follow the rules.
Dad: Sent 3:48 AM
Kid, could you please just wake blaine up and have him call me?
Dad: Sent 3:50 AM
Kid? Are you still there?
Blaine: Sent 3:55 AM
false alarm mr. anderson. i thought about it and realized that the wrapper is probably under the sheets with them. theyre cool.
Blaine: Sent 3:56 AM
and call me kyle. were all men here.
Dad: Sent 3:57 AM
Kyle. Please.
Blaine: Sent 3:57 AM
but im more of a man than blaine and kurt.
Dad: Sent 3:58 AM
Kyle.
Blaine: Sent 3:58 AM
theyre just getting started manning up
Dad: Sent 3:59 AM
Kyle
Blaine: Sent 3:59 AM
if you know what im saying
Dad: Sent 3:59 AM
Kyle.
Blaine: Sent 4:00 AM
;)
Dad: Sent 4:00 AM
KYLE.
Blaine: Sent 4:01 AM
Mr. Anderson?
Dad: Sent 4:04 AM
Please make sure he comes home first thing in the morning. Tell him he's not in trouble, we just need to talk about why it's important that he always makes sure he calls.
Kyle smiles at his screen. Maybe Blaine's dad isn't so bad after all. He's just being a concerned parent. When Kyle is an awesome dad one day, he's going to be a concerned parent, too. But cooler than Mr. Anderson.
Blaine: Sent 4:06 AM
sure thing mr. anderson
Blaine: Sent 4:06 AM
nice talking to you!
Blaine: Sent 4:09 AM
mr. anderson?
Blaine: Sent 4:13 AM
mr. anderson?
Sighing again, Kyle tosses the phone back onto the floor. He will be cooler than Mr. Anderson and also politer. He doesn't understand why some people can't treat others with respect. Kyle's stomach makes an unpleasant rumbling noise and he absently reaches over to the box entrusted to him by Thad.
"Kyle," he says out loud into the quiet room. "You are the best roommate ever. You deserve something in return for your awesomeness. Like whatever-the-hell this awesome-smelling stuff is. Awesome people like awesome food, right?"
"They do!" Kyle answers himself, grabbing the plastic fork and preparing to open the box and help himself. Which is when he hears an iPhone going off on the desk. Groaning, he gets up to find Kurt's phone. The message is an older one.
Dad: Sent 12:21 AM
Hey buddy I know it's late, but is Blaine with you? His mom sounded a little worried.
Kyle rolls his eyes as he turns on the phone and snaps a quick picture of Kurt and Blaine before answering Mr. Hummel. Once the picture is sent he sets the phone to silent and settles down with his leftovers. He falls asleep somewhere around the fourth bite and sleeps like a baby until he's woken up far too early the next morning by a barrage of shoes, textbooks, and other heavy objects being pelted at him from across the room, like it's his fault parents sometimes get too nosey for their own good.
To the Masterpost
Author:
firefly_ca
Pairing,Character(s): Kurt/Blaine, with appearances by Stevie and the Evans family, the Andersons, and large swaths of Glee clubbers (New Directions and Warblers)
Rating: NC-17 for disturbing themes, scenes, etc.
Word Count: TBD - This one-shot is 3K
Spoilers: All of S2, up to 3x05
Summary: AU. Blaine Anderson lived under another name for almost nine years with an abusive man he was forced to pretend was his father. He always thought his own family had given up on him, but now that he's found out the majority of his life was spent believing a lie, he has to try to reconcile the life he had with the life that was taken away from him. Sequel to Looking for a Happy Ending.
Note: Huge thanks to my betas LoonyLevicorpus and callmerayray for taking the fic and trying to help me avoid stupid typos and things that make no sense this time around. Any mistakes you find are all from last-minute edits I made before I posted. Because sometimes I can't leave good enough alone.
A/N: Chapter five is coming along VERY slowly and I'm sorry about that, everyone. I've been crazy busy lately, but I promise you, I AM working on it every day and it will be posted eventually. In the meantime, have this! It is a fluffy inconsequential throwaway piece looking at the events of the very last scene (you know the one I'm talking about) from a very, VERY different PoV. If you need any warning for this section at all, I'd say there are mildly homophobic statements made from one of those types of person who can't speak without saying something mildly offensive to anyone.
It's almost 3 in the morning by the time Kyle slips back into the dorm room to avoid getting caught being out after curfew. Kyle is an undisputed master in the art of sneaking back in after curfew. Kurt just rolls his eyes and tells him one day his luck will run out, but Kyle isn't too concerned. He's basically a ninja after all the practise he's gotten.
Except this time, someone is waiting in front of his door, face obscured in the dim hall lighting. Time slows down to a crawl as Kyle weighs his options. It doesn't take long, because really, there is only one option. He's going to have to take this guy out. It shouldn't be too hard - the person looks small enough. Kyle can probably take him out before the guy knows he's there. The zero tolerance policy might be a bit of a problem if he's not fast enough and the mysterious stranger sees his face, but he could always claim to be starting up self-defense classes. Everyone knows the best way to learn how to defend yourself is to be placed in a situation where you don't know someone's about to throw you to the ground in a flying squirrel tackle.
Unfortunately as he edges towards the door, back against the wall, he steps on a painfully squeaky floorboard, causing the person's head to jerk up as he looks around almost hopefully. Kyle can't believe his parents pay so much to send him to this place when they can't even be bothered to make sure the floors don't squeak. He should write someone a letter.
Fortunately, he's close enough now to realize that the person waiting at the door is only a very nervous, very twitchy kid named Thad. Kyle has a couple classes with him, and recognizes him from Warbler performances, but they've never really talked before.
"Oh thank God," Thad hisses as soon as he recognizes Kyle, shuffling down the hall towards him in his housecoat and slippered feet. He's clutching something in his hands. "You're Kurt's roommate, right? I've been quietly knocking for hours but no one answers."
"Maybe it's because you're quietly knocking?" Kyle suggests.
Thad just looks at him helplessly.
"I was worried that if I did it too loudly I might wake someone up," he says.
"Yeah," Kyle says. "Like maybe the people you wanted to answer the door."
Thad just looks at him miserably, so Kyle decides to let it go.
"What can I do for you, little man?" he asks. Thad holds up the item in his hands, which looks like some sort of white Styrofoam box.
"Kurt and Blaine didn't make it to the dinner celebration," Thad explains. "We couldn't let the stars of the night not take their share of the dinner. I was tasked with delivering it to them. I've been coming out here once every half hour since 10:30."
"Celebration?" Kyle asks, happily. "They won?"
He grins at Thad hugely, and listens happily enough as Thad starts to regale him excitedly with a play-by-play account of the night's events, his nerves suddenly forgotten. Kyle's not as big on the glee club as most of the other students here, but school pride is school pride. And besides, it will make Kurt happy that they did it, and Kurt is an awesome roommate when he's happy. And sometimes when he's not happy, too. Kyle always makes sure to spend time bonding with him when he's having a 'fat day', because if there's any of Kurt's stepmother's awesome baking around the room shipped up in a care package, that's when it all gets offloaded onto Kyle as Kurt wails about the size of his thighs. It definitely beats his last roommate who played trombone in the school band.
When Kyle gets tired of listening about the floor plan of the Carmel High auditorium he holds up a hand for silence and after Thad trails off he tells him,
"I think I have a plan."
Thad perks up at this.
"Give me the food," Kyle says, reaching his hand out for the box.
"Why?" Thad asks, uncertainly. Kyle sighs a little.
"Because I have a key?" He says. "And whatever they've been doing that's got them sleeping so hard has got to have been very labour intensive. Do you really want to see the aftermath?"
Thad falters, still not willing to let his job fall to potentially unreliable hands. Kyle frowns at him.
"How happy do you think they'll be if you invade their privacy like this?" he asks. He speaks in the same disappointed voice his mother uses when she catches him trying to buy finished essays online. Thad caves.
"Fine," he says, handing over the food. "You're sure they'll get this?"
"Kinda hard to lose it in the two steps it takes to walk to Kurt's side of the room, man," Kyle says cheerfully as he pats Thad on the shoulder and waves him off to bed.
He's as quiet as possible walking in, which means that he doesn't shout after he trips on some clothing that gets caught on his foot as he walks in the door. He does shriek a little, however, when he looks down and notices that the clothing in question is a pair of boxers, because while Kyle is certain he wouldn't have a problem touching Kurt's or Blaine's balls if it would save their lives, when no one is under threat of death the last thing he wants is to get near their nuts, even if it's just by degrees of separation.
He forgets about his trauma almost as soon as he sees his perfect, beautiful bed though, laid out in front of him like a slutty girl just begging him to have his sleepy, sleepy way with her. He sets down the already forgotten food and strips to his boxers. It takes Kyle a long time before he'll admit that he needs sleep, but once he's reached that point, he doesn't mess around. But as soon as he switches off the light and slides under the covers, he's distracted by a pinging sound coming from somewhere on the floor, accompanied by brief flashes of light. Frowning, he sits up and pokes a leg out from under the covers as he feels around until his foot hits a cell phone. He leans down to pick it up after he flicks the light back on, his eyes a little fuzzed over with exhaustion; it takes a moment of squinting before the screen comes into focus.
Dad: Sent 2:58 AM
Blaine, if you don't answer me back right now there will be consequences. Don't you dare make me ground you.
Dad: Sent 3:00 AM
Blaine??
Kyle frowns and glances over to the other bed where Blaine and Kurt are tangled up in each other's arms fast asleep. He doesn't want anyone to get in trouble just because they slept through a few text messages. That isn't cool, and he doesn't know why Blaine's dad is being such a hardass about this anyhow. It's not even that late yet.
Blaine: Sent 3:02 AM
is that any way to treat the guy who thad says led his dweeby singing group to victory?
Dad: Sent 3:03 AM
What? Blaine, is that you?
Kyle snorts quietly, feeling some of the tiredness leave his body. Finding someone else's phone when no one's around to make him give it back is kind of like Christmas morning to him.
Blaine: Sent 3:05 AM
please. do i LOOK gay?
Blaine: Sent 3:08 AM
that was a joke.
Blaine: Sent 3:09 AM
because this is a phone.
Blaine: Sent 3:11 AM
and not real life.
Blaine: Sent 3:13 AM
im kurts roommate.
Kyle rolls his eyes when the answer comes back almost immediately. Some people have no idea how to take a joke.
Dad: Sent 3:13 AM
OH. Did Blaine leave his phone behind when they left?
Then again, Kyle thinks, laughing quietly as he reads, he's not entirely unfunny.
Blaine: 3:14 AM
haha good one.
Dad: Sent 3:16 AM
I wasn't being funny. What's going on?
Blaine: Sent 3:16 AM
do you want to guess?
Dad: Sent 3:16 AM
NO.
Kyle huffs a little. Blaine must get his manners from his mother, because this guy is sort of a tool. Still, Kyle prides himself on being a good sport, so he works hard to keep the tone light as he continues.
Blaine: Sent 3:18 AM
they never made it out of the room ;)
Dad: Sent 3:18 AM
??
Kyle's face feels like it's splitting in two as he answers.
Blaine: Sent 3:20 AM
congrats mr. anderson! yr boy is officially a man!
Blaine: Sent 3:21 AM
unless there's another pair of gays in here sleeping naked under the covers that i cant see.
Blaine: Sent 3:22 AM
haha
There's a long moment when nothing happens and Kyle starts to wonder if Blaine's dad has fallen asleep when finally he hears the pinging reply, just when he's started to lose interest and remember that there's a whole doggy bag full of food sitting on the table, waiting for someone to eat it.
Dad: Sent 3:30 AM
Could you wake Blaine up and have him call me?
Kyle shudders involuntarily, thinking about the boxers his foot has so recently touched.
Blaine: Sent 3:31 AM
NO. im not touching that side of the room. who knows what theyve done and on what.
Kyle is just hitting send when a terrible thought starts to form in the back of his mind. It's a thought that's so horrifying the idea of being the only person alive who knows it makes him feel weak. Fortunately he's not the only person in Westerville awake at the moment.
Blaine: Sent 3:33 AM
oh my god i hope they left my bed out of it.
Kyle winces slightly, because he remembers just a second too late about all the times he's been held late after school for saying things that other people think are offensive or whatever, even when they totally aren't. It's just that sometimes he doesn't remember that people are way too sensitive before he talks. Mr. Anderson is a tool, but Kyle doesn't like it when anyone hates him. Maybe Mr. Anderson is being so lame because he thinks Kyle has a problem with Blaine.
Blaine: Sent 3:34 AM
NOT THAT ITS NOT AWESOME THAT YOUR KID IS GAY.
Blaine: Sent 3:34 AM
IF I WAS GAY I WOULD TOTALLY TAP THAT. I PROMISE.
Blaine: Sent: 3:35 AM
YOUR SON IS HOT MR ANDERSON
Blaine: Sent 3:35 AM
HOW DO I STOP SHOUting oh its ok i got it.
Blaine: Sent 3:36 AM
i just dont want any spooge on my bed when i didnt do anything to put it there u know? and spooge was def flying in this room tonite.
Blaine: Sent 3:38 AM
you should see the place mr. anderson it looks like a sex war was fought here. clothes all over the place.
Dad: Sent 3:38 AM
What's your name?
But Kyle is in the middle of explaining himself and doesn't stop to answer. He hates when he has to stop a thought mid-text message. It's always so hard to remember where you were after you've got the conversation back on the right track.
Blaine: Sent: 3:40 AM
1 pair of boxers by the door and i dont even know where the other pair is. does Kurt look the kind of guy who likes to let his junk fly free? has it ever come up in conversation? o wait! 2nd pair on the corner of the dresser. no way those werent thrown. they must have been really going at it haha
Dad: Sent 3:40 AM
Your name?
Normally Kyle admires persistence, but only when it's not directed at him. He really thinks Blaine's dad isn't getting how much ass has obviously been tapped in this room tonight.
Blaine: Sent 3:42 AM
i dont want to say too much because im an awesome roommate but i think i see some luuuuuube. Kurt you doooog
Dad: Sent 3:42 AM
Name?
Kyle ignores the barrage of questions, which is frankly just getting bossy and repetitive by this point, scanning the room for other important information he can offer. Which is when he notices there's a very important piece of the fun festivities puzzle missing in the chaos around him.
Blaine: Sent 3:43 AM
oh. shit. shit shit shit.
Dad: Sent 3:43 AM
What's wrong??
Blaine: Sent 3:46 AM
i dont see condom wrappers! dude did you guys talk to them about safe sex?? do they skip that part in public school.
Blaine: Sent 3:47 AM
this is not cool mr. anderson.
Kyle gets up and cautiously moves to the other side of the room to investigate, the phone pinging away on the bed behind him. Kurt and Blaine are both still out of it. They look like they could sleep through a fire alarm right now. Kyle frantically wonders if he can roll them over to get a better look and see if one of them fell asleep on a box of condoms or something. Kyle is actually a very smart guy, regardless of all the extra donations his parents have started to make to Dalton since his enrollment. He knows that you do not have sex with someone without slipping into a magical STD-repellent penis jacket first. Love is a powerful force in the universe, but all it takes is one pregnant hooker giving you crabs and your fun times are over. Of course, gay guys probably don't get as many partners pregnant as straight ones, but still, unprotected sex is irresponsible. Kyle is going to have a very serious talk with these two come morning. Which is surprising, because he thought that Kurt of all people would have this sorted out. He's seen gay sex brochures in the guy's desk drawer and everything, one time when he was digging around looking for extra money.
The gay brochures! Kyle feels his chest unclench and he lets out a sigh of relief when he remembers them, because he had read them himself, to see if there were any hints on how to convince girls that anal sex is the best sex, and now he distinctly remembers a section stressing the importance of safety coming first. Kurt's got this covered. Kurt's got it covered. Kurt lives to follow the rules.
Dad: Sent 3:48 AM
Kid, could you please just wake blaine up and have him call me?
Dad: Sent 3:50 AM
Kid? Are you still there?
Blaine: Sent 3:55 AM
false alarm mr. anderson. i thought about it and realized that the wrapper is probably under the sheets with them. theyre cool.
Blaine: Sent 3:56 AM
and call me kyle. were all men here.
Dad: Sent 3:57 AM
Kyle. Please.
Blaine: Sent 3:57 AM
but im more of a man than blaine and kurt.
Dad: Sent 3:58 AM
Kyle.
Blaine: Sent 3:58 AM
theyre just getting started manning up
Dad: Sent 3:59 AM
Kyle
Blaine: Sent 3:59 AM
if you know what im saying
Dad: Sent 3:59 AM
Kyle.
Blaine: Sent 4:00 AM
;)
Dad: Sent 4:00 AM
KYLE.
Blaine: Sent 4:01 AM
Mr. Anderson?
Dad: Sent 4:04 AM
Please make sure he comes home first thing in the morning. Tell him he's not in trouble, we just need to talk about why it's important that he always makes sure he calls.
Kyle smiles at his screen. Maybe Blaine's dad isn't so bad after all. He's just being a concerned parent. When Kyle is an awesome dad one day, he's going to be a concerned parent, too. But cooler than Mr. Anderson.
Blaine: Sent 4:06 AM
sure thing mr. anderson
Blaine: Sent 4:06 AM
nice talking to you!
Blaine: Sent 4:09 AM
mr. anderson?
Blaine: Sent 4:13 AM
mr. anderson?
Sighing again, Kyle tosses the phone back onto the floor. He will be cooler than Mr. Anderson and also politer. He doesn't understand why some people can't treat others with respect. Kyle's stomach makes an unpleasant rumbling noise and he absently reaches over to the box entrusted to him by Thad.
"Kyle," he says out loud into the quiet room. "You are the best roommate ever. You deserve something in return for your awesomeness. Like whatever-the-hell this awesome-smelling stuff is. Awesome people like awesome food, right?"
"They do!" Kyle answers himself, grabbing the plastic fork and preparing to open the box and help himself. Which is when he hears an iPhone going off on the desk. Groaning, he gets up to find Kurt's phone. The message is an older one.
Dad: Sent 12:21 AM
Hey buddy I know it's late, but is Blaine with you? His mom sounded a little worried.
Kyle rolls his eyes as he turns on the phone and snaps a quick picture of Kurt and Blaine before answering Mr. Hummel. Once the picture is sent he sets the phone to silent and settles down with his leftovers. He falls asleep somewhere around the fourth bite and sleeps like a baby until he's woken up far too early the next morning by a barrage of shoes, textbooks, and other heavy objects being pelted at him from across the room, like it's his fault parents sometimes get too nosey for their own good.
To the Masterpost