moments of grace, cuddy
Title : Moments of Grace
Author : firenze083
Rating : PG
Characters/Pairing : Cuddy, some House/Cuddy and Wilson
Spoilers : 5x06, 'Joy'
Timeline : AU
Summary : Happiness in a different light, and closure.
Even before the two weeks began she was already buying the crib and the stuffed duck and going over private school brochures.
'I'm happy for you,' Wilson said as he helped her balance an armful of ABC blocks, 'but don't you think all this--'
He gestured to the growing pile of toys that she had piled on the counter; the soft purple sheep she could already imagine tightly squeezed in her hands, the complete set of Shel Silverstein books--she already had a bookshelf on delivery--a pink, fluffy purse, a small Sesame Street cap.
'--is a little premature? I mean,' He added hastily at her expression, 'You still need to meet the birth mother, right? What if, you know, something goes wrong? Not that anything will.'
Could he ever imagine, she wondered. Wanting something so badly her heart ached for it, literally, physically, like her heart isn't a muscle but a giant cavity in her chest screaming at her body so she can't breathe. She didn't tell him about the small wooden sign she had made then, so cheesy and corny and it made her smile when she chose the small pink and blue hearts on the side, and 'Joy' carved neatly in green letters.
It could work both ways, She told herself, Joy as in--her daughter, she thought and if only she could stop her lips from lifting-- or joy as in the feeling so she could still give it to someone else for Christmas if it didn't push through. (Later, it will sit on the floor of the yellow room for a long time, longer than she can imagine and sometimes when she feels masochistic she will take it out and trace the letters with her finger, joy, the feeling and the daughter.)
*
'Soooo,' House says when he gets in the back of the car and rests his elbows on either side of their seats, 'Who are we spying on?'
'God, you are such an eighth grader,' Cuddy snaps at Wilson, who raises his hands in surrender.
'I didn't tell him,' Wilson states.
'So how the hell did he know?'
'He followed you both out here,' House offers from the back enthusiastically. 'Noticed you were both crouched in your seats, clandestinely trying to spy on someone at the diner. Have either of you watched James Bond movies? 'Cause, you know, you guys would've been bombed a mile away.' He squints his eyes at the people inside the diner and when he finally sees her, he gives a small whistle and turns to look at Cuddy studying the steering wheel. 'Masochist much?'
Cuddy sighs and starts the engine. 'Shut up, House.'
*
House limps over to where she's standing by her file drawer. 'So either you're indulging your narcissistic guilt pathology thing or you want to kidnap your ex-daughter from her apparently happy, blooming mother.'
Cuddy glares at him. 'It was nothing.'
'Is that code for 'Wilson distracts the mother with his niceness, I whack her with my cane, and you nab the kid and leap out the window'?' He gives her an exaggerated wink.
'You'll trip over the ledge and get us all killed.' Cuddy rolls her eyes and grabs a bunch of files on her desk impatiently.
'I know what today is,' House says. 'And yesterday.'
Cuddy closes the drawer loudly. 'Are we still talking about this?'
'Cuddy,' He says, knocking a bright yellow bag off the table with his cane. Cuddy lets out a frustrated sound, frowning at him. 'Why the hell are you still obsessing? This isn't enough for you?' He gestures at the contents of the bag spilling over the floor.
She crosses her arms and gives him a heated look that he's sure can melt glass. He stares back at her undauntedly.
She finally sighs, fixing her eyes at some point on the floor. 'I needed to know, okay? Needed to see.'
When she lifts her head to look at him, he is already halfway and she meets his kiss with a hand on his face, so familiar she shivers with a sense of déjà vu; yet he doesn't stop too soon or dig his cane in her back but the need is still there. He grips her waist heavy with it, breathes it in her mouth.
*
They meet in the park, finally. Purely accidental, and she didn't know fate could play tricks like that.
'Dr. Cuddy?'
Cuddy looks up from her book. 'Becca, hi.'
Becca smiles at her. 'I--I didn't know you came out here.'
'Just taking a break from work,' Cuddy returns her smile and closes her book, marking the page with her finger. 'So, how have you been doing?'
'Really great,' Becca replies. 'I got a new job and a new apartment. We moved in yesterday.'
'That's good. Great.' Becca continues smiling, twisting her hands, eyes constantly traveling to the clutter beside her on the bench. After a beat, she says, 'Do you--do you want to meet her?'
Cuddy doesn't correct her. 'Okay,' She says instead.
Becca turns and waves to a child in the jungle gym. Cuddy knows her even before she lifts her head to give her mother a sunny smile. She was eating a brownie sundae at the diner the other day, cheeks covered in chocolate, spoon clasped tightly in her small fist.
'Sarah,' Becca pushes the shy girl gently toward her. 'this is Dr. Cuddy. Say hi.'
'Hi, Dr. Cuddy,' Sarah echoes.
'Hello, Sarah,' Cuddy says.
Sarah smiles and looks at Becca who nods. Sarah runs back to the playground.
'So,' Becca says, nodding at the yellow bag beside her. 'Did you--after--' She stops awkwardly.
'Yeah.' Cuddy smiles, following her gaze to the mess of stuffed toys and diapers scattered on the bench. 'I tried again, after.'
'Wow, that's--' Becca starts to grin. 'I'm really happy for you. What's her name?'
'Anna,' Cuddy replies softly.
'That's a pretty name.'
'Thank you.'
'It was really good seeing you, Dr. Cuddy,' Becca tells her.
Cuddy nods. 'You too, Becca.'
*
It's dark when her babysitters come back with the baby.
'It was supposed to get the chicks coming,' House complains, moodily poking the stroller wheels with his cane.
Wilson smirks as he lifts the baby and gives her to Cuddy. 'It did. All of them told us she was cute, and half of them proceeded to congratulate us for adopting and wishing us luck in our lives together.'
'That spawn,' House points at the struggling mass in Cuddy's arms, 'will be my downfall.'
Cuddy laughs as Anna gurgles and gleefully grabs a fistful of Cuddy's hair.
*
'You finally talk to her?' House asks her later when they are sitting on her couch.
'How do you know?' She asks, surprised.
'You have an aura of peace and closure,' House replies, sipping his beer. 'And you're not all--' He gestures in the air, '--all a-twitter.'
'A-twitter?'
'Twittery.'
'Of course.'
'So what was she like?'
'She's blonde.' Cuddy sips her tea and smiles, and tells him about Sarah.
*
In the morning, she opens her eyes and the first thing she sees is Anna's face. House has been telling her to let the baby sleep in the yellow room ('You will regret this in the years to come when she'll get used to it and you'll never ever get laid,' House raises his eyebrows. 'Ever.') but she thinks, just for a few weeks.
She reaches out to touch her daughter's face with her hands, running her finger over her small nose, cupping her soft cheek along her palm. It is Sunday, and later when she finally wakes up, Cuddy will bring her to the zoo for the first time.
She knows this feeling, has traced it with her finger over and over. Joy, the feeling, the daughter.
Author : firenze083
Rating : PG
Characters/Pairing : Cuddy, some House/Cuddy and Wilson
Spoilers : 5x06, 'Joy'
Timeline : AU
Summary : Happiness in a different light, and closure.
Even before the two weeks began she was already buying the crib and the stuffed duck and going over private school brochures.
'I'm happy for you,' Wilson said as he helped her balance an armful of ABC blocks, 'but don't you think all this--'
He gestured to the growing pile of toys that she had piled on the counter; the soft purple sheep she could already imagine tightly squeezed in her hands, the complete set of Shel Silverstein books--she already had a bookshelf on delivery--a pink, fluffy purse, a small Sesame Street cap.
'--is a little premature? I mean,' He added hastily at her expression, 'You still need to meet the birth mother, right? What if, you know, something goes wrong? Not that anything will.'
Could he ever imagine, she wondered. Wanting something so badly her heart ached for it, literally, physically, like her heart isn't a muscle but a giant cavity in her chest screaming at her body so she can't breathe. She didn't tell him about the small wooden sign she had made then, so cheesy and corny and it made her smile when she chose the small pink and blue hearts on the side, and 'Joy' carved neatly in green letters.
It could work both ways, She told herself, Joy as in--her daughter, she thought and if only she could stop her lips from lifting-- or joy as in the feeling so she could still give it to someone else for Christmas if it didn't push through. (Later, it will sit on the floor of the yellow room for a long time, longer than she can imagine and sometimes when she feels masochistic she will take it out and trace the letters with her finger, joy, the feeling and the daughter.)
*
'Soooo,' House says when he gets in the back of the car and rests his elbows on either side of their seats, 'Who are we spying on?'
'God, you are such an eighth grader,' Cuddy snaps at Wilson, who raises his hands in surrender.
'I didn't tell him,' Wilson states.
'So how the hell did he know?'
'He followed you both out here,' House offers from the back enthusiastically. 'Noticed you were both crouched in your seats, clandestinely trying to spy on someone at the diner. Have either of you watched James Bond movies? 'Cause, you know, you guys would've been bombed a mile away.' He squints his eyes at the people inside the diner and when he finally sees her, he gives a small whistle and turns to look at Cuddy studying the steering wheel. 'Masochist much?'
Cuddy sighs and starts the engine. 'Shut up, House.'
*
House limps over to where she's standing by her file drawer. 'So either you're indulging your narcissistic guilt pathology thing or you want to kidnap your ex-daughter from her apparently happy, blooming mother.'
Cuddy glares at him. 'It was nothing.'
'Is that code for 'Wilson distracts the mother with his niceness, I whack her with my cane, and you nab the kid and leap out the window'?' He gives her an exaggerated wink.
'You'll trip over the ledge and get us all killed.' Cuddy rolls her eyes and grabs a bunch of files on her desk impatiently.
'I know what today is,' House says. 'And yesterday.'
Cuddy closes the drawer loudly. 'Are we still talking about this?'
'Cuddy,' He says, knocking a bright yellow bag off the table with his cane. Cuddy lets out a frustrated sound, frowning at him. 'Why the hell are you still obsessing? This isn't enough for you?' He gestures at the contents of the bag spilling over the floor.
She crosses her arms and gives him a heated look that he's sure can melt glass. He stares back at her undauntedly.
She finally sighs, fixing her eyes at some point on the floor. 'I needed to know, okay? Needed to see.'
When she lifts her head to look at him, he is already halfway and she meets his kiss with a hand on his face, so familiar she shivers with a sense of déjà vu; yet he doesn't stop too soon or dig his cane in her back but the need is still there. He grips her waist heavy with it, breathes it in her mouth.
*
They meet in the park, finally. Purely accidental, and she didn't know fate could play tricks like that.
'Dr. Cuddy?'
Cuddy looks up from her book. 'Becca, hi.'
Becca smiles at her. 'I--I didn't know you came out here.'
'Just taking a break from work,' Cuddy returns her smile and closes her book, marking the page with her finger. 'So, how have you been doing?'
'Really great,' Becca replies. 'I got a new job and a new apartment. We moved in yesterday.'
'That's good. Great.' Becca continues smiling, twisting her hands, eyes constantly traveling to the clutter beside her on the bench. After a beat, she says, 'Do you--do you want to meet her?'
Cuddy doesn't correct her. 'Okay,' She says instead.
Becca turns and waves to a child in the jungle gym. Cuddy knows her even before she lifts her head to give her mother a sunny smile. She was eating a brownie sundae at the diner the other day, cheeks covered in chocolate, spoon clasped tightly in her small fist.
'Sarah,' Becca pushes the shy girl gently toward her. 'this is Dr. Cuddy. Say hi.'
'Hi, Dr. Cuddy,' Sarah echoes.
'Hello, Sarah,' Cuddy says.
Sarah smiles and looks at Becca who nods. Sarah runs back to the playground.
'So,' Becca says, nodding at the yellow bag beside her. 'Did you--after--' She stops awkwardly.
'Yeah.' Cuddy smiles, following her gaze to the mess of stuffed toys and diapers scattered on the bench. 'I tried again, after.'
'Wow, that's--' Becca starts to grin. 'I'm really happy for you. What's her name?'
'Anna,' Cuddy replies softly.
'That's a pretty name.'
'Thank you.'
'It was really good seeing you, Dr. Cuddy,' Becca tells her.
Cuddy nods. 'You too, Becca.'
*
It's dark when her babysitters come back with the baby.
'It was supposed to get the chicks coming,' House complains, moodily poking the stroller wheels with his cane.
Wilson smirks as he lifts the baby and gives her to Cuddy. 'It did. All of them told us she was cute, and half of them proceeded to congratulate us for adopting and wishing us luck in our lives together.'
'That spawn,' House points at the struggling mass in Cuddy's arms, 'will be my downfall.'
Cuddy laughs as Anna gurgles and gleefully grabs a fistful of Cuddy's hair.
*
'You finally talk to her?' House asks her later when they are sitting on her couch.
'How do you know?' She asks, surprised.
'You have an aura of peace and closure,' House replies, sipping his beer. 'And you're not all--' He gestures in the air, '--all a-twitter.'
'A-twitter?'
'Twittery.'
'Of course.'
'So what was she like?'
'She's blonde.' Cuddy sips her tea and smiles, and tells him about Sarah.
*
In the morning, she opens her eyes and the first thing she sees is Anna's face. House has been telling her to let the baby sleep in the yellow room ('You will regret this in the years to come when she'll get used to it and you'll never ever get laid,' House raises his eyebrows. 'Ever.') but she thinks, just for a few weeks.
She reaches out to touch her daughter's face with her hands, running her finger over her small nose, cupping her soft cheek along her palm. It is Sunday, and later when she finally wakes up, Cuddy will bring her to the zoo for the first time.
She knows this feeling, has traced it with her finger over and over. Joy, the feeling, the daughter.